Can letting yourself go ruin a relationship?

When I met my fiance a bit over three years ago I was about 20lbs smaller than I am now, which is still a lot bigger than I was before! And, I am the biggest girl he has ever dated seriously/dated at all.

I'm lucky enough that he loves me now (+20lbs from our original meeting), but he does support me 100% and he is also trying to get a bit healthier.

However! I response to the actual question, I think letting yourself go can ruin a relationship, but perhaps not from the "Is he/she still attracted to you" but rather from the "I think I look horrible" and all sex/intimacy stops. For instance, even though I was bigger when I met him, 20lbs did a lot to my self esteem as it brought me up a pantsize and shirt size. We went from being intimate several times a week to being sexually intimate maybe a few times a month, if even. And not for his lack of trying.

=]

If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

This is a fantasy.

Not in my experience.

I can honestly say it can. I gained 30+ pounds after my boyfriend and I started dating. Mostly due to stress in my life and an injury that left me off my feet for a couple months. I didn't love me so much anymore. I started getting jealous in situations where I normally wouldn't, I was over sensitive and insecure. Of course even though he didn't say it, I still think the weight gain was a turn off for him, he hardly ever complimented me anymore. One thing led to another, we got in a big fight and I decided that I was going to get into shape for me because I used to like me. No matter what happens in my relationship, I will still have me. Now that I've lost weight, he tells me he thinks I'm beautiful, even calls me tiny.

Well it can ruin your sex life, so it can ruin your relationship.


Me, I will be 90 years old wearing a push up bra, high heels, nails done.

that's a scene right outta this:

http://youtu.be/BR4yQFZK9YM

Yea - no.

I don't care what anyone says....keeping yourself together plays a BIIIGGGG role when it comes to keeping a spark in a relationship, sex and intimacy. if a person gets so complacent with themselves that they just let themselves go, and they don't want to change it, do you think that you would last in that relationship? Mind you....you are very supportive, as well as a avid believer in staying in shape and wanting to look good not just for you, but for them too!!! What would you do?

I feel very fortunate that my boyfriend has been loving and supportive, no matter my weight. However, I am extremely unhappy with being overweight, and I know we will both benefit greatly from me being healthy, fit, and happy with myself.

I zeroed in on the "they don't want to change it" part. Not wanting to improve or make positive changes would be hard to deal with. Then again, it took me quite a while to do something about my weight, so I imagine I would return the favor (his unconditional acceptance of me) and love him and stay supportive until he was ready to make healthy changes.

Personally looks used to play a huge role in my "partner" search, however ive since learned that looks arent everything truly they arent. I personally am attracted to personality, knowledge, kindness, and compassion. Its the eyes that get me, they say they are the window to the soul and i can honestly say i believe this! Looks are important to some maybe even most, however my fitness journey is my own and i do it for my own reasons.

If someone i meet and am attracted too doesnt mind being overweight, more power to them . Im not going to let my health journey be affected by what my partner looks like or eats like, now if they are overweight and complain daily without even a small attempt to change i can see how that would ruin a relationship. However based on pure looks alone, that wouldnt happen with me .

This is honestly a very touchy subject with me... I've been with my b/f for 6 1/2 years. I started exercising and eating way better last January. Now, I'm happy with my current weight and I've progressed into trying to add weight in muscle. While, at the same time, my boyfriend eats Mcdonalds, Wendy's, Burger King, etc. everyday for lunch, and dinner when he doesn't want to cook/doesn't want what I made. When we first started dating, he could eat whatever he wanted and didn't gain an ounce. But now, it has caught up with him and he's got a belly... The fact that now I'm educated and I know what he's doing to himself is driving me nuts. Heart problems and high blood pressure runs in his family and he's not helping himself by what he's consuming daily.

That added to the fact that I'm getting my crap together and really paying attention to myself it's starting to get to me.... I'm getting more and more in shape and he's gaining more and more pounds. It's really frustrating. I don't love him less, but it's straining our relationship. I now like to do things like hiking and kayaking, and he never wants to participate. I always have to go alone or nag one of my friends until they'll come. It's the fact that I'm changing as a person to all around more healthy, and he's just hanging back and eating like crap and not doing ANYTHING active. I've tried talking to him about it, but he always says "I work so hard at work I don't have the energy to workout on top of that.... blah blah blah".

So, yes, it's taking a toll on our relationship. I wouldn't go as far as saying that it's "ruining" it, but it definitely is a black cloud hanging around some days.

This happened to my best friend and her highschool sweetheart... she was always thin and fairly active. He got fat... I mean like gross fat. She wasn't attracted to him anymore and told him he needed to do something about it, but he refused. He constantly wanted intimacy and she told him no. She thought he was disgusting when he was naked. Eventually she had enough and ended their engagement. After they ended things, he started going to the gym and lost the weight and became even more attractive then he was when they met, haha.

She just had my godson last October and put on weight. Her husband is crazy fit and she was able to drop most of the weight in the past year, she put effort in and he helped.

I don't think I could be with someone who just stopped caring about themselves. I keep my butt in shape and work my butt off, therefore, my significant other should do the same... and he does! lol

Wow i guess the term "for better or worse" didnt apply to her huh? She must not have truly loved him for him but only for his body how sad.

Well it can ruin your sex life, so it can ruin your relationship.


Me, I will be 90 years old wearing a push up bra, high heels, nails done.

that's a scene right outta this:

http://youtu.be/BR4yQFZK9YM

Yea - no.

Did you see the scene? I think it's the very last scene. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..........

This happened to my best friend and her highschool sweetheart... she was always thin and fairly active. He got fat... I mean like gross fat. She wasn't attracted to him anymore and told him he needed to do something about it, but he refused. He constantly wanted intimacy and she told him no. She thought he was disgusting when he was naked. Eventually she had enough and ended their engagement. After they ended things, he started going to the gym and lost the weight and became even more attractive then he was when they met, haha.

She just had my godson last October and put on weight. Her husband is crazy fit and she was able to drop most of the weight in the past year, she put effort in and he helped.

I don't think I could be with someone who just stopped caring about themselves. I keep my butt in shape and work my butt off, therefore, my significant other should do the same... and he does! lol

Wow i guess the term "for better or worse" didnt apply to her huh? She must not have truly loved him for him but only for his body how sad.

She tried pushing him to go even go walk with her, he would refuse and argue with her... it was a bad situation. He was able, but he just refused to better himself. I can't say I blame her! She is MUCH happier now

I think it makes a difference too that I met my SO when I was already overweight. He truly likes me how I am and does't want me to change, but I'm not happy this way so I'm doing it for me. WE have no lack of spark, in fact sometimes too much spark and I worry that will change when I change. But hoping for the best!!

If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

Have to disagree, as his belly is a factor in some of OUR problems right now. We have both always been overweight but when a person lets themselves go to the point where you can't have sex in certain positions, it is taxing on the relationship. The same few positions get boring eventually. If a couple is content with having sex the same way every time, then I have real pity for their sex life.

My husband and I have basically told each other that if either one of us lets our selves go and we get really fat and out of shape then it's a deal breaker and it's grounds for divorce. My husband wasn't fat when I married him and vice versa. I know that if he became very fat or obese that I would no longer be attracted to him.

I exercise and keep myself fit for him as much as for myself. I want him to be attracted to me.

yes it plays a role, I was 180 when we met and went upto 215 and got depressed, I am now down to 150ish. When I gained the weight it did not bother him at all but when I lost it it did bother him and he felt insecure.

I had a similar experience as Shellie - some men are insecure and not only that, in my case, the man wanted to be in control. So on one hand he would say to me that I need to lose a bunch of weight, and once I started and was really taking off, I gained the confidence and respect in myself, which he really did not like, and told me to please stop dieting and exercising and to gain weight again. It was that straight forward. I still shake my head, what a mindf**k.

. I mean, it's not the weight that is the issue, it is insecurity that ruins it, especially if a partner can't handle the changes that the other person is making. In that case, the relationship was not built on a very solid foundation to begin with.