Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

hi, how r u doing? i think u should try as much as possible to ignore every negative word ever said by anybody...even your husband! my advice 2 u is 2 love yourself no matter what. make friends wit 2 or more people in your area who want to loose weight. you guys can go to the gym and diet together. loose weight for yourself and you. love your husband against all odds tho. i strongly believe in marriage vows. if loosing weight would make your marriage work, do it and be motivated by that!

I had exactly the same comments. He also told me that I repulsed him and made his flesh crawl. This was a man that complained when I was far slimmer that he thought I had an ED (never have) I divorced the sorry ****** lost 35lbs, kept 21 of it off these past 8 years and never looked back. Encouragement is good, emotional and verbal abuse isn't

Unfortunately the problems you obviously have with your husband have nothing to do with being lazy or having to lose weight. Seek a marriage counselor or a priest for advice and guidance. If you believe in marriage vows you need to do something about this kind of verbal abuse before it turns into something else.

To those of you saying that it doesn't take hours for food to digest, I know that. If you read my original post, I wanted my two children to nap first so they wouldn't be cranky and ruin our walk. I did take a short nap because I was so upset by what he said. However, I woke up, but on my workout clothes, and went by myself. He asked if I was taking the kids, and I just walked out the door. I walked a mile alone. It felt good. When I got home, he did apologize. He said he's just so used to me making excuses and not following through, that it pissed him off. I did explain to him that I will not tolerate him name calling anymore and that if it continues he just may end up losing the best thing he ever had. I don't want to ever end my marriage, but I can't keep living like this either. He seemed sincere when he apologized, but I'm still hurt and angry. He only talks to me like this about my weight. He has lost 40 lbs over the last two years and now thinks everyone should do it the way he did. I am seeking treatment for bipolar disorder and depression already. I do go to individual therapy already.

There are a lot of serious issues in this situation. Name calling is never acceptable - but sadly it comes out more often than not directed at our family members. There is a lot of pressure in the family when you have some of the issues you are discussing (glad you are getting help medically and with someone to speak to). My aunt was bipolar and it was often difficult to cope with some of her issues - never would it be acceptable to abuse her because of them.

Men like solutions. They like process and they aren't always great at going at problems directly - as in they often are angry about something over there and vent about something over here (hell most people do that). What I am wondering is if his focus on weight is something that he feels that you both can control in a situation where there are lots of variables (kids, mental illness, careers, marriage ups and downs). I don't say it was a proud moment for him and that it is not something which needs to be worked on (communication) but sometimes if you go back and ask him about it he may give you more insight - like his follow through comment. I have found that when my husband feels out of control on something else (health issues, money, whatever) and it is really working him he isn't at his best and he nit picks on things in a really non-productive, hurtful and sometimes bull**** way. What I do is think: 'what is happening in his life?' and then I figure out if it qualifies for his stress times - then call him calmly on his bull**** and ask him what else is going on. I don't pander to his crap - not cool to act like a baby and throw your rattle out of the pram and hurt people because you don't know how to cope with what is happening - but I also listen to what else is happening.

Living with mental illness is not a get out of jail free card for bad behaviour but it is something that might require support for the whole family. Education and support are things which will help you. Every marriage has its highs and lows that involve throwing bouquets and slinging mud - and when people are being truthful things get said that are ugly and people do get over them. If it becomes a cycle then you have to reevaluate.

Sounds to me like you would be better off single. You can feel miserable about yourself all BY yourself! I understand the value of marriage vows however, those vows do not include being mentally and emotionally abused. If your husband is calling you a fat *kitten*, it is in my opinion that he is miserable with himself and needs to make you feel bad to make himself feel better. If your marriage means that much to you, then I suggest that you speak one-on-one with your husband and let him know exactly how his words make you feel. If he won't listen, or doesn't understand what you are explaining then find a way to make him understand. Perhaps a night spent at the hotel all by yourself (without telling him where you're going) will wake him up a little!

=/ I get the same crap & I'm not married.

Wow, that guy is a real jerk. I can't tell you what to do, but I can say marriage vows are worthless if you are being abused like that. Don't let him drive you deeper into depression.

I feel so sad reading your story!! :sad: My husband is the opposite. He actually likes me at this bigger size which doesn't give me much motivation to want to change. But I will take that over what you are experiencing any day. As far as divorce, I had a horrible first marriage and gained a ton of weght bc of depression and feeling alone and, even though I resisted the divorce (he wanted it), I called it the easiest diet I ever went on. I lost 170 pounds the first day after the divorce and then another 40 on my own just by loving myself again and starting an exercise program. I agree emotional deprivation can cause weight gain and low self esteem and it is abusive. We support you in your efforts to change your lifestyle and don't let your spouse's comments bring you down!!

I am sorry but your husband sounds very immature. These are comments I would expect from kids and not a grown up man. I believe in marriage vows too but it's so terrible to put your spouse down. Your only answer is to show him results not by talking but by your body.

I can imagine it would have upset you. Big hugs !!!
:flowerforyou: