Is it your responsibility to stay in shape for your S/O...

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Replies

  • Syriene
    Syriene Posts: 238
    Well, I'd say a little of both. I'm thinking from more of a health stand point though, instead of attraction. You should accept them for who they are, but at the same time, you don't want their health to become affected. You want them to be around and healthy as long as possible.
  • JLPaige
    JLPaige Posts: 194
    It is your responsibility to stay in shape for yourself.

    Definitely this!
  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,486 Member
    The better I look, the better I am in bed..

    Im just sayin..

    AGREE 100%...if I feel good and think I look good then I'm fantastic (at least in my head..haha).
  • RawMomma10
    RawMomma10 Posts: 89 Member
    Hi Whierd,

    Interesting topic....I think that a spouse should love you no matter what, but I think that love and attraction are two different things. I have been married for 12 years and my husband has put on about 80lbs (he was super scrawny when we got married so he's not even huge now). But I am still incredibly attracted to him. Alot of that attraction comes from the bond that we have and the fact that he can still make me laugh, and part of it is definitely physical. Sometimes the attraction is just there and other times you have to work at it.

    That being said I always work to improve myself and look good for not only him but myself. If I find myself attractive then I do not need his approval/attention, it's just a bonus. Plus, I've noticed that when I feel attractive and confident then he is naturally more attracted to me. I think that confidence and attraction go together instinctively. If someone is confident, they are usually going to take care of themself. It's during the times when I have been depressed or bummed out when I haven't cared and that is when I notice the biggest decline in attraction between both of us. It's not just one person's responsibility to keep attraction going, it is a joint effort.

    I totally agree with this.... after giving birth to three kids... I was SO NOT in the shape I was when my ex husband and I first met...... but then again neither was he..... While I think it is important to be in shape... for health reasons... if you are not in shape.. but still healthy (as in not suffering from medical issues caused by not being in top shape).... and you feel good about yourself and your happy... then so what??..... In my own opinion... if your SO is going to leave you because you gained 30 pounds with kids you cant seem to get off in what he thinks is a sufficient amount of time.. and vice versa... then that SO would prob leave/cheat/be unhappy regardless.. they would just find another reason for it... I think its great to be in shape for your SO .. we all want to feel desired, attractive to our other half..... but I dont think it should be standardized..... I think its up to each individual person/couple..... :)
  • cgirlygirl
    cgirlygirl Posts: 49
    I don't think it is necessarily to keep them sexually attracted to you--I think it is MORE important to be healthy so that you are around longer, able to take care of yourself, your children, and them! And to still be active and alive!
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
    The better I look, the better I am in bed..

    Im just sayin..
    ditto ^^

    so that's really a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?

    for me it's a function of the legs and back disc in P90X. :tongue:
  • ohmscheeks
    ohmscheeks Posts: 840 Member
    I think it is a spouse's responsibility to do everything in his or her power to bring happiness into the marriage; within reason of course. Hottie maintenance is pretty reasonable; health willing...
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I'd rather be single my entire life than marry or even date someone who thought it was my "responsibility" to stay in shape for him (or his for me).

    You completely missed the point. I did not ask if you felt it was someone else's responsibility, but if YOU had that responsibility.

    I don't feel like I did, yet your response doesn't make sense as a response to what I said.
    I said no, I do not. I thought that was pretty clear, but maybe I'm wrong. Or maybe you're asking a question that is so far above my intellectual level that I just don't get it.

    I feel that you did. You stated that you would not remain with someone who thought it was your responsibility to stay in shape for them. I was asking if YOU felt like it was YOUR responsibility to stay in shape for them.
  • ncl1313
    ncl1313 Posts: 237 Member

    What is my responsibility is to do everything I can to be around for her and my son as long as I can, and that's the reason for me trying to get healthier. It's also the reason I don't base jump.

    So - I guess the short answer, for me, is that it is my responsibility to find things to make my wife's life better, where being in shape falls on that spectrum is dependent upon the relationship you are in and what values your SO places on that.

    I totally agree with this. Besides, what is the definition of "letting yourself go"? Are we talking about gaining 20 pounds? 30? 100? What about going grey and not dyeing your hair? Getting wrinkles and refusing to get botox? Having stretch marks from pregnancy and not getting laser removal surgery? Not shaving your legs in the winter? Not showering every day? No longer getting mani/pedis? How about never going to the doctor for yearly checkups? Or the dentist?

    And perhaps it's more about priorities for some people. If only one of you likes to/has to work out to stay in shape, is it more valuable for that person to spend their free time in the gym instead of with their spouse?

    But maybe I'm spoiled because sexual attraction/prowess has never been an issue for hubby and me, even with the extra weight.
  • chantelp89
    chantelp89 Posts: 590 Member
    If you're getting to married to someone who only wants to be with you when you're hot, you shouldn't have gotten married to them in the first place.
    If you were hot and in shape when you got married, then that's the person they were attracted to
  • ernielaurie
    ernielaurie Posts: 80
    It is your responsibility to stay in shape for yourself.

    YES!
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
    If you were hot and in shape when you got married, then that's the person they were attracted to

    Shallow people only marry a person based on looks.
  • facilitators1334
    facilitators1334 Posts: 48
    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.

    Hahahaha
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    The better I look, the better I am in bed..

    Im just sayin..
    ditto ^^

    so that's really a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?

    for me it's a function of the legs and back disc in P90X. :tongue:

    oh, i see....left hip, right hip, put your back into it, uuuuuuuh!
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    If you were hot and in shape when you got married, then that's the person they were attracted to

    Shallow people only marry a person based on looks.

    So you believe that looks should have no bearing on choosing their potential mate?
  • chantelp89
    chantelp89 Posts: 590 Member
    The better I look, the better I am in bed..

    Im just sayin..

    AGREE 100%...if I feel good and think I look good then I'm fantastic (at least in my head..haha).

    Yes yes yes
  • peachfigs
    peachfigs Posts: 831 Member
    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.

    Gurl you sassy

    tumblr_mex706sxLt1rlkao8o1_500.gif
  • galenofedgewood
    galenofedgewood Posts: 146 Member
    I'm not sure if it is a "responsibility" as much as it just makes sense. If you are wanting your SO to "accept you for who you are" but are unwilling to accept that they prefer the more "fit" yourself? That's screwed up and a completely unbalanced relationship, IMO.
  • melindasuefritz
    melindasuefritz Posts: 3,509 Member
    they s hould accept u as u are. skinny or fat ...........
    but they met u fat or whatevr they knew what they was getting
  • Beezil
    Beezil Posts: 1,677 Member
    I guess it depends on what's important to each person. You should, imo, at least have a responsibility to stay HEALTHY for them, so that you can be around as long as possible. :)

    Me personally, I think some effort is important. Beauty fades over time, they say, but it doesn't mean we have to stop putting effort into how we look.
  • MizzDoc
    MizzDoc Posts: 493 Member
    It is your responsibility to stay in shape for yourself.

    ^^^^^ THIS.

    100% agree.
  • turboturtlepower
    turboturtlepower Posts: 79
    You should *want* to stay in shape for your husband. I know I do.
  • eringrace10
    eringrace10 Posts: 135 Member
    Stay in shape for you and you alone, attractiveness fades if that's all relationship is built on. The twilight years will be horrible at best .
  • jasmineconley
    jasmineconley Posts: 438 Member
    So men don't really dig the sweatpants, wife beater, ponytail, and no makeup combo?
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    So men don't really dig the sweatpants, wife beater, ponytail, and no makeup combo?

    As long as you have a great butt, I could care less.
  • PaleoChocolateBear
    PaleoChocolateBear Posts: 2,844 Member
    So men don't really dig the sweatpants, wife beater, ponytail, and no makeup combo?

    I don't mind if we're going to a Kid Rock concert
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
    Who else's responsibility would it be? :huh:
  • jasmineconley
    jasmineconley Posts: 438 Member
    So men don't really dig the sweatpants, wife beater, ponytail, and no makeup combo?

    As long as you have a great butt, I could care less.

    I've heard it's pretty amazing
  • jasmineconley
    jasmineconley Posts: 438 Member
    So men don't really dig the sweatpants, wife beater, ponytail, and no makeup combo?

    I don't mind if we're going to a Kid Rock concert


    Bahaha I said ponytail not greasy hair!
  • xLexa
    xLexa Posts: 482 Member
    It is your responsibility to stay in shape for yourself.

    This is exactly what I was going to say!

    However I think in a relationship we have a responsibility to be honest with each other as well as to ourselves. My husband always said he was attracted to me no matter what size I am, and he still says it. If I could turn back time I would ask him to tell me, I love you as you are, but the dryer really is not shrinking your clothes...

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