I Want to Stay Fat

If you're fat:
1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.

Employers typically want healthy employees. Health care costs are one of the major reasons why. However, it is undeniable that competition abounds in the workplace. In some situations, the dynamic between a female and her female boss is unhealthy. It is human nature to be jealous of others who you believe are better in some way than you (better looking, more educated, richer, luckier, etc.).
I am especially sensitive to this dynamic because I have experienced loss as a result of someone in my work organization being jealous of me. The specific incident was several years ago, but it was a traumatic event that still stays with me. This was a part-time, weekend job, but a very important one and one that I had held for a very long time. I was the best at what I did, but I was thwarted by two individuals once my immediate "supervisor" left and replaced. It was all done so underhandedly, so evilly. It was no doubt a sacituation where I had something they did not have, and they found their "in" and took it from me in a horribly devious manner.
I have had other situations in my life where I have been the object of jealousy. And no, I am not saying I am great or anything. Part of my experience (not all of it) has to do with growing up with a narcissistic (infantile, jealous) mother. I just learned about the adjective "narcissism" a year ago.
My current boss is a nice, fair person, but I have learned to respect boundaries, not get too chummy with her boss, etc. My attempts at being creative or innovative at work have all been met with reluctance and indifference on her part. She is old school, and likes to do things manually, whereas I like to automate things as much as possible so as not to reinvent the wheel and have to rely on my brain every time I do something.
The only solution I can come up with for myself is to bite the bullet and be brave enough to drop the weight. And accept the fact that people may not like it, people may be jealous, people will pick at me at work, I will attract attention, I will be hated, and so on. I know this sounds extreme, but these things may very well happen in certain circumstances.
I just read an article about how CEOs and oher successful people operate. They accept the fact that their secretaries may gossip about them, people may disapprove of them, etc. The more successful or great a person gets, the more negative stuff gets thrown their way. This is the way of the world. Successful people don't dismiss the negative stuff or pretend it doesn't exist, or be in denial about it. They just manage it, deal with it, and accept it exists.
I think this concept will help me in getting it through my head that I can safely drop the weight and whatever negativity it will bring to me - - I can deal with it successfully. The pain is manageable.
I read many supportive posts, but others that were not so supportive. My post is not an easy one to understand. I don't think some people understand it, as they never had the same thoughts, which is fine. I am glad for the supportive notes, as they have buoyed me against the negative reactions.

Thank you. I have tried finding a therapist. I saw one for one session, and another for two sessions. Neither had a clue as to what I was talking about. I do not think my issue is a mainstream issue for people. I was glad to write my post, because it revealed to me that some other people identify with some of what I am saying.
The fact is, so many people struggle on a daily basis , to better themselves, eat healthy, get ahead at work, look good, make more money, etc. So it might be jarring to some people to hear a person say they have been taking action (subconsciously, compulsively) to make themselves WORSE (specifically, fatter, unhealthier, and less attractive).

They're like any other professional except that the personal "click" is critical. Find one that works for you.

If you're fat:
1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.

this reminds me of when someone had some material thing that I really wanted, but managed to convince myself that I was better without it. "i don't need those air jordans to play basketball, they just cost too muchand he still sucks.......except that air jordans are the best basketball shoes ever made, and actually DO help make certain aspects of the game better for nearly every player) kinda like " i would rather be fat and not have to fend off guys who were like hitting on me and stuff".....yeah who the hell wants to be flirted with and feel good about their achievements/body image anyway

when I was a kid and thought this way, I would quietly feel like i was giving up on the inside

If you're fat:
1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.

I have been fat for a long time in my life, and every time I go to the doc, they always say I am healthy, not one suggests I should lose weight.

You're only 26, the health issues of being overweight haven't caught up with you yet. Remain fat and your story will change. My hubby is obese and always used the same reasoning. Our doctor still doesn't tell him to lose weight, just treats all his issues. At 57 he has high BP, is pre diabetic, has trouble breathing and has to use a CPAP to sleep, wears a knee brace because his joints can't support him anymore and is just generally not healthy.

For me, being fat has insulated me from the world. Now that I can better cope with the ups and downs of life, I don't need the insulation.

Exactly. You are right, there are psychological reasons why many people put on weight and keep it on. One of my closest friends was always really thin until she got to 20 and was raped. After that she piled on the pounds and she has no interest in losing them. I think she feels 'safer' now that she's big. She feels protected by the fact that she is fat.

Now I'm not saying everyone who puts on weight has psychological problems but in a lot of chronic cases were people have been obese for years and just keep on getting bigger, there is usually an underlying reason... something that needs to be accepted and dealt with... whether it be emotional pain/trauma, bad habits formed in childhood, low self esteem....

I think weight loss for a lot of people is more than just a physical thing.... there are mental demons/attitudes and beliefs that need to be shed along with the fat... and sometimes they are harder to overcome