Do men secretly want a more traditional housewife?
Replies
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Damn! I wish I could come home and be met with an experience such as this--why should only the men be so lucky? :laugh: And instead of a woman, I'd far rather it be Gerard Butler or someone else of similar ilk. But he doesn't have to put a ribbon in his hair or wear makeup. I wouldn't dig that.The Good Wives Guide circa 1950!
Have dinner ready.
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself.
Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away clutter.
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
Over the winter months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Prepare the children.
Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces, comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Minimise all noise.
At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him.
You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the right time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Make the evening his.
Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his real need to be at home and relax.
Your goal.
Try to make sure that your home is a place of peace and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone throught that day.
Make him comfortable.
Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or a warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is master of the house and as such, will always excercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.
You have no right to question him.
A good wife knows her place0 -
i want to secretly be a house wife...
to a rich man, so i can volunteer and have a fun life...
yet never have a headache. 0 -
No. If I wanted a maid, I'd hire one, and I'm sure it'd work out a damn site cheaper.0
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Damn! I wish I could come home and be met with an experience such as this--why should only the men be so lucky? :laugh: And instead of a woman, I'd far rather it be Gerard Butler or someone else of similar ilk. But he doesn't have to put a ribbon in his hair or wear makeup. I wouldn't dig that.The Good Wives Guide circa 1950!
Have dinner ready.
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself.
Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away clutter.
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
Over the winter months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Prepare the children.
Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces, comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Minimise all noise.
At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him.
You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the right time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Make the evening his.
Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his real need to be at home and relax.
Your goal.
Try to make sure that your home is a place of peace and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone throught that day.
Make him comfortable.
Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or a warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is master of the house and as such, will always excercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.
You have no right to question him.
A good wife knows her place
LMAO! I adore you.0 -
Yes. I like it a lot. I prefer the more traditional roles in that way. In fact, I prefer my wife to not work, or maybe do something part-time that is interesting, rather than pursuing money. Before our divorce, my wife was working at a large aquarium and loved the work. It was volunteer work, but she loved it, and it was really interesting. And, she was learning a ton about sea life, and was considering going back to college to study that stuff and get serious about it. I dig that kind of thing where you're not chasing money, but rather something interesting. I guess it would have eventually turned into work, but hopefully it would have been more passionate, and the money was just an after-effect of doing something you really love.
Anyway, yes. I prefer the 1950's traditional roles. I think it works really well when there is mutual respect and when both people are happy in those roles. But, it's a little hard to find. LOL. Might even be impossible.
I adore you too, Jerry.0 -
I have done both. Quite frankly how it works out depends on both partners. If you work as a 'team' and work to both of your strengths (whatever that may be) then either will be wonderful.
If you mean by 'doting' being loving, try to see to your partners needs and wants then I had no problem being the 'doting' wife. He had a problem being a 'doting' husband. That's why he is an ex.
When I was the stay at home mom (which he grew up with) at first it was wonderful. Then he stopped doing anything around the house (including mowing, repairs etc) it started being why do you need to buy the kids that, we don't need that for the house and the ulitmate.....you are spending MY money. Oh really? So I didn't argue, he thought he had won that point and just smiled and went back to watching tv. I went to the kitchen to make supper. While it was cooking I got the phone book out. I called a taxi service, dry cleaner/laundry, daycare, housekeeping service, caterer, lawn service, personal shopper (for groceries, household items and clothing) and home decorator. You will notice I did not call one service....he could line that up himself cause it wasn't going to be with me. I then wrote up a monthly bill for all those services, gave him a 20% discount because it was rather expensive and presented him with the bill. It was more then he made each month. When I handed it to him I told him I expected payment by the end of the week. We never again had a discussion about my spending HIS money. I went back to work the next month.
Could it work one partner staying home and one working. Yes certainly, for some people, for some people no. It does not work when either partner does not appreciate what the other partner brings to the relationship. If you both are on the same page then whatever works for you is right not whatever is the norm for society.0 -
What I've found after a few decades of dating and relationships is that men, though most would never admit it (even to themselves), want a woman who makes money AND does all the housewife things. Which is why I never got married.0
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Yes it makes sense in the traditional roles that it be set up that way. Everyone gets a good deal. Husband works all day and then gets to come home and eat and relax, the wife takes care of the house and kids, but as a general rule is provided for and doesn't have to worry too much about things. It was similar in most pre-modern cultures and still prevalent in tribal situations (though housewife doesn't quite fit, but women have their roles and men have theirs, with a few exceptions here and there).
I hate that the idea that being a housewife and/or stay at home mom is not somehow equal to a man working outside the home and making a living, and seems to be especially looked down upon by feminists. Each role is EQUALLY important, just different. One provides a safe clean environment and nurtures and teaches children, the other provides the money to make that possible. Both seem pretty important to me.
I personally think that feminism has also been skewed over the years. It's not so much about equality now as it is about SUPERIORITY. Seems like a lot of women expect the man to not only take care of the traditional chores of a man such as working, heavy yard work, car repair and maintenance, taking the trash out, etc., but also to do the dishes, laundry, cleaning, vacuuming, diaper duty, etc. Or is expected to come home from work and watch the kids because mommy had a "rough" day and needs to get away...so now she gets a break and dad doesn't? I call bull****.0 -
The Good Wives Guide circa 1950!
Have dinner ready.
...
You have no right to question him.
A good wife knows her place
I would bet money that this article was written by a man.
I would bet you are wrong. That list is to long to be written by a man (sarcasm).
I for one, want a tradition stay at home wife with a dash of sas and sarcasm.0 -
i want to secretly be a house wife...
to a rich man, so i can volunteer and have a fun life...
yet never have a headache.Yes. I like it a lot. I prefer the more traditional roles in that way. In fact, I prefer my wife to not work, or maybe do something part-time that is interesting, rather than pursuing money. Before our divorce, my wife was working at a large aquarium and loved the work. It was volunteer work, but she loved it, and it was really interesting. And, she was learning a ton about sea life, and was considering going back to college to study that stuff and get serious about it. I dig that kind of thing where you're not chasing money, but rather something interesting. I guess it would have eventually turned into work, but hopefully it would have been more passionate, and the money was just an after-effect of doing something you really love.
...and don't laugh, but she used to do things like when I was watching football, she'd make me sammiches, and keep the beer flowing. When my friends were over, she'd really do it up. I think stuff like that is really cool. It just make it nice. That's all. She doesn't have to do it, I never expected it, and I never asked. She'd just keep asking if I want another beer. LOL. Of freaking course I do. Hahaha.
Anyway, yes. I prefer the 1950's traditional roles. I think it works really well when there is mutual respect and when both people are happy in those roles. But, it's a little hard to find. LOL. Might even be impossible.
Meredith 1123, I would like to introduce you to Guitar Jerry. You are both invited to dinner at our place when I see a ring on that finger, and not one second sooner.
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I personally think that feminism has also been skewed over the years. It's not so much about equality now as it is about SUPERIORITY. Seems like a lot of women expect the man to not only take care of the traditional chores of a man such as working, heavy yard work, car repair and maintenance, taking the trash out, etc., but also to do the dishes, laundry, cleaning, vacuuming, diaper duty, etc. Or is expected to come home from work and watch the kids because mommy had a "rough" day and needs to get away...so now she gets a break and dad doesn't? I call bull****.
I wanna say I've argued this with you before.
Or you could be identical to any number of bitter folks who feel that their long held gender roles are being chipped away and you are without the ability to adapt.
But seriously, your name and the topic and your response sound very familiar. I don't know. I'd have to pull through my posting history.0 -
who wouldn't want someone to make them dinner and make themselves pretty lol
as long as theres enough money and the woman is happy with the situation then it sounds good to me.
i don't really know what most guys would perfer.. i do get the feeling that as long as they are not finanically hurting most men wouldn't have a problem with this situation.
i assume most women may be offended by suggesting such a set up0 -
I like having a working wife. it keeps her busy and entertained. And it is a second paycheck that we can use to traveling and what not. I know working brings in another level of stress but it works. Things may change if/when kids are in the picture but i do not see her ever being a "traditional housewife". And i am the better cook so I will keep doing that.0
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I'm not a man, and all men are different, but I have to think any man would like having the house clean, laundry done, dinner on the table, and a good looking partner waiting for them when they get home from work. Plus I think it's kind of a man-pride thing to be able to take care of their family and "provide" so to speak. I know that if financially it were feasible and if I was willing to give up working (which honestly, I don't see myself ever doing that until I retire...I love my job and have great benefits), my fiance' would be all for me staying home and managing the household.0
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Is it bad that I secretly kinda wanna be that type of housewife?0
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Is it bad that I secretly kinda wanna be that type of housewife?
why would it be bad? you want what you want right?0 -
Personally I think my husband prefers to be, as he calls it, Retired at 30(he is disabled military Vet) and staying home with our kiddo. He is FAR from 50's housewife though as I still do the majority of the cleaning, laundry, meal planning and shopping. But he holds his own. Honestly I would go crazy and I don't think for a minute that my husband could handle the daily stress I deal with. I'm proud to say that while i think the 50's housewife is iconic, i'll take a 40's working girl who has to get the job done for her family anyday!0
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I personally think that feminism has also been skewed over the years. It's not so much about equality now as it is about SUPERIORITY. Seems like a lot of women expect the man to not only take care of the traditional chores of a man such as working, heavy yard work, car repair and maintenance, taking the trash out, etc., but also to do the dishes, laundry, cleaning, vacuuming, diaper duty, etc. Or is expected to come home from work and watch the kids because mommy had a "rough" day and needs to get away...so now she gets a break and dad doesn't? I call bull****.
I wanna say I've argued this with you before.
Or you could be identical to any number of bitter folks who feel that their long held gender roles are being chipped away and you are without the ability to adapt.
But seriously, your name and the topic and your response sound very familiar. I don't know. I'd have to pull through my posting history.
It's possible, though I don't think so.
I'm not bitter about my traditional role being chipped away. In fact I do pretty much all the cooking, a lot of the cleaning, all the yard work, all the car maintenance and care, AND am the sole bread winner. My wife is a stay at home mom.
What I get annoyed about is not about the traditional roles being chipped away, but rather more and more of the load is being pushed off on the men. I'm not saying this happens everywhere, but a lot of the men of my generation (35 btw) were raised to be the doting boyfriend/husband and have a healthy amount of respect for whatever our female partner wants to do. These things in of themselves are not bad at all, but things have morphed where now we are expected to do all we can to support the desires and whishes of our wives/girlfriends and fear the wrath when they feel that we're not doing that. I have friends that appear to live in near constant fear of their wives and do all they can not to anger them. These men DO IT ALL and their wives very little, but they are the ones getting blasted for not doing enough (both make great wages and their wives want for nothing).
I learned from watching my Dad as well who worshipped the ground my mom walked on, did most of the work around the house when she went back to work as well as being in a high stress job in the military, and then a highly profitable change to civilian life. He was paid back by her cheating and divorcing him as soon as my sister left the house (she was the youngest). My Mom will even admit that things were better when she was staying at home and not working, and there were more traditional roles and expectations. He still worshipped the ground she walked on, but their was a clear separation of roles and it just worked.
I've started training myself to be the opposite of what people expect these days. While my wife doesn't like it much right now, it is obvious there is more respect when she asks me to do some mundane chore she had all day to do and I just say "Nope, I worked all day, that's your job." instead of jumping through my *kitten* to get it done or get the stink eye from the wife. I view her as my equal, my partner, but we need clearly defined roles so I am not shouldering all the burden, which easily happens when you let things get out of whack.
I wouldn't dream of asking her to change the oil in the car (not that she would anyway), so why should I vacuum after working all day?0 -
Is it bad that I secretly kinda wanna be that type of housewife?
it is not bad at all. if it works for you then great. If you can stay at home and not go bored out of your mind then great. It just does not work for everyone.0 -
who wouldn't want someone to make them dinner and make themselves pretty lol
as long as theres enough money and the woman is happy with the situation then it sounds good to me.
i don't really know what most guys would perfer.. i do get the feeling that as long as they are not finanically hurting most men wouldn't have a problem with this situation.
i assume most women may be offended by suggesting such a set up
I think "most women may be offended by suggesting such a set up" is hitting the nail on the head. Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with doing most if not all of the things on that list for my man because I would want to and it would be my choice to do them. However, having a man suggest that I do those things or tell me that I should be doing those things would just get my back up and provoke a sharp response from me. :mad:
That is really the crux of this. A giving and unselfish person doing nice things out of love and respect because they want to is COMPLETELY different from someone expecting such treatment to be given to them by right.
PS Occasionally I see how some people manage to format in bold type but I can't figure it out--any tips? Thanks!0 -
Is it bad that I secretly kinda wanna be that type of housewife?
i feel the same way. (but then again I practically live in TCM land)
if feeling this way is wrong i don't wanna be right :laugh:0 -
Gross. No. Live your life the way you'd like.0
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did these 50's wives get the chance to take showers? because I know nowadays it's a hot commodity for mommies.
sorry other threads are creeping into my consciousness on the topic.
bold is achieved by putting brackets around lower case "b" and "/b" this is a bracket [0 -
someone in here said he had this set up with his wife before his divorce....and this is why I find it a questionable of a man to demand that his wife stay home... without work experience, how is she supposed to support herself? Who is going to hire someone who's resume says "stay at home wife"?
that being said, people do what they want to do. That's what feminism was really about, giving women equal opportunity to do what she wants. It is inherently anti-feminist to say a woman CAN"T or SHOULDN"T stay home if she so chooses and it works in her family. It's her choice to not have work experience and to trust her husband (or wife, as the case may be) to bring home the proverbial bacon.
To each his/her/per own.0 -
It's possible, though I don't think so.
I'm not bitter about my traditional role being chipped away. In fact I do pretty much all the cooking, a lot of the cleaning, all the yard work, all the car maintenance and care, AND am the sole bread winner. My wife is a stay at home mom.
What I get annoyed about is not about the traditional roles being chipped away, but rather more and more of the load is being pushed off on the men. I'm not saying this happens everywhere, but a lot of the men of my generation (35 btw) were raised to be the doting boyfriend/husband and have a healthy amount of respect for whatever our female partner wants to do. These things in of themselves are not bad at all, but things have morphed where now we are expected to do all we can to support the desires and whishes of our wives/girlfriends and fear the wrath when they feel that we're not doing that. I have friends that appear to live in near constant fear of their wives and do all they can not to anger them. These men DO IT ALL and their wives very little, but they are the ones getting blasted for not doing enough (both make great wages and their wives want for nothing).
I learned from watching my Dad as well who worshipped the ground my mom walked on, did most of the work around the house when she went back to work as well as being in a high stress job in the military, and then a highly profitable change to civilian life. He was paid back by her cheating and divorcing him as soon as my sister left the house (she was the youngest). My Mom will even admit that things were better when she was staying at home and not working, and there were more traditional roles and expectations. He still worshipped the ground she walked on, but their was a clear separation of roles and it just worked.
I've started training myself to be the opposite of what people expect these days. While my wife doesn't like it much right now, it is obvious there is more respect when she asks me to do some mundane chore she had all day to do and I just say "Nope, I worked all day, that's your job." instead of jumping through my *kitten* to get it done or get the stink eye from the wife. I view her as my equal, my partner, but we need clearly defined roles so I am not shouldering all the burden, which easily happens when you let things get out of whack.
I wouldn't dream of asking her to change the oil in the car (not that she would anyway), so why should I vacuum after working all day?
There is quite a bit of resentment against women in this post. Much anger and bitterness about what they have turned your friends, your Father into. And a clear expectation that were not the roles clearly defined, YOU (the male) would end up shouldering all of the work while your wife carries none.
Why so much anger against the vajay?0 -
What I get annoyed about is not about the traditional roles being chipped away, but rather more and more of the load is being pushed off on the men. I'm not saying this happens everywhere, but a lot of the men of my generation (35 btw) were raised to be the doting boyfriend/husband and have a healthy amount of respect for whatever our female partner wants to do. These things in of themselves are not bad at all, but things have morphed where now we are expected to do all we can to support the desires and whishes of our wives/girlfriends and fear the wrath when they feel that we're not doing that. I have friends that appear to live in near constant fear of their wives and do all they can not to anger them. These men DO IT ALL and their wives very little, but they are the ones getting blasted for not doing enough (both make great wages and their wives want for nothing).
I wouldn't dream of asking her to change the oil in the car (not that she would anyway), so why should I vacuum after working all day?
I would have to hear the wives' side of the story before coming to any conclusions. A lot of men seem to think that seasonal yard work and occasional auto maintenance is equal to daily chores (cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping and child care) that have to be done every single day. It's not. I completely agree that if one spouse doesn't work then that person should be responsible for the daily tasks, but when both work full time then chores should be split equally, or at least in a manner that's acceptable to both parties. It makes me crazy when men say they "help" around their own house or "babysit" their own children like they're doing their wives a favor.0 -
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It makes me crazy when men say they "help" around their own house or "babysit" their own children like they're doing their wives a favor.
Yes. I wonder how these wives must restrain themselves from swooning when their husband decides to generously involve himself with the upkeep of the home he lives in and the children he created as if it's some grand gesture.
If a partner acted like that towards (and a few of them have), then they can find out how much of a grand gesture it is to wash their own dishes, do their own laundry, fix their own toilets (which I generally do), etc etc all on their own.0 -
Is it bad that I secretly kinda wanna be that type of housewife?
it is not bad at all. if it works for you then great. If you can stay at home and not go bored out of your mind then great. It just does not work for everyone.
No honey, its not bad at all. Its actually quite nice. And when we get bored, we take a nap. Simple as that. 0
sorry other threads are creeping into my consciousness on the topic.
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