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Can letting yourself go ruin a relationship?

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  • Viva_Karina
    Viva_Karina Posts: 398 Member
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    bump
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    Depends on how far they let themselves go... As someone else said, declining/bad hygeine would be more of a turn off to me than someone putting on some weight. I can deal with a little chub (hehe) but not stinky BO.

    Either way, a strong healthy relationship shouldn't just end because someone is letting themselves go. As tough as it may be, if something is bothering you about your partner enough that you're thinking of ending the relationship then it's time to have a good heart to heart and be honest with them. If we're talking weight, it may not even be so much about the lack of atraction as it is the health concerns.

    My Hubs was still sexy when he was 30 pounds heavier but I was starting to get concerned about his health between the fast food and the more sedentary job he had at the time. I never brought it up as a full on discussion but made sure I shared my concerns and knowledge about healthier eating with him when the subject came up. Thankfully he started taking some of my advice and made changes and is doing a lot better. He'll never be a health nut but he's getting healthier and that's what matters most to me.
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    How far is too far letting yourself go tho? A couple of stones? A couple of stone on someone naturally say 8 stone isn't a massive amount.... 14 stone on same person is a massive change. When peoples weight changes EITHER way (as in the lose or gain) inevitably it does alter the way they view the world and the way they act, talk and the esteem and ultimately their personality.
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
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    How far is too far letting yourself go tho? A couple of stones? A couple of stone on someone naturally say 8 stone isn't a massive amount.... 14 stone on same person is a massive change. When peoples weight changes EITHER way (as in the lose or gain) inevitably it does alter the way they view the world and the way they act, talk and the esteem and ultimately their personality.

    I agree
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
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    Well it can ruin your sex life, so it can ruin your relationship.


    Me, I will be 90 years old wearing a push up bra, high heels, nails done.
  • CrazyCatLadylovescats
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    I guess I have to ask some questions. What if it wasn't "letting yourself go" but was due to other factors that you gained weight? What if as a couple you decide to start a family and end up putting on a lot of weight during pregnancy? What if you were in an accident of some sort that meant that exercise was limited and before you figured out how many calories you needed on your now restricted movement, you gained a lot of weight?

    Sure, all things being equal, if you had been exercising and then stop, that certainly isn't fair to your body, and partner could legitly say " you are letting yourself go." But if you are pregnant, or have a baby or preschooler (and limited funds or partner unmotivated to watch the baby) exercising may not be possible. This is NOT the same thing as "letting yourself go" as the motivation may be there but other needs take a higher priority, such as caring for baby, breastfeeding, getting sleep, and a whole host of other things.
  • CorvusCorax77
    CorvusCorax77 Posts: 2,536 Member
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    You should be physically appealing to your partner.

    So are you planning on trading her in for a newer model when she gets too old for ya????

    Seriously.

    Life happens people.
  • CorvusCorax77
    CorvusCorax77 Posts: 2,536 Member
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    Well it can ruin your sex life, so it can ruin your relationship.


    Me, I will be 90 years old wearing a push up bra, high heels, nails done.

    that's a scene right outta this:

    http://youtu.be/BR4yQFZK9YM
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,473 Member
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    sadly YES!!!!!!!!!
  • Anthonydaman
    Anthonydaman Posts: 854 Member
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    It shouldn't, but it does
  • Keegansmum6
    Keegansmum6 Posts: 193 Member
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    When in a relationship that is based on the complete persons involved, no. But if one allows to "let themselves go" beyond the health factor, absolutely.

    As I always say...take care of yourself, and everything else falls into place.



    This =)
  • rodafer
    rodafer Posts: 63
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    Sure it can ruin a relationship. Strong or not. I let myself go after I got married and I can totally see how it would ruin one. Mine is solid, but I spend a lot more time in the gym now, a lot more time planning meals and prepping food that could be spend with my fit husband. Thankfully, he rocks!
  • exquisitecadavre
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    When I met my fiance a bit over three years ago I was about 20lbs smaller than I am now, which is still a lot bigger than I was before! And, I am the biggest girl he has ever dated seriously/dated at all.

    I'm lucky enough that he loves me now (+20lbs from our original meeting), but he does support me 100% and he is also trying to get a bit healthier.

    However! I response to the actual question, I think letting yourself go can ruin a relationship, but perhaps not from the "Is he/she still attracted to you" but rather from the "I think I look horrible" and all sex/intimacy stops. For instance, even though I was bigger when I met him, 20lbs did a lot to my self esteem as it brought me up a pantsize and shirt size. We went from being intimate several times a week to being sexually intimate maybe a few times a month, if even. And not for his lack of trying.

    =]
  • abrewer563
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    This one is tough for me, I started dating my fiance in 10th grade and weighed a whopping 90 pounds... gradually (like any growing adult) I've gained weight thru the years and I'm now 121 at 5' 1''. I'm definitely heavier than I want/should be, but I know I'll never be the size 00 I was when we started dating.

    Honestly, since I've gained weight he's seemingly more attracted to me, probably because I actually have curves and I'm not under weight anymore, and because we've grown closer thru the years. I think the biggest thing is making sure you feel good about yourself. At my current weight I don't feel good about myself and that reflects in my relationship because I'm more insecure and feel less sexy which he knows, and hates. When I make comments about my weight he always tells me how it's such a turn off... so in a sense yes letting yourself go can ruin a relationship but it's important for all parties to remain realistic that your body will change with life. Feeling good about yourself should be the main focus and that will show thru in your relationship.
  • celestialbadger
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    If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

    This is a fantasy.

    Not in my experience.
  • FightTheFrump
    FightTheFrump Posts: 54 Member
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    Exactly.

    If you want to believe it go ahead. Just realize most men will disagree and you are likely setting yourself up for eventual disappointment.

    Some men and some women will disagree, yes. Maybe even many of them. Those are not the people I would or will date.

    My thoughts exactly. Taking care of yourself is sexy. But if your partner wants to bail because you gained some weight, the relationship probably isn't all that fantastic. (That being said, I suppose it also depends on your definition of "letting yourself go." Good hygiene is a must.)
  • Ta2dchic20
    Ta2dchic20 Posts: 376 Member
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    I can honestly say it can. I gained 30+ pounds after my boyfriend and I started dating. Mostly due to stress in my life and an injury that left me off my feet for a couple months. I didn't love me so much anymore. I started getting jealous in situations where I normally wouldn't, I was over sensitive and insecure. Of course even though he didn't say it, I still think the weight gain was a turn off for him, he hardly ever complimented me anymore. One thing led to another, we got in a big fight and I decided that I was going to get into shape for me because I used to like me. No matter what happens in my relationship, I will still have me. Now that I've lost weight, he tells me he thinks I'm beautiful, even calls me tiny.
  • kinsellae
    kinsellae Posts: 167 Member
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    Such different lifestyles can make things so difficult.
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
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    Well it can ruin your sex life, so it can ruin your relationship.


    Me, I will be 90 years old wearing a push up bra, high heels, nails done.

    that's a scene right outta this:

    http://youtu.be/BR4yQFZK9YM

    Yea - no.
  • footiechick82
    footiechick82 Posts: 1,203 Member
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    This happened to my best friend and her highschool sweetheart... she was always thin and fairly active. He got fat... I mean like gross fat. She wasn't attracted to him anymore and told him he needed to do something about it, but he refused. He constantly wanted intimacy and she told him no. She thought he was disgusting when he was naked. Eventually she had enough and ended their engagement. After they ended things, he started going to the gym and lost the weight and became even more attractive then he was when they met, haha.

    She just had my godson last October and put on weight. Her husband is crazy fit and she was able to drop most of the weight in the past year, she put effort in and he helped.

    I don't think I could be with someone who just stopped caring about themselves. I keep my butt in shape and work my butt off, therefore, my significant other should do the same... and he does! lol