Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

I didn't even realize this post was still going. Just to catch everyone up... we did talk. He apologized for calling me these names. Yes, it did start when I started to make a lifestyle change. He admitted that he's insecure about me making changes. He also figured that since he has lost 40 lbs, I would want to do the same things he did to lose weight. I explained that those words hurt and do nothing to motivate me. That he has to understand that I am fighting against medications, depression, bipolar disorder, hypothyroidism, and sciatica that he never had to deal with. Losing weight is going to be different for me. It helped that I took him to my doctor's appointment yesterday and had the doctor explain to him that I'm not lazy, but that medically speaking, my metabolism isn't working the same as a "normal" person's does. Also, he is a wonderful husband and father in every aspect except harsh words when it comes to my weight loss. He is not abusive to me in any other way, and I'm not even sure I would count an argument where he said hurtful words as being "abusive". I was looking for some encouragement when he said hurtful words, not to hear that I should divorce him over an argument. Good grief.

I was glad to see this - I am glad you sat and spoke to your husband. What he said was very nasty but sounds like you managed the communication afterwards very well. Take care, be strong, eat well. Posting in this public forum can be quite dangerous as people don't know you, the back story, the tone of your problem etc. Maybe next time just ring and talk to a real person. :flowerforyou:

It sounds like your husband is a very frustrated man but that doesn't make it right for him to emotionally blast you in order to vent his frustration. Just gently put down everything, get the kids ready, and go walk gently till your stomach settles... but leave him behind if he's not ready. When the kids are whiny, ask him to carry one or more if he's with you.
When you're done the walk, put the kids down for that nap and explain nicely to him that emotional abuse is not only destructive to your relationship but is destroying your respect for him as a human being. Ask him what it would take both of you to treat each other with dignity and respect instead of tearing one another down. If there's no good answer, he might get to like sleeping on the couch.

its hard when one person in the marriage is motivated at differnt times then there spouse but i started out by everytime a commerical is on i get up and walk and so on

I understand that you believe in your marriage vows and don't believe in divorce. And in most circumstances I do think people should try and work things out. But, there is only one thing I believe in most strongly of all and above everything else and that is that it's not ok to abuse people, especially not children or the mother of your children. If he is not willing to get help, I would not stay in that or keep my children in that.

My very overweight sister told me just a few days ago... "if you do not change, it is because it hasn't hurt you enough or it hasn't cost you enough." In other words, if you want to change your weight and you have wanted it for a long time, but haven't changed it, well, either you haven't been hurt bad enough or it hasn't cost you enough yet to truly change your eating or exercise habits... Well, I thought about that for a long time, feeling convicted, my sisters and I have struggled with our weight for a long time. Thankfully, we all married wonderful men who would not speak rudely or disrespectfully to us. Sometimes I try to imagine what being called a rude name would be like, would it motivate me to lose weight? Of course, I would not wish that on myself or anyone, but I believe that putting your husband's thoughtlessness aside for a minute, USE IT, Use it as motivation, use the hurt to CHANGE. I hope you receive this in the spirit it is intended... sometimes HURT is exactly the kind of motivation you will need to lose the weight. Then you can choose to forgive your husband and enjoy the new you together or you can leave his sorry self looking mighty hot while you walk away.
One other thought, your husband said what I imagine my brothers in law and husband have thought to themselves, but would never voice. At least he was honestly sharing his thoughts. My brothers in law and husband may be enabling our fattening habits by their "keeping their thoughts to themselves." A marriage is about speaking the truth in love. Perhaps our husbands have both missed this ideal, yours told the truth but not in love, mine by not saying what he's thinking. Either way, you can use the hurt to change. God bless!

bump

I don't know anything about your marriage so I'm not going to judge and say your husband is verbally abusive sadly some people think this is how you motivate others....assuming he's the misinformed motivator I would tell him that he isn't helping you by calling your names.

In summary to all the comments DITTO, What a $^&*(.. Use his negivity and prove him wrong.. PS- If he is doing this to you infront of your kids, thats a whole different matter..

well, that stinks! if he was being a temporary butthead, oh well, forgive him and move on.

but, dear, if he talks to you like this on a regular basis, it's grounds for a divorce. it is abuse. i know you believe in your wedding vows and you do not believe in divorce. do you take being a mother seriously? your husband's behavior will affect your children. and not in a good way. your decision to stay will also affect your children, not in a good way. and if he talks to you like this, i expect he also talks to the children like this. and if he doesn't not, then it's likely that he will in the future. you must refuse to put up with this. either he changes this unacceptable behavior, or you and the children must leave. they need a parent who is loving and responsible, and it looks like you are it.

Sounds like he is insecure with himself. Use his negative words to fuel yourself. He is feeling threatened & like a man he's afraid to tell you. Don't let him stop you!