My husband won't diet with me

toridehaven · April 2013

I understand the submissive wifely attitude. I totally get it and support that. However, even though he is the head of the family, you are the neck. The head can't do much without the neck. I assume you do the grocery shopping and meal planning right? If it's isn't there he can't eat it. Or if it is there you can chose heathier versions of dessert and other junk food. Maybe for meals, make everyone's plates and put the rest away; out of sight out of mind. Serve meals on smaller plates and maybe he won't realize his portions are smaller. You have to help him help himself without making him feel like he is on a diet as well. My husband and I have been enjoying cooking together. I try to let him decide the "meat" for dinner and I chose the sides which usually result in veggies. He enjoys BBQing and so he cooks the veggies that way sometimes too. Wacky mac is great too because he loves carbs but really has no clue that the pasta is made with veggies. Good luck!

NYCNika · April 2013

Hmm... So you believe your most important mission in life is to cater to and to gently protect his ego?

That is pretty far from any meaningful respect in my book.

spicy618 · April 2013

:laugh:

fitfreakymom · April 2013

for every 35 lbs he loses he will gain 1 inch of penis .. just saying

TAMayorga · April 2013

Maybe don't bring the high calorie food into the house to begin with, he can't eat what is not there..:

My husband buys his own doughnuts and chips when he wants them. And those darn Pilsbury cinnamon rolls!! He buys those all the time!

As for my kids, of I don't buy it, they can't eat what's not here. But my husband is an adult with a bank account and a car and will buy junk when he wants it.

I do agree with the concept of making healthier or smaller portioned homemade meals. Maybe serve yourselves and instantly pack up the left overs so they will get eaten later instead of as 3rd servings.

Thank You If I don't cook the biscuits or cookies or whatever he'll stop and buy some processed junk. I'd rather he eat the homemade stuff.

He has seen a doctor, of course the doctor told him his weight was a problem. But he also told him that unlike most obese people he is well-nourished. We eat a balanced diet of mostly real food, but too much real food and driving a truck 20 hrs a day has an effect on a person. He's not diabetic, even though it runs in his family. We're still both in our 30s, and I do believe it's not too late.

Have you tried making substitutions, like making the biscuits from half white and half whole wheat? Small things that will improve the nutrition of the food without changing the taste too abruptly? And he's driving 20 hrs a day??? No wonder he's eating too much, sleep deprivation will do that to you.

LBNOakland · April 2013

I always put extras away before we eat so my husband knows what is left is his. We eat leftovers for lunch. I also prepare the plates so he gets all of his veggies :-). He feels special that I 'serve' his food. Also- don't offer to get him snacks. If I don't, my husband either just forgets about it or get his own. He knows fully what I am doing- I am honest about it. If he wants to slowly kill himself with food, that is his choice, but I refuse to help him. My father died in his 60s because of morbid obesity- I have some issues with that topic :-). That being said- I don't make him diet. If he wants a pizza, he will order one.

^^^^This!!

BTW, I was the spouse who was killing myself. My hubby would ask me if I really eneded seconds or those chips. it made me defensive and not willing to listen. He tried to tell me he was worried about my health but I was already defensive and wouldn't listen. Be careful how you approach him! In the end, I wasn't going to lose until I was ready. He did purchase personal trainer sessions for me for Christmas one year. I loved it but I still back-slid.

When my dad died, I sank into depression. He purchased more sessions from a strength coach. It saved me. He didn't say, "you need to lose weight." He said, "I am worried about you. I don't want you in a wheel chair like your dad. You need be healthier" The strength coach also said we were working on strength and mobility, not weight loss. Even my previous personal trainer said, "You need something more - to step it up so I want you to work with him." I don't know why it worked but it did. It was almost like an intervention but it was what I needed.

hello_c_cup · April 2013

Hmm... So you believe your most important mission in life is to cater to and to gently protect his ego?

That is pretty far from any meaningful respect in my book.

OFT. It's pretty dang far from any meaningful form of SELF respect either, just sayin'. Sad to see internalized misogyny worn like a badge of pride.

That said, this is obnoxiously OT. I'm going to hush, now, and go away and read ... an article about Annie Thorisdottir or something.

NYCNika · April 2013

Submission is something that should be reserved purely for variety, on occasion you are feeling especially frisky. Adopting it as a life philosophy.... now that's just deviant.

abrodniak · April 2013

I cook enough for each person in my family to have one helping and no more. If they want more than what I cook, they have to get it themselves, but they usually don't. You can't force your husband to diet, but you can control how much you serve him. I go so far as to fix my husband's plate for him, and he never argues. He just enjoys what I serve him. The next time you are getting a bowl of ice cream, don't bother asking him if he wants any because that gives him the option to choose a bunch of stuff he doesn't need. Just fix him the same thing that you fix for yourself, and if he wants anything extra, let him get it himself. You are still taking care of him, but you are not enabling him by giving him a bunch of foods he doesn't really need. If he questions it, just tell him you are trying to eat more healthy and you need his support and that you would like him to be healthier, too, but that you aren't stopping him from getting anything extra that he wants.

LBNOakland · April 2013

I would withhold certain "wifely duties" until he shapes up. Teach him who really has the power.....Men love that sort of thing. If that doesn't work shame him about his body in front of his friends. He will likely want to change it.....Nobody enjoys doing the truffle shuffle.

DONT DO THIS!! Your relationship and his self-respect is more improtant. It will just make him defensive and angry. It will become a control issue with him proving to you that he is in control. Trust me! I have been there but I was the one being shamed. It WILL NOT work!!

hello_c_cup · April 2013

I would withhold certain "wifely duties" until he shapes up. Teach him who really has the power.....Men love that sort of thing. If that doesn't work shame him about his body in front of his friends. He will likely want to change it.....Nobody enjoys doing the truffle shuffle.

DONT DO THIS!! Your relationship and his self-respect is more improtant. It will just make him defensive and angry. It will become a control issue with him proving to you that he is in control. Trust me! I have been there but I was the one being shamed. It WILL NOT work!!

Edit: I can't even. Too effed up. Leaving this thread, now, for real.

MyChocolateDiet · April 2013

Just stick with your diet. Try serving yourself the portion you think you might eat erring on the side of less so there's no leftovers for him to eat. If you need more you can serve yourself a little more.

Let him have whatever he wants. When he sees you changing let him come to his own conclusions whether he could do it, if you could. Let him take his own time deciding, and then let him choose whatever plan is right for him. If he asks for your opinion, input, or help at that point, give as little as possible and let him incorporate some, all, or none of it as this is just gathering info time. Don't expect him to take it.

He sounds like me. I tend to rebel and am quick to suspect a trap and he seems to be reacting accordingly. I am however not a total idiot and I bet he's not if he's with someone as kind and patient as you seem to be. Let him work it out for himself. Good luck on YOUR journey, and good luck whenever he gets on HIS own.:flowerforyou:

ETA: and as for the ice cream stop asking him what he wants on it, especially if you would have never asked before, because if that's the case (and even if it isn't) he may be feeling every time you ask him that you are hoping/expecting/demanding that he will suddenly go "Oh no honey, thanks, you are my new weight loss hero and I want to be exactly like you and eat what you eat." and so he instead says, "extra hot fudge extra nuts and extra everything". That's what I would do, only I'd probably add,"-- and while you're at it go to Mrs. Field's and get some brownies to put under it and nuke that baby and the fudge daddy's HONGREY!"

ldrosophila · April 2013

promise him a BJ for every pound he loses.... i bet he'll drop weight like nobody's business.

sorted

You should write a diet book

Um, I think he just did. :laugh:

How come women never get offers off cunnilingus to lose weight? I'd weight 100lbs if that was on the table. Sigh...life aint fair.

BinaryPulsar · April 2013

I believe in wifely submission,

What? You lost me. :huh:

ninerbuff · April 2013

Ask him to sign up for a higher life insurance policy. That way you and the kids are covered in case of the inevitable. Sometimes it works and if it doesn't, then at the very least you're prepping for the future. Might sound brutally honest, but I've seen it happen a few times now.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

swissbrit · April 2013

Cook less and if he complains tell him that you dont want him to drop dead from a heart attack!!!!! The truth hurts but it works :-) My partner has lost 20kgs since January I told him all last year that he neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeded to lose weight for himself not for me (he was near 300lbs but 6ft 4 ) he spent the first week after the new year in hospital after being nearer than near to a hear attack BP 0ver 200.
The truth hurts but if you love someone you dont have any unhealthy **** in the house full stop :-)

swissbrit · April 2013

You had me at "wifely submission."

...No wait. Sorry, you LOST me at "wifely submission."

Ayup. The only place "wifely submission" has in any marriage is in the bedroom, accompanied by handcuffs and a safety word.

But I suspect that that is not the meaning that the OP had. Sorry, but any marriage not based on equality and respect is not a healthy one. Marital submission, in the religious sense, IMO, is about control and power, and in too many cases, abuse.

Nope. It is about loving your husband and showing respect. the flip side is what no one ever remembers. the husband's duty is to love your wife as Christ loves the church. If both husband and wife are using the biblical criteria, the marriage will be one of love, respect, best friends, putting one another's needs before your own.

Trust me, it does work. I have been married for 23 years. The first years were not great. My salvation and my CORRECT understanding of the biblical precept of marriage saved my marriage. I am married to my best friend. We discuss EVERYTHING. If we cannot come to an agreement, we set it aside and pray about it. if we still do not come to an agreement and a decision MUST be made, his decision stands. But it has come with much prayerful consideration on both our parts. I can count on maybe 1 hand the number of times we have not reached an agreement or at least a compromise.

Sorry I am not a beliver but I am informed!!!
Then you can tell him glutony is a sin so he better pull his socks up or he will get turned back at the pearly gates!!!!!! problem solved!!!!!!!

dluce2569 · April 2013

Yep, you can't make someone diet if they don't want to. I agree with many others...cook less. Don't have sweets and munchies available. or only buy help treats...sugar free, low calorie. Then if he eats more, he's still eating less.