HELP! Should I date three more??

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  • kellykw
    kellykw Posts: 184 Member
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    If you have to ask the internet whether or not it would be a good idea, you probably should not marry Chris. I vote date more people, or still date Chris, just don't marry him, and don't move with him unless you want to move anyway and it makes it easier to go with someone else. :flowerforyou:
  • cindylu35
    cindylu35 Posts: 43 Member
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    ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THIS HAS TO DO WITH WEIGHT LOSS SUPPORT. sheesh....
  • rob1976
    rob1976 Posts: 1,328 Member
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    I'm so sick of all these people saying "relationships are hard work and you have to put in sweat equity everyday and it takes sacrifices by both parties blah blah blah".

    Frankly, no they aren't. The more compromise and work you have to put into a relationship increases the likelihood that you probably picked the wrong person. Some people can make a relationship last by putting in effort everyday, but I just don't have the patience or endurance to fight daily for something to work out. My wife and I have an almost effortless relationship. It's seriously the easiest relationship we have ever been in because we don't have to struggle to make 2 unmatching pieces fit together. My parents have told me the same thing. If you are working hard to keep a relationship together, the relationship wasn't right to being with.

    That being said, OP, you claim to be intelligent and "scientific", but absolutely nothing you've said in the thread has shown me anything close to intelligence or science. Because of this, I deem you to be a troll and will exit your chicanery with a humorous gif:

    Taters-gonna-tate.gif
  • flutterbye811
    flutterbye811 Posts: 86 Member
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    sooo, you broke up with the last guy because you couldn't trust him, or believed you couldn't trust him (without any proof) and your new guy doesn't seem to trust you (or is "adorably jealous"/wants to know who you're talking to/messaging/etc)

    In my opinion, you really need to stop worrying about biological clocks at 26 and this magic number with dating and figure out the real you, moving away for someone else or because of your ex, etc. Counseling or taking time to yourself to figure out what you want is truly the best way....maybe then you will find your true "soul mate" who will not question you or be jealous of little things. And, if you're on this website for the real reasons- weight loss (sometimes gain) and support with eating/exercise, etc put your energy towards that and a more secure and confident you.
  • iAMsmiling
    iAMsmiling Posts: 2,394 Member
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    Ok, I'm just going to throw this out there as a thought...

    Is it possible that Chris broke you up with Simon so he could have him for himself? Now he's controlling you to make sure you don't find out the truth?
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    "That's not your clock ticking, that's just your stomach growling" made me laugh!! Haha, thank you for this, and for your positive contribution to my situation!:flowerforyou:

    Maybe I should move with Chris and still live separately. Anyone want to weigh in on that idea?
    That depends on a few things.
    Is the relationship at a point where you feel that this might be 'the one', and moving will allow you to be near him?
    If you don't move, will you be able to trust him?
    Is it worth moving because of a relationship and leaving your current family/friends/work/social life/city?
    Can you afford to move to another city and stay independant (i.e. you won't have to move in with him because of finances).

    I'm still saying he has red flags (and while I know you may be potentially brushing off all our comments, please take a further look into controlling and/or abusive relationships, if anything so that you're armed with more knowledge for the future), and it's a serious commitment to YOURSELF to pick up and move to a different city, let alone the relationship.
    If you're serious about this, then there's another pro/con list you're going to have to make up for moving, but if you're determined to stay with him, then at least living on your own is a good thing. While I didn't move for a relationship (but for a job), it's hard not being far away from friends/family/familiar territory.

    At this point I am not really worried about trusting Chris, I think we're good in that department. Yes, the controlling stuff I am thinking about, not just brushing off, but honestly, he doesn't do it in a creepy way, but more in an interested way.

    Doesn't someone who cares about another person naturally want to know the things they're doing and what is happening in their lives?

    This is how it starts. It's cute. But the second they think they've got you, and they don't like what they hear or see, you will be verbally destroyed. And maybe only verbally if you're lucky.

    Okay so, genuine question: where do you draw the line? If someone is interested in all the details about your life, how do you know if that's good or bad? Obviously if someone shows no interest, that's not good, but where's that divider?
  • HotCuppaJo
    HotCuppaJo Posts: 477 Member
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    OK, mfpeeps. I have issues. I broke up with my boyfriend Simon a few months ago because one of his friends (Chris) told me Simon might be cheating. I couldn't prove it, but of course I broke up with Simon because it isn't worth it to me to stay in a relationship where I can't trust someone. :ohwell:

    After a few weeks, Chris and I randomly started dating, so now me and him are together and have been for two months. It's great because I know I can trust him. My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day. :love: Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable. :love:

    The problem is that even though we have been together two whole months, he has to move for his job and wants me to go with him. He wants to get married. I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking, so I'm not totally against it. Add to that the fact that my ex is calling me lately saying he wants to work things out so obviously I really need to get out of the San Diego area. :angry:

    But I'm a really scientific person. That's why I tend to do badly in relationships. Anyway, studies show that you should date 12 people before you choose one to settle down with, and I've only dated 9. :noway: (I found that in Wired magazine, they are just great). I can't ask my family and friends because they are biased and really liked my ex and don't like Chris, but I need input. What do I do? Do I risk not dating three more people? What if I miss my soul mate? And what if Chris is the best man I'll ever know and I let him go? :sad: :sad:

    I know the forums get snarky sometimes and I do have a sense of humor and inteligence, but I'm actually looking for real advice here, not rudeness. After all, we're all here for the same reasons. :flowerforyou:

    Please dont breed.........................:bigsmile:


    Aw, that wasn't very nice.... :frown:
  • Afura
    Afura Posts: 2,054 Member
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    At this point I am not really worried about trusting Chris, I think we're good in that department. Yes, the controlling stuff I am thinking about, not just brushing off, but honestly, he doesn't do it in a creepy way, but more in an interested way.

    Doesn't someone who cares about another person naturally want to know the things they're doing and what is happening in their lives?
    Sure, and so when I talk to them, I tell them what's going on, but the way you phrased it is like he's sayng "Hey honey, who is calling you now?" "Hey honey, what's that text message about?", that's invasive. You are a person and should have some degree of privacy, and shouldn't have to tell him everything, especially when it's just day to day chatter. And he calls to see where you are... ehhhh if he called to say hi, because he misses you, I'd rack that up to being the newbie-relationship glow. But where you are? You said Simon never 'never checked up on me', why? Are you 5? You shouldn't need to be checked up on, unless he's suspicious of you doing something.
    BTW, if you guys don't have any trust issues, then why haven't you told him Simon is calling you, and you tell him to kiss off? If he wants to know what's going on, and it's enough to be on the pro list for moving, then I'd say that's something going on in your life.
  • bacitracin
    bacitracin Posts: 921 Member
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    Troll level 10/10. Should change her name to Dr. James Russels.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,771 Member
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    I said I checked and found no proof. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means he just didn't leave tracks. OR maybe he was totally innocent, again, I can't be sure. But that's why I had to break up with him: I couldn't be sure and the not knowing was really killing me.


    Ironic that you didn't need any proof to dump Simon for Chris, but in the face of evidence that Chris is a control freak and potential abuser, you insist on being with him.
    [/quote]

    I don't insist on being with him. That's the purpose of this thread. To get opinions from people who actually are trying to be helpful and who I appreciate. I'm just weighing my options, but of COURSE I am upset that people are assuming the worst about Chris. Frankly, I think I'm doing a good job of being reasonable here because so many people are saying he's going to abuse me, and I'm not seeing that. I could fly off the handle and get mad about that but I am ignoring the negative responses because I am actually looking for help. Not just trying to pick a fight.
    [/quote]

    Denial and acquiescence are "must-haves" in an abusive realtionship.
  • Laultimacocacola
    Laultimacocacola Posts: 39
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    Please dont breed.........................:bigsmile:
    [/quote]

    :flowerforyou:
  • Spindigo1
    Spindigo1 Posts: 123 Member
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    Being "scientific" includes looking at details analytically. Taking information from a magazine at face value is NOT scientific. Allowing a man who wants to bang you to cast doubts about your boyfriend so extensively that you dump him to date the new guy is NOT scientific. I suppose an internet poll can be quasi-science...in this case all of the data you are gathering is telling you that Chris's controlling behavior is an indicator of bigger problems and that you should not move away with him. If you still think it's cute regardless of these results than my hypothesis is that the real issue here is one of global IQ.
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THIS HAS TO DO WITH WEIGHT LOSS SUPPORT. sheesh....

    I never said it did.

    I see that you are new here, or you'd know people ask for relationship advice all the time on MFP.
  • KatLifter
    KatLifter Posts: 1,314 Member
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    Aw, that wasn't very nice.... :frown:

    Says the woman who attacked someone yesterday for having miscarriages.
  • craigmandu
    craigmandu Posts: 976 Member
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    Ok, I'm just going to throw this out there as a thought...

    Is it possible that Chris broke you up with Simon so he could have him for himself? Now he's controlling you to make sure you don't find out the truth?

    Oh SNAP....really Chris and Simon are closet lovers? That makes absolute perfect sense!!!!!

    OP, check and see if Simon has "plans" to move out in the same area Chris is! This screams truth to me!
  • jenilosinfluff
    jenilosinfluff Posts: 12 Member
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    None of the above. If the new guy is showing this much "interest" in who you are talking to etc. after just two months chances are that he will turn into a crazy possessive a-hole. I know you think it is cute right now but it wont be (yes, I'm speaking from experience). I would run, not walk, away from this one as fast as you can!
  • ReinasWrath
    ReinasWrath Posts: 1,173 Member
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    Don't get wrapped up in stupid magazine rules, I've never read whatever magazine you're going on about but I imagine it being something along the lines of cosmo and their stupid relationship rules. If you feel like you need to go date 3 more dudes to make sure you wana marry this guy then you're obviously not ready.

    ALSO I think the new bf lied to you to break you and the old bf up.
  • jess7386
    jess7386 Posts: 477 Member
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    Biological clock is ticking? You're 26! This is why people think some women are crazy. Stop giving the rest of us a bad reputation!!! :love:
  • RCMPWannaBe
    RCMPWannaBe Posts: 84 Member
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