Is it your responsibility to stay in shape for your S/O...

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Replies

  • rowanwood
    rowanwood Posts: 509 Member
    My friend's dad was in the hospital for over a year with legionnaire's disease. I've had two pregnancies. My husband is getting ear hair. I could probably trade him in for a hotter model, but I like him the way he is.

    Yes, you should have the self-respect to look the best you can. However, life happens too and marriage is for the long term.

    PS - my husband thinks I was sexy at my heaviest and most out of shape. Love him for that!

    THIS. Because seriously, you can get in a car accident, have cancer, lose a limb...and what, then your marriage is over because you aren't pretty anymore?

    Love yourself and get into the size and shape you feel good at if you can. But marriage isn't a love affair and it isn't all roses. Sometimes, you have to clean the toilet. You better love whoever made the streaks because hot just doesn't cut it.
  • badjuju775
    badjuju775 Posts: 47
    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.

    LOL

    Love it!
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Uh, **** no? I'm staying in shape for myself, and only myself.

    I would never marry someone that only loved me when I was at my best. That is false love, and I ain't got time for that ****.

    Sexual attraction =/= love

    I'm only speaking in terms of physical and sexual attraction.
  • wolfpack77
    wolfpack77 Posts: 655
    Your primary motivator should be for yourself, but in the context of relationships its could be considered another maintenance item, yes.
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
    Yes.
  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
    Still only doing it for myself. They can leave if they aren't attracted anymore. Their loss.
  • addreonnaseger
    addreonnaseger Posts: 205
    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.

    This lady. All the awards.
  • monamecha
    monamecha Posts: 12
    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.

    bwaahahahahahaha!!!!
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
    Yep.

    Relationships are partnerships. You let yourself go while your s/o stays hott, then don't be surprised if they want to leave the partnership and find a new partner to replace you.

    So do it for yourself and the partnership. Stay attracted, have fabulous sex and ***** less about your failed *kitten* relationships.
  • Ralphrabbit
    Ralphrabbit Posts: 351 Member
    Amen to that!
    Only can do it for yourself. If they are fickle enough for it to make a difference then they need an attitude change......
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Your primary motivator should be for yourself, but in the context of relationships its could be considered another maintenance item, yes.

    Well said.
  • Cadori
    Cadori Posts: 4,810 Member
    Uh, **** no? I'm staying in shape for myself, and only myself.

    I would never marry someone that only loved me when I was at my best. That is false love, and I ain't got time for that ****.

    Sexual attraction =/= love

    I'm only speaking in terms of physical and sexual attraction.

    There's a difference between initial purely physical lust sexual attraction and the close bond that includes the emotional intimacy sex brings in a long term committed relationship. Sexual attraction, to me at this point, includes more than looks, it is part of loving someone.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    It's your responsibility to stay in shape for yourself.

    If you can't stay in shape for yourself, then it says a lot about you. It's about how you respect yourself as a human being, how you can maintain dedication to something vitally important, and how you can exercise control over your physical desires.

    A man at 300 lbs 50% body fat is simply a different man than the same one at 175 lbs 10% body fat. It's not about sexual desire or attractiveness, it's about self respect.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Still only doing it for myself. They can leave if they aren't attracted anymore. Their loss.

    So you don't believe you have a responsibility in maintaining your S/O's sexual interest?
  • EvanKeel
    EvanKeel Posts: 1,904 Member
    I suppose it depends on what you consider the responsibilities from one spouse to another are, which would vary by relationship/marriage.

    I think the more interesting question is when we compare one value to another. Let's compare something similar.

    Suppose the basic result is that we say that staying fit is a responsibility. Do we then say that staying fit for reasons of attractiveness is equal to staying fit for reasons of health? Seems a bit shallow to me, but other people's marriages aren't really my business either.
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
    It should be a mutual effort to at least attempt to maintain (aging process withstanding) the level each person was when they met. But being too rigid about this would be a recipe for relationship disaster.
  • Ashshell
    Ashshell Posts: 185
    Everyone's relationship is different. If one partner expresses that they are unhappy due to changes in their spouse's appearance, I think it is important to make changes in order to make things work. If the partner who has "let themselves go" likes the way they are and doesn't want to change, they have a choice to make. We can't choose who we are attracted to.
  • sarahg148
    sarahg148 Posts: 701 Member
    I don't have a S/O at the moment, but I think you absolutely have that responsibility, especially if you are married. Boyfriends/girlfriends can walk away at any time. Spouses (ideally) cannot.

    I got in shape (and I'm staying that way) because I wanted to, not because I thought I had to for someone else. I have seen the benefits of adopting this as a lifestyle and not just to fit into a dress or to look good on the beach for the summer and then go back to ignoring my body. So first and foremost, I think you owe it to yourself.

    But I believe that physical attraction is critical to a healthy romantic relationship, and sex is most definitely critical to a healthy marriage. Obviously, as you age, things are going to change about your body (wrinkles, gray hair, pregnancy, etc.), and that's fine. But there is no excuse for gaining a dramatic amount of weight and expecting your spouse to continue on like nothing has changed. People always say "If your husband/wife loved you, they shouldn't care." Well, if YOU loved him/her, why would you gain 50 lbs and act like that doesn't affect some key areas of your relationship?

    In same boat, and agree 100%.
  • Cadori
    Cadori Posts: 4,810 Member
    It should be a mutual effort to at least attempt to maintain (aging process withstanding) the level each person was when they met. But being too rigid about this would be a recipe for relationship disaster.

    Shoot, we were 6 and 11 when we met...we look nothing like that 26 years later. :laugh:

    I agree with what you're saying though.
  • sarahg148
    sarahg148 Posts: 701 Member
    It should be a mutual effort to at least attempt to maintain (aging process withstanding) the level each person was when they met. But being too rigid about this would be a recipe for relationship disaster.

    This, too.
  • InnerConflict
    InnerConflict Posts: 1,592 Member
    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.

    Sounds like your boyfriend is your S/O
  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
    Still only doing it for myself. They can leave if they aren't attracted anymore. Their loss.

    So you don't believe you have a responsibility in maintaining your S/O's sexual interest?
    No.
  • MagicalLeopleurodon
    MagicalLeopleurodon Posts: 623 Member
    only if it goes both ways. if he expects me to maintain a certain physical qualitt, he had better be prepared to bench press a car.

    thankfully, neither of us has set this standard.
  • laughingdani
    laughingdani Posts: 2,275 Member
    Does one's SO have the responsibility to not say anything negatively if they gain some weight back?
    Because let's face it....*kitten* happens.

    It's not my responsibility to look good for him. Sure he reaps some benefits....but he's not a motivating factor.

    I do this for myself. I made myself a priority.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    Still only doing it for myself. They can leave if they aren't attracted anymore. Their loss.

    So you don't believe you have a responsibility in maintaining your S/O's sexual interest?
    No.
    What is your opinion if the shoe's on the other foot? Would you expect your partner to stay in decent shape? If not, would you be able to honestly remain attracted despite it?

    I'm not taking a dig, just curious about this POV.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Still only doing it for myself. They can leave if they aren't attracted anymore. Their loss.

    So you don't believe you have a responsibility in maintaining your S/O's sexual interest?
    No.

    Do you believe you have a responsibility to be as good in bed for them as possible?

    And as a second question:

    Do you believe you have any responsibility for their happiness in any area?

    Not as the primary responsible party, but at all.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    Does one's SO have the responsibility to not say anything negatively if they gain some weight back?
    Because let's face it....*kitten* happens.

    It's not my responsibility to look good for him. Sure he reaps some benefits....but he's not a motivating factor.

    I do this for myself. I made myself a priority.

    Indeed, and that's why it's important in a relationship.

    It's not important that you "look good" for your SO. It's important that you have enough self respect and control over your physical desires that you can maintain a healthy body.
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    Talents far outweigh the eye candy factor
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    only if it goes both ways. if he expects me to maintain a certain physical qualitt, he had better be prepared to bench press a car.

    thankfully, neither of us has set this standard.

    Yes, I asked the question with the intent of it applying to both parties.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I don't like when people decide on purpose to let themselves go because they're married and "don't have to try anymore." I find that horribly dishonest.

    However, when you spend a lifetime with another person, you have to expect that crap happens and sometimes physical appearance becomes less of a priority as other things get in the way. If you only love a person for what he orshe looks like, you are probably not going to have a successful relationship, long-term.

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