Is it rude not to cater for allergies/special diets?
Replies
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It's pretty simple if you know combinatoric math.
Take the basics: gluten, lactose, nut.
Then add in the lifestyle: paleo, vegan, vegetarian, and maybe lactovopescatarian.
That's 7 combinations that should cover all the bases. To be sure, you might have lactose-intolerant vegan, or maybe gluten-intolerant vegetarian, so, to be safe, you can't just make 7 meals. A bit of wheat in that veggie burger and you're all done!
Now, and it's been a long time since I was in discrete math, but IIRC the number of unordered unique combinations of R choices from a list of N is = n!/r!(n-r)!
With a fairly conservative estimate of that a person can only be, say 3 at the same time, that's 7! / 3!(7-3)! combinations.
Now 7! is about 5000, but that's ordered, and I don't want to do all the math, but it does give us an upper bound to work with, so it should be no more than a few hundred separate dishes at worst.
I disagree with your calculations. Vegetarian is covered by the vegan option, and so is lactose-free. It's difficult to combine paleo and vegan, but fairly easy to combine paleo and gluten/nut-free. Since I have a friend who's vegetarian and gluten-free, I'd just go with two separate dishes; one vegan, one paleo, both nut and gluten-free. Easy.
Of course, the best solution was mentioned quite a while back when someone mentioned separate side dishes cooked in vegetable oil. Anyone who's ever eaten a portion of french fries or an apple has eaten a vegan dish.0 -
There were over 200 people at my wedding...really...you think I could have catered to everyone...allergies or not? That's just ridiculous.
Please stop putting words in my mouth. Words have unnecessary calories.0 -
ThisNOPE,,,,,, if its your allergy or special diet, YOU take care of it.
If someone was in a wheel chair and there was a ramp to get to the table would you have the same attitude?
If you invite someone to share a meal/buffet to celebrate your occasion then the least you can do is make them comfortable and welcome?0 -
What about wearing perfume? Is it rude to wear perfume, because some people are allergic to it?
Depends. If it's your sister or best friend, who is also your bridesmaid, and who will collapse if they breathe in too much, then, yes, that would be a severe act of aggression. If it's a distant cousin's plus one, and you had no reasonable way of knowing, then no.0 -
Planning a wedding now, and we're not catering for special diets. We ordered one meal. The cake will be lactose-free because the groom is intolerant. Anybody else is on their own to pick and choose what they can/cannot eat out of what is offered.
Honestly, planning a wedding is hard enough without taking everybody's limitations into consideration.0 -
Personally, if I were planning an event, my own wedding or a party....I would make sure there was a variety. That is what I have done in the past and it really isn't hard.
Most of the weddings I've been to you get three options, fish (or some kind of meat-free option, but it was mostly always fish) chicken or beef. I would probably do four options, vegan, fish, chicken or beef. I was a vegetarian for many years and I know what it's like to go somewhere and only eat a dinner roll. And by the way, I never complained about it, but EVERY time the host felt really bad I had nothing to eat. Even if I INSISTED a salad and/or dinner roll was just fine with me. By doing a vegan option, it would appeal to people who are vegetarian and vegan. I would probably even do the vegan option to be gluten free, as well. It isn't hard.
Not everyone decides to not eat a certain type of meat because they just "don't like it" or feel bad about the killing of animals. There are MANY reasons why someone decides to stop eating meat.
Now if someone asks for low fat or low cal, that isn't my issue. You can monitor your own eating by portioning things out. Even if its lathered in butter, you can decide how much to eat of it.
Or, if it is a picnic and you have certain dietary needs, it is YOUR job to bring something you can eat. Don't go to a BBQ and then be surprised there isn't a vegetarian or vegan or gluten free option at something like that. For a formal event that it would be rude for your guests to bring their own food, think about everyone when you are planning your menu.0 -
The truth of the matter is if you force a meat eater to conform to your eating pallet than you are not catering to them. You are simply feeding them. It is literally no different from a meat eater asking the vegetarian to conform to their eating pallet.
Serving someone a meal which does not include every single item they regularly eat is absolutely not the same as serving someone a meal made with items which they have a moral or physical objection to eating.
Physical objections are right out the window because I have already stated that I would accommodate a food allergy even I was unaware of it ahead of time.
I also stated that if I know ahead of time then I will accommodate the vegetarian no matter what their reasons for being one is.
So we are talking about a vegetarian that is informing me of a moral objection to eating meat after the fact. Now we aren't talking about rape here, we are talking about eating animals. So while on the former I would say it is obviously immoral I would need to be convinced on the latter. Humans would not be alive today if people in the past did not eat animals. It was an absolute necessity and presently our population is so large if everyone became a vegetarian the result would rampant food shortages and people would start to starve to death.
We can't subsist as a society on the quantity of vegetables that we produce. That isn't much of an issue as it is today because we eat both meat and vegetables. We are after all omnivores.
So my response is there is nothing immoral about eating a steak. Your objection is completely arbitrary and pointless. I do not accept it as justification for not eating the "completely edible" food I have provided and I find it to be weak justification to restrict my diet when I am your guest.
That said if I am the guest I will keep my grumblings to myself if I am forced to eat as a vegetarian because as stated in that scenario I would be the guest. I still don't see it as different but it is by no means unacceptable.0 -
I just have a question about everyone saying it is the bride's day, not yours....It isn't really related to the topic of catering exactly, but, if NO ONE showed up that the bride invited, she would be okay with that? I was always shown and told that the wedding is really about the guests, the honeymoon is about the newly married couple.0
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Humans would not be alive today if people in the past did not eat animals. It was an absolute necessity and presently our population is so large if everyone became a vegetarian the result would rampant food shortages and people would start to starve to death.
"Because we've always done it" or "because we built our society on it" or "because it's tradition" are not, alone, good reasons to do absolutely anything. You need something else; circumstances change. Western society was built on pillage, slavery, and rape, and no one suggests continuing those traditions.
You are factually incorrect regarding your statement that mass vegetarianism would cause rampant food shortages and starvation. Firstly, it's unrealistic that the entire world would go vegetarian overnight. Secondly, what exactly do you think farm animals eat? That specific grain may not be of a quality sellable to humans, but the space needed to grow crops to feed humans only is a lot less than to feed creatures consumed by humans.0 -
The vegetarian thing is really getting to some people isn't it.
To be honest, you could serve vegetarian food and have no meat. No need to provide special diets for meat eaters. :laugh:0 -
When I was a vegetarian, I ate meat in foreign countries, because I was eating at people's houses, they cooked for me, and I wasn't going to be rude and not eat what they made. Everything that we eat was alive once, whether it was furry, feathered, or green and leafy.
However, if it were my party, I'd serve meat, and have plenty of meatless side dishes.0 -
I don't think it's rude at all it is that couple's day, and up to them what they want, if they can find something that everyone would agree on then OK, but I dont go to my brother in-laws house (Hindi), and expect them to set aside and make special food for me because I'm not used to the spice. I enjoy it, and if I dont like soemthing I dont eat it. so it is not rude at all she's having a wedding not running a business.0
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All you have to do is dump a salad in a serving dish, im a happy vegan!0
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It's hilarious how everyone would be happy if you just make sure you provide a balanced meal of veggies, protein, and carbs. All you really have to do is tell the catering company that all vegetable options should be nut, meat, wheat, and dairy free and have 2-3 options. That is something that is basically standard at the weddings I have been to (and I photograph the for money, so I've been to more than my fair share).0
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I've found most people with serious allergies or diseases pertaining to food are pretty smart about taking care of themselves (I had a friend with celiac who i had NO clue was because she never made a big deal about it, she'd eat what she could and politely refused other things) And yes it always is nice to have a vegetarian option but I really wouldn't worry about anything too specific.
One of my good friends had her wedding on Thanksgiving, so everybody got a plated dinner (all exactly the same) of mashed potatoes, turkey, cranberry sauce, veggies and gravy poured over top of pretty much everything, I hate gravy, with a firey passion, but it was her day, i wasn't paying for the food, and it's one night.0 -
Holy crap. I have several food allergies & I would NEVER expect a bride to p*ssy-foot around MY needs on HER wedding budget. I know what I can & cannot eat. There is ALWAYS a side dish that is edible. I eat what I can & leave the rest in group settings. My medical needs are my responsibility. It would be different if someone was having me over & specifically asking me what I can't eat, but when someone is looking to feed a group of 50-500 people, it's totally up to the individual to look out for themselves.0
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"but it was her day, i wasn't paying for the food, and it's one night."
EXACTLY!0 -
a person has the right to attend a wedding or not. eat or not. enjoy the company or just don't go.0
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Exacty! Where do we draw the line. It is impossible to please everybody - and if you only try to please some, the others will be offended you didn't please them.I love it when someone prepares gluten free food for me, but I don't expect it at a large, already complicated event like a wedding. I bring my own snacks. So no, I don't think it's rude. It would be pointless for me to invite someone over for a small dinner without catering to their dietary needs.
What about wearing perfume? Is it rude to wear perfume, because some people are allergic to it?0 -
Being in a wheelchair is a physical handicap, which means if there isn't a ramp or a way for them to get in there, then they physically can't come. But if you don't have food they like - they don't have to eat it. They'll still be there either way.
ThisNOPE,,,,,, if its your allergy or special diet, YOU take care of it.
If someone was in a wheel chair and there was a ramp to get to the table would you have the same attitude?
If you invite someone to share a meal/buffet to celebrate your occasion then the least you can do is make them comfortable and welcome?0 -
that makes no sense - first of all, why would no one show up that was invited? Secondly, why would the wedding be about the guests?? A wedding is when two people get married - and they then invite their family and friends to come celebrate THEIR MARRIAGE. If they want to serve popcorn and fried clams at their wedding - it is their choice. If the guests don't like that, it is not the couple's problem. Sure, we might want to try to accomodate our friends and family by having stuff that they will enjoy eating, but we don't HAVE TO.I just have a question about everyone saying it is the bride's day, not yours....It isn't really related to the topic of catering exactly, but, if NO ONE showed up that the bride invited, she would be okay with that? I was always shown and told that the wedding is really about the guests, the honeymoon is about the newly married couple.0 -
I think I would try to include a variety of foods, if possible, that there might be something for everyone. I went to a wedding once where the groom was allergic to sugar. The wedding cake was ordered with a sugar free top for the bride and groom, and the rest of the cake was supposed to be normal. Well, the whole cake ended up being sugar free, and it was fun at the reception watching the variety of ways people would taste and then dispose of their cake!0
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Exacty! Where do we draw the line. It is impossible to please everybody - and if you only try to please some, the others will be offended you didn't please them.I love it when someone prepares gluten free food for me, but I don't expect it at a large, already complicated event like a wedding. I bring my own snacks. So no, I don't think it's rude. It would be pointless for me to invite someone over for a small dinner without catering to their dietary needs.
What about wearing perfume? Is it rude to wear perfume, because some people are allergic to it?
Where do we draw the line at all? Why bother to feed them, it's expensive. Why worry about seating for the guests, it won't hurt most of them to stand for a few hours. The ones who cant can stay home. Why send a thank you card, it was your day.
It's about being a good host. It's not possible to accommodate everything, but arranging an alternative meal for those with medical reasons isn't difficult. I like to include a vegetarian meal because it covers those who are but also it is often an option for those on different types of diets.
The marriage is about the couple. You don't need guests. You are asking people to join you, you are hosting them. The marriage was about the couple, the reception was a thank you to the guests for coming. People once believed that there was an etiqutte behind hosting people. That is pretty much gone by the wayside now.
No, you don't HAVE to.
As for a couple of posts above - its not about what guests demand or expect - they shouldn't either. It's about what the host offers. I'm not saying any guest demand this but a good host offers it0 -
Humans would not be alive today if people in the past did not eat animals. It was an absolute necessity and presently our population is so large if everyone became a vegetarian the result would rampant food shortages and people would start to starve to death.
"Because we've always done it" or "because we built our society on it" or "because it's tradition" are not, alone, good reasons to do absolutely anything. You need something else; circumstances change. Western society was built on pillage, slavery, and rape, and no one suggests continuing those traditions.
You are factually incorrect regarding your statement that mass vegetarianism would cause rampant food shortages and starvation. Firstly, it's unrealistic that the entire world would go vegetarian overnight. Secondly, what exactly do you think farm animals eat? That specific grain may not be of a quality sellable to humans, but the space needed to grow crops to feed humans only is a lot less than to feed creatures consumed by humans.
You are correct in that appeals to tradition are not enough to justify anything especially when talking about your slavery example. The thing is I was not making an appeal to tradition. I was pointing out an actual physical necessity. I was never saying we should keep doing it because we have always done it. I was saying if we didn't do it in the past we would not have even made it to today. Eating meat was and is physically necessary.
I don't know where you are getting your numbers regarding the amount of food consumption we have in the this country but no I am not factually incorrect at all. Let me address your two criticisms in turn.
You said "Firstly it is unrealistic that the entire world would go vegetarian overnight." Ok so basically you are saying that as long as there are some people committing the immoral act of eating meat there will still be enough food to go around. Forgive me but isn't that just reinforcing my point? I never said the entire world I was only talking about our country but even if it were just a huge majority of people that felt eating meat was immoral it would be entirely impractical for that to happen and if it did we would run in to food shortages. Especially in parts of the country where the bulk of their fruits and vegetables are imported from other parts of the country. The demand for fruits and vegetables would cause prices to sky rocket. Basically the only reason that you are able to be a vegetarian is because there are some people who aren't vegetarians.
Your second point "Secondly, what exactly do you think farm animals eat? That specific grain may not be of a quality sellable to humans, but the space needed to grow crops to feed humans only is a lot less than to feed creatures consumed by humans." Well even if we didn't have everyone go vegetarian and we just had a large percentage of people do it. What do you think would happen with all of these livestock animals? Farmers don't raise them out of some sense of benevolence. The farmer needs that animal to go to auction or a butcher at some point. Well with the drastic reduction in the number of people eating these animals their prices would plummet.
Farmers would not continue to raise them as they would not be cost effective. So the most logical thing for these farmers to do would be to eat the livestock themselves. Because the livestock also has to be fed and taken care of right up to the point when they are butchered.
It would be very difficult if not impossible for farmers to be able to expand their fields and get their production shifted over to meet this rising demand for fruits and vegetables. The kicker is all of this could be avoided if only eating animals wasn't immoral. The only other way to look at it is that the world needs some immoral people like me so that it can afford the luxury of having some moral people like you.0 -
I have a lot of food allergies, and so does my daughter. It pisses me off to no end when her step mom won't cater to her... she just feeds her stuff she's allergic to with a benadryl.
But the problem I've found is that we can't really eat stuff that's been prepared by others because we have no idea what's in it. I eat something, and then surprise! I'm swelling everywhere. If you don't think you should cater, then maybe think of putting something out that shows what foods it might contain, or have a supply of epipens available.
You won't be able to cater to everyone, and it's a lot of work doing on a daily basis at home for me and my kid. I can't imagine trying to please hundreds of people with multiple requests.0 -
How many people are attending? It may be impossible to cater to every last person. People with allergies should be offered safe food choices, people on a diet can suck it up and go for sensible portions.0
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One of my main jobs is organizing events so this is a question I deal with quite regularly - we always ask for our registrants to let us know in advance if they have dietary needs (including allergies, vegetarians, vegans, etc.)
Inevitably, three or four people show up to these events who did NOT let us know about these dietary restrictions in advance. My policy is to bend over backward for someone who lets us know when they register, but if they wait until they show up to suddenly decide they can't eat gluten or are vegetarian, then they will have to eat one of our salad options with my apologies.
That being said, you could argue that our registrants are paying to attend our workshops, and wedding guests are obviously there at your invitation so you may be less obligated to cater to special requests. It's a tricky subject.0 -
This is a very interesting and relevant question. Whenever I entertain (houseparty, organized restaurant function, baby shower, etc) I tend to have some sort of simple, vegetarian choice somewhere, and am sparing with things with nuts. Those are relatively common situations these days. However, if you are on a super restrictive diet (which let's be honest, many times is elective), I am not going to have a veganlowsaltglutenfreelowfatreddyenumberthreekosher alternative menu. Eat before you attend so you will be comfortable picking through what's there. Come on people!0
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Exacty! Where do we draw the line. It is impossible to please everybody - and if you only try to please some, the others will be offended you didn't please them.I love it when someone prepares gluten free food for me, but I don't expect it at a large, already complicated event like a wedding. I bring my own snacks. So no, I don't think it's rude. It would be pointless for me to invite someone over for a small dinner without catering to their dietary needs.
What about wearing perfume? Is it rude to wear perfume, because some people are allergic to it?
Where do we draw the line at all? Why bother to feed them, it's expensive. Why worry about seating for the guests, it won't hurt most of them to stand for a few hours. The ones who cant can stay home. Why send a thank you card, it was your day.
It's about being a good host. It's not possible to accommodate everything, but arranging an alternative meal for those with medical reasons isn't difficult. I like to include a vegetarian meal because it covers those who are but also it is often an option for those on different types of diets.
So you offer a vegetarian option, but then there end up being Celiacs at your wedding, that you didn't know about. they see there is a vegetarian option and are offended that you didn't provide gluten free as well. Then, there is someone with a nut allergy who gets offended because you didn't provide a nut free menu. When does it end?
Yes, it is about being a host, but it is virtually impossible to please every single person - especially when you don't know about their diet choices and restrictions well in advance.
I don't even think the place I had my reception offers gluten free options. They never told me it was available, only vegetarian by request. But I wasn't going to find somewhere else to have my reception on the off chance that one of our guests had celiac.
As I've said previously, if you know your sister has Celiac, then obviously - TRY to provide a gluten free option for her. BUT she shouldn't expect you to or get offended if you can't (or the place doesn't offer it). When I am a guest at someone's event/party/house/bbq whatever it is - I don't expect them to cater to anything that I want or need. Whether it is food, or otherwise. I go because I am invited and want to be there. And anything else is icing on the cake.0 -
I don't think it's that difficult or more expensive to cater for allergies, etc.
Why can't a wedding have rice, salad, steamed vegetables, cheese platters, etc. for vegetarians and/or celiac guests? I particularly favour buffets for this...you can pick what you like or can eat. For celiac, you would have to avoid wheat contamination, so besides making dinner rolls available, you could avoid breaded foods and have clean roasted or grilled foods which are just as delicious, and anyone can eat them.0
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