Is it your responsibility to stay in shape for your S/O...

Options
whierd
whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
in Chit-Chat
...to keep them sexually attracted?

Or should they just accept you as you are?

I was reading a thread earlier about some spouses letting themselves go after marriage and it struck me as odd. I have always subscribed to the former. Your thoughts?
«134567…12

Replies

  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    Options
    IN!
  • tattygun
    tattygun Posts: 447 Member
    Options
    Should make an effort to stay in shape IMO
  • _noob_
    _noob_ Posts: 3,306 Member
    Options
    it's definitely easier on my bank account when I'm attractive enough for my wife to accept me.
  • FussyFruitbat
    FussyFruitbat Posts: 110 Member
    Options
    If you're getting to married to someone who only wants to be with you when you're hot, you shouldn't have gotten married to them in the first place.
  • livingfortheone
    livingfortheone Posts: 273 Member
    Options
    You start getting serious when your S/O starts using Sex as a weapon.
  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,487 Member
    Options
    They should accept you as you are, but they (and you) also need to be honest with each other as to what you are sexually attracted to physically and visually. You marry or are with the person for what is inside; however, if they do not want to see a decrease in sex then they need to do their part in keeping it together for their SO. IMO.
  • erg2013
    erg2013 Posts: 84 Member
    Options
    Absolutely! People often get complacent in relationships - I think you should always try to look your best for yourself - and your partner.
  • Sox90716
    Sox90716 Posts: 976 Member
    Options
    It is your responsibility to stay in shape for yourself.
  • mmddwechanged
    mmddwechanged Posts: 1,687 Member
    Options
    No it is not!!!!!!!

    It's written in the marriage vows:)
    It is a responsibility to love each other through thick and thin and accept each other unconditionally.

    Having said that, I know I am a better wife, friend, mother if I take care if my own health and happiness. By being a better person for ourselves we improve our relationship with others.
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    Options
    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    Options
    i'm sure there is an answer he that applies to every relationship in existence.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
    Options
    It's your responsibility to stay in shape for yourSELF. It is unattractive when a person doesn't care about themselves enough to take pride in their health or overall well being. Not just about appearance, although let's face it, we're all a LITTLE shallow to some extent (you didn't see your husband/wife for the first time and go "damn, I bet they've got an AMAZING personality", the physical attraction was the attention grabber), but the overall sense of self worth. If someone shows that they no longer value him or herself, it's going to be a turn off, no matter how much you love a person.
  • ahviendha
    ahviendha Posts: 1,291 Member
    Options
    They should accept you as you are, but they (and you) also need to be honest with each other as to what you are sexually attracted to physically and visually. You marry or are with the person for what is inside; however, if they do not want to see a decrease in sex then they need to do their part in keeping it together for their SO. IMO.

    agree with your words and your cleavage.
  • siany01
    siany01 Posts: 319 Member
    Options
    They should accept you as you are, but they (and you) also need to be honest with each other as to what you are sexually attracted to physically and visually. You marry or are with the person for what is inside; however, if they do not want to see a decrease in sex then they need to do their part in keeping it together for their SO. IMO.

    This
  • evans72002
    evans72002 Posts: 89 Member
    Options
    Get it shape for your self esteem and your health. If you have to maintain a certain standard for your s/o to stay interested, find someone new. You aren't doing it right if everything in the bedroom is visual, anyway.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    Options
    Ppl let themselves go becuz they become complacent and lazy.
    Its pathetic that so many relationships suffer after the "courting" or "honeymoon" is over. Lots of ppl don't even wait that long.
    Its so easy to find love when ur young, wait till ur in ur late 20's or early 30's and see how hard it is to find someone.
    Ppl need to start embracing life from the jump.
    I feel for those who "give up"
    With that being said..

    I.gif

    Wher's my bow and arrow!
  • mmddwechanged
    mmddwechanged Posts: 1,687 Member
    Options
    And I also would add that being in shape is a tiny factor contributing towards sexuality.
  • determinedbutlazy
    determinedbutlazy Posts: 1,941 Member
    Options
    I think it's more important to be in shape for YOU, not for your spouse.
    If I were back at 240lbs, I would not be feeling sexy or attractive... I would be less keen on engaging my partner in any kind of activity that didn't involve the lights out and all my clothes still on.
    HOWEVER, there are some women that can maintain a vibrant, sparky sexlife at a higher weight and as long as their husbands don't find them unattractive, why not?

    I used to go through a fat-happy stage in relationships, where we're both comfortable and don't feel the need to "try" any more.
    Then I realise *I* don't want to have sex because I'm fat and lazy and I don't want to have sex with *him* because I don't find him as attractive any more.

    Plus it's all relative. I few lbs around the middle from good food and good wine and general contentedness? Sure, hubby, why not. Still a demon in the bedroom? Fine by me. 150lbs gained in 5 years, stuck in front of the TV all day and snoring like a pig in a drainpipe every night instead of taking care of business? Nope.
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
    Options
    As much as I want to say "They should accept you as you are," I think it doesn't actually match up with real-life. Your SO signed up for who you were when you got together. People change both emotionally and physically over time, though. Sometimes either of these types of changes can be really unpleasant. So, yeah - try to look as good or better most of the time as you did when you attracted him or her.
  • skalkbrenn
    skalkbrenn Posts: 47 Member
    Options
    Hi Whierd,

    Interesting topic....I think that a spouse should love you no matter what, but I think that love and attraction are two different things. I have been married for 12 years and my husband has put on about 80lbs (he was super scrawny when we got married so he's not even huge now). But I am still incredibly attracted to him. Alot of that attraction comes from the bound that we have and the fact that he can still make me laugh, and part of it is definitely physical. Sometimes the attraction is just there and other times you have to work at it.

    That being said I always work to improve myself and look good for not only him but myself. If I find myself attractive then I do not need his approval/attention, it's just a bonus. Plus, I've noticed that when I feel attractive and confident then he is naturally more attracted to me. I think that confidence and attraction go together instinctively. If someone is confident, they are usually going to take care of themself. It's during the times when I have been depressed or bummed out when I haven't cared and that is when I notice the biggest decline in attraction between both of us. It's not just one person's responsibility to keep attraction going, it is a joint effort.

Categories