MFP not helping or showing support, just being rude!

I have been here almost two years and have seen a few rude people...but they are almost always squelched in a matter of days/weeks. MFP mods/staff do not tolerate rudeness. I'd love to be able to ask people to share the names of these rude people, but that would be against the rules...so instead, please send me a PM with a list of these rude people. If it's truly rudeness, I'll do whatever I can (as a lowly member of MFP) to help rid the forums of this problem.

However, I suspect what many are considering rudeness is simply directness. It may even be as simple as someone who has an opinion that differs from yours.

And now, I'll go read through the EIGHT pages of replies to see which direction this thread went.


ETA:

I see that someone better said what I wanted to say much earlier in this thread:

Do you have an example of someone being called stupid (or any other name)?

I'd like to see that link.


I think what happens more frequently is this:

There are a lot of successful people here who have done the research and achieved great results themsevles. Someone else will ask a question about cleanses, shakes, pills, etc, and a successful person will bluntly tell them why it's bad. The problem is that people don't like to hear that they are wrong. So, they get upset about it and think they are being bullied.

That said, if someone is actually calling names or being ridiculously mean to someone else, that behavior should be reported. I'd like to see an example of that though. I'm on the forums quite a bit and I have only seen it a few times - and the mods have always dealt with it right away.

I was a newbie once....still am in many ways....What i suggest is you read up as much as you can, using the search function...read people's responses, especially those that have been around for a long time, with much success. Their answers will be more helpful.

People get butthurt too easily.
In MY opinion.

And another. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/915303-soup-diet?page=2

I have 20 pages of post history. I could pull out multiple threads where they felt we were being treated rudely but were actually being told "No. Try this instead."

Another where being told "No" got people called out as rude. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/913100-is-it-ok-to-eat-around-500-calories-a-day?page=7

And so on and so forth.

If this is ya'll's version of rude, then please do not respond to these posts. They do not need support for their ideas. They need to be told no and given alternate solutions.

on average... people here are just mean. <~~~ geek play on words

A few scenarios I have seen play out...

- typically, not always, but typically the "mean" responses don't start until page 3 or 4 of a thread, and that is often after the OP returns guns a blazing and shoots down everyone who has offered anything remotely contrary to their statement. If respect is offered to differing viewpoints, the thread often goes along pretty well, with the occasional grump thrown in.

- the OP doesn't take the time to word their first post well... and it comes across as rude, insulting, or obnoxious... this brings those with finely tuned sarcasm to the surface, and the fun begins... and YES, a lot of it is actually meant in fun

- the OP words their post in such a way that it is unclear whether they are being sarcastic and having fun, or if they're actually serious. In this case, you'll have "meanies" responding in turn with sarcasm and again having fun, but without intending any harm to the OP. These posts are often originating in the CHIT CHAT section, and therefore the assumption is made by many that it is a "fun" post

- the OP creates a topic (intentionally or unintentionally) that is inherently divisive and encourages body shaming... those get nasty. Note: It is possible to state your opinion without being an insulting jerk. Takes practice, but is possible.

- the OP creates a topic (intentionally or unintentionally) that is supportive of an unhealthy lifestyle pattern... aka... only eat 300 calories a day and binge on weekends... this will get people WHO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH to respond very emphatically as to the dangers of this course of action. They come across as mean... but they're the exact opposite.



My end observation... a lot of people here are "HANGRY" - they're hungry because they're not fuelling their bodies needs adequately, or they're adjusting to a new diet, a new lifestyle. A lot are depressed with themselves and their current shape. A lot are frustrated because try as they may, they're not seeing the progress they want to see. Many are unable to communicate effectively in the English language - whether due to poor grammar, insufficient time, or English not being their primary language. (this is not a dig - just an acknowledgement that communication is tough for people who speak it as a primary! I cannot imagine what it would be like for those who learned it later in life!)

AKA... disagreeing is like patting someone on the back who has a sunburn... you cause them pain, when normally they would have been A-OK. Is it your fault? no... is it theirs? not really... does it suck? yeah, kinda.

AS A RESULT... we suck at communication, we get angry with one another over trivial things, and we lash out and think later.


Recommendation: a) develop a thick skin b) remember that not everyone is out to get you c) just because someone doesn't agree with you, it doesn't mean they don't like you; doesn't mean they think you're an idiot.. it means they disagree. simple. d) opinions are just that - opinions. e) if someone says something you perceive as "mean"... shake your head, say "whoa... go have a snack" and move on. It usually doesn't need to be reported.

and when forced to pick between A and B... many pick C. Some A. and Some B... so why bother asking the question.

It's the internet, brah.
Find people you like, add them to your list, and stay away from the forums if you don't find smart assery amusing.
Or ignore the responses that bother you and move on to the information that's useful to you.

Most of the rude responses I've seen on MFP are from people who have such limited reading comprehension skills that they cannot tell the difference between someone who is simply disagreeing, and someone who is actually being rude. I have a great example in my inbox from this morning.

If one thinks MFP is rude or non-supportive, then they haven't been in the mommy forums... once involved in the mommy forums, one will realize that this place is full of rainbows and unicorns.

My thoughts exactly. Reading posts where a "regular" attacks a postee for their opinion (or misinformation) just to tell them they're doing something wrong has really discouraged me from posting publicly with any questions I might have. That being said, I've found some really awesome friends on here and have approached them directly with questions but still hesitate to ask via the message boards for fear I'll get attacked.

What I really find disappointing is when I see someone's post that I like and go to read their profile with the thoughts of adding them as a friend in mind and their profile says "I don't add friends that eat less than XXXX calories a day" or <insert list of other reasons why you can't be my friend here>. I totally understand that you won't add a friend without a message but what's with all the other reasons? Not particularly inviting... or maybe that's the point.

My thoughts exactly. Reading posts where a "regular" attacks a postee for their opinion (or misinformation) just to tell them they're doing something wrong has really discouraged me from posting publicly with any questions I might have.

You'd rather we tell someone eating 500 calories a day that it's okay? That's not only astounding, but completely defeats the purpose of this website. God, I hope like hell you aren't telling people that that sort of thing is okay.