A question for men with wives/significant others
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Wow.. I just make two meals like I did 30 minutes ago. My husband had baked chicken with a quick in the microwave bag of Green Giant Mac, Cheese and Broccoli.. I had baked tilapia.
My husband hates onions, they make him sick. I cook without onions and eat them when I have a business lunch or travel on business. He hates sushi, so same thing.
I eat cottage cheese, he doesn't. If I have it for supper, I just make him something else. If he cooks up a big ol' pot of spaghetti for him and our visiting grown up kids, I just eat some hardboiled eggs and a salad.
MOst of the time, grilled chicken and a salad or fresh steamed veggies works for us, I just put a baking potato in the microwave and make him a baked potato to go with his meals.
My family eats cheddar fries in front of me. I don't like people telling me what to eat, so I am not going to tell anyone else what to eat. Or not eat. My husband is trying to eat healthy most of the time. He is getting better and easing into it. I am just stricter.0 -
You can not offend him and get fatter and fatter or you can be honest with him and let him know that his style of cooking is sabotaging your efforts to lose weight. He doesn't have to cook for you, tell him it's ok you will take care of your own food because you are on a diet. If you guys are married you don't need to be so cautious about these things, just say it plain and nice and let him know you appreciate the effort but you are ON A DIET!!!
Or get fatter and fatter....it's up to you
I've managed to keep 43 pounds off, but it has been harder lately. I don't seem to be losing as fast and I know it's because of what I'm eating now. He knows exactly how I feel his cooking styles, but won't change them. I will have to tell him that I won't be eating supper any more unless it's something that fits into my new habits.0 -
Wow! What a man you have! I wish. A people pleaser I am. It's time for me. Guess I'm going to have to get selfish. I am determined to lose another 80ish pounds.
It is not selfish to look after yourself.
If he wants you around as a healthy active woman than he should be ok with it. If he isn't tough. Don't put obstacles in your way to your success. You deserve to be the best person you can be.
Prepared your meals and enjoy the new you.
Thank you! I enjoy the extra energy that I have already. I can't wait to lose the rest and get to my goal weight. Unfortunately, I do feel a bit selfish wanting to do something major like this just for me, whether he likes it or not.0 -
If you've told him that you don't want to eat the stuff, then he has no reason to be offended. There is no reason anybody should have to eat what they don't want to please somebody else. Don't eat it and fix something for yourself. eventually he will get it and at least make portions you will eat...if he doesn't then that's just being inconsiderate to you.
The second sentence hit home with me. I guess I've been guilty of that for the past 23 years. Probably had a lot to do with my weight gain over the years (other than eating portions that were way too large for my size). I have to change my behavior and not let my feelings get in the way.
Good for you. You don't have to do it in a confrontational way, either. You could eat a little bit of his bacony-cheesey-meaty stuff, if you like it, just a small portion. Then heat up a bag of Steamers, or throw some salad mix in a bowl - it's normal to like vegetables, and you can add them to any small meat dish.
He'll understand! But he is going to fix wht he likes, we all would. No reason to try to change his likes! Just supplement them. A salad or steamers takes all of 5 minutes to make. All humans have to prepare food.
Supplement is an excellent word to try out on him. I love tomato sauce, peppers and onions, broccoli, carrots, brussel sprouts, turnips, green beans, dried beans, etc. I could tweek his stuff by adding some of those I listed. Thanks!0 -
Wow.. I just make two meals like I did 30 minutes ago. My husband had baked chicken with a quick in the microwave bag of Green Giant Mac, Cheese and Broccoli.. I had baked tilapia.
My husband hates onions, they make him sick. I cook without onions and eat them when I have a business lunch or travel on business. He hates sushi, so same thing.
I eat cottage cheese, he doesn't. If I have it for supper, I just make him something else. If he cooks up a big ol' pot of spaghetti for him and our visiting grown up kids, I just eat some hardboiled eggs and a salad.
MOst of the time, grilled chicken and a salad or fresh steamed veggies works for us, I just put a baking potato in the microwave and make him a baked potato to go with his meals.
My family eats cheddar fries in front of me. I don't like people telling me what to eat, so I am not going to tell anyone else what to eat. Or not eat. My husband is trying to eat healthy most of the time. He is getting better and easing into it. I am just stricter.
Mine would not be happy with a salad or steamed veggies as sides. I would, but not him. I have nothing against eating spaghetti and eat it in limited portion sizes when I fix it. What I do have a problem with when he cooks it is the fact that whereas most people put one lb. of meat in it, he puts 3-4 pounds in.0 -
Yep just let him know you appreciate his efforts to cook for you, but that you don't want to impose your food choices on him or ask him to cook food he won't like, so you will make your own meal yourself when you get home. If he insists he wants to cook for you, thank him and let him know you don't want it to be a hardship on him to have to modify your portion. If he still wants to cook for you and is willing to make the modifications for your portion, graciously accept and tell him how special that makes you feel. If not, just cook your own. (My husband and I have drastically different diets and rarely cook one big meal together or cook with the other in mind. No offense taken.)0
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Yep just let him know you appreciate his efforts to cook for you, but that you don't want to impose your food choices on him or ask him to cook food he won't like, so you will make your own meal yourself when you get home. If he insists he wants to cook for you, thank him and let him know you don't want it to be a hardship on him to have to modify your portion. If he still wants to cook for you and is willing to make the modifications for your portion, graciously accept and tell him how special that makes you feel. If not, just cook your own. (My husband and I have drastically different diets and rarely cook one big meal together or cook with the other in mind. No offense taken.)
I do appreciate his efforts. I'll definitely tell him how special his efforts make me feel.0 -
Luckily I live alone and have complete control. Living with others can def be difficult when you have your own goals you are trying to reach. Maybe try sitting down with him and planning out meals/shopping list and talking to him the night before about what he will be making... I don't think it would be offensive because it is not that you don't like his cooking, it's that you are trying to lose weight and be healthy.0
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Luckily I live alone and have complete control. Living with others can def be difficult when you have your own goals you are trying to reach. Maybe try sitting down with him and planning out meals/shopping list and talking to him the night before about what he will be making... I don't think it would be offensive because it is not that you don't like his cooking, it's that you are trying to lose weight and be healthy.
Exactly! I am trying to lose weight and be healthy. If I lived alone, my food choices would be much different.0 -
Honestly, I think it's really rude of him to have so little regard for your food preferences when he's cooking for the two of you. That kind of reminds me of my mother-in-law who invited us over for Christmas dinner and EVERY dish contained one of the 3 things I'm allergic to. I mean... some of the things she had to get creative with to make it in such a way that I couldn't eat it.
My point is, my mother-in-law did it because she's passive agressive and doesn't like me. You need to figure out why your husband is doing it. Is it a power thing? Is it because he feels bad because you have the motivation to get healthy and he doesn't? It's really not difficult to make veggies with AND without meat. If he REALLY doesn't want to, ask him to set aside some of the preped veggies before he cooks them and you'll cook them yourself when you get home (the prep work takes the most time anyway... steaming them would be super fast).0 -
In my house I do the majority of cooking but that's because I really enjoy it. My fiancee, DLV147 and I don't always want the same things. This sometime has me using all 4 burners. If I'm eating grilled chicken and she's just tired of it I will make her something different. It I'm eating quinoa and she wants salad instead, she gets salad. I'm not going to force her to eat what she doesn't want because she isn't a child. If she wants sauteed onions I will make them for her and not for me because I'm just not a fan. We discuss what's for dinner early in the day and we agree on stuff. Sometimes I will add stuff to her plate and she doesn't feel like eating it and that's fine with me. She doesn't always enjoy the things I like. Food shopping, we go to the supermarket buy what we need for 2 weeks but then I always to to a different supermarket that has all the organic and fresher fruit and veggies I want. Yes it can get expensive but we work hard for what we want and I spoil myself with whatever food I want to buy. She used to fry everything, now she grills and bakes instead because she knows I won't eat it fried.
I think its all about being considerate towards each other. If you've told him and he doesn't listen then to me that shows a lack of consideration for you needs and wants. At that point I would not feel bad about hurting his feelings because I would think he's not that sensitive to get truly hurt by it.
Thanks for your input. Maybe he wouldn't be as sensitive or offended about it as I think. I'll just tell him I'm not going to be eating everything he cooks anymore if he can't keep me in mind with what he's preparing.0 -
Honestly, I think it's really rude of him to have so little regard for your food preferences when he's cooking for the two of you. That kind of reminds me of my mother-in-law who invited us over for Christmas dinner and EVERY dish contained one of the 3 things I'm allergic to. I mean... some of the things she had to get creative with to make it in such a way that I couldn't eat it.
My point is, my mother-in-law did it because she's passive agressive and doesn't like me. You need to figure out why your husband is doing it. Is it a power thing? Is it because he feels bad because you have the motivation to get healthy and he doesn't? It's really not difficult to make veggies with AND without meat. If he REALLY doesn't want to, ask him to set aside some of the preped veggies before he cooks them and you'll cook them yourself when you get home (the prep work takes the most time anyway... steaming them would be super fast).
Wow, your MIL sounds really passive aggressive. So sorry for you! I don't thinks it's a power thing. He knows how to cook one way. It may be the fact that I'm trying to change things for me and he's not. Someone else mentioned something similar. That's a great idea about the prepped veggies. Surely he would do that much for me.0 -
My husband eats signficantly different than I do. He is a picky eater and doesn't really like most healthy meals. He favors burgers and pizza, for the most part.
I try to eat healthy and eat mostly lean meats and veggies.
We have a 6-year-old daughter who is a healthy weight, and will eat some healthy foods, but is an extremely picky eater. She mostly eats the same things over and over again, but will eat some of what my husband or I eat, sometimes.
The solution? Communication and not requiring that everyone eat the same meal at the same time.
Typical conversation:
"What are you having for dinner tonight?"
"Rotisserie chicken and roasted brussel sprouts. If you want some of my chicken, you can have it."
"No, I think I'm going to make _____."
At dinner time, we generally tell my daughter what we're having and she can have some of either/both, or choose from her go-to choices.
It sounds complicated, but it's actually really easy and everyone is happy. We both buy groceries and help each other out, but we've accepted that we don't need to have unnecessary conflict over food and eating healthy.
Let your husband cook what he wants for dinner. Eat it if it fits in your plan, or make something else if it doesn't. He is a grownup and responsible for his own feelings. I don't understand why his feelings would be hurt if he chooses to cook something you can't/don't want to eat and then you choose to not eat it. Makes no sense to me.
I agree with this except for the not eating at the same time bit.. I am a firm believer in having dinner together as a family even if it's just the two of you.0 -
Thanks hkevans. We used to eat together, too. I can't expect him to wait til 7:30 to eat (when I've been getting home lately). When our kids were younger, we ate together every night as a family. Still do with our son if I'm home on time. The suggestions in that comment were good ones.0
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Thanks for all of your responses! I know what changes need to be made and have some good tips on how to talk with my husband as well as shopping, early prep, etc.0
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No, I wouldn't be offended I he didn't want to eat it, but I know my so is Sometimes is when I don't. My solution is to make several options over the weekend to carry me through the week (chili, soup, large roast, large whole chicken or turkey, crockpot something, large package of chicken breasts) with options of mix in meals during the week. If he cooks something that I can't eat or doesn't fit my calorie goal I simply eat one of the other options that does.0
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Personally - I would tell him,
"Although it is wonderful you are cooking my dinner - I need you to consider what you are making for me if you want me to continue looking gorgeous...
Here's some recipes to follow.
I love you Husband xxx"
Heheheh!
Surely he won't be insulted by that!
I agree with this quote. and If he continues to make meals that will not allow you to achieve your goals spend some time preparing meal to freeze and reheat. And/or eat smaller portions of the meals somewhat tolerable.0 -
My husband eats signficantly different than I do. He is a picky eater and doesn't really like most healthy meals. He favors burgers and pizza, for the most part.
I try to eat healthy and eat mostly lean meats and veggies.
We have a 6-year-old daughter who is a healthy weight, and will eat some healthy foods, but is an extremely picky eater. She mostly eats the same things over and over again, but will eat some of what my husband or I eat, sometimes.
The solution? Communication and not requiring that everyone eat the same meal at the same time.
Typical conversation:
"What are you having for dinner tonight?"
"Rotisserie chicken and roasted brussel sprouts. If you want some of my chicken, you can have it."
"No, I think I'm going to make _____."
At dinner time, we generally tell my daughter what we're having and she can have some of either/both, or choose from her go-to choices.
It sounds complicated, but it's actually really easy and everyone is happy. We both buy groceries and help each other out, but we've accepted that we don't need to have unnecessary conflict over food and eating healthy.
Let your husband cook what he wants for dinner. Eat it if it fits in your plan, or make something else if it doesn't. He is a grownup and responsible for his own feelings. I don't understand why his feelings would be hurt if he chooses to cook something you can't/don't want to eat and then you choose to not eat it. Makes no sense to me.
I agree with this except for the not eating at the same time bit.. I am a firm believer in having dinner together as a family even if it's just the two of you.
I worded that badly we all eat at the same time, just not the same things.0 -
As he is fully aware that you are trying you control your eating habits, I don't think he would be. As long as you eat the main bits and leave out the puddle of cheesy sauce (or insert other here) I can't see why he should have a problem. Just say it is delish but you can't eat it all? Or you "ate the best bits"
Ultimately, he is aware of your "mission" and shouldn't be disappointed if you left the most unhealthy parts.0
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