Relationship dilemma all due to my weight

Brace yourself, be strong and leave him. Short term pain now and move on strong otherwise this relationship will be a long, slow, insidious destruction to your soul. You will not find a man who loves you for you while you are still with him. Please do not settle for this.

DUMP HIM!!!! There is someone out there for you who will love you for you! You are worth waiting for that person to come along!!

No, you need to step back from the relationship.
I would go as far to say this is abusive behavior. No person or man is allowed to speak to you this way. Leave the relationship i know it is hard, I have been in an abusive relationship myself it is so much better on the other side. Walk away.

if he acts that way with you now, he'll only act that way with other things in the future. get rid of him!

My gut instinct is to tell you to run, don't walk, away from this relationship before it gets any further. If he can't accept you for who you are right now then he's never going to and I don't see it working out.

I tell EVERYONE that I met and married the man of my dreams when I weighed over 280 pounds. He loves me for ME, not the size of my stomach or thighs or butt. There are plenty of men who aren't so shallow and can look beyond the physical body. What would happen if you became disabled? Had a medical condition that made you look less than perfect?

If you're planning on staying with him you need to have a serious talk about how his comments make you feel. And spend some time thinking if you think you deserve better than that.

I've been all sizes in my life time, and never once has my husband of 41 years talked to me the way your man talks to you, your man has a problem. it seems that he thinks pressuring you is acceptable behaviour. I would be very careful about a lifetime commitment with someone who puts the pressure he has put one you. The important thing is that you love yourself, you sound like a stable mature woman who had learned that inner beauty is as important as the physical.

He's an *kitten*.

^This!!!

I was MUCH smaller when my husband met me. I was MUCH smaller when we got married and if he ever told me that he was no longer attracted to me because I got fat I would tell him to hit the effing road. No matter how much he loves "me", if he can't love my big butt too then he can get on down the road.

Wow. Like many others have already posted, I am so happy that you have the self confidence to not let his words bring your spirit down. I dated a guy like him for several years when I was younger and while I started the relationship a young, vivacious, spirited woman with an amazing sense of self confidence, I ended the relationship with essentially NO self esteem to speak of. If what he says and thinks bothers you now, it will only get worse.

The man I married is not the man I dated several years ago. I have gained over 50 pounds since meeting my husband. I also just had a baby and gained MASSIVE weight during my pregnancy, mostly due to water retention because I had a bad case of preeclampsia. I was in the hospital for a month before I had our daughter and I KNOW I looked a hot mess most days during the end of my pregnancy LOL. I also ended up with some pretty nasty stretch marks despite slathering myself in gallons of lotion and other anti-stretchmark like things on a regular basis

And ya know what, although I'm SURE my hubby would like to see me 50 or 60 pounds lighter (and clearly I'm working on it or I wouldn't be on MFP), he has NEVER EVER said a word, or hinted that he is embarrassed or disgusted by my weight gain or stretch marks. Even though I was back to my spirited, high self-esteemed self when we got married... my pregnancy was VERY tough and was an emotional roller coaster. I can't imagine having to go through a situation like that with someone who was less than supportive. He told me I was beautiful every day. He was amazing. And I still have to fight him off of me some days (if ya know what I mean LOL). I'm not stupid, and I saw the pictures of me right after I had our daughter... I was a swollen mess. But he never acted like I was anything other than his gorgeous queen.

When you're talking about someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with, you deserve someone who is going to love you and SUPPORT you, NO MATTER WHAT. You have no idea what life is going to bring. You need someone who is going to be there and isn't going to pepper your life with negative thoughts... because no matter how strong you are, if you are beat over the head with enough negative thoughts, it will bring you down.

Wow. How unloving, devaluing and disrespectful of him. Big red flags here. One might even see it as moving toward controlling. Others here are right when they say that it's not you or your weight that is the problem, it's him. He will be like this about other things. It's not okay to tear you down. Walk away. Someone else who deserves you will come along and he will love you for who you are. If this one is being like this now, then you'll never be able to be 100% confident in him in the future. His attitude and his willingness to be this way speaks volumes about him, not you. Run in the other direction and don't waste another precious minute or another bit of emotional energy there.

I didn't read all 18 pages of this, so I apologize if this has been said before.

Time to move on. This is who he is, and it's not going to change. You already said your weight has gone up in response to his criticism, and it's only going to get worse.

If you decide to stay, I recommend badgering him about smoking every time he brings up you weight. "You know, honey, I can't help it. Your breath and clothes stink so badlybfrom smo,ing. You really need to quit." I bet a taste of his own medicine slows the comments a bit.

Men in general are more blunt and to the point in saying what they want. I would not assume that these comments are intended to hurt, demeaning, negative, etc. If he truly did not like you, he would not tell you his real feelings towards you and give you a chance to change (sounds bad). But like it or not, relationships are about compromise. BOTH parties must change a little. I suggest looking at his comments from a positive standpoint- he cares about your health. Get a little pissed off at his comments and use that energy to get focused on your diet. Your entire life will be better when you are in shape. Would you rather have a man that lies to you and tells you all good comments all of the time??? That is way worse. With truths, you can adapt. I have been with a lier/deceiver and I would much rather have the blunt truth.

Did you miss the part where she is only 15lb overweight and is physically fit, wheras he is a skinny unfit smoker who might think about quitting when the time is right. This aint about concern for her health!

Imagine if it was about money. I met a man that I got along with really well, but he had a job that didn't pay so well. It was a worthwhile vocation and he worked hard, but I always imagined my husband would earn as much money as me. Knowing that, I continue to date him allowing us to fall in love. However then I start making comments, that he should train up in something else, that I would be so much happier if he just earnt a little more money, that I have always preffered a successful man etc. I can't imagine anyone would say I was "just being honest" and that he should really just get his act together and get a better job....

Men in general are more blunt and to the point in saying what they want. I would not assume that these comments are intended to hurt, demeaning, negative, etc. If he truly did not like you, he would not tell you his real feelings towards you and give you a chance to change (sounds bad). But like it or not, relationships are about compromise. BOTH parties must change a little. I suggest looking at his comments from a positive standpoint- he cares about your health. Get a little pissed off at his comments and use that energy to get focused on your diet. Your entire life will be better when you are in shape. Would you rather have a man that lies to you and tells you all good comments all of the time??? That is way worse. With truths, you can adapt. I have been with a lier/deceiver and I would much rather have the blunt truth.

Did you miss the part where she is only 15lb overweight and is physically fit, wheras he is a skinny unfit smoker who might think about quitting when the time is right. This aint about concern for her health!

Imagine if it was about money. I met a man that I got along with really well, but he had a job that didn't pay so well. It was a worthwhile vocation and he worked hard, but I always imagined my husband would earn as much money as me. Knowing that, I continue to date him allowing us to fall in love. However then I start making comments, that he should train up in something else, that I would be so much happier if he just earnt a little more money, that I have always preffered a successful man etc. I can't imagine anyone would say I was "just being honest" and that he should really just get his act together and get a better job....

but what is your BF also wasnt happy with his financial situation?

that would be a more appropriate analogy since the OP stated that he herself isn't 100% happy with how she looks.

Sure fine, but I don't think it makes that big of a difference. The problem is making (whether deliberatly or not) the success of their relationship conditional on something that may or may not happen in the future. It's one thing to support someone in what they want to achieve, entirely another to hang your attraction on it... I just don't think that is productive for either party. Let's assume he is a nice guy, who loves her in every way, but isn't attracted to her. How is that good for him? Staying in a relationship in the hopes that something might change (whatever it is) rarely works.

Now the reason I doubt the above is actually true of this guy is simply the fact that she has already lost considerable weight, she is already making changes... so what is the point of the hurtful comments? If he really loved her and it were only about his physical preferences, would he not just shutup and be patient? As it is, it appears that his comments are counterproductive, his comments have coincided with her gaining weight. So if nothing else he's totally unhelpful.

Don't torture yourself and stay with a guy like that, please.

What if you lose the weight and are his ideal size but your body is still not attractive to him? We all have different bone structure, skin and body types. What if he isn't attracted to you even at a low weight?

I don't think it is wise or healthy to begin a relationship in this manner. I would personally call it quits because it would be too stressful to live up to someone's expectations for that long.

I think I would suggest that you ask yourself why this is acceptable to you. You are complete package, and if he's busy pointing out the things he thinks are unaccepatble, there is probably someone else out there ready to tell you all the things that he finds wonderful about you. Even though you say everything else is wonderful, this is obviously bothering you enough to get external feedback.

Think about this...when we hear something often enough, we tend to start believing it. Don't settle. There will be someone out there who loves you as a complete and total package. Just they way you deserve!

I wish you all the best!