Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

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  • cjon159
    cjon159 Posts: 5
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    Speak up! Tell him you do not feel loved when he treats you with verbal abuse and such disrespect. Tell him what you feel!!!!!!! Do not suffer in silence!!!! Marriage vows are good when there is love on both sides...this husband is not demonstrating love.
  • lrob100
    lrob100 Posts: 122 Member
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    If you're 100% committed to staying with him, no matter what, then you need to get used to hearing that...and probably worse...if that's how he is, it is very very unlikely he will ever ever change...so you better be ok with it.
  • ZombieFoodSlayer
    ZombieFoodSlayer Posts: 65
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    Yes, your right!! but you are going to do what you are going to do!! but I would smack his mouth, and kick him to the curb!!
    No man talks that way to me!!
  • red_road
    red_road Posts: 761 Member
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    Im kinda confused by this post. My husband is an *kitten* ( though amazing according to your profile) but dont tell me to leave him? Reminds me of how my little sister complains that shes cold but never puts a coat on. Also a women that leaves an abusive husband doesnt do so because she doesnt "believe" in marriage vows or take them seriously. Its called self respect, and by the way he talks its obvious that he knows you have none.

    Edward-Norton-Closing-Laptop.gif
  • pixardad
    pixardad Posts: 184 Member
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    just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.

    Um, no. Leave him. I can't believe some of the women on here think this is okay...

    I don't know about leaving him, but I do agree this is not OKAY. What he is doing is between you, him, and perhaps a therapist. But don't lose weight to prove anything to anyone...this has to be for YOU and you alone! I've made the mistake of trying to lose weight "for them, for her, for that, for this..." The reality is if _you_ don't truly want it, it's not going to happen. This is why so many of us start over again and again. Some may argue they do want it but "this is stopping me" or "I can't because...". But the truth is (excluding extreme reasons) we just don't want it bad enough.

    If your kids were in danger across the street, would you not try and save them because of "this" or "that"? No, you'd try *no matter what*. Not for someone else, but because YOU want to protect them. Same holds here. To hell with him and his words...do it for yourself.
  • pixardad
    pixardad Posts: 184 Member
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    Im kinda confused by this post. My husband is an *kitten* ( though amazing according to your profile) but dont tell me to leave him? Reminds me of how my little sister complains that shes cold but never puts a coat on. Also a women that leaves an abusive husband doesnt do so because she doesnt "believe" in marriage vows or take them seriously. Its called self respect, and by the way he talks its obvious that he knows you have none.

    Edward-Norton-Closing-Laptop.gif

    Side comment: This is a great picture...so accurate so many times...
  • armonson63
    armonson63 Posts: 16 Member
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    A friend of mine shared this on FB as part of a new outlook on life for 2013...

    DO NOT take anything PERSONALLY. Whatever negative energy or thoughts someone is trying to send your way "ITS NONE OF MY BUSINESS!" KNOW your own self-worth!

    In other words don't allow his negative energy to become yours. Know your own power, dude. Time to do you...Be yourself... Love yourself.
  • kotarah
    kotarah Posts: 25
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    Coming from someone who has had both physical and emotional abuse, emotional is WAY harder to get over. He's not respecting you, nor your wedding values. If I was you, I'd kick him out. However, I do understand being serious in a relationship. I suggest getting council-ling, but being the child of a father like that... it's far more hurtful to stay.

    I trust you'll do what's best for you.
  • Louisianababy93
    Louisianababy93 Posts: 1,709 Member
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    Oh girl!
    I would NOT put up with that!
    A husband is supposed to love you and care for you, encourage and support you!
    That is NOT SUPPORTIVE,ENCOURAGING,CARING OR LOVING!
    Not even that,if you let him get away with that, it'll get worse.

    If a man EVER though he was going to say things like that to me, "I'd be headed to the big D and i don't mean Dallas!"
  • jesyka
    jesyka Posts: 141 Member
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    Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

    You don't believe in divorce. But what you do believe in is death - slow, painful, excruciating emotional death. Continued, this will happen. It is already happening - that can be seen by the fact that you are handing him your marriage vows to use as weapon to hurt you.

    I'm so sorry that you have to live like this. One day you'll realize you don't.

    We're all here for you in the meantime.

    ^^ I agree! Hopefully with time and the goals you reach you will realize your worth and that it's more than being bullied and belittled by another human being. You have children, one day they're going to be awake when he chooses to use these words with you. Would you look at them in the same situation and tell them they need to stay because those vows were taken? If not then why expect the same for yourself? Would you have chosen to marry this version of your husband? He took vows as well, and he's certainly not honoring them by treating you this way.
  • honkytonks85
    honkytonks85 Posts: 669 Member
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    Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

    You don't believe in divorce. But what you do believe in is death - slow, painful, excruciating emotional death. Continued, this will happen. It is already happening - that can be seen by the fact that you are handing him your marriage vows to use as weapon to hurt you.

    I'm so sorry that you have to live like this. One day you'll realize you don't.

    We're all here for you in the meantime.

    ^^ I agree! Hopefully with time and the goals you reach you will realize your worth and that it's more than being bullied and belittled by another human being. You have children, one day they're going to be awake when he chooses to use these words with you. Would you look at them in the same situation and tell them they need to stay because those vows were taken? If not then why expect the same for yourself? Would you have chosen to marry this version of your husband? He took vows as well, and he's certainly not honoring them by treating you this way.

    So much this. I grew up with a situation like this. My dad emotionally abused my mum AND us kids. How do you think this impacted me as a kid? Growing up with that kind of a relationship modelled? My mum didn't want to get a divorce either, but I'm convinced that I would have ended up a more stable and happy person had I not been exposed to that all through my childhood.
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
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    doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

    These are comments that he would never make to a complete stranger so certainly shouldn't be directed to his life partner. Sorry --he owes you an apology at the very minimum :frown:
  • onepillarofsalt
    onepillarofsalt Posts: 37 Member
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    Being dedicated to one's vows is one thing. Allowing oneself to be the victim of emotional abuse is a completely different matter.

    I firmly believe that we teach people how to treat us. By using the excuse of "wedding vows" to allow him to speak to you that way, you are teaching him that it's OK to do so.

    Personally, I view my relationship as a partnership where we build each other up and support each other (sometimes this means supporting each other in sitting on the couch all day to watch TV, but we've always got each other's backs!). Sounds like you're not a "team" - he sounds like a bully.

    Also, you take your wedding vows seriously, and that's great. But unless you had the weirdest ceremony ever, I'm fairly confident that his wedding vows weren't "to love, honour and cherish... unless you become a fatty. Then I can say whatever douchery pops into my head." If they were, then cool, he takes the vows seriously too. If not, then you need to have a major sitdown.
  • Maidofmer
    Maidofmer Posts: 908 Member
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    I believe in my vows, but obviously your husband doesn't believe in the ones you took. "love and to cherish" Get you and your kids out and away from him. Its abuse of the worst kind. And if he's ever said anything in front of your kids, they're gonna think that's normal. if you have a son, he'll say the same thing to his wife, or if you have a daughter, she'll look for a guy like that.
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
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    You do recognize your husbands behavior as abuse? Your children will grow up with those memories. What happens if you address this abuse with your husband. Is there a woman's support organization in your community?
  • LMick1986
    LMick1986 Posts: 431
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    I'm not sure what others have said, as I didn't read through all the hundreds of comments. It's frustrating to me. I completely understand you saying that you believe in your wedding vows......but he needs to understand what those vows mean. He's not taking his seriously. It's heartbreaking to hear this. So a heart-to-heart sounds like what you two need right now.
    And you can do it! Take your four mile walk when you feel ready....with or without him by your side.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    .
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    Just because your married doesn't mean you have to live with him.
    Move out. This is abuse. And Im 100% sure he wasn't such an *kitten* when you got married.
  • janessafantasma
    janessafantasma Posts: 312 Member
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    It always upsets me when I hear about situations such as this. If your husband is emotionally abusing you, you need to make the choice to stay, leave, or approach him about the way he talks to you. All too often, I have to have this same discussion with the women I advocate for and it's so disheartening because the emotional abuse they have received makes them believe that if they leave they are giving up (like they always do or are accused of doing by friends and family) and they have this idea that they have to stay because they BELIEVE in the relationship. No one should be allowed to talk to you that way and you have to be strong enough to realize it and strong enough to be on your own. Too many women stay in abusive relationships because of the belief that no one else will love them and the fear of being single. It's OK to be on your own, and no relationship that cases harm is worth it so that society doesn't judge you for being a single woman.
  • onepillarofsalt
    onepillarofsalt Posts: 37 Member
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    To those of you saying that it doesn't take hours for food to digest, I know that. If you read my original post, I wanted my two children to nap first so they wouldn't be cranky and ruin our walk. I did take a short nap because I was so upset by what he said. However, I woke up, but on my workout clothes, and went by myself. He asked if I was taking the kids, and I just walked out the door. I walked a mile alone. It felt good. When I got home, he did apologize. He said he's just so used to me making excuses and not following through, that it pissed him off. I did explain to him that I will not tolerate him name calling anymore and that if it continues he just may end up losing the best thing he ever had. I don't want to ever end my marriage, but I can't keep living like this either. He seemed sincere when he apologized, but I'm still hurt and angry. He only talks to me like this about my weight. He has lost 40 lbs over the last two years and now thinks everyone should do it the way he did. I am seeking treatment for bipolar disorder and depression already. I do go to individual therapy already.

    Missed this one. This: "... but I can't keep living like this either" makes me think that this isn't the first, second or even tenth time he's said things like this. Which means you're probably deep in the cycle of abuse, and unless *you* make a change, this is, and will continue to be, your life.

    It doesn't matter if he only says things like this regarding your weight. That's like saying, "oh, he only strikes me when he's drunk... but when he's sober he's really lovely!" Your weight is clearly something you're working on (even if it's slowly, even if it's not his way), so I imagine this isn't a rare occurence.

    Your BPD and depression are no excuse for him to get angry and lash out like that. Yes, it's a struggle to live with someone with mental health issues. You know what else is hard? *Being* someone with mental health issues. You need someone steady and supportive in order to develop a sense of stability and security that is imperative when it comes to getting treatment. You're on a hard road with your disorders, and I empathise there. But you're choosing to go down a hard road in an even harder way.

    Abuse is never OK. And for those saying "use it as motivation to get fit!", I'm sorry, but seriously? What horrendous advice. Instead of using it as motivation for fitness, use it as motivation to get yourself into a healthy situation, whatever that may be.

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