Relationship dilemma all due to my weight

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  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
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    I met a guy in October and swore he was THE ONE however he couldn't stop saying things about my weight like "I want you to get skinny so I can take you swing dancing" " I want you to be for like me" " I don't normally date big girls but I love you" " if you were smaller I would be more turned on by you ". Ya screw that!!! Get out . I however was able to lose 10 pounds while being with him ....
  • HealthylivingTIG
    HealthylivingTIG Posts: 174 Member
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    There is nothing OK or wonderful about what your boyfriend is saying to you. NOTHING!!! Thankfully you said you are strong enough to not allow his words to break you... BUT the fact that you are posting seeking advice, says that its bothering you... and soon enough, if you continue to hear these things, you will start to belive the him. I would not encourage you to leave him or stay with him because thats entirely your call. However, I will say this.... reevaluate your relationship with this man. Love is nuturing and responsible and passionate and even critical at times. LOVE is not suppose to ever be callous or degrading, which is what seems to be happening with you. I think you should work on your healthy, and weight because YOU want to do so, not to hold on to this "wonderful" man. Remain strong and focused on yourself. YOu are the most important factor in the relationship at this point.
  • sambadancer10
    sambadancer10 Posts: 13
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    I hate to say it, but mountain mover is right. The fact is, too many people have a relationship just for the sake of being in one. If he is not attracted to you move on.
    He is an *kitten* for staying with you though and treating you that way. Real piece of work.
    I am sorry. Some people just suck. = (
  • miracole
    miracole Posts: 492 Member
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    I'm sorry but if someone loves you they need to love ALL of you, warts and all. You aren't always going to be perfectly formed; people get old and wrinkly, they get fat, they have bad hair days, they lose their hair, they may get hurt and get scars but that is not who they are, that's what they look like and it's entirely superficial.

    My husband loves that I am getting fit and meeting my goals, but he loved me just as much when I was at my heaviest. When I say "look how hot I am now!" he replies "meh, you were always beautiful". If this guy is loving you with qualifications then he isn't loving you as you deserve.
  • estrange22
    estrange22 Posts: 210 Member
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    Large numbers of red flags are popping up in my head about this guy. That kind of language, to me, is abusive and controlling. I . can't . even . . .

    If he is going to say things like that NOW then it will become more emotionally abusive LATER. the end.
  • AbbieZabba
    AbbieZabba Posts: 110
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    246p0y9.jpg

    I believe it's time for you to fly pretty lady.
  • Fannyannefeisty
    Fannyannefeisty Posts: 53
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    The question you should be asking yourself is this: "I am in a relationship with someone who is not physically attracted to me. Why is this acceptable to me?"

    Great advice from this lady in general but this is the question you should be asking yourself.

    IMO (and it's worth **** - same as everyone else's) its a control thing. He is putting you down and chipping away at how you feel about yourself. People who love you don't do that. Good luck, you know the right thing to do.
  • holli0224
    holli0224 Posts: 6 Member
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    I had to stop reading after the second paragraph. Dump him. You don't want to be with someone who makes comments like that. That is so not motivating and only serves to tear you down. Good luck.
  • Nissi51
    Nissi51 Posts: 381 Member
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    The wise see danger and take action. The foolish keep going and suffer for it. fYI: danger! Run
  • johnjkkelly
    johnjkkelly Posts: 65
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    I think you should tell him. I hope one day, I will love your little penis as much as I love you. He should be supportive that you are being healthy and trying to get fit. Eat healthy, exercise hard and dump that jerk.
  • pollyineedtobeskinny
    pollyineedtobeskinny Posts: 362
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    I am so sorry to hear your going through that, that's kind of like bullying but someone you love is doing it which must be really hurting you.

    Personally, I wouldn't take your relationship further, you can't have a future with someone that tears you down and makes you feel worthless and ugly.

    He's obviously a very judgmental person who does not care about your feelings.

    I hope you make the right decision x
  • lisapugh1
    lisapugh1 Posts: 1
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    This is a difficult topic to post but I need to get some thoughts from the MFP community on a relationship dilemma I am in. In August I met a wonderful man, by November we decided to become exlcusive as our connection and feelings towards each other are indeniably intense. Things are going really well and we are discussing a future together, BUT there is one serious issue that has me very concerned.

    On more than one occasion, my boyfriend has referenced my weight as being the one thing that prevents him from wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. Some specific comments have included, "one day I hope that I can learn to love your body the way I love the rest of you". I have never dated someone curvy before and it is not easy for me", I think you should get back down to your college weight" , Ï find it hard to touch you because I do not like your body",I bet you weigh as much as me and I am 6 foot 4". I can go on and on...

    I have struggled with my weight and looks my entire life, it has only been in the past couple of years that I have learned to love myself. I AM strong enough not to let him break me down but other than this one thing, the relationship is wonderful. I love this guy and he says he loves me, he says I am the best thing that has ever happened to him but I fear that I will never meet his expectations with my body and that is a dealbreaker for him. I have talked to him about it and he swears he is not that shallow, then it comes up again a week later.

    Since he has been getting on my case for my weight I have actually put on about 8 pounds, I am sure it is stress and my own body rebelling. I am on my weight loss journey for me, not him and have been well before he was around but he seems to want me to do this for him.

    I have talked to him about it, he says he can't help that he finds my body unattractive. As I mentioned before, I am ok with me, want to lose the last pounds for ME. Other than this we are more than wonderful together, everywhere we go people assume we are an old married couple. We can talk and laugh for hours, we love being together. I know men are visual but am I being a cry baby about this or is he being an absolute *kitten* about the situation?

    Important to note, he is much skinnier than anyone I have ever dated but that has not affected my feelings for him in any way. We have also gone hiking and worked out together and I am far fitter than he is, he is a smoker so the thing about him wanting me healthy... non issue as far as I am concerned.

    Thought are much appreciated... Thanks!!
  • Andyrewcoop
    Andyrewcoop Posts: 6
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    Just had a look at your profile and there's nothing wrong with your body...

    tell him if he cant love you for you, he shouldn't love you at all.
  • Kierda
    Kierda Posts: 14 Member
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    I don't have time to read the whole thread, so if this is resolved or if what I say has been said or whatever I apologize.

    Emotional abuse is a real thing. The fact that he's said these things more than once and has the attitude that he "can't help it" is a huge red flag for grooming.

    All relationships go through periods of sexual latency... but it has more to do with the individual than the other person. Carefully consider what these comments and this mindset indicate about the core character of this man. Divorce is expensive emotionally and economically. He hasn't broken your spirit... YET. But if he did, it would take a very long time to recover from that.
  • jrbb03092
    jrbb03092 Posts: 198 Member
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    Given the things you say he's said to you, I don't see how this could be a wonderful relationship. Your life partner needs to accept you for you and as some people have pointed out, it's one thing if you'd been together for years and you'd gained weight and your life partner said "this is worrying me because of your health, let's work out and get healthier together", but this man met you at this weight and he is saying horrible, hurtful things. I rarely say this, but seriously, ditch him. If you don't, you're setting yourself up for a world of heartache.
  • MissSusieQ
    MissSusieQ Posts: 533 Member
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    get out! it's a trap!!
  • LacyJean1
    LacyJean1 Posts: 36 Member
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    If he can't accept your weight now, he doesn't deserve you at all.
  • Songbirdcw
    Songbirdcw Posts: 320 Member
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    I am glad that you are able to love yourself despite some of the comments your boyfriend has made. I do believe however, that this is an unbelievable amount of pressure. Do you want to be with someone knowing that if you never lost another pound, he would never find you truly attractive? If you were to put on weight because of an illness or even pregnancy wouldn't you always be worried that your partner is not happy with your weight and is physically turned off? Personally, I would not be able to deal with this. It almost seems a bit manipulative for him to say the things he has been saying to you secretly hoping it will drive you to lose weight. At the end of the day, and especially since you guys have been talking about a future together, you must love each other for who you are inside. Realistically, the outside will change for the better ....and sometimes for the worst. But if you are as intensely in love as you say, than your "curviness" should not deter him from truly and completely loving you.
  • MissSusieQ
    MissSusieQ Posts: 533 Member
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    also, i think you've titled this post incorrectly. 'relationship dilemma all due to my partner being an arsehat' would be far more appropriate.

    it's not your fault that he's not happy with your body, it's his.
  • wielandm
    wielandm Posts: 26 Member
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    Wow! I cannot believe he said those things to you. What an @sshole!!!! You can do better than this loser. You look great and don't let anyone tell you differently. Get rid of him!!! NOW!!!!

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