Is it rude not to cater for allergies/special diets?
Replies
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So if we are supposed to cater to the life threatening nut allergy, should we also cater to Bee sting allergies? Should we make sure that all of the bees in the vicinity are exterminated before we invite anybody to our home? When does it end?!?! If you have any kind of allergy, YOU are responsible for making sure you don't eat it - not the rest of us.0
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life threatening allergy = yes
picky eater = gtfo
LMAO!!
I would also ad religious restrictions as a yes.
I would try to accommodate people with the food if I know in advance, there's no need to alienate someone at an event that is meant to bring people closer in celebration.
However, there is being a good and respectful host, then there is being a good and respectful guest and part of respecting your host is to recognize when your dietary restrictions have crossed the line into idiosyncrasies.
Can't eat pork, that's cool. Can't eat nuts, I'll make it work. You have a "thing" about anything green and leafy, sorry for you.0 -
I guess I'm in the minority here as I don't prescribe to the childish "It's MY wedding! I'll do what I want and who cares about everyone else!" Seriously. I can picture the bride stamping her foot and crying. But that's just me.
If you KNOW that a guest you have invited has a food allergy then I think you should accommodate that especially if it's an allergy that can kill them like a nut allergy. There are people who can go into anaphylaxic shock just by being near a nut. I worked with a woman who had a very severe nut allergy and whenever I made baked goods and brought them in I made sure that not only did I NOT use any nuts but I skipped any recipe that had nut extracts in it. Also I have never been to a wedding where they didn't offer a vegetarian dish.
If someone has celiacs then they can ask the venue how the food is prepared and possibly tell them ahead of time that they have an issue with gluten and need things prepared a certain way. If they can't accommodate that then I think it would be acceptable for them to bring their own food.
Yes!!
It stops being all about you when you invite people. You are hosting people. The reception is intended to be a thank you to your guests for coming. Just because you are getting married does not mean you get to throw common curtesy out the window.
I completely disagree. If you are invited to someone's wedding, it is about THEM, not YOU.
Whether you are allergic to something, choose not to eat meat, or whatever, it isn't about you- and you shouldn't expect to be catered to YOUR needs. The world doesn't revolve around you 24/7.0 -
life threatening allergy = yes
picky eater = gtfo
LMAO!!
I would also ad religious restrictions as a yes.
I would try to accommodate people with the food if I know in advance, there's no need to alienate someone at an event that is meant to bring people closer in celebration.
However, there is being a good and respectful host, then there is being a good and respectful guest and part of respecting your host is to recognize when your dietary restrictions have crossed the line into idiosyncrasies.
Can't eat pork, that's cool. Can't eat nuts, I'll make it work. You have a "thing" about anything green and leafy, sorry for you.
I agree with that.0 -
I agree. And I think many people cross the line with what they expect of everyone else - as far as catering to their dietary choices and/or restrictions. As I said earlier, people need to get over themselves and accept that the world doesn't resolve around them. Be happy if someone tries to accomodate your needs and be understanding if they can't. Period.life threatening allergy = yes
picky eater = gtfo
LMAO!!
I would also ad religious restrictions as a yes.
I would try to accommodate people with the food if I know in advance, there's no need to alienate someone at an event that is meant to bring people closer in celebration.
However, there is being a good and respectful host, then there is being a good and respectful guest and part of respecting your host is to recognize when your dietary restrictions have crossed the line into idiosyncrasies.
Can't eat pork, that's cool. Can't eat nuts, I'll make it work. You have a "thing" about anything green and leafy, sorry for you.0 -
I guess I'm in the minority here as I don't prescribe to the childish "It's MY wedding! I'll do what I want and who cares about everyone else!" Seriously. I can picture the bride stamping her foot and crying. But that's just me.
If you KNOW that a guest you have invited has a food allergy then I think you should accommodate that especially if it's an allergy that can kill them like a nut allergy. There are people who can go into anaphylaxic shock just by being near a nut. I worked with a woman who had a very severe nut allergy and whenever I made baked goods and brought them in I made sure that not only did I NOT use any nuts but I skipped any recipe that had nut extracts in it. Also I have never been to a wedding where they didn't offer a vegetarian dish.
If someone has celiacs then they can ask the venue how the food is prepared and possibly tell them ahead of time that they have an issue with gluten and need things prepared a certain way. If they can't accommodate that then I think it would be acceptable for them to bring their own food.
Yes!!
It stops being all about you when you invite people. You are hosting people. The reception is intended to be a thank you to your guests for coming. Just because you are getting married does not mean you get to throw common curtesy out the window.
I completely disagree. If you are invited to someone's wedding, it is about THEM, not YOU.
Whether you are allergic to something, choose not to eat meat, or whatever, it isn't about you- and you shouldn't expect to be catered to YOUR needs. The world doesn't revolve around you 24/7.
I am not saying a guest should expect these things, I am saying that a host should consider their guests. It's basic etiquette. But then again that's why we are moving towards events where brides spend a ton of money on decorations and a dress and ask their guests to pay for the meal.0 -
No, it's not.0
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Consider their guests - absolutely.I guess I'm in the minority here as I don't prescribe to the childish "It's MY wedding! I'll do what I want and who cares about everyone else!" Seriously. I can picture the bride stamping her foot and crying. But that's just me.
If you KNOW that a guest you have invited has a food allergy then I think you should accommodate that especially if it's an allergy that can kill them like a nut allergy. There are people who can go into anaphylaxic shock just by being near a nut. I worked with a woman who had a very severe nut allergy and whenever I made baked goods and brought them in I made sure that not only did I NOT use any nuts but I skipped any recipe that had nut extracts in it. Also I have never been to a wedding where they didn't offer a vegetarian dish.
If someone has celiacs then they can ask the venue how the food is prepared and possibly tell them ahead of time that they have an issue with gluten and need things prepared a certain way. If they can't accommodate that then I think it would be acceptable for them to bring their own food.
Yes!!
It stops being all about you when you invite people. You are hosting people. The reception is intended to be a thank you to your guests for coming. Just because you are getting married does not mean you get to throw common curtesy out the window.
I completely disagree. If you are invited to someone's wedding, it is about THEM, not YOU.
Whether you are allergic to something, choose not to eat meat, or whatever, it isn't about you- and you shouldn't expect to be catered to YOUR needs. The world doesn't revolve around you 24/7.
I am not saying a guest should expect these things, I am saying that a host should consider their guests. It's basic etiquette. But then again that's why we are moving towards events where brides spend a ton of money on decorations and a dress and ask their guests to pay for the meal.
Accomodate every single allergy and diet restriction known to man - just in case - no.0 -
One of my favourite bloggers is engaged, and writing a lot of guest posts on wedding dilemmas. On one of her recent posts, she included the line "you don't have to cater for every allergy/diet".
I really disagree with this. I think it would be incredibly rude to invite a celiac, vegan, vegetarian, person with a nut-allergy, etc, to your wedding, with the proviso that you'll be serving edible food to everyone except them.:/
We did discuss this a little, and it turns out that I was picturing a scenario where you knew about the allergy/diet in advance, while she was picturing a scenario where you only found out late in the day. However, she did still say that she wouldn't feel the need to cater for one lone vegan, who would be "used to fending for themselves".
Having been that one lone vegan, I would be quite hurt if someone whom I liked enough to attend their wedding fed everyone but me.:(
I'd love to hear some other thoughts on this. I'm aware that I'm heavily biased due to the vegan thing. Plus, I've never organised a wedding.
Where should the line be drawn? Allergies, like celiac disease or nut allergies? Choices like veganism or vegetarianism? Special diets like atkins or the cabbage soup diet?
There were over 200 people at my wedding...really...you think I could have catered to everyone...allergies or not? That's just ridiculous. I had a menu...I had two meat options and a vegetarian option...if someone couldn't handle one of those options then they have the option to not attend the wedding or eat something else before hand or whatever. You can't cater to everyone when you're talking about 100s of people.0 -
I'm really shocked at the number of people I've encountered who won't consider allergies or celiac in their catering. It's REALLY not that hard to do - I did it for my celiac and dairy allergic guests before I knew I had celiac.
I'm in a wedding next month and the bride (who has been telling me about the amazing catering for months) told me to bring my own food because she can't be bothered to ask for a separate plate without gluten. That kind of callousness to a serious disease is bound to affect the relationship.
I think one of the main problems is that a wedding IS so much about "me me me" now... instead of being about the community and bringing your favorite people together. Aren't your guests invited for more than just their gift?0 -
Consider their guests - absolutely.I guess I'm in the minority here as I don't prescribe to the childish "It's MY wedding! I'll do what I want and who cares about everyone else!" Seriously. I can picture the bride stamping her foot and crying. But that's just me.
If you KNOW that a guest you have invited has a food allergy then I think you should accommodate that especially if it's an allergy that can kill them like a nut allergy. There are people who can go into anaphylaxic shock just by being near a nut. I worked with a woman who had a very severe nut allergy and whenever I made baked goods and brought them in I made sure that not only did I NOT use any nuts but I skipped any recipe that had nut extracts in it. Also I have never been to a wedding where they didn't offer a vegetarian dish.
If someone has celiacs then they can ask the venue how the food is prepared and possibly tell them ahead of time that they have an issue with gluten and need things prepared a certain way. If they can't accommodate that then I think it would be acceptable for them to bring their own food.
Yes!!
It stops being all about you when you invite people. You are hosting people. The reception is intended to be a thank you to your guests for coming. Just because you are getting married does not mean you get to throw common curtesy out the window.
I completely disagree. If you are invited to someone's wedding, it is about THEM, not YOU.
Whether you are allergic to something, choose not to eat meat, or whatever, it isn't about you- and you shouldn't expect to be catered to YOUR needs. The world doesn't revolve around you 24/7.
I am not saying a guest should expect these things, I am saying that a host should consider their guests. It's basic etiquette. But then again that's why we are moving towards events where brides spend a ton of money on decorations and a dress and ask their guests to pay for the meal.
Accomodate every single allergy and diet restriction known to man - just in case - no.
That's not what I suggested either. But having a vegetarian option isn't difficult. Nor is giving staff a heads up that one or two dishes needs to be prepared without nuts/whatever allergy. They do it all the time.
Those with severe allergies/issues who don't normally eat in restaurant situations because of it will likely choose to skip the meal anyway.0 -
haha, I know someone who had a fake allergy for awhile too. I agree, when I was a kid I didn't know one person with an allergy in my class. Nowadays, every kid has some kind of allergy - just like every kid has ADD.It seems to me that its become the fashion to have allergies!
I didn't know one person with a allergy when I was a kid!!
Ps. I know some of you won't like this comment but its my opinion!
Yes!!! Thank you I'm glad someone finally came out and said it. Having (fake) wheat / gluten / peanut allergies is all the rage these days.
This is so, so true. Having actually HAD allergies for most of my life (and almost dying from a couple of them!), I just roll my eyes at people having "fake" health issues.
SOOOOO funny! I have a coworker who legitimately has ADD - you can tell him apart from all the people medicated because, as a child, they acted like a normal child! I also know several people who have told me they're "deathly allergic to X" and then proceed to eat food I know has it in it. I'm not saying NO ONE has allergies or health issues... but it does seem to be a fad. >.>0 -
It's the bride's day, not yours. YOU would be quite hurt? How would a stressed and frazzled bride feel, seeing a friend turn their nose up at the food that is offered to them (for FREE, I might add?) If you know you have a fussy diet, don't make it the party-thrower's problem, because it's not. It's yours.0
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I'd also like to point out the "low-carb is a lifestyle choice, no ill effects if you don't cater to them - but being VEGAN? We're special and it would just make us SO sick to eat meat or something that might have looked at meat" argument? BS. Totally. I'm adapting to a low-carb diet not by choice, but because the medication I'm on forces that or some seriously unpleasant stomach issues. I love carbs, so I assure you it's not always a "lifestyle choice" but a necessity - and I STILL wouldn't expect someone to cater to me.0
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i am pretty amazed that their are people who wouldnt consider catering for someone who is celiac!
my sister in law is celiac, so she got a separate meal... it didnt cost us any extra! i didnt have any vegetarians so that wasnt a problem, but like someone else said if i liked someone enough to have them at my wedding i would want to feed them too!
^^^ This. ^^^
If someone has allergies / intolerances and they are liked enough to be invited to the wedding, then darn tootin' their dietary needs should also be met! I do distinguish between needs and wants. I have catered at weddings where a vast assortment of allergies / intolerances and dietary restrictions were present, and catered to (at no extra charge!), and everyone enjoyed it. Likewise I've been at hundreds of events where I couldn't eat anything except the snack food I had brought. Just because you're used to it doesn't mean you enjoy it. And it does reflect upon the hosts.
I'll never forget a wedding in Sweden I attended as someone else's GUEST. When the first salads arrived, the head waiter came over to discuss all of the ingredients with me and to let me know the bride had already gone over all of my allergies with the chef, and prepared a corresponding complete meal for me. I actually cried. It was by far the best wedding I have ever attended, and that classy touch contributed to the wonderful experience.
A good caterer usually can find good options that will satisfy multiple dietary restrictions and still be enjoyable for other guests as well. It does take work, but everyone invited should have a meal provided that's safe to eat. That's good manners.0 -
You invite people to a wedding because you want them there to celebrate your wedding with you.i am pretty amazed that their are people who wouldnt consider catering for someone who is celiac!
my sister in law is celiac, so she got a separate meal... it didnt cost us any extra! i didnt have any vegetarians so that wasnt a problem, but like someone else said if i liked someone enough to have them at my wedding i would want to feed them too!
^^^ This. ^^^
If someone has allergies / intolerances and they are liked enough to be invited to the wedding, then darn tootin' their dietary needs should also be met! I do distinguish between needs and wants. I have catered at weddings where a vast assortment of allergies / intolerances and dietary restrictions were present, and catered to (at no extra charge!), and everyone enjoyed it. Likewise I've been at hundreds of events where I couldn't eat anything except the snack food I had brought. Just because you're used to it doesn't mean you enjoy it. And it does reflect upon the hosts.
I'll never forget a wedding in Sweden I attended as someone else's GUEST. When the first salads arrived, the head waiter came over to discuss all of the ingredients with me and to let me know the bride had already gone over all of my allergies with the chef, and prepared a corresponding complete meal for me. I actually cried. It was by far the best wedding I have ever attended, and that classy touch contributed to the wonderful experience.
A good caterer usually can find good options that will satisfy multiple dietary restrictions and still be enjoyable for other guests as well. It does take work, but everyone invited should have a meal provided that's safe to eat. That's good manners.
That doesn't mean you need to cater to every single little dietary restriction because of it. That is just unrealistic. Doesn't make the person any less special to you.
Just like I wouldn't go to a vegetarians house and then think they don't like me because they didn't serve me meat.0 -
It's rude to *expect* special dietary requests when someone else is footing the bill. (With the exception of allergies, and even then, it's up to you to let them know. It shouldn't be assumed.)0
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<snip>I can tell it's a completely different world out there for you and your friends so I do see where you are coming from. My world here and the people I know are completely different. I am mindful of religious requests but I can't really think of one friend off the top of my head who has such requests.. if anything, I am making sure my events are LGBTQ friendly more than worrying about food served. Different worlds.
Ha! I know the feeling. Unless it's a family thing, I don't invite people to my house that aren't "cool." :smokin:0 -
haha, I know someone who had a fake allergy for awhile too. I agree, when I was a kid I didn't know one person with an allergy in my class. Nowadays, every kid has some kind of allergy - just like every kid has ADD.It seems to me that its become the fashion to have allergies!
I didn't know one person with a allergy when I was a kid!!
Ps. I know some of you won't like this comment but its my opinion!
Yes!!! Thank you I'm glad someone finally came out and said it. Having (fake) wheat / gluten / peanut allergies is all the rage these days.
This is so, so true. Having actually HAD allergies for most of my life (and almost dying from a couple of them!), I just roll my eyes at people having "fake" health issues.
Bingo! extremely overblown.0 -
Good thing planning the wedding is the woman's job! Aint got time for all that! lol0
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haha, I know someone who had a fake allergy for awhile too. I agree, when I was a kid I didn't know one person with an allergy in my class. Nowadays, every kid has some kind of allergy - just like every kid has ADD.It seems to me that its become the fashion to have allergies!
I didn't know one person with a allergy when I was a kid!!
Ps. I know some of you won't like this comment but its my opinion!
Yes!!! Thank you I'm glad someone finally came out and said it. Having (fake) wheat / gluten / peanut allergies is all the rage these days.
This is so, so true. Having actually HAD allergies for most of my life (and almost dying from a couple of them!), I just roll my eyes at people having "fake" health issues.
Bingo! extremely overblown.
The worst part of all of the "fake" allergies is that it hurts the credibility of those who actually have the allergies. Telling a server I am Celiac and being asked "Is it because you read Wheat Belly?" was infuriating.0 -
I would not cater to a bunch of special dietary needs. I would serve food to anyone that wanted it. If they don't want to and can't eat it, then they can eat before or after the event.
I like to drink alcohol at events, but if I went to a wedding that didn't offer booze I wouldn't be offended. It's not as if the bride and groom are obligted to give me booze. I'd still toast with their nasty soda or sparkling apple juice or whatever non-alcoholic crap they offered. I'd still be happy for them.0 -
The truth of the matter is if you force a meat eater to conform to your eating pallet than you are not catering to them. You are simply feeding them. It is literally no different from a meat eater asking the vegetarian to conform to their eating pallet.
Serving someone a meal which does not include every single item they regularly eat is absolutely not the same as serving someone a meal made with items which they have a moral or physical objection to eating.0 -
As a person with celiac's, I think it would be wonderful to have a gluten free option, but it's not something I expect. Which is why I'm usually eating garden salad and veggies at events.
At my wedding, it's going to be gluten free, and if people don't like it - that's tough. But at weddings that aren't mine, they get to serve what they want, and I can suck it up if I can't eat much.0 -
Personally, they would be my family and friends and I love them thats why they are at my wedding so yes I would cater to the special diets.
My little sisters has diagnosed celiac's and there is no way that wedding wouldnt have gluten free options.0 -
That being said, it IS rude, not to appropriately describe dishes to people. If someone asks if there are nuts/gluten/whatever in the dish, then the servers need to be educated enough to know. I ordered something once because I was told it was gluten free, and then got incredibly sick after because it wasn't.0
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ThisNOPE,,,,,, if its your allergy or special diet, YOU take care of it.0 -
i am pretty amazed that their are people who wouldnt consider catering for someone who is celiac!
my sister in law is celiac, so she got a separate meal... it didnt cost us any extra! i didnt have any vegetarians so that wasnt a problem, but like someone else said if i liked someone enough to have them at my wedding i would want to feed them too!
^^^ This! I think I love you! lol
I have a severe gluten allergy and so does my mother and my sister. We are going to a wedding in October that I am pretty sure will not have things we can eat. When it's my wedding, I will certainly ask about allergies and I would want people with serious allergies to still enjoy a meal, but that's just me. Look at those with a peanut allergy, a little girl just died a few months ago at school from ONE little peanut. Would you want someone at your wedding, who came with gifts for you to possibly end up in the hospital or die over an allergy? As one person posted as well, it's rude to say "it's their problem"0 -
Military Husband so I was lucky enough to even get a wedding.
Planned in 6 weeks (not me...blame military they told us when lol ) and no one got a say in anything. (No one died either..)
We did have a buffet so you can pick and choose what you liked....alot of problems solved.0 -
I love it when someone prepares gluten free food for me, but I don't expect it at a large, already complicated event like a wedding. I bring my own snacks. So no, I don't think it's rude. It would be pointless for me to invite someone over for a small dinner without catering to their dietary needs.
What about wearing perfume? Is it rude to wear perfume, because some people are allergic to it?0
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