it's 2013, why are women playing mother to their husbands?

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Replies

  • OkieTink
    OkieTink Posts: 285 Member
    Why worry about what goes on in other peoples relationships? Live & let live.

    Sheesh.
  • iAMsmiling
    iAMsmiling Posts: 2,394 Member
    I do NOT understand.
    I get it if he works late, and you are home earlier or stay at home. What I DO NOT get is making two separate meals, or even more for kids. Eating healthy should be a great new plan for the whole family.

    You are not your husbands mother.

    http://youareagrownman.com/2010/07/21/know-how-to-cook/
    http://*****ielife.necole*****ie.com/2011/03/stop-coddling-grown-men/

    Kids should learn early to enjoy and like healthy food; or it's a vicious cycle. They will have trouble liking them later in life.
    Try starting a husband who can't on something like this
    http://www.amazon.com/Paula-Deens-My-First-Cookbook/dp/1416950338/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1360038617&sr=8-4&keywords=my+first+cookbook
    or
    http://www.amazon.com/Man-Can-Plan-Great-Meals/dp/1579546072/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1360038663&sr=1-2&keywords=my+first+cookbook+microwave

    I'm sorry.


    I forgive you. Now quit mothering all of us.

    My ex wife told me to quit mothering her...at least, that's what it sounded like from under the pillow.
  • OkieTink
    OkieTink Posts: 285 Member

    My ex wife told me to quit mothering her...at least, that's what it sounded like from under the pillow.

    LOL!
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    I don't know what "women" you are talking about as I didn't read this entire thread.... yet.... but uh... I don't cook multiple meals... I don't have time for that.
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
    Not a cool story.
  • darkguardian419
    darkguardian419 Posts: 1,302 Member
    He pays the bills, you do everything else. Deal with it. ;)
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
    My husband can not cook at all and I can guarantee you that he has no desire to ever learn how! If I don't feel like cooking, he grabs the jar of peanut butter and a spoon. Or a bowl of cereal. Or a microwaveable. Whatever, it doesn't bother me so I'm not sure why it bothers you. :shrug:


    This, plus I LOVE to cook. Mine doesn't expect it, but I like doing it. And if I don't, it's PB for him and that's ok with both of us.
  • pebbs80
    pebbs80 Posts: 102
    My husband eats what ever I make. If he wants something more he's a big dude he can make it.
    He LOVES my cooking and has been learning to cook from me. We now make 1-2 meals a week together and then he makes atleast 1-2 meals a week on his own for us. I'm blessed that he is so willing to learn.
  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
    I cook most days as I work part time, we have 2 young kids, and my husband does shift work. When my husband's on late shift he gets something at work, or he makes himself a sandwich or something when he gets home (about 10pm). Sometimes I save him something if it's worth saving!

    He's excellent at cooking, better than I am, but I am more organised, and I do most of the shopping so plan the meals. If we're having curry or stir fry, it's his job to make it!

    Our kids eat what we do, unless we're having a really spicy thai curry, then i'll make them a jacket potato and tuna instead.
  • runwmeNC
    runwmeNC Posts: 612 Member
    Who are you even directing this toward?

    My husband does all the cooking in our house. He loves to cook and I hate it.
    Every day there is at least a couple threads of women saying their husbands can't cook....

    I love cooking!!! Now I just need to find a woman who can stomach eating it ! :D
  • TheCaren
    TheCaren Posts: 894 Member
    My husband can cook, he was single for 12+ years before I married him. I just don't want to eat it unless it came off the barbecue (his specialty for sure). We have different tastes. I do pretty much all of the cooking that isn't barbecue. And I loathe cooking. And he's a great sport and doesn't care when I declare I'm not cooking and we go out to eat. Or he offers to barbecue something.

    Oh and he eats whatever I cook. I take his likes/dislikes into consideration and blend them with mine. That's what being a family is to me.

    That being said. Every couple needs to do what works for them. If she does all the cooking and he mows the lawn and takes out the garbage, who cares? I'm certainly not going to start fighting for the opportunity to mow the front yard. If she's okay cooking separate meals to meet the needs of her family, and she isn't resentful about it, who cares? To each his/her own.
  • IkirPaulson
    IkirPaulson Posts: 40 Member
    My husband loves to cook… but he stays away from vegetables for the most part. Unless it's onions and mushrooms sautéed in bacon fat. Or asparagus spears wrapped in bacon. OR jalapeños stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped in bacon.

    You win some, you lose some.
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
    This is why I dislike feminists. If you ladies want to fix the cars, take out the garbage and do all the other "traditional man" roles while your husband does the cooking and cleaning... that's your decision. But you don't have the right to call marriages where the couple enjoy traditional roles a mother/child relationship. There is absolutely nothing child like about my husband.

    If someone has told you that is what feminism is about, they're lying to you. It's about having an equal role in society. So not a total role reversal.

    Rumour has it I'm a bit of a feminist, but one of my best friends is an active, goes to meetings, goes to protests kind of feminist. And do you know what? She does a lot of the cooking. She can also take out rubbish (really? That's a man job? I never knew that) and do other traditionally masculine things. Feminism isn't about telling others what to do, or swapping gender roles, it's about BOTH genders having the right to equal choices. And that includes who cooks.

    Edit: Yeah, going to meetings makes you a feminist :tongue:

    you give me lady wood. just so ya know.
  • nld410
    nld410 Posts: 36 Member
    I ma
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
    This is why I dislike feminists. If you ladies want to fix the cars, take out the garbage and do all the other "traditional man" roles while your husband does the cooking and cleaning... that's your decision. But you don't have the right to call marriages where the couple enjoy traditional roles a mother/child relationship. There is absolutely nothing child like about my husband.

    We have been together since high school (24 years) and have a wonderful marriage. I do the cooking, cleaning, etc. while he does the dirty stuff and heavy lifting. If i even attempt to take out the garbage he's all over it. He owns his own company and i do the bookwork from home. It amounts to about 20 hours a week of paperwork... I spend the rest of my time keeping a nice home for him and am happy to do it because it makes him happy. Just as he is happy to work long hours doing physically demanding labour to make sure he can give me and our daughters everything we could possibly need. He is very proud to say that he takes good care of his family financially (university tuition for our daughters and a very comfortable life style). That makes him feel good, just as it makes me feel good to keep our home nice and hubby fed. He doesn't know how to cook and I don't know how to change a breaker in the electrical panel or fix the furnace. That's why we have each other.

    I think relationships where each person cares about the others happiness above their own are the ones that last. It makes no difference how you go about getting there and how the division of labour is done. Selfishness is what kills relationships. Perhaps if women (and men) asked themselves what they could do for their partner each day to make them happy, instead of taking foolish stands on principle, the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

    Bravo! Excellent post!
  • nld410
    nld410 Posts: 36 Member
    I'm going to assume you don't have kids and you're not married.

    I made the same assumption.
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
    I like doing most of the cooking. I can measure what's going on and calorie count it. I wouldn't cook my partner separate meals, he can just have bigger portions. As for the kids o try to get them to eat healthyish... But I accept that they don't want a plate that is 60% green veggies! Have to wonder at this point if you have kids yourself?

    My partner is a good cook, he cooks for me at least one day a week.. But I enjoy the cooking, the calorie counting and knowing I've prepared him a much healthier meal than he would have prepared... He fills and empties the dish washer. Just because you do most of the cooking, Doesn't mean your being their mother! It means I'm in charge of my macros! Just the way I like it!
  • _Witsy_
    _Witsy_ Posts: 609 Member
    Other peoples choices behind their front door do not concern me.
  • nld410
    nld410 Posts: 36 Member
    This is why I dislike feminists. If you ladies want to fix the cars, take out the garbage and do all the other "traditional man" roles while your husband does the cooking and cleaning... that's your decision. But you don't have the right to call marriages where the couple enjoy traditional roles a mother/child relationship. There is absolutely nothing child like about my husband.

    We have been together since high school (24 years) and have a wonderful marriage. I do the cooking, cleaning, etc. while he does the dirty stuff and heavy lifting. If i even attempt to take out the garbage he's all over it. He owns his own company and i do the bookwork from home. It amounts to about 20 hours a week of paperwork... I spend the rest of my time keeping a nice home for him and am happy to do it because it makes him happy. Just as he is happy to work long hours doing physically demanding labour to make sure he can give me and our daughters everything we could possibly need. He is very proud to say that he takes good care of his family financially (university tuition for our daughters and a very comfortable life style). That makes him feel good, just as it makes me feel good to keep our home nice and hubby fed. He doesn't know how to cook and I don't know how to change a breaker in the electrical panel or fix the furnace. That's why we have each other.

    I think relationships where each person cares about the others happiness above their own are the ones that last. It makes no difference how you go about getting there and how the division of labour is done. Selfishness is what kills relationships. Perhaps if women (and men) asked themselves what they could do for their partner each day to make them happy, instead of taking foolish stands on principle, the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

    Bravo! Excellent post!
  • sds76
    sds76 Posts: 215 Member
    every marriage is different and what happens in ones marriage shouldn't be of concern to another person. I love to "take care" of my husband. I do all the cooking, cleaning and I am the primary care giver for our 5 children. I even go one step further and lay my husbands clothes out for work the night before and pack his lunch. Does he expect this of me? NO! Does he make me do it or do I feel like I HAVE to? NO!. It's just the way I am and he is fine with that.
    He is a wonderful father and a wonderful husband. He works hard to take care of us and spends plenty of family time with us. And he still helps out too. We've had 4 of 5 of our kids sick for the last 5 days so yesterday he did all the laundry for me and I was greatly appreciative.
    Every marriage has its own "roles", if it doesn't match yours it doesn't mean it is bad.
  • chels0722
    chels0722 Posts: 465 Member
    I always cook something healthy, and I tell him if he doesn't want it than he can make his own damn food. I'm not here to "make him a sammich" whenever he desires. He eats what I put in front of him or he has to fend for himself.

    Edit: I won't leave it on that sounding like a bit**. I do treat him and take care of him like I should and because I want to. I just grew up in a house where pickyness wasn't tolerated. If I didn't like something, I didn't get to eat. So if he doesn't like something I expect him to be an adult about it and either shut his mouth or fix something himself. Both of which he is capable of doing.
  • trishmce
    trishmce Posts: 59
    My husband can't cook and has tried but the fire department came so there is no more of that! When we got married 23 years ago we made a deal I cook he cleans. I am a messy cook, I make a from scratch hot meal every night after work and on the weekends. Then I walk away. He cleans it all up. I love to cook but hate to clean so we are both very happy with this arrangement. He would go out and get me any take out I wanted but I have gluten issues and prefer to control what goes into our family's bodies.
  • nld410
    nld410 Posts: 36 Member
    This is why I dislike feminists. If you ladies want to fix the cars, take out the garbage and do all the other "traditional man" roles while your husband does the cooking and cleaning... that's your decision. But you don't have the right to call marriages where the couple enjoy traditional roles a mother/child relationship. There is absolutely nothing child like about my husband.

    We have been together since high school (24 years) and have a wonderful marriage. I do the cooking, cleaning, etc. while he does the dirty stuff and heavy lifting. If i even attempt to take out the garbage he's all over it. He owns his own company and i do the bookwork from home. It amounts to about 20 hours a week of paperwork... I spend the rest of my time keeping a nice home for him and am happy to do it because it makes him happy. Just as he is happy to work long hours doing physically demanding labour to make sure he can give me and our daughters everything we could possibly need. He is very proud to say that he takes good care of his family financially (university tuition for our daughters and a very comfortable life style). That makes him feel good, just as it makes me feel good to keep our home nice and hubby fed. He doesn't know how to cook and I don't know how to change a breaker in the electrical panel or fix the furnace. That's why we have each other.

    I think relationships where each person cares about the others happiness above their own are the ones that last. It makes no difference how you go about getting there and how the division of labour is done. Selfishness is what kills relationships. Perhaps if women (and men) asked themselves what they could do for their partner each day to make them happy, instead of taking foolish stands on principle, the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

    Bravo! Excellent post!

    I agree with your sentiments that there is nothing wrong with traditional roles. I am a stay at home mom, by the way, and I love it. I feel honored and am COMPLETELY happy with this choice. I do the cooking, pay the bills, the grocery shopping, the laundry, we share the cleaning and I take care of the baby while my husband works. BUT he helps out when he can and gets up at night to help while I feed the baby. That being said. I consider myself a feminist. A feminist is someone who believes that women have the same rights as men. A man can be a feminist. In fact, I think my husband is definitely a feminist. He respects me, and I him. Feminism means that I have a right to choose my role and I choose the traditional one.
  • WhoTheHellIsBen
    WhoTheHellIsBen Posts: 1,238 Member
    I'd let a woman cook for me but it's hard to do when I'm so damn good at it:drinker:
    hot dogs + sharp cheddar + lean hamburg + Thick cut hickory bacon + Sweet Baby rays bbq sauce + TURTLE BURGERS!

    turtleburger_zpsd3c3ca9c.jpg

    made mac n cheese with bacon bits stuffed jalapeno meatloaf wrapped in apple cider cured BACON!! It...was...epic!!!!

    BACONLoaf_zps388e4620.jpg

    now kneel before Zod!
  • lewcompton
    lewcompton Posts: 881 Member
    There is a natural, equitable distribution of work in any healthy relationship and there is a natural inequality when an unhealthy relationship exists. In my home, I cook. I am very good at it and I am also home first from work. I also leave first in the morning and cook breakfast as well. My wife does the dishes. If they are content with what roles they have taken then who cares what each does. Some women are naturally more prone to not only doing the "mothering role" but they are also complaining about the distribution of work in their relationship not because of a "chauvinist" husband, but because they don't have a healthy relationship and are in fact enablers and are allowing their husbands to dump on them. Take the feminist attitude away and evaluate the complete situation and you will find more often than not a woman that is facilitating a codependent relationship and a man that is happy to be in one. Neither one is exclusively at fault and yet each is profoundly more at fault than they choose to admit.
  • kristinlc88
    kristinlc88 Posts: 63 Member
    My boyfriend and I split the responsibility. Although I do the cooking most nights, he does all the dishes.
    If he cooks, I do the dishes. It works out well for the both of us.

    When it comes to cooking separate meals, we've just kind of compromised. He wants burgers, I don't want to eat beef, so I've figured out a turkey burger that he's willing to eat, and he really likes it.
    He's been open and willing to switch to ground turkey in any of the recipes that he cooks as well.
    It's all about compromise.

    Some days on the weekends I'm feeling nice and I'll make him lunch while I make mine. It's always completely different from what I'm making, but I really don't mind. He doesn't ask a lot of me, so doing him little favors like that makes me feel good.
  • RobfromLakewood
    RobfromLakewood Posts: 684
    I found this post very offensive. I allow my wife to pick what she'll be cooking for me, almost 1/2 the time. I give her three warnings for any mistakes she makes before I deduct from her allowance. When we go out in public, I give her two, sometimes even three options to pick from before she dresses. When she's not feeling well, I let her off from her chores for up to 24 hours (granted she has a doctor's note).

    The OP makes no sense to me, either her home lacks the structure I have put into my home or she doesn't have a reasonable husband like myself.
  • WhoTheHellIsBen
    WhoTheHellIsBen Posts: 1,238 Member
    not to point out the obvious but a grown woman dipped in manic panic using the words Morgue and Babe in her name is ranting about men not acting mature. I'll just set this down right here for you to all stew over for a bit
  • elothen
    elothen Posts: 155 Member
    If the OP is unhappy with her situation she needs to change it rather than project her issues on to everyone else. If you look at the replies, there are a ton of different ways couples handle meals and it's their business how they choose to live.
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,733 Member
    not to point out the obvious but a grown woman dipped in manic panic using the words Morgue and Babe in her name is ranting about men not acting mature. I'll just set this down right here for you to all stew over for a bit

    1) tempted to start a thread entitled, "it's 2013, why are women getting all up in my business?".
    2) decides against it.

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