it's 2013, why are women playing mother to their husbands?

I'm not the best domestic woman in the world. My fiance and I share the chores, I do try to do more of them than him, as I am staying home with our son right now and he is working. But we do both cook and clean. If I cook dinner, he has kitchen duty and vice versa. And he is expected to clean up after himself. I do all the laundry and the rest of the cleaning. But that's what works for us. If I have a busy time with the baby and exercise, he will help pick up the slack without too much complaining. I'm lucky to have someone who's not old fashioned

having traditional gender roles in your relationship is not a feminist issue. jebus!

Having the choice & right to say no to doing them is.

It is not.................but I get a lot of flack from people because I get up at 5 am to fix my us breakfast and pack my husbands lunch when most people think I should still be in bed sleeping.................

I like to make sure my husband gets through the day without being hungry and is eating pretty healthy.

It is things like this that I do that many women tell me I am setting the women's movement back many years..........

It makes no sense to me.

I totally get this!! My hubby worked a 16 hour day (he's a plumber and we had a cold snap that led to a lot of frozen pipes) and got home at midnight. Then he had to go fix something on our furnace. So at midnight I got up (I was awake anyways) and cooked him some dinner while he was in the basement. I didn't do it because it was my job, I did it because I love him and he was cold and exhausted and needed a hot meal. Then I got criticized by my "feminist" friend the next day who was utterly "shocked" that I would get up in the middle of the night to cook a meal. Funny though, she didn't say I should have fixed the furnace myself.

Ok, so this is what I mean. I'm a feminist, I don't think she's setting anything back, If that's what works for her, so long as she has the opportunity to chose if that's her role, then good on her for doing what works for them as a couple.

From reading this, I think people are meeting a lot of man hating and kind of mean so called feminists!

I think you are right. I believe in equal rights/pay etc, for men & women. However, I would not call myself a feminist because I do not want to be associated with those types of women that criticize others. I know that fundamentally, you are right in your definition of feminism, but in society (at least where some of the other posters and I live) the so called "feminists" are very critical of others decisions. Perhaps it's because the majority of women who believe in equal rights don't refer to themselves as feminists where I live. Because of my personal experience, the term has a very negative image in my mind. Right or wrong, our experiences are what form our opinions.

having traditional gender roles in your relationship is not a feminist issue. jebus!

Having the choice & right to say no to doing them is.

It is not.................but I get a lot of flack from people because I get up at 5 am to fix my us breakfast and pack my husbands lunch when most people think I should still be in bed sleeping.................

I like to make sure my husband gets through the day without being hungry and is eating pretty healthy.

It is things like this that I do that many women tell me I am setting the women's movement back many years..........

It makes no sense to me.

I totally get this!! My hubby worked a 16 hour day (he's a plumber and we had a cold snap that led to a lot of frozen pipes) and got home at midnight. Then he had to go fix something on our furnace. So at midnight I got up (I was awake anyways) and cooked him some dinner while he was in the basement. I didn't do it because it was my job, I did it because I love him and he was cold and exhausted and needed a hot meal. Then I got criticized by my "feminist" friend the next day who was utterly "shocked" that I would get up in the middle of the night to cook a meal. Funny though, she didn't say I should have fixed the furnace myself.

Ok, so this is what I mean. I'm a feminist, I don't think she's setting anything back, If that's what works for her, so long as she has the opportunity to chose if that's her role, then good on her for doing what works for them as a couple.

From reading this, I think people are meeting a lot of man hating and kind of mean so called feminists!

I think you are right. I believe in equal rights/pay etc, for men & women. However, I would not call myself a feminist because I do not want to be associated with those types of women that criticize others. I know that fundamentally, you are right in your definition of feminism, but in society (at least where some of the other posters and I live) the so called "feminists" are very critical of others decisions. Perhaps it's because the majority of women who believe in equal rights don't refer to themselves as feminists where I live. Because of my personal experience, the term has a very negative image in my mind. Right or wrong, our experiences are what form our opinions.

Fair enough then, I used to think all feminists were hairy and butch til someone explained it to me, so I know where you're coming from! I think I've been lucky, I have good female role models in my group of friends, some of whom identify as feminists, so I don't see much of the criticism of everyone.

Well by definition, I don't know any women that wouldn't be considered feminists (don't know any one who wants to be under a anyone else's control, man or otherwise). It's just that all the ones I know who call themselves "feminist" say ridiculous things. I have been told it was "pathetic" that I couldn't change the oil in my own car. But like you I am a girly girl and would not want to ruin my manicure or callous my hands. I like being feminine and being treated like a woman (along with all the nice things that come along with that). I've never had the "hairy & butchy" image though... guess that just wasn't my experience LOL

I do all the cooking in our household, bar valentines day where my man does prepare all day for the event bless him. He will find a recipe online somewhere, print it out, and just for me, run to the grocery store and then do something he actually finds quite difficult. ,cook.

We both run separate businesses from home. He works longer hours than I, and he has never had to cook in his entire life. I however love cooking, I love looking after our home for the both of us, he's working! So I do the daily cleaning, and he does the man jobs at the weekend. I think it's a pretty fair relationship we have going. I work a lot less hours than he, but I work on the garden, work on the allotment a couple of miles from home, look after the animals, do the shopping, clean, cook and launder. I do all the canning every year from our allotment harvests etc. It equalises out pretty well in our eyes.