If the Groom doesn't/didn't want a wedding

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  • KatieJane83
    KatieJane83 Posts: 2,002 Member
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    Ee62fWd.jpg

    truth

    this is just full of awesome.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,669 Member
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    Not to hijack my own thread, but at my wedding of 300 people, there were probably about 180 there that I hadn't seen in a long, long, time (I was either a baby or like 8 years old) or even knew. Heh, mothers and mothers in law invite everyone...................

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
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    If this is her first wedding, I understand her point. All little girls dream of a fairytale wedding, where they become cinderella. She looks at her future husband as Prince Charming and she wants to be the belle of the ball.

    No, not all little girls. I never dreamed of my wedding. My husband, as fantastic as he is, is not Prince Charming and I did not want to be belle of the ball nor Cinderella. Our wedding was about us, what we wanted.

    I agree with those talking about compromise, it is pretty important to a relationship. Its kinda hard to judge this situation without knowing his side as well.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    Not to hijack my own thread, but at my wedding of 300 people, there were probably about 180 there that I hadn't seen in a long, long, time (I was either a baby or like 8 years old) or even knew. Heh, mothers and mothers in law invite everyone...................

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    is that a plus or a minus?
  • Lucassvg
    Lucassvg Posts: 190 Member
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    Would you marry/had married him? A client of mine is upset that her fiancee only wants to have a civil ceremony and no wedding. It's not a money issue, they both make more than enough to have a huge wedding if they want. My understanding is that the fiancee feels that only they (along with their parents as witnesses) need to be present to for their vows. No need for a spectacle which is how he feels about weddings. He's willing to have a great honeymoon though (which is a 1 month European trip).
    She has said that if he feels this way now and won't compromise, that he may not be the one to marry. Thoughts?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition


    It is about the people getting married and not the guests, but it is also a celebration of a union. I wasn't that bothered about having a huge wedding (29 years ago) but my father wanted his daughter to have a big day and we went along with his wishes.

    This should have been discussed even before the engagement. There is going to be one unhappy bride and I bet her parents will also feel the same.

    I have a 27 year old daughter and I am looking forward to the day she walks down the ailse.
  • AsellusReborn
    AsellusReborn Posts: 1,112 Member
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    What sets this off for me isn't that he doesn't want a wedding - it's that he knows she does and won't compromise at all. That would have me asking, do I want to spend the rest of my life with a man who will never meet me in the middle?

    As for the wedding itself, I could care less. My wedding was in a community center and I catered in chinese. It was awesome, 40 people, and including my dress and the tux rental less than $500. It was what I wanted and my husband didn't cre.
  • RunDoozer
    RunDoozer Posts: 1,699 Member
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    One of the few days that I say just let the woman have what she wants. Or you'll never hear the end of it.
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
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    What sets this off for me isn't that he doesn't want a wedding - it's that he knows she does and won't compromise at all. That would have me asking, do I want to spend the rest of my life with a man who will never meet me in the middle?

    I'm pretty sure a civil ceremony is still a "wedding".
  • Lucassvg
    Lucassvg Posts: 190 Member
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    One of the few days that I say just let the woman have what she wants. Or you'll never hear the end of it.


    I agree.
  • Jaulen
    Jaulen Posts: 468 Member
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    What sets this off for me isn't that he doesn't want a wedding - it's that he knows she does and won't compromise at all. That would have me asking, do I want to spend the rest of my life with a man who will never meet me in the middle?

    .



    Poor Potential Groom to Be!

    Everyone heaping on him since HE won't compromise with her for the big day.

    Sounds like it's just as true for her.

    Compromise means 'you give some, I give some'.

    And if she can't compromise, she's just as at fault as he is.
  • Crystle85
    Crystle85 Posts: 48
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    Ee62fWd.jpg

    truth

    this is just full of awesome.

    :laugh: This.

    I'd already be married if we weren't so anti social and against stupid pointless social events, instead I have to keep referring to him as my "boyfriend" after 12 years together because we both think having a big wedding is so stupid. I'm thinking maybe we'll get married this year because my driver's license is up for renewal and it'd be cheaper to get it renewed with a new name rather than paying for it as extra.
  • amberlykay1014
    amberlykay1014 Posts: 608 Member
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    Since when is the wedding about the ceremony and not the marriage?! Sounds like this chick doesn't really want to get married.
  • AsellusReborn
    AsellusReborn Posts: 1,112 Member
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    What sets this off for me isn't that he doesn't want a wedding - it's that he knows she does and won't compromise at all. That would have me asking, do I want to spend the rest of my life with a man who will never meet me in the middle?

    I'm pretty sure a civil ceremony is still a "wedding".

    My take on the OP was that he wanted to just go to civil hall and get married. My father and stepmom did that and said they did it because they didn't want to spend money on a wedding. To me, civil hall is getting married rather than having a wedding. If I misinterpreted and he wants a small civil ceremony wedding, than I apologize and retract my opinion. My wedding was a tiny civil ceremony - a friend's mother married us - and like I said, we had chinese. So let's be clear on what we're talking about here - it's possible I misinterpreted here, but it's just as possible you did.



    What sets this off for me isn't that he doesn't want a wedding - it's that he knows she does and won't compromise at all. That would have me asking, do I want to spend the rest of my life with a man who will never meet me in the middle?

    .



    Poor Potential Groom to Be!

    Everyone heaping on him since HE won't compromise with her for the big day.

    Sounds like it's just as true for her.

    Compromise means 'you give some, I give some'.

    And if she can't compromise, she's just as at fault as he is.


    If he won't budge at all, how can she compromise? If my read on the OP is right, he won't budge on no wedding at all. I agree with you, both parties should compromise - but it sounds like him getting his way and her doing all the compromising.
  • EstiloPanama
    EstiloPanama Posts: 245
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    I think it's okay to not have a big wedding. It is honestly a huge waste of money that could be invested in better things. My fiance and I are getting married in late July. We plan to have just parents, siblings, and one of my good friends there. So maximum? Fifteen people...at most. It's going to be simple, fun, sweet, and there will be food. A small affair is sensible, realistic and also probably demonstrates responsibility. Lots of time, those involved in the process of the actual wedding forget to work on the marriage. Weddings are nice and everything, even extravagant ones, but if the foundation is made of sand as opposed to cement, it will not stand the tests of time. If she wants to leave just because he doesn't want a big wedding, that says a lot of negative things about her. If he is trying to have an awesome honeymoon, that means he is more concerned about THEM then he is about impressing others. But it seems she is more concerned with what everyone else thinks. And that WILL become a huge problem later on down the road.
  • KathrynCatlady
    KathrynCatlady Posts: 86 Member
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    Phew.

    This.is.what's.wrong.with.women.and.weddings.

    It becomes about the spectacle and not the actual 'institution'.

    I'd find her finacee and tell him to run.

    Let's not generalize.

    I am a woman, and I'd be perfectly happy to have a man/woman who wanted to focus on US and what the vows mean (and hey, the long honeymoon don't hurt!), and not so much with throwing a lavish party for every friend and distant family member we have ever known or met. I find the big extravagant weddings to distract from what it's all about. Plus... the stress? NO THANKS.
  • SloRunner25
    SloRunner25 Posts: 89 Member
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    A wedding lasts one day. A marriage is every day after that.

    Make sure you choose the one based on the rest of your life, not one day. :flowerforyou:
  • MrsPong
    MrsPong Posts: 580 Member
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    My husband didn't really want a wedding, most people in the military don't. (He also just got back from Iraq and we had a 3 month old and he wanted to get life started ASAP...)
    BUT we did compromise.... it was a small(er) wedding and it was done 6 weeks AFTER our engagement. 100 guests tops and it was done at a Hall, the whole thing. The cermeony and the reception. So it was not a big deal with going from here or there... We also didnt have a photographer, I felt the cost was insane and what do you do with all your pictures? You put them away... We got nice ones from family and friends... but I kind of regret not having one because I don't have many pics of my grandparents with me at the wedding.

    I didnt have a huge dress, I had a very simple classy one. The bridesmaids picked a simple black dress on their own and the groomsmen had their Dress Blues on like my husband did.

    I'm happy with how everything turned out and wouldnt of changed it. He compromised for me... we had a little wedding and I compromised for him, we did it within 6 weeks so we could get our life started asap.
  • packratpatty
    packratpatty Posts: 46 Member
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    This couple better get straight on this or one of them will never hear the end of it. Maybe they don't really belong together if this is a point of contention. What are they going to do when something REALLY important comes up in thier marriage if they cannot even agree about this? What's the big deal of spending a bunch of money on something so private? Are you trying to flaunt your wealth or what? When I got married, I didn't want any froo froo at all and neither did he. I told the judge "just say the minimal thing required by law and let me get the hell out of here" We didn't exchange rings or anythng else. We did it after work and I grabbed two ladies in the hall to be the witnesses.

    I look at the $700 prom dresses in my friend's daughter's closets. The ones that were worn one time. The ones that caused so much angst. I see the stacks of wedding photos that are in boxes in my friends closets, the ones with the $2000 photographer. What a waste of money and time. Tell this couple to get their heads out of their *kitten* and start enjoying the things that really matter, like time with friends and family and not some six hour ordeal that is the biggest chunk of wasted money either of them will ever have. Use that money and take thier parents to dinner every week for a year. They will never regret THAT.
  • Crystle85
    Crystle85 Posts: 48
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    A wedding lasts one day. A marriage is every day after that.

    Make sure you choose the one based on the rest of your life, not one day. :flowerforyou:

    :flowerforyou:
  • PomegranatePriestess
    PomegranatePriestess Posts: 2,455 Member
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    I wanted all the people who love both of us there all at once for once in our lives... Let's face it, the only other time that will happen, one or both of us will not be alive to see it.

    I didn't want anything "lavish" so we went with an outdoor wedding in August and had the reception right there; a friend was getting into DJing weddings so we hired her as our DJ, we had a local BBQ place cater it. We also had Ben & Jerry's come and do an ice cream sundae bar, which everyone loved. Many people told me it was the best wedding they had ever attended.

    My point is that we don't know why this woman wants to have more than just the groom and their parents at the wedding, so we shouldn't assume it's about making a "spectacle" rather than just making it special.

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