HELP! Should I date three more??

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  • vixtris
    vixtris Posts: 688 Member
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    why dont you move with him and see how it is in the new area. Dont have to get married just yet, but it works out all good, then settle down with him. you might lose him if you chose to go date 3 more guys, then turn out those guys are lame and if you want him back he might not take you back.
  • 58cayo
    58cayo Posts: 26
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    If you are being scientific about this (and the "study" was in any way accurate, and reported accurately) then you must know that that is probably a statistical average. What is the standard deviation? What is the error? The range? The median? How many people did they interview? What was their methodology? How did they determine if those people truly found their "soul mate", and not end up divorced a few years after the study? Was the scientific definition of "soul mate" presented?

    You need to go to the primary literature!

    Just finished a class in Statistics, you forgot the 2-way charts, the histograms, Prado Charts, is it bi-modal, skewed to the right/left.................................
  • craigmandu
    craigmandu Posts: 976 Member
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    I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking, so I'm not totally against it

    In reference to the marriage part....this seems to me like you are "settling" for something.

    If you are truly in love with someone (even after 2 months)...there should be no doubt in your mind as to whether or not you want to marry them. Your "clock" shouldn't even be in this picture.
  • 58cayo
    58cayo Posts: 26
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    This entire post could be the start of a new sitcom.........................
  • KristysLosing
    KristysLosing Posts: 683
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    OP, I'm really sorry people are being so rude to you. Here you are, colorblind, and they just keep telling you about red flags.

    :laugh: :flowerforyou:
  • homerjspartan
    homerjspartan Posts: 1,893 Member
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    This entire post could be the start of a new sitcom.........................

    I agree.

    You could take the good or take the bad. Or we could take them both. What would we have?
  • mrdexter1
    mrdexter1 Posts: 356 Member
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    I think chris deserves you ....

    wouldnt want you upsetting any more men being as you re waiting for a twelth to mug off...
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    So you are with the guy who suggested that your boyfriend was cheating and he is always wanting to know who you are talking to?? It's because he KNOWS your ex wants you back and is contacting you... he probably made the whole thing up....


    I agree.. that is what i thought also.

    This is really unkind to assume about someone.

    I haven't mentioned my ex contacting me to him, obviously, because that would be awkward, but you really are looking for the worst in people.
  • kevinjb1
    kevinjb1 Posts: 233 Member
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    You have GOT to be kidding. If not, you're since of what a good relationship is is totally warped. Good luck honey, you need it.

    I admitted I am bad at relationships. This is not very supportive.


    may not be supportive, but Chris sounds like a wack job...have fun in your disaster of a relationship. If you're that analytical, then you should see the red flags all over the place! and it's bad that you're dating your ex's friend, totally inconsiderate of you.

    THIS! This Chris guy is not trustworthy if he's willing to convince you to break up with your ex and then start dating him.

    You seem gullible and nieve. More so than I would think from someone who's dating 9 other men in the past.

    Wait, are you just giving us the plot lines from some soap opera (or Novela) you've been watching? Teen Mom maybe?
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    So you are with the guy who suggested that your boyfriend was cheating and he is always wanting to know who you are talking to?? It's because he KNOWS your ex wants you back and is contacting you... he probably made the whole thing up....


    I agree.. that is what i thought also.

    This is really unkind to assume about someone.

    I haven't mentioned my ex contacting me to him, obviously, because that would be awkward, but you really are looking for the worst in people.

    Are they still on speaking terms, or did this break their friendship? Does Simon know you left because of what Chris said? Does Simon know you have been dating Chris?
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    :noway: Ok, so did you actually ever even have a mature, adult conversation with Simon to ask him about the cheating, or did you just take Chris' word for it?

    And the "checking up" on you, and the asking who you're talking to, and wanting to know where you are/where you've been...that's called CONTROL, not caring! And it's BAD in a relationship...very bad.

    12? Peculiar number. And how long must you "date" each person to consider it having dated them? Once for a quickie? A dinner and a movie? 6 months? A year? And then, does that mean #13 is Mr. Right? Or do you have go to back and pick one of the 12? I'd like to see the research behind that number. I'm sure they've had to do some sort of research to come up with a number like that.

    I never dated 12 people...married once, divorced (hmmm..he always wanted to know where I was, who I was with, who I was talking to, and why I wasn't always sitting at the phone waiting for his call when he was away, accused me of cheating on him when the reality was he was cheating on me, etc.) and married now a second time to a great man. We've been together for 12 years now. I no where near dated 12 guys, even if you go all the way back to 6th grade and start counting from there (and I am many years out of 6th grade!)

    You need to search yourself for the answer(s) to your question(s), not look for them on a public forum. Your life will be riddled with mistakes and "should have"s and such, but the key is to learn the lesson(s) intended, pick yourself up and keep moving forward. If Chris is the one, great. If not, then let him move away, keep in touch now and then, but look around. Only you can make that decision.

    I absolutely didn't just take Chris's word for it! That would be stupid! I checked, but I found myself doubting Simon all the time, so I couldn't keep on like that.

    I'm glad your journey has become happier.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,857 Member
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    I think you've all been had.
  • 4_Lisa
    4_Lisa Posts: 362 Member
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    Can you not see the red flags? He's checking up on you at random times through out the day? Wants to know whos talking to you? all the time? now wants you to move away from your home base?

    And if you're worried you might miss "your soul mate" clearly he AIN'T it...

    Man there are all kinds of crazy out there!!! :huh:
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    So you are with the guy who suggested that your boyfriend was cheating and he is always wanting to know who you are talking to?? It's because he KNOWS your ex wants you back and is contacting you... he probably made the whole thing up....


    I agree.. that is what i thought also.

    This is really unkind to assume about someone.

    I haven't mentioned my ex contacting me to him, obviously, because that would be awkward, but you really are looking for the worst in people.

    Are they still on speaking terms, or did this break their friendship? Does Simon know you left because of what Chris said? Does Simon know you have been dating Chris?

    I'm not really sure. I think they see each other in groups sometimes. Simon knows I am with Chris, but I never told Simon it was Chris who said he was cheating. I just said "someone."
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    I think you've all been had.

    I think you're just here to cause trouble.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    I think you've all been had.

    I had that same thought, but it's like a train wreck, I can't stop watching.
  • Beezil
    Beezil Posts: 1,677 Member
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    Can you not see the red flags? He's checking up on you at random times through out the day? Wants to know whos talking to you? all the time? now wants you to move away from your home base?

    And if you're worried you might miss "your soul mate" clearly he AIN'T it...

    Man there are all kinds of crazy out there!!! :huh:

    Yep.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    Are they still on speaking terms, or did this break their friendship? Does Simon know you left because of what Chris said? Does Simon know you have been dating Chris?

    I'm not really sure. I think they see each other in groups sometimes. Simon knows I am with Chris, but I never told Simon it was Chris who said he was cheating. I just said "someone."

    He knows.
  • SpeSHul_SnoflEHk
    SpeSHul_SnoflEHk Posts: 6,256 Member
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    OK, mfpeeps. I have issues. I broke up with my boyfriend Simon a few months ago because one of his friends (Chris) told me Simon might be cheating. I couldn't prove it, but of course I broke up with Simon because it isn't worth it to me to stay in a relationship where I can't trust someone. :ohwell:

    After a few weeks, Chris and I randomly started dating, so now me and him are together and have been for two months. It's great because I know I can trust him. My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day. :love: Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable. :love:

    The problem is that even though we have been together two whole months, he has to move for his job and wants me to go with him. He wants to get married. I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking, so I'm not totally against it. Add to that the fact that my ex is calling me lately saying he wants to work things out so obviously I really need to get out of the San Diego area. :angry:

    But I'm a really scientific person. That's why I tend to do badly in relationships. Anyway, studies show that you should date 12 people before you choose one to settle down with, and I've only dated 9. :noway: (I found that in Wired magazine, they are just great). I can't ask my family and friends because they are biased and really liked my ex and don't like Chris, but I need input. What do I do? Do I risk not dating three more people? What if I miss my soul mate? And what if Chris is the best man I'll ever know and I let him go? :sad: :sad:

    I know the forums get snarky sometimes and I do have a sense of humor and inteligence, but I'm actually looking for real advice here, not rudeness. After all, we're all here for the same reasons. :flowerforyou:

    Just break up!

    Then bang me for a week,. Then break up with me. Repeat two more times with other guys.

    Get back together with Chris.

    SImple!
  • groundhawg
    groundhawg Posts: 121 Member
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    Aside from the fact that I think Simon sounds creepy... here is the truth

    If you feel that you have to have 12 relationships before you settle down, you've already doomed each one to fail, because you mentally set the block that "until its twelve, none of these will be right for me."

    Love is deciding every single morning to love the person you are with, it takes conscious decisions and actions, and a hell of a lot of sacrifice for BOTH people.

    The fact that you posted this, and reading through you responses, says to me that you are not ready. Maybe you should listen to your support group, just ebcause it isnt what you WANT to hear, it ight be what you NEED to hear.

    WOW.

    Oh my god. you should be a therapist, I'm serious. This one thing was like... amazing help. "you've already doomed each one to fail" is scary and real! This is amazingly helpful. I know you're kind of bein snarky here, but it worked.


    I wasn't trying to be snarky, just straight up honest. I come from a pretty-snarky family though, so maybe it oozed out accidentally. :ohwell:

    I wish you all the best, truly, but I think you need to evaluate your various relationships with people. And then, on that list of relationships you think you need to have, add one that is just you. Are you happy and healthy when you are alone? Have you ever tried to just be with yourself? I mean that in every sense. Be your own boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend. Don't exclude people, thats not what I'm saying, but no matter how close you ever get to someone, in the end the only person you can really take care of and be responsible for is yourself. If you aren't ok to be YOU with YOU, and ON YOUR OWN, you aren't going to be ok to be you with anyone else, or for anyone else.

    Everyone needs to try and have a relationship with themselves first, before they try and marry anyone. And, unfortunately, this is the relationship everyone is least likely to have.

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