I have a broken heart...

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Replies

  • blah2989
    blah2989 Posts: 338 Member
    I respect your beliefs, but it seems that you havent had much "life" experience. But at your age, I was the same way as far as I would compare myself, get jealous, question if I was enough. But in relationships there is so much more than that. You need to be happy with yourself first and foremost. No man can make you truely happy with yourself if you arent happy with yourself. That said I dont believe you can have true love without having gone through some type of hardship and enduring it together. This isnt to say tempers wont flare and tears wont fall, but true love doesnt take the easy road and leave. You need to be able to accept a persons past and their flaws. I would give yourself time to think about it. I dont think you can learn the lessons you need to without being in a relationship. Love and commitment is work. Its understanding, working on problems, communication*, spending time together and enjoying each other. ( which can be very hard to do when you are working, have kids, a house to mantain, ect) good luck honey.
  • swagoner94
    swagoner94 Posts: 220 Member
    No you're not a psycho! Love makes everyone crazy when you're betrayed by someone you loved. Why do you think there is so much literature, art, and music devoted to it? THIS TOO SHALL PASS ... take the motivation and make it work for you. Work out to please yourself, forget about her. He's gone, you just want him to see you in a year an say damn I wish I'd been good to her... eat it buddy! . :bigsmile: Most guys are just too single mined & immature when it comes to women at that age, it's a wonder some even survive...! You are learning form your relationships now take the good throw away the bad. Don't let this ruin you for the next guy just be more diligent and reasonably cautious with the next one. In the end you will have to trust someone again... Just remember when someone loves you, they love all of you. " Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". You look gorgeous and very sweet. I know you'll find someone who appreciate you for you. :smile:

    I'm not moving on just like that from this guy because of his past. He hasn't wronged me in such a great measure that I would leave him while with me. My issue is with being in shock, with the unexpected.. i didn't expect the guy I love to have been such a man slut.... and dealing with forgiving him for his past completely. I hate his past. It makes me seriously hate myself sometimes. That's my problem. thank you though. this was still nice to read :)

    having fooled around with one girl who he was in a relationship with doesn't make him a man slut. You do know that, right?

    yeah, thanks. I know. He fooled around with several girls. just happens one in particular he did the most with and stayed with for 10 months. cool.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
    So what has he done that's so dirty? Drug addict? Drug dealer? Sex with children? Verbal and physical abuse? If all you're complaining about is that he's a healthy and normal man who hasn't been living like a monk, well, welcome to reality. Don't expect any guy over 16 to be a virgin unless he's super repressed religious, in which case, run like hell, he'll be no fun anyway. It sounds like you're setting up unrealistic expectations. He's done nothing that he needs your "forgiveness" for!
  • YaGigi
    YaGigi Posts: 817 Member
    Oh honey, please don't feel discouraged! You're so young and oh so beautiful!

    This guy wasn't meant for you! God has a great plan for you, all you need is to believe and stay true to yourself.
    When the right guy comes around, you'll be so happy! God had to give you this painful experience with a slut boyfriend so you would appreciate your future husband even more! Just learn from this experience, work on yourself, and God will give you the True Love.

    Don't lose hope and trust God. :) :flower:
  • danofthedead1979
    danofthedead1979 Posts: 362 Member
    was this thread really going to go any other way?? i think when the OP starts talking about virginity being 'pure' this carries certain connotations that i'm afraid are going to (rightfully IMO) offend people.Yep guys like sex, dont like it? you can become a nun, or just learn to deal with life.
  • swagoner94
    swagoner94 Posts: 220 Member
    Some of you are so helpful and encouraging, others of you are kinda mean. I don't mind you giving me advice or saying what I don't want to hear, but at least be gentle not condescending.

    Clarifications for you all:

    I called him a man slut because he has done everything in the book. AND because he has done them with multiple people. I emphasize this one girl because he was with her for 10 months and did the most stuff with her. At one point I saw a text she had sent him reminding him of all the things he had promised her.... they happened to be EVERYTHING he says to me.

    Also, it isn't like boohoo he doesn't share my values. He is also a Christian. He also views it as sinful.

    Lastly, sex is not dirty to me. In fact, it's perfect and good and created by God. In my belief which none of you need to agree with but i ask to respect, it is perfect when done the way God expressed his intention for it to be: in the confines of marriage.


    I love him. I'm frustrated he didn't wait for me when i waited for him.
    And to those who say the root is my own insecurities... i know. I just don't know how to fix that. help me! HOW DO I STOP BEING SO PATHETICALLY INSECURE.

    and...... i'm not immature. or "not ready".... put yourself in my shoes... raised by Christian parents, a youth group that emphasized relationships and marriage, and my mentality growing up to save myself for my husband not just physically but emotionally... it's rough. i'm not immature. young? yes. plenty more to learn? yes.
  • Pixilox
    Pixilox Posts: 51 Member
    Op, just because he says he's a Christian does not mean he has the same values as you. If you want someone pure, then I would suggest meeting someone from church who has the same values you do. He does not deserve the title of man slut and if you were my GF and I found out you called me that I'd dump you in a heartbeat. If you can't let it go, then be fair and let him go, as there's probably a good chance he wants to have sex with you (since you are his GF now) and either you'll give in or he'll go elsewhere to get it. You can't expect everyone to live up to your standards, so either drop it and move ahead with your relationship or end it.
  • swagoner94
    swagoner94 Posts: 220 Member
    Face > Body

    ....guys never think that
  • UrbanLotus
    UrbanLotus Posts: 1,163 Member
    Wow I just can't even with this thread.
    Girl....I know you are hurting. However, be glad you found out now what a jerk he is instead of 20 years from now. God did for you what you could not do for yourself, in time you will be thankful. We are so much more than our outward appearance. Remember, man looks at the outside, God looks at your heart. Remember, He promises us a future and hope. Hold your head high and spit in their eye by being happy. Time and space heals all kinds of wounds. You probably won't remember his name a year from now. Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

    But THIS, what?? Dude is a normal person with a healthy sex drive, that makes him a jerk?? NO.
    I called him a man slut because he has done everything in the book. AND because he has done them with multiple people. I emphasize this one girl because he was with her for 10 months and did the most stuff with her. At one point I saw a text she had sent him reminding him of all the things he had promised her.... they happened to be EVERYTHING he says to me.

    That does not make him a slut either. You are young and judgmental, understandable. I'd love to see your opinion on this in 5 years, I can pretty much guarantee that this guy isn't "the one" and that you will encounter many more "man sluts" in the years to come - should probably get used to it instead of judging.
    I love him. I'm frustrated he didn't wait for me when i waited for him.

    Maybe he was waiting for this 10 month girlfriend - don't you think that when he was with her, he thought SHE was the one? So he was all pure and stuff for her. Then it didn't work out, now he thinks you're the one. Lather, rinse, repeat.
  • swagoner94
    swagoner94 Posts: 220 Member
    Op, just because he says he's a Christian does not mean he has the same values as you. If you want someone pure, then I would suggest meeting someone from church who has the same values you do. He does not deserve the title of man slut and if you were my GF and I found out you called me that I'd dump you in a heartbeat. If you can't let it go, then be fair and let him go, as there's probably a good chance he wants to have sex with you (since you are his GF now) and either you'll give in or he'll go elsewhere to get it. You can't expect everyone to live up to your standards, so either drop it and move ahead with your relationship or end it.

    I met this guy last August. I think I made it a pretty big priority to know his values. yes. he does have the same values. he hates his past. i know he has the same values. and you'd dump someone for saying man slut???? that'd be a little more dramatic than this scenario...
  • swagoner94
    swagoner94 Posts: 220 Member
    Wow I just can't even with this thread.
    Girl....I know you are hurting. However, be glad you found out now what a jerk he is instead of 20 years from now. God did for you what you could not do for yourself, in time you will be thankful. We are so much more than our outward appearance. Remember, man looks at the outside, God looks at your heart. Remember, He promises us a future and hope. Hold your head high and spit in their eye by being happy. Time and space heals all kinds of wounds. You probably won't remember his name a year from now. Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

    But THIS, what?? Dude is a normal person with a healthy sex drive, that makes him a jerk?? NO.
    I called him a man slut because he has done everything in the book. AND because he has done them with multiple people. I emphasize this one girl because he was with her for 10 months and did the most stuff with her. At one point I saw a text she had sent him reminding him of all the things he had promised her.... they happened to be EVERYTHING he says to me.

    That does not make him a slut either. You are young and judgmental, understandable. I'd love to see your opinion on this in 5 years, I can pretty much guarantee that this guy isn't "the one" and that you will encounter many more "man sluts" in the years to come - should probably get used to it instead of judging.
    I love him. I'm frustrated he didn't wait for me when i waited for him.

    Maybe he was waiting for this 10 month girlfriend - don't you think that when he was with her, he thought SHE was the one? So he was all pure and stuff for her. Then it didn't work out, now he thinks you're the one. Lather, rinse, repeat.

    ew. no, this just sounds like no self respect... "lather rinse repeat???"
  • BenchPressingCats
    BenchPressingCats Posts: 1,826 Member
    Face > Body

    ....guys never think that

    Ok, I've been reading this entire thread and wasn't planning on commenting, but this comment and many like it make me want to. So many times in this thread posters have said things like "Men are [blank]" or "Men like [blank]" or "Men don't [blank]" Mainly making men out to ALL BE *kitten*. Here's a clue, not all men are *kitten*. Not all women are either. Are some? Yes. There are *kitten* everywhere, but not everybody who is like them in one way or another (ie, share a gender) are, period.

    OP, you mentioned that you would "forgive" a man for not saving himself, so why is it that you're having a hard time forgiving this guy? Because he didn't just do missionary and leave it at that, because he wanted to do more? If so, maybe he's just not the one for you. As many other posters in this have said, you're a beautiful girl and you should have no trouble finding a guy who is interested and maybe has the same values as you do. That's the only advice I can give you. You're young, you're pretty, and you have your own standards. If somebody doesn't fit them, move. on.
  • UrbanLotus
    UrbanLotus Posts: 1,163 Member
    Wow I just can't even with this thread.
    Girl....I know you are hurting. However, be glad you found out now what a jerk he is instead of 20 years from now. God did for you what you could not do for yourself, in time you will be thankful. We are so much more than our outward appearance. Remember, man looks at the outside, God looks at your heart. Remember, He promises us a future and hope. Hold your head high and spit in their eye by being happy. Time and space heals all kinds of wounds. You probably won't remember his name a year from now. Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

    But THIS, what?? Dude is a normal person with a healthy sex drive, that makes him a jerk?? NO.
    I called him a man slut because he has done everything in the book. AND because he has done them with multiple people. I emphasize this one girl because he was with her for 10 months and did the most stuff with her. At one point I saw a text she had sent him reminding him of all the things he had promised her.... they happened to be EVERYTHING he says to me.

    That does not make him a slut either. You are young and judgmental, understandable. I'd love to see your opinion on this in 5 years, I can pretty much guarantee that this guy isn't "the one" and that you will encounter many more "man sluts" in the years to come - should probably get used to it instead of judging.
    I love him. I'm frustrated he didn't wait for me when i waited for him.

    Maybe he was waiting for this 10 month girlfriend - don't you think that when he was with her, he thought SHE was the one? So he was all pure and stuff for her. Then it didn't work out, now he thinks you're the one. Lather, rinse, repeat.

    ew. no, this just sounds like no self respect... "lather rinse repeat???"

    So realistically, how does this work? You're with someone, you think they're the one - it doesn't work out for some valid reason....then what? You stay single for life so some 18 year old doesn't judge you? Or you get with a new someone, think they're the one, it doesn't work out...then what? See where this is going?
  • ron2e
    ron2e Posts: 606
    Honey, this was a bad place to open your heart (as is any internet forum). Be true to yourself, try to forgive the sins you see, but at the end of the day do what will make you happy, that is all that matters. You may make mistakes, that is part of being young, but never go against your gut feel and you won't go wrong. XX
  • Pixilox
    Pixilox Posts: 51 Member

    I met this guy last August. I think I made it a pretty big priority to know his values. yes. he does have the same values. he hates his past. i know he has the same values. and you'd dump someone for saying man slut???? that'd be a little more dramatic than this scenario...

    If he had the same values then you wouldn't be on here calling him a man slut :). And if I found out that my GF was on the internet talking about my past sex life with a bunch of strangers and calling me that you bet I'd dump you in a heartbeat.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I called him a man slut because

    You really think it's ok to call your boyfriend derogatory names.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    try to forgive the sins you see

    Uug
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    So what has he done that's so dirty? Drug addict? Drug dealer? Sex with children? Verbal and physical abuse? If all you're complaining about is that he's a healthy and normal man who hasn't been living like a monk, well, welcome to reality. Don't expect any guy over 16 to be a virgin unless he's super repressed religious, in which case, run like hell, he'll be no fun anyway. It sounds like you're setting up unrealistic expectations. He's done nothing that he needs your "forgiveness" for!

    :heart:
  • hungryhobbit1
    hungryhobbit1 Posts: 259 Member
    You are immature. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'd say that to 99.9% of girls your age.

    Having "done everything in the book" does not make someone a "man slut." Slut shaming your boyfriend is a sure sign that you are a) not with the right person and/or b) in need of some serious self reflection. You were the one who called his past "dirty." There are so many things that make a person good or bad that have absolutely nothing to do with how much he/she has rubbed his/her parts against other people, and if that's all you can think about you are really missing the forest for the trees.

    For either of you to dwell unnecessarily on something legal and healthy that he did before the age of 21 is extremely unhealthy.

    Please, just stop.


    Some of you are so helpful and encouraging, others of you are kinda mean. I don't mind you giving me advice or saying what I don't want to hear, but at least be gentle not condescending.

    Clarifications for you all:

    I called him a man slut because he has done everything in the book. AND because he has done them with multiple people. I emphasize this one girl because he was with her for 10 months and did the most stuff with her. At one point I saw a text she had sent him reminding him of all the things he had promised her.... they happened to be EVERYTHING he says to me.

    Also, it isn't like boohoo he doesn't share my values. He is also a Christian. He also views it as sinful.

    Lastly, sex is not dirty to me. In fact, it's perfect and good and created by God. In my belief which none of you need to agree with but i ask to respect, it is perfect when done the way God expressed his intention for it to be: in the confines of marriage.


    I love him. I'm frustrated he didn't wait for me when i waited for him.
    And to those who say the root is my own insecurities... i know. I just don't know how to fix that. help me! HOW DO I STOP BEING SO PATHETICALLY INSECURE.

    and...... i'm not immature. or "not ready".... put yourself in my shoes... raised by Christian parents, a youth group that emphasized relationships and marriage, and my mentality growing up to save myself for my husband not just physically but emotionally... it's rough. i'm not immature. young? yes. plenty more to learn? yes.
  • swagoner94
    swagoner94 Posts: 220 Member
    ok u all win. i suck. thread: over. have a nice day.
  • chantels1
    chantels1 Posts: 391 Member
    I see a young woman with awesome standards in this day and age. Great convictions as well. The only downfall I see here is not feeling good enough for him, when in truth, he is not good enough for you. He did not treat you right because he is not the right kind of person you were looking for! You gave faith to someone who doesn't have any real convictions! Stand your ground, and look up to the fact that in reality, you are better than both him and the other girl!
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    For your boyfriend's sake, I hope he exits this relationship.

    Your boyfriend's sexual history is not yours to forgive - it's God's. What you are experiencing isn't a broken heart, it's jealousy. Best advice: stop dating him. Stop dating period. Move outside of your little bubble (notice I am not saying abandon your faith or family), have a few years of life experiences, figure out who you actually are.

    "Slut" is a societal construct that is designated to shame. There is nothing intrinsically shameful or dirty about sex - whether it is with one person on many people Calling your boyfriend, this person you just love so much, names (more than anything else you have said) shows you have zero clues about what makes a healthy relationship.
  • sparkly86
    sparkly86 Posts: 520 Member
    You are beautiful and young, take this as an experience and move on. Everything happens for a reason, I went through a similar situation and although I did have my heart broken, I am so glad he is no longer in my life. Stay true o your values and you WILL find someone who appreciates you for who you are. There are definitely things that you can comprise , but those cannot be the things that are important to you, so you should find someone who shares the same vision. Believe me,I know how you feel, but you can't always try to fix people or try to change them, as women we have that tendency, don't waste time.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    move on or learn to accept him for who he is, you do get lemonade from lemons he may be able to teach you a few things....when your ready of course
  • MexicanOsmosis
    MexicanOsmosis Posts: 382 Member
    I met this guy last August. I think I made it a pretty big priority to know his values. yes. he does have the same values. he hates his past. i know he has the same values. and you'd dump someone for saying man slut???? that'd be a little more dramatic than this scenario...

    You met him less than a year ago? I've been married over 4 years and I'm STILL learning about my wife. As others have said, just do you. If he really was "the one" you wouldn't have even started this thread, though since you have doubts, you come looking for opinions. If you want to wait, then wait. If you don't want to wait, then don't wait. Just make sure it's what YOU want to do.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    i suck.

    That's not what we think of you.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    He did not treat you right because he is not the right kind of person you were looking for!

    What did he do to her?
  • UrbanLotus
    UrbanLotus Posts: 1,163 Member
    He did not treat you right because he is not the right kind of person you were looking for!

    What did he do to her?

    He did everything with someone else before he met her, DUH!
  • BenchPressingCats
    BenchPressingCats Posts: 1,826 Member
    ok u all win. i suck. thread: over. have a nice day.

    8/10 of the posts in this thread were giving you advice and saying to move on. That may not have been what you wanted to hear, but YOU are the one who asked.
  • sparkly86
    sparkly86 Posts: 520 Member
    ugh people, she is an 18 yr old lady, respect!
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