Is it rude not to cater for allergies/special diets?

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RaquelCasul
RaquelCasul Posts: 26
in Chit-Chat
One of my favourite bloggers is engaged, and writing a lot of guest posts on wedding dilemmas. On one of her recent posts, she included the line "you don't have to cater for every allergy/diet".

I really disagree with this. I think it would be incredibly rude to invite a celiac, vegan, vegetarian, person with a nut-allergy, etc, to your wedding, with the proviso that you'll be serving edible food to everyone except them.:/

We did discuss this a little, and it turns out that I was picturing a scenario where you knew about the allergy/diet in advance, while she was picturing a scenario where you only found out late in the day. However, she did still say that she wouldn't feel the need to cater for one lone vegan, who would be "used to fending for themselves".

Having been that one lone vegan, I would be quite hurt if someone whom I liked enough to attend their wedding fed everyone but me.:(

I'd love to hear some other thoughts on this. I'm aware that I'm heavily biased due to the vegan thing. Plus, I've never organised a wedding.

Where should the line be drawn? Allergies, like celiac disease or nut allergies? Choices like veganism or vegetarianism? Special diets like atkins or the cabbage soup diet?
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Replies

  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
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    It is HER wedding, not there's. They cater to her, they can bring their own food, or not go. Budget is probably the reason she is hacing the choices she is having, likely vegan, celiac, nut allergies cannot be factored in. When the vegan or celiac or the nut allergy get married I doubt they'll be catering to the other people that are not of their diets.
  • dixiewhiskey
    dixiewhiskey Posts: 3,333 Member
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    Honestly.. I'm mixed on this. There's a line. There's enough stress at a wedding.. I have vegan/vege friends. I'd have stuff for them to eat, ask them if there are specific dishes they like. But specific diet requests like low fat this and that.. I don't know. My day, my rules as far as I'm concerned.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    We sent out our wedding invites yesterday and the RSVPs specifically ask if there are any dietary requirements. I've never found a reception venue (and I've worked at a bunch) who don't expect to cater for dietary needs and charge extra or anything, its just par for the course that as a hospitality venue you will need to cater for dietary needs.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    Honestly.. I'm mixed on this. There's a line. There's enough stress at a wedding.. I have vegan/vege friends. I'd have stuff for them to eat, ask them if there are specific dishes they like. But specific diet requests like low fat this and that.. I don't know. My day, my rules as far as I'm concerned.

    Oh, I draw the line between allergies/intolerances and widely recognised eating styles (vego/vegan) vs low fat etc. I wouldn't cater to someone who just wanted a low fat meal, or didn't like a particular ingredient etc.
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
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    Honestly.. I'm mixed on this. There's a line. There's enough stress at a wedding.. I have vegan/vege friends. I'd have stuff for them to eat, ask them if there are specific dishes they like. But specific diet requests like low fat this and that.. I don't know. My day, my rules as far as I'm concerned.

    Oh, I draw the line between allergies/intolerances and widely recognised eating styles (vego/vegan) vs low fat etc. I wouldn't cater to someone who just wanted a low fat meal, or didn't like a particular ingredient etc.
    Yeah, that was my point :)
  • dixiewhiskey
    dixiewhiskey Posts: 3,333 Member
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    Honestly.. I'm mixed on this. There's a line. There's enough stress at a wedding.. I have vegan/vege friends. I'd have stuff for them to eat, ask them if there are specific dishes they like. But specific diet requests like low fat this and that.. I don't know. My day, my rules as far as I'm concerned.

    Oh, I draw the line between allergies/intolerances and widely recognised eating styles (vego/vegan) vs low fat etc. I wouldn't cater to someone who just wanted a low fat meal, or didn't like a particular ingredient etc.

    Yeah definitely. Makes me happy that most of our friends are meat eaters.. I can't think of one dish to serve to a vege/vegan that is appealing.. has to have meat IMO. :laugh:

    What you did is fairly kind, a lot of weddings I've been to, no one asked, but there were non-meat/dairy options available naturally (salad, fruits, etc).
  • RaquelCasul
    RaquelCasul Posts: 26
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    When the vegan or celiac or the nut allergy get married I doubt they'll be catering to the other people that are not of their diets.

    What makes you think that? Most people are physically capable of eating vegan, celiac, or nut-free food, while people with allergies are not physically capable of eating whatever they're allergic to. I'm using 'cater' to mean 'serve food that is edible', not 'serve their favourite ingredients'.
  • RaquelCasul
    RaquelCasul Posts: 26
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    Oh, I draw the line between allergies/intolerances and widely recognised eating styles (vego/vegan) vs low fat etc. I wouldn't cater to someone who just wanted a low fat meal, or didn't like a particular ingredient etc.

    Yeah, the cabbage soup/atkins thing was a joke.:)
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,473 Member
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    NOPE,,,,,, if its your allergy or special diet, YOU take care of it.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    i am pretty amazed that their are people who wouldnt consider catering for someone who is celiac!

    my sister in law is celiac, so she got a separate meal... it didnt cost us any extra! i didnt have any vegetarians so that wasnt a problem, but like someone else said if i liked someone enough to have them at my wedding i would want to feed them too!
  • Lupercalia
    Lupercalia Posts: 1,857 Member
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    Sorry, but whenever I've been over to a vegan/vegetarian's house to eat dinner, I wasn't offered a steak (or any other meat, for that matter). I lived as a veggie/vegan for 20 years and never, ever cooked meat for a meat eating guest, and they didn't expect me to.

    I now have gluten intolerance and am insulin resistant, and allergic to several different foods. I don't ever expect anyone to cater to my weirdness, and don't even mention it when I'm invited somewhere. I see it as my own responsibility to figure out what I can eat in any given situation, not someone else's problem.
  • dixiewhiskey
    dixiewhiskey Posts: 3,333 Member
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    If I knew someone that had Celiacs I might but really..

    And LOL @ Lupercalia about the steak.
  • pennydreadful270
    pennydreadful270 Posts: 266 Member
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    I think you should go as far as you can within your budget. If people have very specific needs and the venue your booking can't provide, that's as far as you can reasonably go. This is catering en masse afterall. They are trying to cook and keep hot a hundred or more plates of food, it's not a system that copes well with individual requests.

    All the invites I have gotten have had space for "other dietary requirements", but if I was a vegan I wouldn't hold out too much hope in the quality of what you'll get fed!!

    A friend of mine went to a family wedding in the south of america and she said there was one table where you went up and they just hacked off a slice of beef, and another where you could get shrimp. No vegetables and no knives! I can't even imagine a wedding party eating a slab of steak off a fork in all their nice dresses! Haha, different world.
  • RaquelCasul
    RaquelCasul Posts: 26
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    Sorry, but whenever I've been over to a vegan/vegetarian's house to eat dinner, I wasn't offered a steak (or any other meat, for that matter).

    This is always such an interesting assumption. I'm not sure why meat-eaters think they're not catered for when they're served perfectly edible food that doesn't contain specific ingredients they like, or why they think it's comparable to serving food containing ingredients that other people can't eat.
  • SquidgySquidge
    SquidgySquidge Posts: 239 Member
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    I think it's rude - I would cater for anyone that let me know in advance.

    When I got married, our hotel were more than happy to prepare certain foods for certain guests if needed at no extra charge.
    In the end no one had any 'special' requirements apart from being vegetarian.
    So there was a vegetarian option listed on the menu for them.

    I would be very offended if someone didn't cater for me, especially if I had an actual allergy to something.

    The whole 'vegan's are used to fending for themselves' thing p!sses me off.
    It's not like they're asking for the chef to fly to outer space for a very rare type of plant that only grows on Mars, takes 10 hours to prepare and has to be served on a gold plate.
    They just want a meal with no animal products in it - it's not hard.

    And no I'm not Vegan or Vegetarian, so I'm not even biased. I just respect that other people eat differently to me.
  • dixiewhiskey
    dixiewhiskey Posts: 3,333 Member
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    Sorry, but whenever I've been over to a vegan/vegetarian's house to eat dinner, I wasn't offered a steak (or any other meat, for that matter).

    This is always such an interesting assumption. I'm not sure why meat-eaters think they're not catered for when they're served perfectly edible food that doesn't contain specific ingredients they like, or why they think it's comparable to serving food containing ingredients that other people can't eat.

    Same goes for vegans/veges as well I think.....
  • kathrynyoung71
    kathrynyoung71 Posts: 23
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    most venues and caterers will expect to have a couple of special requests for a wedding, it's part of catering for large numbers, as a caterer I never use nuts incase of a serious nut allergy and if someone has a special diet they always make the host or venue aware of it, if they don't then there is usually something they can eat but in most cases why would you not tell someone if you required a celiac diet or similar, it's the ones that ask for a low fat meal and then tuck into a huge piece of dessert that annoy you if you have catered to their personal needs!
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
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    Sorry, but whenever I've been over to a vegan/vegetarian's house to eat dinner, I wasn't offered a steak (or any other meat, for that matter).

    This is always such an interesting assumption. I'm not sure why meat-eaters think they're not catered for when they're served perfectly edible food that doesn't contain specific ingredients they like, or why they think it's comparable to serving food containing ingredients that other people can't eat.

    Double standard. :noway:
  • SquidgySquidge
    SquidgySquidge Posts: 239 Member
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    Sorry, but whenever I've been over to a vegan/vegetarian's house to eat dinner, I wasn't offered a steak (or any other meat, for that matter).

    This is always such an interesting assumption. I'm not sure why meat-eaters think they're not catered for when they're served perfectly edible food that doesn't contain specific ingredients they like, or why they think it's comparable to serving food containing ingredients that other people can't eat.

    Yeah I don't like this arguement either.
    A vegetarian won't serve you meat products because they dont agree with the slaughter of animals for human consumption, so to buy meat and serve it to you is going against their beliefs. If they serve it to you, they may as well eat it themselves.

    However if you decide to not prepare a meal for a vegetarian, it's not because you're against killing a vegetable for them. It's because you are disrespectful.
  • hbunting86
    hbunting86 Posts: 952 Member
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    I'm celiac - if the RSVP asked for any specific dietary requirements I'd put that on there. If not, I'd just eat what I knew I could safely (you can't really go wrong with a salad or veggies but I'm used to being able to suss out what's more or less safe in these situations). I think if it's an allergy it's a different thing in a way as you have no choice in the matter. I'd love to be able to sit down to a nice pastry or hot buttered roll with soup but I'm afraid it's a no go area. Venues tend to be pretty good on that score. If it was me I'd ask the question and specifically ask on the invite if there were any food allergies. Most places will do a vegetarian option and I would also check they did vegan. As for low fat/low carb - no way. Those are very arbitrary in my opinion.

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