Guys that are a 3 trying to be with girls that are an 8...

Forget this numbers mumbo jumbo! If you have enough confidence and belief in yourself then no-one is out of your league. Nothing sexier than confidence in my book!
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^^^ AGREE (and it took a while but I really believe this NOW! because with weight loss I gained some confidence and this statement is correct "no-one is out of my league" I have my preferences and I think that is ok. I am seeing someone now that I at first thought was "out of my league" and he has Never treated me like I was out of his league, he has helped me gain confidence ]actually thrills him I am gaining confidence.)

Is this crap for real??

Oh yay. Let's shame ALL OF THE BODIES.

we are a vain species...

For what it's worth, my husband is four years younger, in good shape, tall, cool and some might say that physically, he's out of my league. I once had someone think I was his mother. That puts a little bit of a kink in the whole security thing, but I know my weight makes me look more old-maternal than I'd care for. We just happen to click really well--find the same kinds of things humorous, have similar world-philosophies, and enjoy conversations.

I once asked him "If you weren't married, and you were at a bar, and this really, really attractive girl was talking to you---wearing a tight fitting halter top or something sexy but not necessarily overtly slutty--and she had a great personality and was intelligent, do you think you'd instantly fall for her?" He told me, "Honestly, I'd probably have a hard time focusing on what she was saying."

So...to that effect it all depends. In his younger days, he's had crushes on large people, thin people, older women (as in thirties when he was in his twenties)...so I don't know that some list really is relevant. Attraction is really quite subjective.

I would stay off dating sites. They are set up to be very visual. The first thing you see is the photo of the other person, so you make a judgement immediately based on looks.

but... then , no one would be HERE....

Someone's 3 can be another persons 8, if you want to place a shallow emphasis on appearance then it's simply down to personal preference.

Based on this scoring system I'd consider myself to be a 3 or 4, and my ex is at least an 8 or 9. This is my opinion though, some people may see me as more or as less.

Maybe the 3 or 4 guys are actually 8 or 9's?? But you're not scoring the whole package, just one section of it.

Pretty shallow way of looking at things.

Ha!

Single people are funny.

I can understand what the OP is saying, and I think people have focused too heavily on her "rating system" to really understand her point. When I was single, I was also very frustrated with the number of men in my age group (at the time, I dated men who were 30-45 yrs old) who didn't really want a woman who was in that age range. What most of them really wanted was the "beach bunny" type who were 25 yrs old max, the type of girls who were vapid and played the "I need a strong man to take care of me" card so well, you'd think they had water on the brain. Most of these men had been married in the past and were looking for the anti-wife - a woman with no kids, no commitment and no common sense. OR they wanted a woman who could at least PRETEND to be that person, and I don't play games.

Surprisingly, the men I ended up dating were younger (25-32ish), and while I never considered any of them long term relationship material, they were FUN. I think that they knew that I didn't consider any of them to be serious relationship candidates, so it allowed us both to enjoy our time together, and I didn't date any of them exclusively when I was seeing them. I had a "friends with benefits" arrangement with someone so I never considered sleeping with any of them. LOL

Interestingly enough, a few years ago, I ended up marrying a man in that age range, who is much younger than me, and I've never been more happy in a relationship. Because I allowed myself to open my "criteria" just to pass the time, over time I guess the age thing didn't become an issue for me (it was a pretty big obstacle for me when I first started dating those guys), and by the time I met my husband, I wasn't resistent to becoming involved with him. Of course, the first three months of our relationship was a "no relationship, no commitment" type of thing ... it wasn't ever supposed to be more than a fling. You can see how well THAT worked out. LOL

But women can be just as shallow as men ... I've known women who date guys because of the money the guy makes, or the perception that he has money. And I've known women to date men based on their looks, so it's definitely a two-way street. My advice is to stay away from dating sites, and get out into the world and meet people. It's much different meeting someone in person than it is online, and people you may not consider dating based on a profile pic may be a great fit for you once you get to know them. :-)

I dont think anyone regardless of how they look should rate themselves lower than a ten. You have a lot going for you! You sound smart, logical, hardworking and beautiful. You're above average in every way! Hold out for your ten because that's what you deserve in life, and that person should feel you're a ten too!

I love Steve Buscemi

Did you ever stop and think maybe its not your looks that are turning the men away?

Honestly, I am sick about the whole "league" bull *kitten*. I find someone I care about and want to be with, and they tell me that I'm out of their league. No way! If I like someone, and they're funny and sarcastic, live life hard, respectful, etc, etc... AKA if they have a personality that appeals to me... they're in my "league".

Who the hell makes these leagues up? What is the criteria for a 3, a 6, an 8, a 10?

I know that I see myself as an average person. I confess I see a good looking guy and won't approach because I don't feel confident enough... But I have no problem with talking to anyone and becoming friends with them... and that is what is necessary for me to develop a relationship.

Maybe it's different if you're looking to pick up, or be picked up... but that's not my game.

Evidently the men that are on MFP are very evolved and do not rate women's looks. Good for you guys.

In the social science world studies have been done regarding this issue. What they found was that people usually paired up with people that rated on about the same attractive scale as themselves. Many studies have been done on what we find attractive.

I did the whole internet dating thing in my single days and what I found was that most of the men I went out with from these sites were always kinda waiting to see if something better would come along. We would keep chatting to keep me on the line just in case and then Friday afternoon I'd get the, "hey, you want to meet at trudy's tonight".... Figured that one out pretty quick.

A dear friend of mine met her husband on Match and he happen to be the first guy she went out with from the site. So there are no hard and fast rules in this game.

I'd say just keep yourself out there and don't worry about it. Don't think of every date as the possible Mr. Right just enjoy the date. The right guy will be the one that isn't so focused on it how hot a chick he can get. Date people you find interesting and fun and are attracted to and one day the right guy will be sitting accross from you at the table. Don't waste your time on guys that are always "busy"

I got a lot of nice meals from guys that never called me back. Enjoy dating it shoudl be fun.