Spa owner yells at Mom of Autistic child-Facebook Firestorm
Replies
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It isn't just that she didn't handle this particular incident correctly - I think everyone does agree on that.upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...
The owner should then post that there are no services for children.
I think there's universal agreement that she didn't handle this correctly.
It's that she set up a business that ostensibly welcomes children, but in actuality does not. She sets her clients up for failure and bullying.
If I booked an appointment anywhere for a 2-year-old, particularly a place that knew in advance, as this place did, that the child had special needs, and then had to deal with the ignorant manager having a public meltdown at me because the child cried, I'd be horrified and go cry in the parking lot, too.
You can have a business that welcomes babies as clients, or one that does not. But you can't have a business where you welcome babies as clients and then berate them and humiliate their mothers when they cry.
I mean, you can, but everyone will think you're a giant *kitten* with no common sense. Which, case in point.0 -
I disagree. To me, it would depend on their age and circumstances. Sometimes what appears to be a temper tantrum or bad behavior to you is an act of fear. I've seen my son have what some would consider a spoiled kid's temper tantrum when he was scared to death of something. THAT is not being a nuisance.ANY child who screams in a store, lays down in the aisle and throws a fit, is a nuisance, whether you tell them that or not.
Well, even if you didn't say it, she probably feels like a nuisance to you at times and that's incredibly sad to me.And never once did I say that I told her she was a nuisance, but when she acted that way, I certainly thought she was a nuisance. If your kid, or anyone else's, did the same thing, I'd think they were a nuisance too
Again we differ here. I think there really are valid reasons for some children to have meltdowns in public. I'm not talking about the kid who throws himself down because he's not getting the toy he wants. I'm talking about some children who have meltdowns because of other reasons. I'm not sure what you mean by "get away with that behavior", though.There's absolutely no reason for a child to get away with that behavior in public, ever.0 -
Ok. This is not specific to autistic children, but children in general. As someone who worked in retail for a very long time, when a parent has a child that is screaming (or puking, or running like mad, or knocking all of the the products off the shelves, ect) it can be tricky to be the employee. It was our responsibility to kindly and calmly ask parents of said children if I could help them find their items and it they were really causing issues, then I would ask them to please come back at another time. I would usually give them a couple of coupons (it was a craft store) and for the most part parents were understanding. We had parents with kids who puked on the floor and just kept shopping (yep...just push the cart on and keep going), kids breaking over $500 worth of merchandise, pooping on the floor, screaming that would last for HOURS...you get the drift. Basically what I am saying is, I might not be a parent, but I am a human being and I do have ears/eyes/a sense of smell. If you kid is throwing a complete tantrum and what you need to do is not essential or time sensitive, please leave. Please. I am from the area where this happened and this manager has been very rude to me and I don't even have children. I could see her doing this and in customer service, YOU CAN'T YELL AT CUSTOMERS. Rule numero uno. I feel for parents, I really do. My siblings and I were terrors sometimes. My parents weren't perfect and no parent is going to be perfect. No one should expect them to be and kids will cry, yell, pout and throw tantrums. But if you can avoid making it into an hour long ordeal, then you can also avoid snippy comments from the people who have to share your environment.
PS: YES. SOMEONE LET THEIR KID PUKE ON THE FLOOR. AND KEPT SHOPPING. WHY? *face palm*0 -
As the mother of a child with autism, this caught my eye. I've not yet been yelled at like that because of my son's behavior. Oh no, People I've been around are much too "polite" to do that, although they have and do still stare, make rude comments to others nearby, things like that. My heart breaks for that woman. Had I been in her shoes, I would have done the same thing she did, then I would tell *everybody* what a sweet little peach that woman is.
To the man who said her business her rules, absolutely. You're right. However, if she did not want children in the business there should have been a sign or other message: no children allowed. She chose to be unprofessional, discourteous, and downright rude about it and personally I'm hoping she loses a good part of her clientele because of it. But she is to be pitied. What a sad life she must lead.0 -
I don't know if my post made sense. I'm day drunk on allergy medicine because the plants are trying to kill me with their pollen.0
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universal agreement? *hands you a dictionary*
Thanks for the dictionary. Do you think the owner handled this correctly? Does anyone?0 -
All I'm going to say is the woman I babysit for has an Autistic son (I've been trained specifically to deal with him and his specific set of needs) and she would *never* take her son to a Spa because
1) that's a stupid amount of money to pay for a haircut, let alone one for a child
2) Her son does not do well in such a situation, she knows this, and she wouldn't stress him out by intentionally putting him in such a situation
3) Spas aren't for children
Now, she takes Christian all kinds of place, we all went to see his brother perform in a karate competition, I went along and my attention was entirely on Christian, I was able to make sure he stayed happy and prevent him from becoming overwhelmed/stressed. I go with them to fancy restaurants in case Christian doesn't react well so I can take him somewhere he'll be happier, etc. We would never keep him in a situation that was so stressful he was screaming and crying, sure he throws fits when we make him deal with things he doesn't like (he has to eat food, he can't have the iPad 24/7, his brother gets to pick the movie sometimes, too etc) but a situation that is so absolutely unnecessary isn't one we would force him to stay in when he was that stressed.
The owner absolutely handled it rudely, but the mother was not making a great parenting decision either, her son was extremely stressed and she was causing him to be stressed and not realizing it was not going to help him, she was at that point intentionally stressing him out, that's bad parenting.
I've also *never* heard Christian's mom excuse his behavior or make excuses for him by telling someone he's autistic.0 -
Ahhhh, the "bad parenting" comment again. Did you see the comments where that child has had haircuts there before without having a meltdown? Do you really think this mother intentionally put him in a stressful situation? Really?but the mother was not making a great parenting decision either, her son was extremely stressed and she was causing him to be stressed and not realizing it was not going to help him, she was at that point intentionally stressing him out, that's bad parenting.
It's not an excuse; it's an explanation. I often tell people my son is autistic when they give me a look like, "What's HIS problem". I don't do it in a way to excuse him. I do it in a way to let them know the reason he's acting the way he is. There is nothing wrong with that.I've also *never* heard Christian's mom excuse his behavior or make excuses for him by telling someone he's autistic.
Try not to be so judgy.0 -
While I feel sorry for the mom and think the Owner should not have behaved the way that she did (sounds like she was super rude) I think people are treated poorly every day and don't make a fuss about it on Facebook. Honestly, when I saw this post I thought it was going to be a lot worse. There are bigger problems in the world to get riled up about. Getting yelled at while at a spa- first world problem, for sure!0
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I'm a mum to a child with asperger and I think a lot of people don't understand how meltdowns in kids with autism differs from normal childrens tantrums. When my daughter has a meltdown she is closed of from the world and it's no point in trying to talk sense to her or punishing her. She is very sensitive and too much noice, stress, touch and lights will almost always lead to a meltdown when she has had enough. But as long as we make sure to make life less stressful for her she does great in public and we get the meltdowns at home instead and not as frequent. She's not violent, just screams and bangs with doors.
I try to take my kids to kid friendly places and I would not accept to be yelled at in public like that. And I can't believe anyone would think it's a good idea to yell at your costumers anyway, if I had been a client overhearing this it would have made me very uncomfortable. More than the kid having a meltdown.
Yes, I try to make my kids behave good in public. But my kids aren't robots and they will not do everything I ask them to. I'd rather deal with a tantrum than to buy everything they point at. (If I did everything we bought at the store would contain chocolate.) Sometimes that means a tantrum and me regretting bringing them. But how can they learn if I never bring them with me?0 -
The spa I go too once a year as a treat to myself does not allow children. Their policy is 18 and up. It is listed on the website and on the spa menus. The reception staff there tells people the policy WHILE they are making their appointment I get told this everytime I make an appointment. People STILL after all this sometimes show up with kids and the receptionist quietly and politely re-itterates the policy and reschedules them (since they showed up with kids they can't come in). There is no yelling since it was out in the open, posted, and verbally repeated.
MY POINT - Now I have no idea how fancy this place is, but if you are going to have a policy like that it needs to be clearly posted and enforced by the reception staff. Once the child was half way through a haircut is not the time to freak out. And if it truly is her policy she should have waited till the mother and child were gone and freaked out on her staff for disregarding her rules.
Yelling at mother and child just makes this owner look dumb. Poorly handled.
edited for spelling0 -
Autism is irrelevant in what I am talking about. If your child has autism that doesn't make it excusable for you to just sit back, relax and let them run around raising hell and bothering everyone else in a restaurant, theatre, etc.
Who said anything about letting children run around raising hell and bothering others as being ok?
several people in this thread actually.
Who do you perceive as saying this?0 -
I have 4 children- While I agree that the spa owner could have handled it more professionally, as a parent you know your kids limits. If you anticipate that your kid "could" melt down, then you either plan a location that would be less inappropriate, or you make the place of business aware of the situation. A simple "my son is autistic and might melt down, so we should work quickly" would have been appropriate. Then the business could reply "we have adults booked for spa appointments at this time, perhaps you can come back later when we can accommodate him".
My son is 3 and he melts down in the hair salon too.. that is why I take him to "great clips" because it is a "low end" salon that gets lots of kids. Furthermore if he had been going there "all year" how many haircuts do you think that would be? 4 or 5 at the most? How often does the owner see the clients who have appointments with other hairdressers? To assume that the owner recognized and scolded him because he was autistic is assuming... it is not fact based. I have a special needs child too, so I understand how hard it is to control some things. But as a mother of a young 3 yr old son, I only take him to places that are appropriate. To say "he has equal rights" is like saying that a screaming child should be welcome in a quiet fine dinning restaurant. Sure if they behave... but it is unwritten that if a child acts up (nomatter what the condition) you take the child outside to calm him/her down. (which I have done on multiple occasions) I have left places with all of our food in to go containers because of my child melting down. It is not the public's responsibility to know everyones disability. As a parent we need to evaluate our kids limits and decide what they can handle. If you are unsure you should ask.
I have had times where I had crap blamed on me because I didn't know the full situation. I made a sales call once to a girl who yelled at me because she just had a miscarriage, - there is no way of knowing those kinds of things, and to tarnish someone's reputation over that is wrong.0 -
I only take my 3 yr old to "buffalo wild wings" and "texas roadhouse" because they are louder places to eat.0
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Well with the spa owners' parents owning Mott's farms, she probably could have fixed this whole issue by just offering the kid some free apple juice.
This is sarcasm in case someone gets huffy.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Well with the spa owners' parents owning Mott's farms, she probably could have fixed this whole issue by just offering the kid some free apple juice.
This is sarcasm in case someone gets huffy.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
AHHAHAHAHAHHAAH0 -
I didn't take my daughter shopping for three years because she couldn't behave. Once she realized that she didn't get to go to the "fun places" with Mommy because she wouldn't behave, she learned real quick to get her act together and not be a nuisance.
This is where we differ. I NEVER consider my son who has autism a nuisance. I certainly hope you never really told her that.
Sadly too many parents do send that message to their child. Many of my autistic students never leave the house outside of going to school because of the way they act. I have kids who haven't been anywhere in the community for over 5 years!!0 -
I was going to avoid posting in this thread because some of the responses are making me stabby. But, here goes…when kids are running amok & their parents are sitting back blissfully ignoring the chaos, yeah that pisses me off. However, when parents are obviously trying to contain the situation but the child is having none of it, I try to take it with a grain of salt because I’ve been there. I’ve been that parent leaving the store with a screaming child in tow. I’ve been that parent trying to wrangle 2 toddlers by myself while trying NOT to cause a scene. I’ve been that single parent on an airplane with 2 toddlers (one of whom was in my lap for the 2 3-hour flights).
Someone mentioned a spank on the butt and a time out…when my son was about 2 & 1/2 he kept running wild in Walmart…not even throwing a fit…just running around the clothes racks; so I swatted his diapered butt. Much to my chagrin, he thought it was the most hilarious thing ever. While he was laughing hysterically, some random woman looked at me like I was Satan incarnate & asked me what my son had done to deserve “the beating”. Really, lady? As someone else said, trying to hold onto a squirmy toddler is like trying to hold onto a 25lb bag full of snakes…best of luck.
On the flip side, when I was by myself on that flight I mentioned with my 2 kids (1 year old son & 4 year old daughter), I happened to be sitting next to some of the most awesome people. One person played with my son for the first flight…for 3 hours this guy kept my son entertained…they played with the few toys I had brought onboard. And just because he said he had grandkids that age & knew how tough it was. On the second flight, the flight attendant gave my son cookies…big mistake. He then found it necessary to try to follow her into first class every 2 seconds. The lady sitting in our row saw this & took it upon herself to read with my daughter & show her the cool stuff in the Sky Mall magazine so I could corral my son. It’s people like that who I remember when my faith in humanity is shaken.
And remember…you don’t know what’s causing the meltdown…what if the kid is sick & the parent is simply killing time in the store waiting for a prescription for the munchkin? Those people are not actively seeking to annoy everyone else around. Ever been to Walmart first thing in the morning after spending all night in the ER, trying to function on 1 or 2 hours of sleep with your sick, and rightfully grumpy, toddler in tow? Yeah, good luck trying to contain that potential powder keg.
All this being said, those of us with kids don’t expect the world to accommodate us…all we’re asking for is a little patience as we try to neutralize the situation. Sometimes that means taking our kids outside & other times it’s just not feasible to remove the child from the situation.0 -
I didn't take my daughter shopping for three years because she couldn't behave. Once she realized that she didn't get to go to the "fun places" with Mommy because she wouldn't behave, she learned real quick to get her act together and not be a nuisance.
This is where we differ. I NEVER consider my son who has autism a nuisance. I certainly hope you never really told her that.
Sadly too many parents do send that message to their child. Many of my autistic students never leave the house outside of going to school because of the way they act. I have kids who haven't been anywhere in the community for over 5 years!!
They don't get to just be kids.
That was one of the saddest aspects for me with my son.
I just wanted him to be to do what other little boys did.0 -
Meanwhile, hundreds of kids are dying of starvation and AIDS - but who cares - they're not on Facebook.
lol so true
I see way too many 'likes for ______ disease I have and will die soon' posts. I see so many posts using children who are in terrible situations to garner 'likes' that it makes me sick. Instead of liking a post how about people send money to a foundation that helps those children. Oh wait, that is more work than clicking once on a computer screen.
Nice try but I think I said the same thing - only better. Why don't YOU follow your own advice?
Someone has quite the ego. Who cares who said what 'better' or when? Are you seriously that petty, or have your nerves frayed so much from the oh-so-stressful message board war going on in here? I suggest you go to a spa and relax.
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I was going to avoid posting in this thread because some of the responses are making me stabby. But, here goes…when kids are running amok & their parents are sitting back blissfully ignoring the chaos, yeah that pisses me off. However, when parents are obviously trying to contain the situation but the child is having none of it, I try to take it with a grain of salt because I’ve been there. I’ve been that parent leaving the store with a screaming child in tow. I’ve been that parent trying to wrangle 2 toddlers by myself while trying NOT to cause a scene. I’ve been that single parent on an airplane with 2 toddlers (one of whom was in my lap for the 2 3-hour flights).
Someone mentioned a spank on the butt and a time out…when my son was about 2 & 1/2 he kept running wild in Walmart…not even throwing a fit…just running around the clothes racks; so I swatted his diapered butt. Much to my chagrin, he thought it was the most hilarious thing ever. While he was laughing hysterically, some random woman looked at me like I was Satan incarnate & asked me what my son had done to deserve “the beating”. Really, lady? As someone else said, trying to hold onto a squirmy toddler is like trying to hold onto a 25lb bag full of snakes…best of luck.
On the flip side, when I was by myself on that flight I mentioned with my 2 kids (1 year old son & 4 year old daughter), I happened to be sitting next to some of the most awesome people. One person played with my son for the first flight…for 3 hours this guy kept my son entertained…they played with the few toys I had brought onboard. And just because he said he had grandkids that age & knew how tough it was. On the second flight, the flight attendant gave my son cookies…big mistake. He then found it necessary to try to follow her into first class every 2 seconds. The lady sitting in our row saw this & took it upon herself to read with my daughter & show her the cool stuff in the Sky Mall magazine so I could corral my son. It’s people like that who I remember when my faith in humanity is shaken.
And remember…you don’t know what’s causing the meltdown…what if the kid is sick & the parent is simply killing time in the store waiting for a prescription for the munchkin? Those people are not actively seeking to annoy everyone else around. Ever been to Walmart first thing in the morning after spending all night in the ER, trying to function on 1 or 2 hours of sleep with your sick, and rightfully grumpy, toddler in tow? Yeah, good luck trying to contain that potential powder keg.
All this being said, those of us with kids don’t expect the world to accommodate us…all we’re asking for is a little patience as we try to neutralize the situation. Sometimes that means taking our kids outside & other times it’s just not feasible to remove the child from the situation.
:flowerforyou:0 -
upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...
Or blacks, gays, transsexuals, Jews ... Once you start that list of exclusions, it's all downhill from there.0 -
upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...
I am wondering what kind of spa it was... at the spas I go to where I spend over $100 it's supposed to be a relaxing atmosphere and I don't know why anyone would bring kids. I would be mad if I spent $100 to have someone bring their kid, autistic or not, just so I can hear crying during my manicure.
Although if it is a place that offers kids haircuts, then crying kids could be expected.
Also don't see what being autistic has to do with it. Sounds like she didn't know he was autistic before she yelled, so she wasn't yelling at him for being autistic, and children without autism cry all the time during haircuts anyway.
very good points.. and everyone here is being way too anally PC about a point that didnt matter. The owner didnt say get that special kid outta here. the owner was mad the kid was being too loud and the parent failed to control it.
plain and simple. yet you "sick" people wanna make a mountain out of a mole hill.
parent should take the kid to super cuts, not a upscale spa.
Also, if you check out their website you can see that this is clearly an upscale establishment that is NOT meant to accommodate children.
The spa could have told her, "sorry we don't cut children's hair." but they didn't.0 -
All I'm going to say is the woman I babysit for has an Autistic son (I've been trained specifically to deal with him and his specific set of needs) and she would *never* take her son to a Spa because
1) that's a stupid amount of money to pay for a haircut, let alone one for a child
2) Her son does not do well in such a situation, she knows this, and she wouldn't stress him out by intentionally putting him in such a situation
3) Spas aren't for children
Now, she takes Christian all kinds of place, we all went to see his brother perform in a karate competition, I went along and my attention was entirely on Christian, I was able to make sure he stayed happy and prevent him from becoming overwhelmed/stressed. I go with them to fancy restaurants in case Christian doesn't react well so I can take him somewhere he'll be happier, etc. We would never keep him in a situation that was so stressful he was screaming and crying, sure he throws fits when we make him deal with things he doesn't like (he has to eat food, he can't have the iPad 24/7, his brother gets to pick the movie sometimes, too etc) but a situation that is so absolutely unnecessary isn't one we would force him to stay in when he was that stressed.
The owner absolutely handled it rudely, but the mother was not making a great parenting decision either, her son was extremely stressed and she was causing him to be stressed and not realizing it was not going to help him, she was at that point intentionally stressing him out, that's bad parenting.
I've also *never* heard Christian's mom excuse his behavior or make excuses for him by telling someone he's autistic.
SOmeone please remind me to have any babysitters/nannies/au pairs I ever hire sign a privacy agreement stating they will never disclose my child's name or behavior on the internet. Someone also remind me to have a copy of this post printed out to show them when they obviously give me the "is this really necessary, b!tch, don't you think I have common sense?" look. The end.0 -
upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...
Or blacks, gays, transsexuals, Jews ... Once you start that list of exclusions, it's all downhill from there.
And there we go folks, taking it to the extreme with comparisions that really don't compare.
No kids allowed leads directly to homophobia and racism everytime. :huh:0 -
In...
...to catch up on this later tonight.
If page one is any indication, I'm absolutely certain this thread will go to amazing places.0 -
upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...
Or blacks, gays, transsexuals, Jews ... Once you start that list of exclusions, it's all downhill from there.
And there we go folks, taking it to the extreme with comparisions that really don't compare.
No kids allowed leads directly to homophobia and racism everytime. :huh:
Well kids are their own ethnicity group apparently........0 -
All I can say is that if I was there getting my hair done and somebody's unmanageable kid was yelling, I'd be pissed. I don't care if he's autistic, retarded, or just being a brat, not my problem, I don't want to have to listen to that when I'm trying to have a relaxing time. Especially if it's such a high-priced place. The same goes for trying to have a quiet dinner with somebody's table full of kids yelling and dropping food and making a mess, I will change tables to get away from that. I do think the stylist handled it well, and I feel sorry for the mother.0
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I was going to avoid posting in this thread because some of the responses are making me stabby. But, here goes…when kids are running amok & their parents are sitting back blissfully ignoring the chaos, yeah that pisses me off. However, when parents are obviously trying to contain the situation but the child is having none of it, I try to take it with a grain of salt because I’ve been there. I’ve been that parent leaving the store with a screaming child in tow. I’ve been that parent trying to wrangle 2 toddlers by myself while trying NOT to cause a scene. I’ve been that single parent on an airplane with 2 toddlers (one of whom was in my lap for the 2 3-hour flights).
Someone mentioned a spank on the butt and a time out…when my son was about 2 & 1/2 he kept running wild in Walmart…not even throwing a fit…just running around the clothes racks; so I swatted his diapered butt. Much to my chagrin, he thought it was the most hilarious thing ever. While he was laughing hysterically, some random woman looked at me like I was Satan incarnate & asked me what my son had done to deserve “the beating”. Really, lady? As someone else said, trying to hold onto a squirmy toddler is like trying to hold onto a 25lb bag full of snakes…best of luck.
On the flip side, when I was by myself on that flight I mentioned with my 2 kids (1 year old son & 4 year old daughter), I happened to be sitting next to some of the most awesome people. One person played with my son for the first flight…for 3 hours this guy kept my son entertained…they played with the few toys I had brought onboard. And just because he said he had grandkids that age & knew how tough it was. On the second flight, the flight attendant gave my son cookies…big mistake. He then found it necessary to try to follow her into first class every 2 seconds. The lady sitting in our row saw this & took it upon herself to read with my daughter & show her the cool stuff in the Sky Mall magazine so I could corral my son. It’s people like that who I remember when my faith in humanity is shaken.
And remember…you don’t know what’s causing the meltdown…what if the kid is sick & the parent is simply killing time in the store waiting for a prescription for the munchkin? Those people are not actively seeking to annoy everyone else around. Ever been to Walmart first thing in the morning after spending all night in the ER, trying to function on 1 or 2 hours of sleep with your sick, and rightfully grumpy, toddler in tow? Yeah, good luck trying to contain that potential powder keg.
All this being said, those of us with kids don’t expect the world to accommodate us…all we’re asking for is a little patience as we try to neutralize the situation. Sometimes that means taking our kids outside & other times it’s just not feasible to remove the child from the situation.
so well put0 -
In...
...to catch up on this later tonight.
If page one is any indication, I'm absolutely certain this thread will go to amazing places.
yep.0
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