Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

I believe in marriage vows too...love cherish, honor, etc., etc. Think about it though...did his marriage vows say anything about having the right to verbally or mentally abuse you??? I doubt you would have said "I do" if that were the case. I guarantee the problem is he feels inferior with something in his life so it makes him feel better to belittle someone else. It is a form of control. Some people have to degrade others to break them down so as to have the upper hand or control of them.

Secondly. my brother and I were young, he was 8 and I was 6, when our parents divorced. We turned out very well. I attribute that to the love that our family gave us even though it was from different households in different states. My point is that staying in a marriage that is disrespectful and abusive (yes, ABUSIVE) WILL AFFECT YOUR CHILDREN. They WILL grow up thinking this is the way it is supposed to be. Many families have children that grow up speaking to their Mother the way their father degrades her, if not worse...no respect. Daughters grow up thinking that it is o.k. to be abused by men and they go on to live in abusive situations. Sons grow up to be just like their Dads. ...and the same goes if the mother is the aggressive figure. The cycle will continue through the generations until someone has the courage to break it...to find the strength within, to finally stand up and say, "I do not have to live the entire rest of my life being depressed and anxious. I do not have to take this anymore. I can move on into a more positive chapter of my life."

I can assure you that this bad behavior will only get worse, it never gets better! I'm not telling you to run out to the divorce lawyer immediately unless lives are in danger of course. Only you can determine when to take that step. I am saying to: (A) Tune out the negative remarks. Verbal abuse can only affect you if YOU give it your permission. Don't waste your precious energy playing his negative remarks over in your head. That is self destructive. You know in your heart and mind when, why and how you accomplish your tasks is right for you and your kids. (B) Get yourself together: Put on a little lipstick (I know, it sounds crazy but it helps to feel pretty), eat healthy, exercise (at YOUR pace), take care of your kids and get out of the house at least once a week just for fun without the husband. It could be an activity with your kids or something with a ladies group or join a gym or take a class...just something positive to improve your state of mind. Challenge yourself to see just how strong you can be by getting your mind right first. Everything else will fall into place and you will eventually realize how much happier YOUR life can be on YOUR terms. He either adjusts or he doesn't, but YOU WILL BE HAPPIER. Only you can determine whether his piece of the puzzle fits when the time comes. Don't wait...the sooner you get it together, one step at a time, the sooner you are on your road to happiness. Make this New Year a New You!

I highly recommend to you the book 'Unlimited: A Three-Step Plan for Achieving Your Dreams by Jillian Michaels' This book is not about weight loss, it is more about improving ones life for the best. You can apply it to anything you want.
The book, audible audio, audible CD and Kindle versions can all be found at Amazon.com

By the way, I know this works because not only have I seen this countless times, but I've been there. I left him and I have a loving husband now.
Best Wishes to You

Step 1. Deny him sex until you are in the shape you want to be in because getting pregnant sucks for weight gain and I'm glad I'm a guy.

Step 2. Get in the shape you want to be in.

Step 3. Deny him sex after you are in the shape you want to be in because he couldn't love you for who you were before.

:devil:

Honey, that's emotional abuse. If a man ever spoke to me like that I'd hit him upside the head with a frying pan and then dump his *kitten*

.

Am I the only one who sees the incredible irony of this statement?

If this were me I would get super sexy and fit and then leave his *kitten*

In my situation I left first. It was much easier to accomplish my goals when I was away from the negative behavior. Eventually, one starts to feel super sexy again, especially when men start turning their heads in your direction.

Such a touchy topic with many commenting on "leave him, or work it out"


I just want to say I understand feeling discouraged because of someone not being an encourager, but discourager. But you made the start, and can cross the finish line. Weight loss and health changes take time, and in time if you stick with it, you will shine with your improved self.

Words are hurtful, and can do a lot of damage. If you cant use them for fuel, use them to learn. Learn that you can prove them wrong and in the right way.



:flowerforyou:

"Through thick and thin" sure. But saying those things to your spouse isn't a thinning relationship, it's an abusive one.

Point me to the part in the vows where he has broken them & I'll point to the vows that states where leaving him would be breaking them.


I've had this discussion before with people who could not find where it states something like this is breaking a vow at all. I am still waiting for them to find the part.



Why take vows in the 1st place if people decide if it gets hard, to just leave?

I don't know whether this poster should leave her husband. Marriage vows are sacred, but protecting your children and your self-worth are more important. Would you really want to teach your daughter that it is okay to be abused by someone she loves?

"Through thick and thin" sure. But saying those things to your spouse isn't a thinning relationship, it's an abusive one.

Doesn't sound threatening or physical. He could've been drunk, they could've been arguing and he doesn't really mean it. A better idea would be to catch him in a better mood and have him apologize. Getting divorced over something like that is a little overdoing it. Maybe he met her when she was a lot skinnier so his standards are a little high and if he can't encourage her to lose weight in a nicer way then her heart will tell her what to do. She's a member of MFP so he should already be happy to know she's putting some effort into losing weight. It's a sad situation but I would never encourage anyone to get divorced over that. There's a reason why our country has one of the highest divorce rates in the world.

Physical abuse isn't the only kind of abuse. This is clear verbal abuse. And if you think being drunk or not meaning it or even arguing is cause to speak to someone like this, you should really seek anger management or some form of counselling. Because this is not her fault, not her problem, and not something for her to fix. This is a root abusive situation. Bottom line.

We have high divorce rates for a number of reasons. To tell someone they should stay with an abuser because of national divorce rates is tweaked. The answer to that lies in our treatment of getting married in the first place, not in getting divorced.

"Through thick and thin" sure. But saying those things to your spouse isn't a thinning relationship, it's an abusive one.

Doesn't sound threatening or physical. He could've been drunk, they could've been arguing and he doesn't really mean it. A better idea would be to catch him in a better mood and have him apologize. Getting divorced over something like that is a little overdoing it. Maybe he met her when she was a lot skinnier so his standards are a little high and if he can't encourage her to lose weight in a nicer way then her heart will tell her what to do. She's a member of MFP so he should already be happy to know she's putting some effort into losing weight. It's a sad situation but I would never encourage anyone to get divorced over that. There's a reason why our country has one of the highest divorce rates in the world.

Physical abuse isn't the only kind of abuse. This is clear verbal abuse. And if you think being drunk or not meaning it or even arguing is cause to speak to someone like this, you should really seek anger management or some form of counselling. Because this is not her fault, not her problem, and not something for her to fix. This is a root abusive situation. Bottom line.

We have high divorce rates for a number of reasons. To tell someone they should stay with an abuser because of national divorce rates is tweaked. The answer to that lies in our treatment of getting married in the first place, not in getting divorced.

Looks to me like you are the one that needs some anger management. Have you ever been through a divorce?

Shocking that is, I know I wouldn't get away with a comment like that. And nor should I.