HELP! Should I date three more??
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Well, I met my husband while I was in high school. I was 14. He was the 2nd boyfriend I had.
2 weeks after we met, he told me he was going to marry me. We were best friends and we genuinely felt drawn together.
We broke up and got back together when I was 17. We have been together ever since. It has been 11 years and we have never been happier.
I can see the advantage of dating around to get an idea of who you want to be with forever, but sometimes, (just sometimes) love steps in and makes the decision for you.
If I had chosen to "date around" I would have missed my soul mate and probably would have missed out on this incredible love that we share.
Wow, this is a beautiful story :flowerforyou:
Do you really know he was your soul mate though? That's my worry.:ohwell:
"soul mates" is an illusion. 1 person in the entire world is your soul mate, who happens to be living around you and about the same age? yeah right. What if you soul mate was revealed to be a, 85yr old man? or an 18 yr old girl?
With 6 billion people in the world I can guarantee you will find yourself compatible (and capable of falling in love with) with more than a few.0 -
wow...some of the s*** that ppl post on here...and some of the answers....0
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I've just gotta add my two cents here...if you're thinking about shopping around, Chris is NOT your soulmate. You'll know if he's your soulmate, you won't have to doubt. And if he's your soulmate, yor devotion to him certainly wouldn't be shaken by a magazine article.
Second, Chris sounds really controlling and manipulative. Having been married to a man like him for five years (I'm now very gladly divorced), I can tell you that this is one road you do not want to go down. The checking up on you might seem charming at first. But every day, month, year that goes by it gets more and more smothering...and eventually it will just choke the happiness out of your life.
Finally, if your family doesn't like him, it's a pretty big red flag. Do you really want to deal with that for the rest of your life? Just think about it...
Amen!!!!!
I can't say if 12 is a magic number for you...but I can give you the advice to give this more time than 2 months before making a life-changing decision. If he really loves you, if he really is your soulmate he'll wait.
Good luck!0 -
Additionally, now that I think about it more, do you think you like Chris as much as you do because he cares so much for you?
Sounds like Simon didn't, and when you broke up over unsubstantiated cheating allegations, he didn't seem to upset and you don't mention him fighting or denying it... then Chris comes along and acts interested and/or jealous of other male suitors.
Sounds like he cares (maybe in a controlling way, maybe not) about you a lot, and you came from a relationship where that wasn't the case.
But ultimately you're asking the internet if you should date 3 other men to determine whether Chris is best for you. Either he's your "soul mate" or not, but if he were you likely wouldn't have this much doubt. And if you do date your three and they're not as good as Chris, does he simply win by default? Maybe you could get back together with him. But what if it's the 13th guy?
It's either Chris or it's not Chris. And it's clearly not Chris.0 -
Well, I met my husband while I was in high school. I was 14. He was the 2nd boyfriend I had.
2 weeks after we met, he told me he was going to marry me. We were best friends and we genuinely felt drawn together.
We broke up and got back together when I was 17. We have been together ever since. It has been 11 years and we have never been happier.
I can see the advantage of dating around to get an idea of who you want to be with forever, but sometimes, (just sometimes) love steps in and makes the decision for you.
If I had chosen to "date around" I would have missed my soul mate and probably would have missed out on this incredible love that we share.
Wow, this is a beautiful story :flowerforyou:
Do you really know he was your soul mate though? That's my worry.:ohwell:
I knew it. Couldnt tell you how I knew it, but I looked at him and I thought: "thats my forever"
11 years later I wouldnt trade him for anything or anyone.0 -
Dump Chris and come to me. I'm your soulmate.
Just don't tell Ariel.0 -
This new guy throws up all kinds of red flags. Two months and he constantly checks in on you, gets jealous, wants to move you away from your family, your support group and make you his (essentially)? No ma'am. Throw in the fact that he magically was the one that put the seed of doubt in your mind with your relationship with Simon? Run. Run far away. Date 3 more, 100 more, but this guy is not good news and has serious trust issues with YOU instead of the other way around.
Honey, I know it is hard to see when you are so close to the situation and the relationship is still so new and wonderful feeling. But every ounce of logic speaks against staying with him. If you are logical in the very least sense, get out now.
I speak only from experience. I had a very very rough relationship once. I was trapped 600 miles away from my friends and family, none of whom liked my boyfriend in the first place. I was depressed, suicidal, lonely as hell even though I had a man who supposedly loved me and wanted us to be together forever.
They're good at telling you what you want to hear, but nothing else. Trust your family's judgement here.
Thank you for this message, I really appreciate it! :flowerforyou: I'm sorry you had to go through that. I just really want to make sure I am doing the right thing, and I know we're still in the honeymoon phase, but everyone doesn't have the same experience like you had, you know?
Thank God not everyone has the same experience I had, but he follows all of the same patterns. The type of men that are controlling and manipulative all start out the same and it seems cute and sweet. But from what you seem to be saying is that you are not in fact scientific in the least. You are thinking with your emotions, because all of those here who are warning you, you are pushing off to the side, flippantly thanking them for their advice but then saying, "oh, but this feels so right it can't be wrong" kind of thing. Any woman who has been abused or controlled by a man knows the warning signs and spots them a mile away. I believe those of us that have been through it are indebted to other women to warn them, shake them out of their happy little bubble.
I am not a man hater, all men are not verbally, physically or otherwise abusive. I have a wonderful man by my side that I never would have thought I was worthy of. But I can tell you that all of that "checking up" and "protectiveness" will get very very old if you are independent and a logical thinker. Step outside your bubble and look at the facts. Read some stories from women who have been in bad relationships and take a deep look at the warning signs that they point out. Then compare that to your own situation. Make a scientific experiment out of it, follow the scientific process. Let him move and see how much he changes or wants you to change. There are such things as long distance relationships. If he makes you feel like your relationship will not survive unless you move with him, the relationship is not strong enough to survive period.
AGREE TOTALLY!0 -
If you're asking yourself this, then maybe it would be a bad idea to go forward with the relationship, let alone making a big move with him!What if I miss my soul mate?
With that being said, I actually am one of those crazy people that made a big move with a guy after only a couple months together.
My story: I met my guy on match.com last July. We instantly hit it off and by the end of July we were officially dating. Come the beginning of August, he got a huge job offer for a job in Indianapolis (we lived in MI at the time). He ended up turning down that job offer because he wanted to see where things would go with us. But apparently the company really wanted him because they called back after he declined and made another offer for even more money and this time the location was DC. We sat down together and talked through this new offer, and we came to the conclusion that this offer was too big to turn down, but we really didn't want to let go of the relationship we started. We both felt very strongly for one another and didn't want to think about letting it go so easily. I decided that I would take the plunge and transfer my job to DC with him. Now here we are, a little less than a year later, and we're still together, living together in DC, and as happy as can be! It was a huge leap of faith, but I think deep down we both knew it was right and would turn out well. We both consider ourselves logical, rational people, so making the decision to move together didn't come lightly and both of our friends and families thought we were absolutely insane. But it was a chance worth taking!!
So... if you think it will work out and aren't harboring **any** doubts about him, then I think it might be worth a shot to move with him. Otherwise, any little doubt you have now will most likely end up boiling to the surface eventually!
Also, the thing about needing to date 12 people before you decide on "the one"... that seems a little dumb to me. I think when you meet the one, you'll just know.
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Chris is an insane liar who lied to you about Simon cheating. He did this so he could have you to himself, and now he wants to trap you forever. Run back to Simon, but do it slowly. Stop for 3 guys on the way.
I wish you nothing but success on your journey.
i agree with this, i wouldn't trust chris as far as i could throw him.
sounds like he totally wedged his way in between your relationship with simon just so he could have you.
if you don't like simon then don't go back with him but run far, far, away from chris - he's a manipulator and will continue with this behavior for the rest of his life.0 -
Even though you are really pretty, you think too much.
WNB.0 -
As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.
I agree. When I got married, I had only dated 2 others. Since then, I've added 37 men and 8 women to the list, but I know that my husband is the right one for me. When it's right, it's right.
made me choke on my carrot!!..0 -
I tell you one thing. Hire a hitman, whatever, but leaving San Diego is a really bad idea.0
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If you are being scientific about this (and the "study" was in any way accurate, and reported accurately) then you must know that that is probably a statistical average. What is the standard deviation? What is the error? The range? The median? How many people did they interview? What was their methodology? How did they determine if those people truly found their "soul mate", and not end up divorced a few years after the study? Was the scientific definition of "soul mate" presented?
You need to go to the primary literature!
I know about that stuff. I know there is a range. But I also know most people fall into average, and I know already I am average.
No - you are a Spechul SnoFlake!
:flowerforyou: 0 -
Of course, andYeah; relationships are cool–but have you guys heard of chocolate fountains?
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Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day.
Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable.
In my opinion, this is not adorable. This is controlling and obsessive and it will most likely get worse. If you really love him you wouldn't be considering dating someone else which means you shouldn't be considering marrying him if you don't love him. What I would suggest if you want to keep him and think you have a good future with him, move with him, but don't marry him until you've been dating for at least a year. This will give time for him to show his true colors and for you to find out more about who he REALLY is.0 -
OK, mfpeeps. I have issues. I broke up with my boyfriend Simon a few months ago because one of his friends (Chris) told me Simon might be cheating. I couldn't prove it, but of course I broke up with Simon because it isn't worth it to me to stay in a relationship where I can't trust someone. :ohwell:
After a few weeks, Chris and I randomly started dating, so now me and him are together and have been for two months. It's great because I know I can trust him. My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day. Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable.
The problem is that even though we have been together two whole months, he has to move for his job and wants me to go with him. He wants to get married. I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking, so I'm not totally against it. Add to that the fact that my ex is calling me lately saying he wants to work things out so obviously I really need to get out of the San Diego area.
But I'm a really scientific person. That's why I tend to do badly in relationships. Anyway, studies show that you should date 12 people before you choose one to settle down with, and I've only dated 9. :noway: (I found that in Wired magazine, they are just great). I can't ask my family and friends because they are biased and really liked my ex and don't like Chris, but I need input. What do I do? Do I risk not dating three more people? What if I miss my soul mate? And what if Chris is the best man I'll ever know and I let him go? :sad: :sad:
I know the forums get snarky sometimes and I do have a sense of humor and inteligence, but I'm actually looking for real advice here, not rudeness. After all, we're all here for the same reasons. :flowerforyou:
I moved in with a guy I ADORED after one month of dating him. We were like that too - randomly calling, texting. It was cutesy. But it went to crap really fast when we moved in together. We were not ready, and chances are, neither are you guys.
That being said, I'm not you. I don't know how you feel. If you really think he's the one and you're not just settling because you're (omfg you're so old, I'm surprised you don't need a hip replacement) 26. Your clock will keep ticking for a long while yet.0 -
After a few weeks, Chris and I randomly started dating, so now me and him are together and have been for two months. It's great because I know I can trust him. My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day. Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable.
The excerpt above is replete with red flags. . I'm sure now it seems adorable, but men who are jealous from the get-go usually don't get LESS jealous over time and this guys 'interest' screams. . "run away!" to me. . .not to mention he sabotaged his "best friend" to get to you.
Then again. . this whole post might be a subtle joke. . having known you. . I would't put it past you. :flowerforyou:0 -
If u really need advice on your relationship from strangers then I guess u r really not that into him 0
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Really?
M'kay. Well assuming that you are serious, and for the love of all that is awesome, I hope this is a joke, there is no magic # of people you need to date in life. You know when you know.
Chris sounds like a controlling person. I can't imagine my husband (together 17 years this year) ever checking up on me or freaking out about me talking to other people - we are adults. It would not surprise me to learn that he lied to you about your ex cheating so that he could take advantage of the situation.
I find it difficult to believe that you broke up with your ex solely based on Chris' word.
Of COURSE I didn't break up with him because Chris said to. Chris never said I should break up with Simon, he just kept reminding me that it was all about trust and asking me to ask myself if I could REALLY trust Simon. I found my own answer.
Really? OK I hate to say this honey, but you are an Idiot, a total fool.
But that said I bet you didn't know that babies are born by holding hands?
If you don't believe me there are scientific results here on yahoo answers that you can check to confirm my statement: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090325135749AATNKmC
You didn't break up with Simon because Chris told you to, but did you confront Simon about this?
If you answer No to the above - then why the hell did you dump him?
I can guess your response would be the above
"Chris never said I should break up with Simon, he just kept reminding me that it was all about trust and asking me to ask myself if I could REALLY trust Simon. I found my own answer."
So, let me get this straight, you never confronted Simon, just listened to someone constantly saying "can you trust him?" "its all about trust" "are you sure you can trust him" "hey where are you today?" "hey are you seeing simon today" "hey who have you been messaging on MFP" "oh yeah, can you trust simon? you can trust me! i trust you"
YOU ARE A TOTAL FOOL AN ABSOLUTE MORON!
Answer me this one question: What did Simon ever do that meant you didn't trust him?
This is insane.
First, I had plenty of reasons to be suspicious of Simon. Second, it doesn't sound like you're sorry to say I'm an idiot. Also, I admitted I'm bad at relationships, that's why i'm asking for input from a lot of kinds of people here.
Last, you are obviously too emotional about MY relationships to talk about them reasonably.0 -
He and I.
Not me and him.
Take an English class instead of Science, then maybe you'll find someone that will accept you.0 -
You should start seeing a therapist.0
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12??? 12??? I thought the magic number was 42!!!!!!!!!
No, it's 13. even numbers are bad
Yeah, 42 was just the answer to life, the universe, and everything.0 -
:noway: Ok, so did you actually ever even have a mature, adult conversation with Simon to ask him about the cheating, or did you just take Chris' word for it?
And the "checking up" on you, and the asking who you're talking to, and wanting to know where you are/where you've been...that's called CONTROL, not caring! And it's BAD in a relationship...very bad.
12? Peculiar number. And how long must you "date" each person to consider it having dated them? Once for a quickie? A dinner and a movie? 6 months? A year? And then, does that mean #13 is Mr. Right? Or do you have go to back and pick one of the 12? I'd like to see the research behind that number. I'm sure they've had to do some sort of research to come up with a number like that.
I never dated 12 people...married once, divorced (hmmm..he always wanted to know where I was, who I was with, who I was talking to, and why I wasn't always sitting at the phone waiting for his call when he was away, accused me of cheating on him when the reality was he was cheating on me, etc.) and married now a second time to a great man. We've been together for 12 years now. I no where near dated 12 guys, even if you go all the way back to 6th grade and start counting from there (and I am many years out of 6th grade!)
You need to search yourself for the answer(s) to your question(s), not look for them on a public forum. Your life will be riddled with mistakes and "should have"s and such, but the key is to learn the lesson(s) intended, pick yourself up and keep moving forward. If Chris is the one, great. If not, then let him move away, keep in touch now and then, but look around. Only you can make that decision.0 -
As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.
I agree. When I got married, I had only dated 2 others. Since then, I've added 37 men and 8 women to the list, but I know that my husband is the right one for me. When it's right, it's right.
But you said it was only 36!!!!
Damnn! Skipped again!
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As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.
I agree. When I got married, I had only dated 2 others. Since then, I've added 37 men and 8 women to the list, but I know that my husband is the right one for me. When it's right, it's right.
But you said it was only 36!!!!
Damnn! Skipped again!
Fixed it0 -
1. I wouldn't trust Chris. He probably did lie that your ex was cheating on you. (since it couldn't be proven) ... because he wanted to hook up with you. This plan seemed to work.
2. the constant checking up on you and reading your private messages/texts/whatever... says "stalker" not "cute"
3. 2 months is not long enough to get married and move to another city/state away from all your current friends and family (presumably).... again... I would think "possessive stalker" that was trying to isolate you from people
4. "my biological clock"... don't marry some guy just to have a baby.
^^^ THIS.
There are big red flags all over your story.....
Also, who cares how many people you date. They can do 31584365136843861 studies. They probably still won't get it right.0 -
Good luck!0
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2 months and getting jealous? Cya.0
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They never said Chris told you to break up with him, but let's look at this logically.Really?
M'kay. Well assuming that you are serious, and for the love of all that is awesome, I hope this is a joke, there is no magic # of people you need to date in life. You know when you know.
Chris sounds like a controlling person. I can't imagine my husband (together 17 years this year) ever checking up on me or freaking out about me talking to other people - we are adults. It would not surprise me to learn that he lied to you about your ex cheating so that he could take advantage of the situation.
I find it difficult to believe that you broke up with your ex solely based on Chris' word.
Of COURSE I didn't break up with him because Chris said to. Chris never said I should break up with Simon, he just kept reminding me that it was all about trust and asking me to ask myself if I could REALLY trust Simon. I found my own answer.
Chris told you that Simon was cheating on you.
You were not able to find viable proof that Simon broke up with you.
Chris kept reminding you that relationships are about trust.
Chris kept telling you to ask you if you could really trust Simon.
You found an answer that was ?
So unless there was actual proof, then that laid out speaks volumes that Chris manipulated you into breaking up with Simon. If there was proof, then that would be a different story, or at least from the facts you presented us, it would give a different light.0 -
Dump Chris and come to me. I'm your soulmate.
Just don't tell Ariel.
LEA STOP CHEATING ONE ME.0
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