Guys that are a 3 trying to be with girls that are an 8...

Frankly, I think women WAYYY underestimate their own attractiveness, falling into the TRAP of comparing yourself to another person.
AND, women very often WAYYYY overdo the effort to be attractive.
It's not necessary to do much to be very attractive to the opposite sex.
In fact, I think it is important to make an effort to keep one's sexuality where it should be....THERE, but...PRIVATE!

OP..you already ARE attractive.

Kinda girl I start talking to near last call... Only time low self-esteem is attractive.

I've never had this problem.

Then again, I'm not a jerk.

Confidence is attractive, talent is attractive, intelligence is attractive. Assigning numbers to levels of physical attraction is ridiculous because if a super-hot man is stupid, boring and unkind he'll quickly turn into an ugly person ( or as you say it, a 3).

First, let's get the obvious out of the way: men and women are not what they used to be, in terms of mental and emotional stability.

Back in the day, a man your age had already matured enough to know what he was doing with his life, and that was mostly out of necessity. When his education was complete (be it high school, college, or vocational training), he had to get a job and start supporting himself so that he could find a wife and start a family. No self-respecting woman would give a man without a future the time of day back then. And women were pretty single-minded in their pursuit of a career or marriage (and eventually both).

These days, men and women are content to just be boyfriend and girlfriend forever while they live in their childhood bedrooms, supported by their mom and/or dad. They think and behave like they are still teenagers because their lives have not drastically altered from when they WERE teenagers. They don't know what it is to have adult responsibilities, so they they don't see the appeal in finding someone who can help them manage those responsibilities, even if it's just with emotional suppoprt. So the only thing that matters is looks. That's why a guy who doesn't have much to offer thinks he can win over a beautiful woman.

And frankly, it's why women sit around wracking their brains trying to figure out why, despite being at least moderately attractive, well-educated, and gainfully employed, they can't find a man who is husband material. If you have all those things and you still feel like your life isn't complete because you can't find a man, then you are, in effect, admitting that you aren't good enough. Desperation has a smell, and this attitude of "I have so much going for me, yet men are never interested," smells like desperation.

Some women find a man attractive if he is stable and able to support her financially. I dated cute jerks and they did nothing for me. I decided on a mature older guy who was college educated, motivated and treated me like a princess. I have no regrets. He has supported me emotionaly, financially and put me through college without me having to work. I say that overrates looks on every level, I am a big fan of security. If it was all about passion I would still be with my cheating ex. Also a great personality can bump your number ten fold in my opinion. That's not to say you don't have to be attracted to your significant other on some level, but good character just enhances appeal.

^^ Yes! I dated cute jerks, too, but they were just that: jerks. My husband doesn't have a perfect body, but his character is unimpeachable, his morals and beliefs match mine in every way, his personality is strong and firm, his sense of humor cracks me up, he is extremely intelligent, his principles and values are honorable and respectable, and he is supportive, encouraging, loving, and loyal. He may not have the body of Gerard Butler (drool), but does Gerard Butler have those other qualifications?

I think the biggest issue here is that she was referring to dating sites if I read it correctly, and I don't think the situation she's describing afflicts only men. Yeah, personality match is ultimately more important than attraction, but how much of a persons actual makeup are you getting from a quick blurb on the internet. There are hundreds of people on these sites in any given area, and most people on them are there because they're too busy to read every profile they come across, so the quickest way to start paring down is by picture after filtering out obviously incompatible traits like smokers for example. All of the morally outraged people here who thinks it's reprehensible to judge others by looks are being disingenuous- you know you consciously or subconsciously notice others' appearances. I don't know about the hard and fast assigning people to number ratings process, but I'll be honest that I'm not likely to spend a lot of time courting someone I'm not at all attracted to.

I think the issue on these sites is that users see so many "available" people, and it raises their expectations of what's possible for them. Or maybe I'm just disgruntled because I can't get a response from girls who I would think are in a similar "league" to me either.

I'll take the one that makes my belly do a little flip flop when i see him.

no number for that.

it just is.

Yes! One of my favorite sex and the city quotes "some people are settling down, some and just settling, and others refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies".

Why rate someone period?! Quit thinking of yourself as a "lower number" and have the confidence of a "higher number". Don't look at what everyone else has and concentrate on what you want. That girl who is a 10 and dating a 3 sees that 3 as a 10. Just because someone isn't your cup of tea doesn't mean that it's not that womans dream. Everyday think of yourself as a 10 and go out being the best you!

Whew this makes me glad I am not in the dating pool because I am baffled. My hubby is smoking hot. It never ever occurred to me he was out of my league because he is likely better looking than I am . I just thought he was, hot, irresistible , made my heart beat fast . I decided I was very interested walked up and went for it. Thank heavens he was also the sweetest guy ever so I've had 22 happy years. I think I might be too old or something because I don't get the whole ranking thing. It never would have stopped me from approaching someone i was interested in.

Don't judge me!

If you're awesome enough, you could probably get a guy that looks like Channing Tatum.

People (that aren't deluded about how hot they are) tend to unconsciously choose others that are within a number or two, though. I watched some special on it. I'd say I'm a six, so I'd likely end up with a 5 or 7 guy.

I think when you qualify someone as a 3 (him) with someone who is an 8 (her), you are setting it up as one is better than the other. Which in terms of dating sets you up for failure.

What makes a guy a 3? His height? His weight, job, care, prior marital status? Does he have an arrest record, what’s his credit score? Does he have male pattern baldness, a beer gut, hair on his back? What is it?

All I can think when I read your post is this:

http://andthatswhyyouresingle.com/2012/10/11/does-romantic-chemistry-really-exist/

I'm pretty certain it depends on the person.... I know I'm a chick, but I don't always go based on looks alone. Personality is a bigger factor for me, personally. I don't worry about those who don't want me, because there are plenty others out there.

I agree with you on this.

I would stay off dating sites. They are set up to be very visual. The first thing you see is the photo of the other person, so you make a judgement immediately based on looks.

Dating sites are worse for men than women. What happens is that any remotely attractive woman has her inbox flooded, and your typical 6-7 will get the impression she's a 9-10 based on her inbox being flooded. She'll start acting like a 9-10, and that'll make things for difficult for the single man.