Christmas, porn & a nasty virus

Options
1…456810

Replies

  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
    Options
    1) Get some descent anti-virus software.
    2) Accept that many men (and many women) enjoy watching porn.
    2a) As others have suggested, seriously consider finding some porn you can enjoy together.
    2b) Discuss with your husband whether he simply enjoys watching porn or whether it is a symptom of alienation from you in some way (these are two very different things).
    3) Consider attending another church or finding another spiritual leader/mentor, I think being married to your pastor is a conflict of interest for both of you.
    4) Consider ignoring people who tell you to stage an intervention, do you really want to ruin your husband's career over a relatively normative and harmless interest?

    Edited to clarify the nesting structure.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    Options
    It's sad how so many people think this is something to joke about. A little bit of porn here and there may not be a big deal, if both parties have an understanding and set healthy boundaries, but if a compulsion for porn is causing problems with a person's ability to communicate and interact in a real life relationship, that's not healthy. Spouses shouldn't engage in secretive, isolating behaviors. There's an element of shame and selfishness there that just doesn't belong in a partnership. People should be comfortable sharing their lives with their partners.

    I don't have this issue in my life, so I can't really advise you, but I do empathize and I wish you well in finding a solution... :heart:

    And the evidence of compulsion is....?

    Well, I guess you'd have to ask his wife, but if he's sneaking it and taking risks (he is a pastor portraying a certain image to his people and he has an agreement with his wife not to do it, but he still needs it enough that he is willing to risk getting caught). That sounds like a compulsion to me...and if it's not a compulsion, then it's a choice. Either way, it the end result is the same...
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    Options
    IF this is real, then I'd say you have a serious problem. And I do understand. The problem is that you husband is a Pastor, a sworn, ordained servant of God and he is addicted to pornography--a slave of the flesh, as Paul would say. This detracts from his ability to truly represent Christ and pastor his flock. I know people will come on here and say--"pastors are people too! Waah!" That's true, but they have a choice in their vocation. If he cannot do the work of representing Christ, he should quit. He is a hypocrit who is betraying his faith and the faith and trust that others have put in him. It's not like he's a truck driver or a garbage man who can look at whatever they want and no one gives a ****. A pastor IS different. He cannot lead. YOUR problem is whether or not you should let his superintendent know. If you are a true woman of God you do not want to allow a fallen man to represent our Lord. However, you are his wife. You must choose what matters most to you. And here's another thing. Are you sure it is women you husband is looking at? My hunch is that he might be a closeted gay man; otherwise the temptation to fleshly lust could be satisfied by you. Yet another conundrum. I do empathize with you. I am not married to a pastor, but I do know one who struggles with these same issues. I know he is a fallen man and that he should not be leading his congregation--but i love him and do not want to betray him---there is good in him too. For now, I have left this in God's hands; maybe you could do that too, I don't know. And pray for them

    Huh??? Just because he got a virus he's an addict and now he might possibly be gay?? ROFLMAO.....

    I feel so bad for this poor guy who is getting labeled left and right just because he watches porn.

    And btw...the OP did say something previously about watching it with him. Also...unless he's watching JUST women on women...there is going to be a dude in there...does this make him gay in your book? And no offense, but maybe she isn't satisfying his needs OR she isn't into the same fetishes, etc that he is. Watching porn doesn't make you "bad" or "wrong".
  • ihateroses
    ihateroses Posts: 893 Member
    Options
    How's the sex life?
  • Gerald_King
    Gerald_King Posts: 2,031 Member
    Options
    He should confess to the congrigation then quit it is a sin
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    Options
    I think that the OP should have left out the fact that he's a pastor. Honestly, he's a man..period...regardless of his job.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
    Options
    How's the sex life?

    XY3j9.gif
  • ihateroses
    ihateroses Posts: 893 Member
    Options
    I think that the OP should have left out the fact that he's a pastor. Honestly, he's a man..period...regardless of his job.

    ^ exactly this!
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
    Options
    Not meaning to sound snarky or judgmental, but you & hubby have problems other than his porn interests. I have less respect for him because he sneaks to view it.

    Calm down and quit making this an issue; there should be no problem If he confines his activities to only viewing porn in privacy.
  • DannyMussels
    DannyMussels Posts: 1,842 Member
    Options
    Safe to say Santa brought him nothing this year.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
    Options
    And this is the reason priests molest young boys: they can't express their normal male urges with women because it's wrong and supposedly a sin. Watching porn is wrong. Sex is wrong. Masturbating is wrong. I get that he's portraying a certain image to is congregation but he is still a man, pastor or not. The whole reason priests can't get married has nothing to do with their love for God and everything to do with the fact that they were haing kids and leaving their land to them. No marriage means no kids which means the church gets the property when they die (I understand this man is a pastor not a priest and married BTW).

    I say just get your computer fixed and have him confess his "sins" to the church. My guess is that people in the congregation are doing a lot worse than watching porn!
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
    Options
    He's just hiding it because he doesn't want you getting pissed off at him for it. Let him watch! It's not like he's in the room with them or screwing around on you. Leave the poor man alone then he won't have to be secretive.
  • MemphisKitten
    MemphisKitten Posts: 878 Member
    Options
    Have sex with him while watching porn. It works, trust me! :wink:
  • bluefox9er
    bluefox9er Posts: 2,917 Member
    Options
    Joined Dec 2012, only 4 forum posts. The things people do on MFP lol..I call total and utter BS

    OP said they created this profile specifically to make this thread, for fear of judgey religious friends thinking less of her.

    or those who are secular and think less of her, too :-)
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    Options
    Watching porn is wrong. Sex is wrong. Masturbating is wrong.

    tumblr_m5hnrkcHCk1rr7c36.gif
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
    Options
    Watching porn is wrong. Sex is wrong. Masturbating is wrong.

    tumblr_m5hnrkcHCk1rr7c36.gif

    If you read my post and the point I was making in the beginning you would understand it.:flowerforyou:
  • keith0373
    keith0373 Posts: 2,154 Member
    Options
    Rather than him watching it with stangers doing the "acting", make some with him. Now that is good wholesome fun!
  • fearless_
    fearless_ Posts: 75
    Options
    he needs to get help,
    and really really pray...
    That is not okay,
    on so many levels.
    I used to think it was fine, and watch it with my boyfriends etc...
    but it's not.
    Porn is very dangerous, for everyone involved. Especially the poor girls he is watching..
    and it is considered Adultery, which in the bible..is grounds for divorce.
    That's ridiculous. I'm really sorry.
  • tbailey1023
    tbailey1023 Posts: 1
    Options
    The first thing you're going to have to do is forgive him. We all fall short of the glory of God. Even when we do things that we know we should do, he continues to forgive us. So we had to express the same to others.

    I feel like you're in a position where he's changing your perception of a pastor because you know his problem. But this is an opportunity to approach this problem as a couple and not him alone. Go and get counseling or whatever needs to be done to assist him in kicking this habit, once and for all.

    I pray and wish you the best as you progress on this issue. Unfortunately, it's a big deal in many marriages for various reasons. I'm not sure that watching it with him will solve it because you both have identified this as "a problem".

    Lastly, there are sites out there that will help men get the help they need to prevent this from happening. Do some research and maybe you can bring some of them to his attention.

    God bless!
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
    Options
    And this is the reason priests molest young boys: they can't express their normal male urges with women because it's wrong and supposedly a sin. Watching porn is wrong. Sex is wrong. Masturbating is wrong. I get that he's portraying a certain image to is congregation but he is still a man, pastor or not. The whole reason priests can't get married has nothing to do with their love for God and everything to do with the fact that they were haing kids and leaving their land to them. No marriage means no kids which means the church gets the property when they die (I understand this man is a pastor not a priest and married BTW).

    I say just get your computer fixed and have him confess his "sins" to the church. My guess is that people in the congregation are doing a lot worse than watching porn!

    ... No, that is not why priests molest young boys. Equating rape and molestation to sex, or worse, "pent up lust," is missing the power dynamics, and missing the fact that pedophilia IS a specific attraction, just a horribly destructive one.

    Plus, you're mixing Catholic priests (which, you're on point there with WHY marriage is off the table for them) with Protestant pastors... this person is clearly married.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories