Difficult husband?

The only person you can control is yourself....ever heard the adage you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink? Even though you know (and I bet he does too) that soda's and juice aren't the best things for you, it's not something he's ready to give up yet, even though you are.

I began my journey in April 2011. It was December 2011 before my husband joined me - although he had much less to lose than I still have to lose....He's at goal currently - or at least close enough to it to be able to get back with a little effort. Point is, I couldn't force him to do anything he didn't want to do. He had McDonald's happy meals about every day and *thought* he was being relatively healthy....that is until he started logging things on MFP.

About the only thing you can do is lead by example. I would still not buy the "unhealthy things" like the soda's and juice's. Buy stuff that's helpful for you. Even if you have to have your own designated "shelf in the pantry". (I have a snack-box, and my hubby has a "snack drawer" - that's our safety place to get something healthy to eat when we're a bit hungry and want something to eat.)

Stay focused. Pursue your goals. Hopefully, he'll come around eventually. Mine did.

First, I didn't mean to make it as controlling as it sounded. I just really worry about his health, probably more than my own. He drinks way to much soda and consumes a lot of sugar that no matter how you look at as me controlling him, it is not good.

I get that he is a grown man and we are different people, I'll be the first to admit we are different as night and day. I in no way want to be his mother but I also don't want to see someone I love make themselves sick.

Great book I read on this called Codependent No More. :-/

Both my husband and I agree that we need to lose weight, but that is where our agreement ends. I want to give up soda and most fruit juices and make water our main drink. The problem is my husband doesn't want to drink water at all. I've told him how important it is but he just brushes it off.

I've tried not buying soda/juice but he just goes out and buys it if I don't.

Dairy is our other problem, the best he will except for milk is 2%. He won't drink skim and when I suggest something like soy or almond milk he flat out refuses it.

I've brought up the Paleo diet and am trying to learn more about it. I see one of the things is giving up bread. Again the husband loves his bread/sandwiches.

Does anyone else have a husband (or wife) who they feel is more like their child sometimes?! Any tips (i.e. sneaky ways to trick him into eating and drinking what I want without him realizing it...what? It's for his own good. :blushing:)?

You are freaking kidding right?????? I really hope you are kidding! Unless you want him to slowly lose respect for you, and drive a wedge in your relationship do not try to "trick" him into anything. His weight loss is personal to him, trying to force him to do anything wont do anything productive at all!!!! Focus on yourself - if you dont want soda dont drink it, if you want to eat better then eat better. Leave his weight loss to him.

Personally, I'd let him have it his way. I've learned to avoid the things I don't want to eat and yet still keep them available for my husband and kids. When I consistently lose weight, my husband remains at a plateau.

Maybe your husband will be encouraged by seeing it work in you. Maybe seeing your progress and dedication will help him to see he doesn't need soda or juice on a regular basis and he'll join you when he's ready.

Awesome response! Don't worry about it, if he's ready to change he'll figure out what's best FOR HIM. You probably don't want those items in the house because they can be tempting...but that's something you'll overcome. I would only be a little down if he didn't work out with me from time to time.

I don't even understand what the problem is. Drinking soda and 2% milk will not necessarily cause you to fail at losing weight, so why stop him from doing that if it's important to him?

My wife and I have very different tastes for beverages, and we just buy some of each. I don't think either one of us ever considered it to be a problem.

If the issue is that he's just consuming too much and doesn't want to put the effort into losing weight, that shouldn't stop you from eating and drinking in ways that are healthy for you and improving your own health. If he needs a push to get him to do the healthy thing, seeing positive change in you will have far more impact than arguments about him drinking too much soda or 2% milk.

Are you the kind of couple that has to do everything together? I haven't drank regular pop in over 20 years. My husband won't touch diet pop. So, I buy both. He won't eat fish so, I make him a different type of meat. Easy peasy.

OP, I think I understand what you're getting at, despite the unfortunate phrasing of your question that caused everyone to think you're being controlling.

I'd agree with most of the replies that I saw: take care of yourself, and let your husband do it his own way. Maybe he'll work out a plan that's right for him, or maybe he'll flounder a while, and catch up to you later when he sees that your plan is working. My husband and I both have healthy diets, and we eat the same things at home, but vastly differently on lunch breaks and when we go out. We also have different bodies, with different caloric and nutritional needs, so that's all just fine. Sometimes I suggest foods that he's dead set against, but when I buy them, and eat them, he usually gives it a try.

Example: I'd been eating muesli with low-fat yogurt for breakfast for about two weeks when my husband asked for a taste. Now he wants this for breakfast more often than I do, but he eats a nutty granola instead of the muesli.

Another example (and one that might be good for your household). We aren't really soda drinkers, but we do like to have an occasional Mexican Coca-Cola, and my husband does have a crazy sweet tooth. I started making my own soda by the glass, with a teaspoon of maple syrup, vanilla extract, and fizzy water. Sometimes I add a splash of juice. Sometimes I mix half juice, half fizzy water. My husband saw me making my soda, and said something along the lines of "Eww" or "weird". But I just replied that it was tasty, and he was welcome to try it, and he eventually did (and liked it).

But one last thing: Maybe portion-control is more difficult for you than eliminating certain foods, but maybe it'd the opposite for your husband. I drink whole milk, juice, beer, wine, and whiskey. I cannot stand 2% milk, let alone skim. Soy, rice, almond, and coconut milks are all delicious, though.

We've only been married for 20 yrs. I tell him a couple of times & then let him do his own thing. Inevitably, he comes around to my way of thinking when his doesn't work...

there's a lot of eye rolling that goes on & I keep telling the kids 'I swear, he was the hottest, coolest, most bad-*kitten* guy around when we were kids'...:blushing:

Be patient :flowerforyou:

Exactly! What is wrong with letting him know it's not the best choice???

What makes your way the best choice? Seriously paleo is not everyones best choice

For the OP's husband who really likes his soda, have you considered looking into a Sodastream? Their regular flavours are a mix of Splenda and sugar, so the bottles don't say diet on them but the calorie load is a little lighter. And you don't have a house full of empty cans and bottles, which was the biggest draw for us.

Hey,

I hear about this all the time. People are different and like to lose weight differently, right? Let your husband buy 2%, etc. my dad wouldn't even set his lips to almond milk, coconut milk, or whatever I drink!! Include him in the diet process and ask him to make a healthy salad however he wants it...maybe teach him a few things in the kitchen if he doesn't know how to cook?

I hate to say it, but when men lose control they tend to rebel. It's the truth.

Hope you're having a great week so far
I agree we are different and he doesn't have to do it my way. Honestly it's all the sugar he consumes that worries me. Milk doesn't worry me as much. Hell if he reached for the 2% milk when he was thirsty instead of the soda I'd be a happy camper.

He doesn't know how to cook and has no desire to learn. He does like salads so I try to include one somehow in a lot of the meals I make. I even make extra in case he feels hungry later and wants something to much on.

ALL husbands and wives should learn how to cook! I think it is imperative that they learn some basic cooking skills, should they ever be in a situation where they need to live on their own. TEACH him to cook, or take a cooking class together. Don't let him remain dependent on you for the food that HE eats.

The days of "men work outside the home and women run everything in the home" should be over by now.