Fat shaming and making fun of fat people

My system won't let me watch the video but I have coincidentally been thinking about this lately... I honestly think that there is such a DISEASE in our culture with the HUGE corporations that market unhealthy things to eat to us, and the constant brainwashing of commercials who make us believe happy healthy people eat fast food and drink tons of soda...

My 9 year old daughter just got a little "chubby" and started getting picked on in school. I have worked her whole life to make her understand how beautiful she is and it has been undone by 3rd grade boys in a few months...

I have decided to IGNORE the "Fat" comments and focus with her on "health." We are focusing on packing fruits instead of crackers and taking a walk instead of watching TV. I am talking to her about her heart, circulation, lungs, skin and hair cells and how they need the nutrition from good food as opposed to focusing on what's fattening or "bad."

It's been a few weeks in this mission and the difference is visible. Not only has she slimmed down a little (NOT MY MAIN GOAL HERE) but she feels confident again and isn't hanging her head in shame.

I wish everyone had somebody to make them feel beautiful and help them by buying healthy food and explaining how it heals the body. I know the government can't be our "parent" but I wish something could be done in the positive direction to educate people and stop the corporations from making people believe bad food is OK...

You're a good Mom:flowerforyou:

I also commend you....

My son was getting called "fat" at school and with my calorie counting, he started to develop ED tendencies ("i'm not going to have dinner tonight mom. I ate enough today already" when he clearly hadn't).

The really annoying bit for me was that my son is not fat. He weighs a lot because he is muscular. Think "Glenn Danzig"...short, lots of muscle.

I had to help my son get past this... I actually set him up with an MFP account and our goal became "did you eat enough protein today for all those muscles you got?" Of course he would also want to know if he was eating too many calories. And we only log for him now and again. Whenever we do, he is always right on target for how many calories he should have at his age and how much protein he should have. We would talk about healthy diets and I would explain that muscular men need lots of calories....

Since then the teasing has stopped. He doesn't get all weird about food. And he even got a little taller so he doesn't look so Glenn Danzig anymore.



the best part was when I showed him the "Mother" video trying to explain what it means to be short and strong. When they got to the slaughtering chickens over naked ladies (I swear I forgot that part!) he said "Mom, I don't think I should be watching this!"

I have to stop myself from responding to a lot of people on this message board because of fat shaming. Whether they are former fat ppl or never have been fat ever, I've seen some really questionable and just mean and hurtful **** said about fat people on these boards. Not saying that all of it was intentional, but sometimes the way folks word things just sucks.

Thank you! I am shocked -- shocked -- that there are not more responses like this on this board, especially when I see all the tickers many people here have showing that have lost 75 pounds or more. People just LOVE hating on the fatties, including other fatties, I guess, and for them weight loss is just an excuse to join in the bullying.

Bottom line: Someone else's weight is nobody's business but their own. No one gets to say "He SHOULD lose weight and he doesn't, therefore LET'S GET HIM!" It's. Not. Cool.

I don't care if the particular guy in this particular video sounded whiny. IT DOESN'T MEAN HE DOESN'T LEGITIMATELY HAVE PROBLEMS, it just makes him whiny about his problems. Will losing weight help him avoid the fat shaming? Maybe! You know what else would help? If people stopped being ****ing bullying asshats, or even if society at large stopped giving a pass to bullying asshats just because their targets are fat.

Okay, something that is happening here is a failure to communicate properly. Many of the folks saying that are saying he's whining instead of doing something about it are NOT shaming him. You may interpret is as such, but that is not what is happening. They're stating that in order to actually lose the weight he wants to lose he needs to break out of his shell and put in the work. Motivation is the first hurdle to getting it done. He hasn't taken that step yet. He needs to get motivated enough within himself to do something about it. They're not ridiculing him because he's fat.

Let me tell you something I see from pretty much every fit guy or gal around.

THE MOST INSPIRING thing for a fit person to see is a fat guy in his second week at the gym, still busting his backside, sweating like a stuck pig to try and get fit. It makes the gym alpha in the corner get teary eyed with how much potential this heavy ball of clay has in front of him. They want to see him or her keep coming and succeeding, day in and day out. It makes them pump harder themselves. It makes them double down on their routines, just to get the sweat going again. They don't want to see the fat guy fail or never try. They want to see the fat guy burn his way out of his gelatinous cocoon and turn into a heavy metal, fire breathing, iron plated butterfly with latissimus wings that make his feet lift the ground when he flexes.

TL;DR: Fit people see fat people as potential future badarses, not fat tubs of crap. At least that's my experience.

Fat people at the gym don't owe you anything!! They don't need to prove themselves to "fit people". They don't need to be a fit person's inspiration porn either? I cant believe what I am reading? This potential heavy ball of clay in a gelatinous cocoon?! Respectfully, I have to say...Are you serious?!

Umm a fat person at the gym is a human being, not an object to be molded into something FIT people want to see. Someone else's body and being is none of anyone else's business unless they invite it to be. Judging someone based on their body size is just wrong. Making fun of people, putting them down, saying mean things to 'inspire them and lift them up', is wrong. Always has been, always will be.

You entirely missed the point of the person you quoted. Please reread what was written.

Hah, I was just going to say that.

Enlighten me. Saying that I totally missed the point doesn't help me understand what she said. What am I missing? She said the most inspiring thing for a fit person to see is a fat person in the gym giving it their all. Breaking out of their fat cocoon and becoming a fit butterfly. What did I miss?

OMG I just realized my ticker is a butterfly. Will I be a fit butterfly?

Because it is uplifting for one person to see another person succeed at something they know is very difficult. That's the point you missed.

Nope, I got that point. Didn't miss that at all. But my opinion on this subject seems to be the unpopular one so I am just going to have to agree to disagree with some of you folks.

::flutters away::

but if there are ppl out there who believe a fat person at the gym is just ummm a fat person at the gym and not some kind of after school special type story who needs and wants your encouragement to "keep pushing" through then add me. if u aren't down with fat shaming and shoving your health & nutrition goals and ideals down someone's fat throat. holla and again, add me as a friend.

::flutters far away::

My system won't let me watch the video but I have coincidentally been thinking about this lately... I honestly think that there is such a DISEASE in our culture with the HUGE corporations that market unhealthy things to eat to us, and the constant brainwashing of commercials who make us believe happy healthy people eat fast food and drink tons of soda...

My 9 year old daughter just got a little "chubby" and started getting picked on in school. I have worked her whole life to make her understand how beautiful she is and it has been undone by 3rd grade boys in a few months...

I have decided to IGNORE the "Fat" comments and focus with her on "health." We are focusing on packing fruits instead of crackers and taking a walk instead of watching TV. I am talking to her about her heart, circulation, lungs, skin and hair cells and how they need the nutrition from good food as opposed to focusing on what's fattening or "bad."

It's been a few weeks in this mission and the difference is visible. Not only has she slimmed down a little (NOT MY MAIN GOAL HERE) but she feels confident again and isn't hanging her head in shame.

I wish everyone had somebody to make them feel beautiful and help them by buying healthy food and explaining how it heals the body. I know the government can't be our "parent" but I wish something could be done in the positive direction to educate people and stop the corporations from making people believe bad food is OK...

You are a beautiful Mama and I crown you Mom of the year. Good way to teach your daughter about her self worth and health.

My thoughts exactly! :flowerforyou:

Because it is uplifting for one person to see another person succeed at something they know is very difficult. That's the point you missed.

Nope, I got that point. Didn't miss that at all. But my opinion on this subject seems to be the unpopular one so I am just going to have to agree to disagree with some of you folks.

::flutters away::

but if there are ppl out there who believe a fat person at the gym is just ummm a fat person at the gym and not some kind of after school special type story who needs and wants your encouragement to "keep pushing" through then add me. if u aren't down with fat shaming and shoving your health & nutrition goals and ideals down someone's fat throat. holla and again, add me as a friend.

::flutters far away::

*eyeroll smiley* They need one of those but I'll make due with:

:noway: :indifferent: :huh:

I CAN watch it but couldn't even finish it because it was annoying me. :ohwell: :yawn:

Me too.

What about this? I was always VERY skinny growing up. I mean skinny as in my ribcage stuck out further than my boobs. I didn't gain weight until grad school when I was in my early 20's. But anyways, my sister who was and is morbidly obese always made fun of me for being skinny. She would call me anorexic, stick figure, skeleton, etc. If I ever insulted her back by calling her fat my parents would freak out and I would get in trouble. They said she could make fun of me for being skinny, because being skinny was good and being fat wasn't. So why the double standards?

Because we live in a society where thin/slender/slim is held up as the ideal and fat is considered totally unacceptable. Thin people are privileged; fat people are discriminated against. I'm very surprised that so many people on this thread are talking as though fat-shaming and "thin-shaming" are equivalent. I don't see that at all. I don't believe total strangers go up to thin people and confront them about their weight, express "concern" for their health, etc. As for what happens on MFP, nobody here is critiquing Miss America's body type to her face.

This may have once been very true, and no doubt is still at least somewhat true...

...but the pendulum seems to be swinging in the other direction...and I sincerely believe we are quickly headed to a place where "thin-shaming" is becoming more and more prevalent.

This has all happened before...

...and it will happen again.

They don't want to see the fat guy fail or never try. They want to see the fat guy burn his way out of his gelatinous cocoon and turn into a heavy metal, fire breathing, iron plated butterfly with latissimus wings that make his feet lift the ground when he flexes.

Enlighten me. Saying that I totally missed the point doesn't help me understand what she said. What am I missing? She said the most inspiring thing for a fit person to see is a fat person in the gym giving it their all. Breaking out of their fat cocoon and becoming a fit butterfly. What did I miss?

OMG I just realized my ticker is a butterfly. Will I be a fit butterfly?
[/quote]

Love,
You already are a beautiful butterfly. It's already inside you. I can see it in the way you put your hands on your hips, basically telling the world that you're going to do it, and do it good. You're a success story of your own making, in the making.

Maybe if I give you my current story you'll understand a little butter. Right now, I'm a fat tub of goo. But I'm not going to be that way forever. If you don't believe me, here are my progress pics from yesterday: http://imgur.com/a/rnvye

It embarasses the hell out of me to look at myself as I am and compare it to anyone else. I am ashamed of how I look. You know who else is ashamed of the way I look? No-flippin-body. The only person judging me is myself. I have made a conscious effort to stop feeling sorry for myself, or making excuses, or putting it off and am sucking it up and kicking my own backside. I need this for me.

So, yeah, my gym story...

A few months ago I started lifting. From day one most of the "super fits" in the gym gave me that look. The one that you and I probably interpret as "oh great, another tub of lard come to breathe our air and occupy our weights". But that wasn't what that look is at all. It's the same look I've started to give other people now. It's that look of, "Okay, day one. I'm going to remember this guy. I hope I see him in here again. I know where he's at and where he could be going. I want to see the magic happen, because that's what it is: magic. But I don't want to be let down again and see another guy burn out. I wish I could just pick him up and help him fly, but the only person who can do that is himself." What you're seeing day one is a combination of hopefulness and sorrow for those that didn't keep going. You're seeing the hope that you can make it, mixed with the fear you will not. And yes, they are judging you, just like you're judging them. But they're not judging you by how fat you are. They're judging you on your desire to knock it out of the park. They're judging you on whether or not you'll be their next gym buddy. They want to help you be the best you can be, but they can't do that if you quit. So they wait and watch with that same expression.

Now that I've been lifting for a few months the look has changed. It no longer has the pang of pain attached to it. Even though I'm still obese. Even though I'm still in the cocoon they know I'm struggling to get out, clawing my way out, inch by inch, pound by pound. That look is now one of recognition and respect. They look over and see me struggle to press a pair of 75lb dumbbells and are like "Is he gonna do it? Is he gonna pull this off?" The other day one of the trainers saw me struggling on dumbbell overhead press and couldn't stop himself. He walked over and put his hands on my elbows to help me through the lift, shouting encouragement "Good form man! Kicking *kitten*! One more! You got this!" and it just broke me down. And now I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes, remembering it and realizing what was happening.

They want you to succeed for you. They don't want you to fall into their cookie cutter mold of what fitness is. They want you to become your own butterfly, not theirs. They want you to break out of your fears and embarrassment. They want you to start kicking *kitten* for yourself, not them. That's the real magic.

I hope that helps explain things a little better. Most fit people aren't trying to shame you. Yes, there are d-bags out there, but they're few and far between. Yes, I know those are the ones you remember. They're the ones I remember. I'd like nothing more than to crack their skull open with a kettlebell. They're the same folks who used to pull wings off of insects as a child. But that's not everybody. Most of them want to see you be a butterfly.

Because it is uplifting for one person to see another person succeed at something they know is very difficult. That's the point you missed.

Nope, I got that point. Didn't miss that at all. But my opinion on this subject seems to be the unpopular one so I am just going to have to agree to disagree with some of you folks.

::flutters away::

but if there are ppl out there who believe a fat person at the gym is just ummm a fat person at the gym and not some kind of after school special type story who needs and wants your encouragement to "keep pushing" through then add me. if u aren't down with fat shaming and shoving your health & nutrition goals and ideals down someone's fat throat. holla and again, add me as a friend.

::flutters far away::

*eyeroll smiley* They need one of those but I'll make due with:

:noway: :indifferent: :huh:

If fat shaming worked I woulda been thin by age 7. If shaming for being different worked I wouldnt have been one of those kids in high school that wore mismatched converse and carried a sesame street lunchpail (it was the 90's!! lol)

Instead I have grown up to be a unique adult with piercing and tattoos not giving a flying F what people think of me. This trait has come in useful when it comes to losing weight as everyone has an opinion about the *right* way I should be doing it.

Shaming never works, for fat people or anyone else.