Absence Before Marriage

moochachip
moochachip Posts: 237 Member
in Chit-Chat
What people's thoughts were about abstinence from sex before marriage?

Would you not date someone who pledged that life style? Too old fashioned?

Or would you feel like that was an admirable thing to do?

Our culture is different then it use to be around that topic, but since no one seems to talk about abstaining from it, I wanted to see what others thought.

I think of it as a gift before the person I choose to marry; but I know from experience several guys who are put off by the idea. Maybe I am old fashioned, but it's not like I go and tell others who choose not to go that way that what they're doing is wrong. It's their choice, this one has been mine.
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Replies

  • ChristinaR720
    ChristinaR720 Posts: 1,186
    I'm assuming you mean "abstinence"?

    Well, seeing as how I was 6 months prego when I got hitched (engaged for a year-and-a-half), it's definitely not for me! :wink: But, it's a personal choice, and I say "more power to ya" if abstaining is something that is important to you!
  • moochachip
    moochachip Posts: 237 Member
    I'm assuming you mean "abstinence"?
    Yes, that is exactly what I meant. If only computers could figure out what word you really wanted to use..

    Congratulations to you. I do think it's a choice for people; it's just that some people seem to think that and think it's great, then decide they would rather not be with that person because of the exact same reason.
  • links_slayer
    links_slayer Posts: 1,151 Member
    My thoughts? What you want to do with your body is your business - not mine.

    If you can't find someone that understands and appreciates your choices it's time to find someone else.
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
    I'm assuming you mean "abstinence"?
    Yes, that is exactly what I meant. If only computers could figure out what word you really wanted to use..

    Congratulations to you. I do think it's a choice for people; it's just that some people seem to think that and think it's great, then decide they would rather not be with that person because of the exact same reason.

    Follow your own compass & you will be alright.
  • ChristinaR720
    ChristinaR720 Posts: 1,186
    I'm assuming you mean "abstinence"?
    Yes, that is exactly what I meant. If only computers could figure out what word you really wanted to use..

    Good ol' auto correct! I do, however, support "absence" before (and, sometimes, after!) marriage, too! :laugh:

    Kidding...love my hubby!
  • bernadettemelvin
    bernadettemelvin Posts: 9
    i hear that!
  • kitka82
    kitka82 Posts: 350 Member
    I say, if abstinence before marriage is truly important to you, then make sure you have some likeminded people in your life that you can talk to. And it makes it easier if the person you are dating respects your choice. Set up your boundaries now, and just stick to them. It is a personal choice.
  • xiamjackie
    xiamjackie Posts: 611 Member
    Absence before marriage? Is this like Runaway Bride?
  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
    I don't think that sex is morally wrong, and I feel sorry for people who do. I don't think that the meaning of life, if any, is that the person who denies themselves the most pleasure wins at the end.
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
    I need to test drive the car before I buy it.
  • Jennisin1
    Jennisin1 Posts: 574 Member
    I did it for my first marriage... was not successful. We just had such different expectations about what constitutes a healthy sex life that it eventually eroded our marriage. I wasn't willing to have just a best friend/roomate who wasn't really into sex.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    My thoughts? What you want to do with your body is your business - not mine.

    If you can't find someone that understands and appreciates your choices it's time to find someone else.

    Agree with this. You're an adult. This choice is yours to make, and if you are clear on why you are making it, then don't worry about what anyone else thinks about it. The right person for you will respect it, even if they may not agree with it themselves.
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  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
    My opinion; a resounding NO. I would NEVER marry someone without living with them for a year or so first. Sex isn't a "gift", it's a normal part of life together. You have to know if you're sexually and otherwise compatible. I lived with my husband of 42 years now for several years before marriage. .( he went off to Vietnam, I went off to college) We are very well suited and have had a loving and happy marriage.
  • hannahthesoundgirl
    hannahthesoundgirl Posts: 15 Member
    Both my husband and I felt that it was important (abstinence), so we both waited. I've never been with anyone else, and neither has he. It was really, really hard to hold to that, especially once we got engaged, but I'm glad we did. And I'm really glad that we don't have any baggage from anyone else. Sex is a big deal. We had different expectations about sex coming into the marriage and we argued about it quite a bit the first year. But, as we've learned to trust each other, and gotten to know each other better, our sex life has improved (and we barely argue about it now). Anyway....all that to say, if you feel like it's important, then it is important. And if the person you're with doesn't think it's important, then maybe they aren't right for you. Either way, I feel like sex is a big enough deal, you'll want to be on the same page.
  • kitka82
    kitka82 Posts: 350 Member
    I don't think that sex is morally wrong, and I feel sorry for people who do. I don't think that the meaning of life, if any, is that the person who denies themselves the most pleasure wins at the end.

    I agree with this. While its a personal choice, I just can't wrap my head around why you would deny pleasure to yourself. Sex is a huge part of a relationship. It's not "special". It's just sex. It's almost like saying you're not going to talk to your partner until after marriage.

    There are many things physically that matter a lot. Some people don't fit well together sexually. It's a huge deal. And, it really is a tad short-sided to think that sex isn't equally as important than all the other factors in your relationship.

    There's a lot of emphasis on sexual compatibility. Sure, you will probably have issues if you have drastically different sexual preferences. But how can you say that "sex is a huge part of a relationship" while also saying sex is not "special"? I guess it just depends on the purpose of sex in your relationship. Sex bonds people together. Sex creates life. What about relationships in which one or both parties is physically unable to have sex, either regularly or at all?

    I'm just asking these questions because I've always been curious as to why sex seems like either a big deal, or not that important at all. Help me understand, people. LOL.
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
    I don't think that sex is morally wrong, and I feel sorry for people who do.
    Why would you "feel sorry for" someone who believes sex outside of marriage is morally wrong?
    I don't think that the meaning of life, if any, is that the person who denies themselves the most pleasure wins at the end.
    First, it sounds sad that you're not sure if there is a meanging of life at all. Secondly, denying ourselves certain pleasures is about more than just trying to win a game in the end.

    To the OP- I find that people will respect you for standing on your convictions. Don't waffle, don't cave, don't let someone else make you question your own morals and values.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    wish I had the chance for an absence \m/
  • fluffykitsune
    fluffykitsune Posts: 236 Member
    Sex looks ( and seems ) boring as hell to me.
    I'd rather sleep.
    What people do, people do. But I personally don't think sex / dating is just a game (meaning, I'd rather wait than fool around like every other teenager). If I'm going to bring someone into my life, then I'm going to be 150% positive that they aren't leaving.
    Talking like this is how i ended up with 4 cats and 4 dogs. fml.
  • Fozzi43
    Fozzi43 Posts: 2,984 Member
    I personally think you need to find out if you're compatible in EVERY way...hell..if I waited till I married someone and then found out they had a small ****, I'd be seriously pissed off.
  • InsolentMint
    InsolentMint Posts: 48
    I want to be openminded to the idea, but honestly, my initial reaction is I'd be quite put off. MAINLY because, well, sex is very important to me, and it's important that we're compatible. There's no way I'd marry anyone without knowing that.

    Also, I prefer men who've developed some mad skills in that department, then I don't really care if he's had a man-*kitten* past. Prefer that to someone I have to teach from square one, any day.

    But HEY. People are different. And have different values. I'm sure you'll find someone who share yours.
    I don't think poorly of people who choose to wait, it's just not for me at all.
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
    Sex in and of itself is not "morally wrong".

    I believe God designed it as a special gift between a husband and wife.
    It is the most intimate part of your relationship.

    When you wait you are demonstrating a selfless type of love that says, I love you so much that I am willing to deny myself in order to do what is best for you and our marriage.
    It is the highest level of respect you can give someone.

    I don't see it as a restriction but rather as a protection from a loving God.
    He wants the very best for people and knows that more and more of that special intimacy and trust will be lost with each subsequent sexual partner.
  • PoopieMonster
    PoopieMonster Posts: 295 Member
    Being completely honest, no I would not date someone who pledged abstinence before marriage. Big turn off.
  • lsmsrbls
    lsmsrbls Posts: 232 Member
    Abstinence is not for me at all.

    I don't care what other people want to do with their bodies, and I attach no moral value to having sex or not having sex.
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
    I personally think you need to find out if you're compatible in EVERY way...hell..if I waited till I married someone and then found out they had a small ****, I'd be seriously pissed off.
    See that is why I insist on sex before marriage, I would rather she get pissed off at my small **** now, rather than after we say "I do".

    You knew what you were getting into!!!
  • Buddhasmiracle
    Buddhasmiracle Posts: 925 Member
    I'm assuming you mean "abstinence"?
    Yes, that is exactly what I meant. If only computers could figure out what word you really wanted to use..

    Congratulations to you. I do think it's a choice for people; it's just that some people seem to think that and think it's great, then decide they would rather not be with that person because of the exact same reason.

    Follow your own compass & you will be alright.

    This.
  • JessicaPasieka
    JessicaPasieka Posts: 149 Member
    Waiting is definitely not for me. I don't believe it makes me a better or worse person if I choose to wait or not. And I don't view it as a sin. It's a beautiful exchange and experience between my partner and I. It's not like I'm running out sleeping with 50 guys. I sleep with the one man I love. Just do your own thing and whatever makes you happy. But I just find it adds to the relationship, along with everything else. It keeps it strong and interesting.
  • TallGlassOfQuirky
    TallGlassOfQuirky Posts: 282 Member
    I was abstinent before I married my ex husband. I truly consider that a mistake because we were not even remotely compatible in that regard and it was a disaster throughout our marriage.

    Not doing that again.
  • MaydayParadeGirl
    MaydayParadeGirl Posts: 190 Member
    I don't think that sex is morally wrong, and I feel sorry for people who do. I don't think that the meaning of life, if any, is that the person who denies themselves the most pleasure wins at the end.

    As someone whose waiting until I find the right person, and yeah I want the right person to be the person I marry, to have sex I'm kind of put off by your statement. it's not something that I think is 'morally wrong' Not everyone sees it that way, I also don't think I'm 'denying myself pleasure' okay sure everyone enjoys sex but I've seen what losing your virginity to somenoe who just takes advantage of you looks like and I'm not willing to put myself through that. I do think that it's something that isnt' meant to just be given up to anyone and everyone, and I don't want to be looked down upon for my thoughts. My virginity is something that I believe is MY choose to give up whenever I feel like it. If that means some guys are going to judge me for it and girls are going to call me a prude, well fine go ahead. I don't run around telling everyone who has sex before they are married that they're sluts or *kitten* or whatever. Don't feel sorry for people who make the decision not to have sex, I'm not missing out on anything my life is just fine without sex. You need to go forward when you're ready, and hearing/seeing/reading things like this is probably part of the reason so many teenagers are just barreling ahead and having sex all crazy. People have put this idea on sex that it's okay to just throw it around, to use it to your advantage. I think that is wrong. I'm not saying everyone should wait until they're married, I'm saying everyone needs to back off those people who arent' having sex, stop feeling 'sorry' for them and stop making them feel like damn freaks.
  • _SABOTEUR_
    _SABOTEUR_ Posts: 6,833 Member
    My brother was abstinent with his wife before he got married. The wedding night was tense and stressful for everyone...

    But they have two kids now, so I guess all the equipment fitted together fine.

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