"You're really pretty, but...

honestly, my ex hubby has gone as far as to call me a "fat B!tch" iin the past....and my reply would be "i can change fat but unfortunately YOU cant change stupid" needless to say i haven't heard those sorts of things from him lately INFACT Last time i saw him to drop off the kids for the day he complimented me on how solid my calves were looking.......Hmm

honestly, my ex hubby has gone as far as to call me a "fat B!tch" iin the past....and my reply would be "i can change fat but unfortunately YOU cant change stupid" needless to say i haven't heard those sorts of things from him lately INFACT Last time i saw him to drop off the kids for the day he complimented me on how solid my calves were looking.......Hmm

Im glad hes your ex, that was awful of him to say to you!!!

What I am saying is that whether someone is obese or not, their body is acceptable. It's theirs. It's not open for judgement. It's not open for discussion. It will not be more worthy if there is less of it, or more of it, if it is symmetrical or asymmetrical.

Body shaming doesn't belong here. (And a lot of the replies to this topic have been FULL of it.)

Hey, don't get me wrong - I never said that anyone's body is not acceptable. In fact, I'm a big believer that step number 1 is to accept and like yourself and your own body, whichever size, symmetry level or other physical condition you got. Can a woman be very pretty while overweight? Absolutely! Will she likely be viewed as prettier if she got closer to normal BMI range? I bet! At least the modern ideal of beauty it's pointing us into the healthy direction most of the time!

It's not body shaming, it's just accepting the reality that people with near normal BMI are typically perceived as better looking. Just like people with symmetrical features. Or people with straight white teeth. (That's becoming less and less of a differentiator as the orthodontic technology moves forward). It does not diminish anyone's value as an individual, but it objectively affects perception and first impressions.

I agree that with 2/3 of the country being overweight, you'd think the standards would be different.

Curiously, if you look at Ming Dynasty beauty ideals, while most of the population was quite skinny from hard labor, the "famous beautiful women" of that era depicted in sculpture pack at least extra 50 lb by our modern standards. Similar story with renaissance portraits - I promise you an average female had a pretty different, much more muscular body shape with a lot less softness and glow. Remember the 'beautiful' foot binding in China? Not feasible for most women except most wealthy... And the modern supermodel who is not only skinny, but also nearly 6 ft tall - what % of the population fits that mold?...

Maybe it is just normal for cultural body ideals to be just that - something that is relatively rare and not easily attainable for the majority?

I don't think that weight=beauty, so these comments always make me mad.

Even though the cliches seldom work and maybe just show how insecure some are (including me) I like this saying, albeit a bit angry and negative:

You are fat!
I: "Well yeah, but I am working on it and can lose that weight, you will always be ugly on the inside, try losing that!"

I would have used that saying years back when I was at my heaviest and a lot more insecure. Really, coming out on the other side (after losing weight) puts things in perspective, even though I am proud of what I have done, there are so many other things more important in life :happy:

I hear your beautiful BUT u should gain weight. Any commentary/criticism about size is hurtful. We r who we r. I am trying to be happy with my appearance and comments like the one you stated r meant as compliments but are so backhanded!

I like your post Bornofthorns.

My 2c... if we honestly all believed that we were "beautiful" at any size then why are we all trying so hard to get freakin' well slimmer?!

Fact is that fit and healthy bodies are more aesthetically pleasing to look at than fat ones - I knew that when I was fat and I know it now. It don't matter a damn how pretty or ugly your face is.

I like Bornofthorns post too, but AMEN to this!

I think this all the time. Never say it. So much physical beauty just hiding out there. But people have to make their own choices.

Just an idea here for all those saying why can't fat be beautiful too. For me it's not so much that you are fat, it's that you are unhealthy. It also shows a lack of discipline and self control. Just because fat is the majority in American culture doesn't mean it is right, attractive, or better. An alternative example, Justin Bieber has a ridiculous amount of people that are into his 'music' does that mean that he is a better artist than say Eric Clapton, Van Halen, or Steve Vai? I think not.

Just an idea here for all those saying why can't fat be beautiful too. For me it's not so much that you are fat, it's that you are unhealthy. It also shows a lack of discipline and self control. Just because fat is the majority in American culture doesn't mean it is right, attractive, or better. An alternative example, Justin Bieber has a ridiculous amount of people that are into his 'music' does that mean that he is a better artist than say Eric Clapton, Van Halen, or Steve Vai? I think not.

I agree with this but you have to be careful about it. You never know where someone is in their life. That person who is overweight and you look at and think in your head what a unhealthy lazy pig or whatever (not saying you think that mean just extreme example). That person could have already lost 50+ pounds and be working their butt off to get healthy and turn their life around.

I really think it's about your personality and how you react to criticism. I was always told that I would be beautiful once I lost the weight when I was younger. I knew I was fat so it wasn’t a surprise that other people knew. I also saw my beauty and the weight as separate issues. In some ways it was detrimental because I always felt like I wasn’t ready for a boyfriend/other things in my life because I wasn’t done losing weight. I also always knew I was pretty and that kept my self worth up. In the Romanian culture, beauty is very closely related to worth, it sucks and it should be different but that’s how it is. So anyway, knowing I was pretty stopped me from accepting anything less than a good situation because I though I deserved better. It also stopped me from going after better because I wasn’t “ready” yet. So yeah, people are superficial and they say stupid things but how you react to them says more about yourself.

I've gotten this especially when I started to gain weight...one girl actually said to me "Does your chubbyness(sp?) offend you?" I was like what...and she explained that she knew people were commenting on my weight and wanted to know if I was offended by my weight gain. Other people would say stuff like "You look nice and thick now." I never took any of these as compliments because none were coming from people I had close relationships with..just coworkers who thought it was appropriate to comment on weight in the workplace without being asked.

It bothers me slightly to get hit on every day, and to hear comments such as "you look like a doll" when previously I was invisible.

Until recently I had not been on a date in years. I had the same face, the same bone structure, a similar personality (albeit more shy).

Not once did I get hit on as a fat girl.

And not huge - just 30 pounds heavier than I am now.

It depresses me somewhat to think about how superficial people can be, and how much a few physical tweaks can change how someone regards you. I work hard to maintain my fitness though, so I hope that at least people admire my work ethic as much as the bod.

These days if anyone asks me out, I'm tempted to tell them to ask out the pretty neighborhood chubby on a weight loss program - because that's what I used to be and I would have been thrilled to go out with a nice guy back then.

It bothers me slightly to get hit on every day, and to hear comments such as "you look like a doll" when previously I was invisible.

Until recently I had not been on a date in years. I had the same face, the same bone structure, a similar personality (albeit more shy).

Not once did I get hit on as a fat girl.

And not huge - just 30 pounds heavier than I am now.

It depresses me somewhat to think about how superficial people can be, and how much a few physical tweaks can change how someone regards you. I work hard to maintain my fitness though, so I hope that at least people admire my work ethic as much as the bod.

These days if anyone asks me out, I'm tempted to tell them to ask out the pretty neighborhood chubby on a weight loss program - because that's what I used to be and I would have been thrilled to go out with a nice guy back then.

I feel this way too. I know that losing weight can change your life but when it comes down to it I am still the same person. I added a few new things in and do some things less often but I know what you are saying. I try to think that some it may come from confidence that you gain from losing weight. I think people go one of two ways - they tend to open up a little and be more confident or they get a huge head and think that they are super hot now and too good for the people they knew when they were overweight.