23 years old and never been in love..

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Replies

  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    At 24 you barely know yourself and who you will become, let alone trying to figure out someone else.

    Don't worry and don't rush.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
    I first fell in love at age 28. I'd had several boyfriends before that, even a live-in one and thought I loved him, but it wasn't until the real thing came along that I knew how blind I'd been. I think love is like an orgasm...if you're not sure you've had one, trust me - you haven't. You'll know.
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
    OP said "I thought I was in love, but I was really in love with the idea of being in love."

    OP, if you still think romantic comedies are a good way to tell what love is, you are still in love with the idea of love.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    At 24 you barely know yourself and who you will become, let alone trying to figure out someone else.

    Don't worry and don't rush.


    ^^^This Love is about being really patient, in all aspects of life
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
    Real love doesn't come with a script.
  • Maribel_1986
    Maribel_1986 Posts: 457 Member
    At 24 you barely know yourself and who you will become, let alone trying to figure out someone else.

    Don't worry and don't rush.

    ^^^ This :smile:
  • AhlaWahda
    AhlaWahda Posts: 189 Member
    Some of your replies are really sweet and helpful and some are just inessential and patronizing.

    I think that before you respond and quote me, you should read all that I wrote.
    And just because you haven't lost sleep or appetite over someone, that doesn't mean it's not love for someone else.
    Some of you say to me that I'm in for a surprise and that I know nothing of love, only what I've seen in movies.
    Well, you're the narrow minded ones who can't realize that people love differently. There isn't a right or wrong way to do it.

    I don't have any expectations or hopes anymore when it comes to love. I thought I made that clear as well.
    I'm definitely not a stupid blue-eyed girl who sits at home watching romantic movies and dreaming of my chivalrous prince bursting through the door. You don't know anything about me. So now I've cleared that out.

    Thank you to those who contributed with your love stories and ideas of love without being patronizing or rude.
    I started this topic to have inputs and see if there were others like me out there. It wasn't a desperate cry for help. :-)
  • icandowhateveriputmymindto
    icandowhateveriputmymindto Posts: 602 Member
    I've also fallen in love with the idea of being in love MULTIPLE times. *sigh*
  • Micahroni84
    Micahroni84 Posts: 452 Member
    Love is what comes after infatuation. After the butterflies arent a constant feeling and their bad or annoying habits you previously overlooked or thought were so cute are now irritating but you don't bail over it. You stay because they are your best friend, because you want to be a better person because of them. You know you really love some one when you are willing to put in the work that every relationship needs to stay nourished and strong.
  • sd_dilligaf
    sd_dilligaf Posts: 146 Member
    After many early loves and relationships, and now after 25 years of marriage to a wonderful woman, this is what I have learned, and really only in the context of my life:

    Love is not a feeling. Love is the minute by minute actions you take in response to another person with whom you have a relationship, partner or stranger.

    Attraction is the chemical/visual/pheromone stimulation that drives our desire for affectoin and contact.

    I know this because I have screwed it up and learned the hard way.
  • etoiles_argentees
    etoiles_argentees Posts: 2,827 Member
    Well. I must be a freak... fell in love with my first boyfriend at 3 or 4 years old. Of course he was my uncle's university friend....but he had a big bike! And a great smile. :D
    I never really fell in love until kindergarten.

    7386825824_2670cc3761.jpg
  • greyoutside
    greyoutside Posts: 98
    Dude, I fell in love at 14... he's still mine at 24. Don't worry about finding it, it finds you. I watched my mom look for love so much I seriously thought it didn't exist... aaaand then i met my husband. love feels disgusting, like you'll be physically sick if you can't be there with them, and amazing, like you are a better stronger person with them. Love hurts, like really hurts, inside your chest like you wish you could crawl inside the other person to be part of them. Its irrational, and makes you leave everything else around you for that person, it makes you a crazy crazy person...lol..just my take on it, I'm sure it sounds weird...


    EDIT: this is new love, old love is a very mild version of this, with boughs of new love in it

    That is, until you do LDR, and then you realize that you're not as codependent as your stomach would have you believe.

    The best way to know, I think, if everything is right is to do LDR for a while. If you can't handle that, your communication isn't working, and communication is everything.
  • EdwarddeVere
    EdwarddeVere Posts: 178
    Consider yourself lucky
  • Alyssa__Lauren
    Alyssa__Lauren Posts: 148 Member
    Same and I'm the same age as you. Meh :/
  • greyoutside
    greyoutside Posts: 98
    Love is what comes after infatuation. After the butterflies arent a constant feeling and their bad or annoying habits you previously overlooked or thought were so cute are now irritating but you don't bail over it. You stay because they are your best friend, because you want to be a better person because of them. You know you really love some one when you are willing to put in the work that every relationship needs to stay nourished and strong.

    THIS

    Love is what's left after all of the infatuation and all of the excitement of a new relationship wears away. Love is what you work for.
  • ReinasWrath
    ReinasWrath Posts: 1,173 Member
    love has different stages it goes through. At first who ever you're with can do no wrong and it is a little like the movies. IT is really just infatuation at that point but as you two spend more time together and get to know each other more your love will mature. I remember reading somewhere that young love will stare at each other but mature love will be looking forward together.. Hopefully that makes sense.
  • ctillman79
    ctillman79 Posts: 3 Member
    U first have 2 love urself then U'll know when ur inlove with someone else. FOOD4THOUGHT#
  • ReinasWrath
    ReinasWrath Posts: 1,173 Member
    Love is what comes after infatuation. After the butterflies arent a constant feeling and their bad or annoying habits you previously overlooked or thought were so cute are now irritating but you don't bail over it. You stay because they are your best friend, because you want to be a better person because of them. You know you really love some one when you are willing to put in the work that every relationship needs to stay nourished and strong.

    yeah here you go perfect answer!! ^
  • ctillman79
    ctillman79 Posts: 3 Member
    u HIT IT RIGHT ON THE NOSE!
  • ctillman79
    ctillman79 Posts: 3 Member
    Love is what comes after infatuation. After the butterflies arent a constant feeling and their bad or annoying habits you previously overlooked or thought were so cute are now irritating but you don't bail over it. You stay because they are your best friend, because you want to be a better person because of them. You know you really love some one when you are willing to put in the work that every relationship needs to stay nourished and strong.

    THIS

    Love is what's left after all of the infatuation and all of the excitement of a new relationship wears away. Love is what you work for.
  • TheMattyExperiment
    TheMattyExperiment Posts: 178 Member
    Haha but Nicholas Sparks seems to know a thing or two about love.. I bet he's a good husband xD

    Or he's like Jack Nicholson in "As Good As It Gets" :laugh:

    Girl- "How do you write women so well?"

    Jack- "I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability."

    *Don't worry so much about it, television and film have ruined our perceptions of what a partner is supposed to act/look like. Lust can turn into love, but even love transitions into different forms. Love is dynamic and that is a good thing :happy:
  • cbayati
    cbayati Posts: 17 Member
    I'm 20. Been there. I'm really into someone, and sometimes, I'd like to think we'd be PERFECT and maybe I do love him? But then again, I agree, love is a CHOICE. Don't base it off a feeling or you'll be disappointed. Those feelings come and go. You have to CHOOSE to love him on a day where he's treating you like garbage, where he (as always) didn't pick up after himself, or just...irritated you SO BAD but you are COMMITTED to NOT giving up on this person!
  • VanessaHeartsMasr
    VanessaHeartsMasr Posts: 727
    I think there are different kinds of love, and different levels. I was in deep love once, the kind of love you see in the movies, when I was young and stupid, and didn't know how much until it was too late. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but it's a different kind of love than what I had back then. There's love that's comfortable and safe. The kind of love you get after establishing a connection and working on a relationship, like I have with my hubby. And then there's this other kind of love. I call it soul mate love (so cliche). It's the kind of love that might not necessarily even be good for you sometimes. It's love that sometimes doesn't even make sense, but leaves you feeling like part of your soul has been ripped out. It's the kind of love that makes you ache inside, even after years of being apart, and leaves you longing and empty sometimes. That's the kind of love you are talking about. And whoever says it doesn't exist has never had it before.
  • Fozzi43
    Fozzi43 Posts: 2,984 Member
    The only love a girl can rely on is from her daddy
  • AhlaWahda
    AhlaWahda Posts: 189 Member
    I think there are different kinds of love, and different levels. I was in deep love once, the kind of love you see in the movies, when I was young and stupid, and didn't know how much until it was too late. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but it's a different kind of love than what I had back then. There's love that's comfortable and safe. The kind of love you get after establishing a connection and working on a relationship, like I have with my hubby. And then there's this other kind of love. I call it soul mate love (so cliche). It's the kind of love that might not necessarily even be good for you sometimes. It's love that sometimes doesn't even make sense, but leaves you feeling like part of your soul has been ripped out. It's the kind of love that makes you ache inside, even after years of being apart, and leaves you longing and empty sometimes. That's the kind of love you are talking about. And whoever says it doesn't exist has never had it before.

    I think this is so true! Thanks for sharing. I know a lot of people think they have monopoly of the concept of love but there are so many different kinds. I do think that the mature, safe, every day love is more common and the passionate, irrational, heart wrecking love is harder to find. Not everyone gets to experience it. I guess that's the kind of love I was talking about from the beginning. I'm sure most people will find love in the way that it grows slowly, is safe, reliable and works in the every day life. But I'd want to experience real passion, young love and not just a mature relationship. I'm more of the passionate type anyway.
    Movies are inspired by real life and I know people can feel love in that way.. I can just look at my ex.
  • Justjamie0418
    Justjamie0418 Posts: 1,065 Member
    Love doesn't suck.. but I do suck at love.

    Congrats to those that have found it! Or, it's found you rather. To the OP, I'm sure 'you'll know it when it finds you.'
  • confab151
    confab151 Posts: 299 Member
    Make a list of all the attibutes you would like in a person,

    Then work toward becoming that person on the list.

    Then love will find you.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    All this really does is what a detriment love movies, and love songs are.

    It's not reality. In reality love is just dandy. But it's not sleepless nights, or not being able to eat.

    Don't be in a hurry just enjoy life. It's not a race.
  • coliema
    coliema Posts: 7,646 Member
    Don't be in a hurry just enjoy life. It's not a race.

    This.
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
    All this really does is what a detriment love movies, and love songs are.

    It's not reality. In reality love is just dandy. But it's not sleepless nights, or not being able to eat.

    Don't be in a hurry just enjoy life. It's not a race.
    All of this.

    I have been in love many times. There has been puppy-love, one-sided love, love that suffocated after too long, liberating love, awkward love, comfort-zone love, soul-mate type love, and all sorts of variations. Love is whatever you make of it at the time.

    I enjoy being in love, and I open myself up to it whenever I decide to date someone exclusively. Do I get hurt? Yes. But it's a pain that's worth it to me. Love makes me feel like an even better version of me. When the other person is open to love in the exact same way that I am, love feels exactly like coming home after a long day.

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