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Sabotage???

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  • ohnstadk
    ohnstadk Posts: 143 Member
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    This comes across as pretty selfish of you. Just because you are on a "diet" doesn't mean everyone else has to be.

    Your right just because she is on a diet doesn't mean everyone else has to be. They can make their own food. Just because she is mom doesn't mean she has to be short order cook.

    Does it say how old her step son is? What if he is too young to cook?
    Than he is to young to make decisions about what is eaten. It's just that simple.

    Yes, let's tell the child that he can only have cake "if he wants to die."
    WOW that escalated! Being a bit silly now aren't we?

    She was just quoting what the OP said. So if anyone is being silly it was the husband. Although I am glad he supported her, I feel that this comment from her husband was over the top.
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
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    I know I am not the only person who has this issue. So my husband for our entire 10 marriage has been an over the road truck driver, well until the last 2 months. For the first six weeks I made the food everynight that he likes to eat thinking that he wouldn't eat anything I was eating because he really is a very picky eater. In the the last 2 weeks I decided that he would just have to get over it. once he realized that how serious I was about getting my pre-baby body back he has been really supportive!:smile:
    Last night my step son came home and asked me if I could make this better than sex cake that he had at my girlfriends house. I told him no I wouldn't make it. That is wasn't fair to me that I would have make a cake that I then couldn't eat. He said well you could make it in cupcakes like Cori did and he would just eat it outside. I will be darned before I could even say another world my hubby jumped in and said not unless you want to die!!! You have no idea how proud of my husband I was! For the first time since I started trying to lose weight I feel like I have an actual ally!
    So I have to wonder, with my husband being so great about this if I haven't been just sabotaging myself all this time? At least I know that he will back me up and be there for me when I am having a weak moment. I feel really good about this!

    No, apparently you're not the only one..

    This comes across as pretty selfish of you. Just because you are on a "diet" doesn't mean everyone else has to be.

    You couldn't make your stepson a cake and simply not have any or make room if your day for a piece? I went to school for baking & pastry and I bake things all the time for others because I enjoy it and because I like doing nice things for other people. I either don't have any or I fit it into my calories for the day.

    Edit: Since this is MFP I feel the need to add a disclaimer. This is merely my thoughts on the subject in hopes to give you a little perspective and shouldn't be misconstrued as being mean, rude, or a bully. Have a great day! :flowerforyou:

    I have to agree with this. If you really don't want to make him a cake, fine, but the response could have been different. You're pretty much teaching the kid "if I can't have it, no one can." Tell him that you don't feel like making a cake but he's welcome to do it himself.
  • rosemaryhon
    rosemaryhon Posts: 507 Member
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    ...Last night my step son came home and asked me if I could make this better than sex cake that he had at my girlfriends house. I told him no I wouldn't make it. That is wasn't fair to me that I would have make a cake that I then couldn't eat. He said well you could make it in cupcakes like Cori did and he would just eat it outside. I will be darned before I could even say another world my hubby jumped in and said not unless you want to die!!!...

    My impression is you and your husband were quite snippy with your step-son regarding his simply making a request. Personally I wouldn't like my husband talking that way to kids.

    So seems your husband is supportive to you, but rude to his kid ;(

    To be clear I think it's perfectly cool you said "no".
  • chelsifina
    chelsifina Posts: 346 Member
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    I know I am not the only person who has this issue. So my husband for our entire 10 marriage has been an over the road truck driver, well until the last 2 months. For the first six weeks I made the food everynight that he likes to eat thinking that he wouldn't eat anything I was eating because he really is a very picky eater. In the the last 2 weeks I decided that he would just have to get over it. once he realized that how serious I was about getting my pre-baby body back he has been really supportive!:smile:
    Last night my step son came home and asked me if I could make this better than sex cake that he had at my girlfriends house. I told him no I wouldn't make it. That is wasn't fair to me that I would have make a cake that I then couldn't eat. He said well you could make it in cupcakes like Cori did and he would just eat it outside. I will be darned before I could even say another world my hubby jumped in and said not unless you want to die!!! You have no idea how proud of my husband I was! For the first time since I started trying to lose weight I feel like I have an actual ally!
    So I have to wonder, with my husband being so great about this if I haven't been just sabotaging myself all this time? At least I know that he will back me up and be there for me when I am having a weak moment. I feel really good about this!

    No, apparently you're not the only one..

    This comes across as pretty selfish of you. Just because you are on a "diet" doesn't mean everyone else has to be.

    You couldn't make your stepson a cake and simply not have any or make room if your day for a piece? I went to school for baking & pastry and I bake things all the time for others because I enjoy it and because I like doing nice things for other people. I either don't have any or I fit it into my calories for the day.

    Edit: Since this is MFP I feel the need to add a disclaimer. This is merely my thoughts on the subject in hopes to give you a little perspective and shouldn't be misconstrued as being mean, rude, or a bully. Have a great day! :flowerforyou:

    ^^I agree! I'm not saying the OP did the wrong thing - I too am a baker but just found out I have a gluten intolerance. I still bake, because I enjoy doing it, even if I can't eat it. My family enjoys it, and they know they will have to be the ones to eat it.

    While it is great your husband support you (since most don't, so that is refreshing!) it doesn't mean your son needs to suffer. He probably has a high metabolism and can burn that cake off in no time. You could even invite his friends over and they could hang out and eat the cake so you wouldn't have to. Even better, depending on his age - if he's a teen - show him how to make the cake so he could make it for himself if he wanted.

    IF you son was asking for the cake daily, ok. But once in a while? It's called MODERATION. It's fine.

    So your point is, not matter the cost for her or her challenges in finding moderation, the most important thing she needs to focus on is making sure that she bakes her stepson a cake? You still bake because you enjoy doing it and you have found that moderation works for you...maybe she doesn't enjoy baking, hasn't found moderation yet, and doesn't want to host an impromptu party at her home for a bunch of kids. And why is not getting cake "suffering"?
  • vkc1978
    vkc1978 Posts: 63 Member
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    Whhhoooaaa, calm down everyone. There are too many variables involved to determine whether she should or shouldnt have made the cake- the sons age, how well she likes him, how often he comes home, etc. So ill just say KUDOS to your hubby for sticking up for you in something you felty strongly about. There are enough people in the world who will tell you that you should have made the cake, so its nice to know your husband is one that will back you up. :flowerforyou:
  • leonaedithlewis
    leonaedithlewis Posts: 75 Member
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    You are not being selfish by doing what it takes for your own health. Your choices are not a judgement on what other people can or should eat. Your stepson does not need a cake, or he can learn to bake it himself.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
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    This thread just made me appreciate my mother more. I don't know that she would have dropped everything to make the cake right-that-second (unlikely) but if I had asked for a delicious cake that we haven't had in a while I am pretty certain my mother would make it happen some time in the near future. You don't have to do EVERYTHING for your kid, but if it's whithin your power to say yes, why not?
  • H_Factor
    H_Factor Posts: 1,722 Member
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    You people getting offended that we expect her to be a short order cook or a 1950s housewife are missing the point. It's just about doing something nice for someone. That's all.

    I don't have children but I do have young brothers and if they asked me to make them a cake, I'd make them a cake. It's a special request and doesn't sound like an every day occurrence.

    Do you also get mad if someone in a restaurant orders a high calorie dish and you can't have any because you're on a diet? Sheesh!


    I only want to say that some folks have different trigger foods than others. For some, avoiding cake and tasty pastries might be easier than it is for others. Each person has to know where their fault lines are...and to plan accordingly. I know for me, when I'm fully focused I can avoid most foods...even high quality tasty pastries that are sitting there across from me. But I also know that even when I'm completely focused, I will not buy a bag of Cape Cod salt and vinegar potato chips no matter how much my kids want it...because I know there's a good chance I will eat most of that bag. And, of course, when I'm not quite as focused (which happens to all of us), there are more trigger foods I stay away from.

    Also, some folks are at different stages of their journey to good health than others.

    Kudos to the OP for recognizing that baking a cake would be a risky proposition to HER health goals...and kudos to OP's husband for being supportive.

    And kudos to Adini for being an amazing pastry chef and being able to avoid sabotaging her health goals with too much of a good thing. Just know that simply because you are able to do this, does not mean everyone is.

    We are human and we all have different fault lines that can be broken. Knowing your fault lines, and doing your best to avoid them until you can strengthen them, is a key to being successful on the path to good health.
  • chelsifina
    chelsifina Posts: 346 Member
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    You people getting offended that we expect her to be a short order cook or a 1950s housewife are missing the point. It's just about doing something nice for someone. That's all.
    I don't have children but I do have young brothers and if they asked me to make them a cake, I'd make them a cake. It's a special request and doesn't sound like an every day occurrence.
    Do you also get mad if someone in a restaurant orders a high calorie dish and you can't have any because you're on a diet? Sheesh!

    Since I made the 1950s comment, I'll assume you are addressing me.
    I'm not offended. I'm also not missing the point. No step-parent is obligated to make a kid a cake just because he wants one. Basic Parenting 101. Kids don't always get what they want, regardless of how "nice" it might be to hand them the things they ask for.
    And none of us are obligated to do every nice thing that someone else requests.
    So you would make your brother a cake. Great for you. I would not make one for my son. Great for me. That doesn't exaggerate or negate any of the other nice or not nice things we do for others throughout our lives.
    And although it's totally irrelevant, no, I don't get mad about what other people order in restaurants. And if they asked me to bake them a cake, I'd tell them no also.

    Nope, the minute you used "obligated to", "always get what they want", and "hand them the things they ask for", I can see you're still missing the point and refuse to budge from outside the point to see the point.

    Have a nice day.

    Actually, I think you don't get the point.
  • chelsifina
    chelsifina Posts: 346 Member
    Options
    You people getting offended that we expect her to be a short order cook or a 1950s housewife are missing the point. It's just about doing something nice for someone. That's all.

    I don't have children but I do have young brothers and if they asked me to make them a cake, I'd make them a cake. It's a special request and doesn't sound like an every day occurrence.

    Do you also get mad if someone in a restaurant orders a high calorie dish and you can't have any because you're on a diet? Sheesh!




    I only want to say that some folks have different trigger foods than others. For some, avoiding cake and tasty pastries might be easier than it is for others. Each person has to know where their fault lines are...and to plan accordingly. I know for me, when I'm fully focused I can avoid most foods...even high quality tasty pastries that are sitting there across from me. But I also know that even when I'm completely focused, I will not buy a bag of Cape Cod salt and vinegar potato chips no matter how much my kids want it...because I know there's a good chance I will eat most of that bag. And, of course, when I'm not quite as focused (which happens to all of us), there are more trigger foods I stay away from.

    Also, some folks are at different stages of their journey to good health than others.

    Kudos to the OP for recognizing that baking a cake would be a risky proposition to HER health goals...and kudos to OP's husband for being supportive.

    Yes!!
  • ze_hombre
    ze_hombre Posts: 377 Member
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    I know I am not the only person who has this issue. So my husband for our entire 10 marriage has been an over the road truck driver, well until the last 2 months. For the first six weeks I made the food everynight that he likes to eat thinking that he wouldn't eat anything I was eating because he really is a very picky eater. In the the last 2 weeks I decided that he would just have to get over it. once he realized that how serious I was about getting my pre-baby body back he has been really supportive!:smile:
    Last night my step son came home and asked me if I could make this better than sex cake that he had at my girlfriends house. I told him no I wouldn't make it. That is wasn't fair to me that I would have make a cake that I then couldn't eat. He said well you could make it in cupcakes like Cori did and he would just eat it outside. I will be darned before I could even say another world my hubby jumped in and said not unless you want to die!!! You have no idea how proud of my husband I was! For the first time since I started trying to lose weight I feel like I have an actual ally!
    So I have to wonder, with my husband being so great about this if I haven't been just sabotaging myself all this time? At least I know that he will back me up and be there for me when I am having a weak moment. I feel really good about this!

    No, apparently you're not the only one..

    This comes across as pretty selfish of you. Just because you are on a "diet" doesn't mean everyone else has to be.

    You couldn't make your stepson a cake and simply not have any or make room if your day for a piece? I went to school for baking & pastry and I bake things all the time for others because I enjoy it and because I like doing nice things for other people. I either don't have any or I fit it into my calories for the day.

    Edit: Since this is MFP I feel the need to add a disclaimer. This is merely my thoughts on the subject in hopes to give you a little perspective and shouldn't be misconstrued as being mean, rude, or a bully. Have a great day! :flowerforyou:

    Perhaps a better approach would have been to tell the stepson that if he wanted the cake he should make it himself. If he doesn't know how to bake then its a great opportunity for some bonding time as the mom taught the son to cook. This is how I learned how to cook. My mom would sit at the counter in the kitchen and walk me through the steps. She wouldn't eat it and soon enough she didn't have to be in the room with me.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    just left the Paul Revere thread and was on a happy-go-lucky Beastie Boys kick, now I am just disappointed *kicks rocks and walks out* \m/
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
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    Sabotage is a myth not worthy of belief
  • crazybookworm
    crazybookworm Posts: 779 Member
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    I know I am not the only person who has this issue. So my husband for our entire 10 marriage has been an over the road truck driver, well until the last 2 months. For the first six weeks I made the food everynight that he likes to eat thinking that he wouldn't eat anything I was eating because he really is a very picky eater. In the the last 2 weeks I decided that he would just have to get over it. once he realized that how serious I was about getting my pre-baby body back he has been really supportive!:smile:
    Last night my step son came home and asked me if I could make this better than sex cake that he had at my girlfriends house. I told him no I wouldn't make it. That is wasn't fair to me that I would have make a cake that I then couldn't eat. He said well you could make it in cupcakes like Cori did and he would just eat it outside. I will be darned before I could even say another world my hubby jumped in and said not unless you want to die!!! You have no idea how proud of my husband I was! For the first time since I started trying to lose weight I feel like I have an actual ally!
    So I have to wonder, with my husband being so great about this if I haven't been just sabotaging myself all this time? At least I know that he will back me up and be there for me when I am having a weak moment. I feel really good about this!

    No, apparently you're not the only one..

    This comes across as pretty selfish of you. Just because you are on a "diet" doesn't mean everyone else has to be.

    You couldn't make your stepson a cake and simply not have any or make room if your day for a piece? I went to school for baking & pastry and I bake things all the time for others because I enjoy it and because I like doing nice things for other people. I either don't have any or I fit it into my calories for the day.

    Edit: Since this is MFP I feel the need to add a disclaimer. This is merely my thoughts on the subject in hopes to give you a little perspective and shouldn't be misconstrued as being mean, rude, or a bully. Have a great day! :flowerforyou:

    I would have to agree with this! I am very happy to hear that you have a wonderful, supportive husband, but I do think it was a little bit on the selfish side of you. You could have baked it together or gave him the recipe, but to just have it be your way or the highway is not a great attitude either. Portion control and moderation is key. :)
  • parrotlover
    parrotlover Posts: 143 Member
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    Your right just because she is on a diet doesn't mean everyone else has to be. They can make their own food. Just because she is mom doesn't mean she has to be short order cook.

    Absolutely.
    I’m really surprised by the number of people who feel that this woman has some sort of duty to make a cake for this kid and by not doing so she is being selfish. Really? Is this 1950 suburbia?

    If my son came over to my house and asked me to bake him a cake, I would reply “Your oven broken?”
    I’ve got better things to do with my time than take cake requests from family members, and just perhaps the OP might have a life that goes beyond that as well.

    She isn’t being selfish, and she isn’t denying anyone anything they rightfully earned, and she isn’t making decisions for others, and she isn’t pushing her diet on anyone else. She is assertively turning down a request that she is under no obligation to fulfill in the first place.

    I totally agree with the statements above. I mean really if he is old enough to feel comfortable with asking his step mom to make a cake called "better than sex" then he can make it himself. I don't think it's selfish if she didn't want to bake a cake. I
    Also, I don't think it's selfish for her to decide not to make 2 meals every day for dinner. One that is healthy and one that is crap because her husband may not eat it. Then he can have a peanut butter sandwich.

    Come on now people. It's one thing to be a mother and a wife but I am sure this lady has other things she has to do in life..lik work etc.

    GESH! I feel like we are back in the 30's or something. I also feel for her because it is hard to make a cake and have it sitting around the house. Maybe instead of her making sacrifices by baking cakes and cookies etc and sacrificing her health...maybe her family could make a few sacrifices and not eat a bunch of junk around her that would ruin her diet.
  • michellechawner
    Options
    I know I am not the only person who has this issue. So my husband for our entire 10 marriage has been an over the road truck driver, well until the last 2 months. For the first six weeks I made the food everynight that he likes to eat thinking that he wouldn't eat anything I was eating because he really is a very picky eater. In the the last 2 weeks I decided that he would just have to get over it. once he realized that how serious I was about getting my pre-baby body back he has been really supportive!:smile:
    Last night my step son came home and asked me if I could make this better than sex cake that he had at my girlfriends house. I told him no I wouldn't make it. That is wasn't fair to me that I would have make a cake that I then couldn't eat. He said well you could make it in cupcakes like Cori did and he would just eat it outside. I will be darned before I could even say another world my hubby jumped in and said not unless you want to die!!! You have no idea how proud of my husband I was! For the first time since I started trying to lose weight I feel like I have an actual ally!
    So I have to wonder, with my husband being so great about this if I haven't been just sabotaging myself all this time? At least I know that he will back me up and be there for me when I am having a weak moment. I feel really good about this!

    No, apparently you're not the only one..

    This comes across as pretty selfish of you. Just because you are on a "diet" doesn't mean everyone else has to be.

    You couldn't make your stepson a cake and simply not have any or make room if your day for a piece? I went to school for baking & pastry and I bake things all the time for others because I enjoy it and because I like doing nice things for other people. I either don't have any or I fit it into my calories for the day.

    Edit: Since this is MFP I feel the need to add a disclaimer. This is merely my thoughts on the subject in hopes to give you a little perspective and shouldn't be misconstrued as being mean, rude, or a bully. Have a great day! :flowerforyou:

    ^^I agree! I'm not saying the OP did the wrong thing - I too am a baker but just found out I have a gluten intolerance. I still bake, because I enjoy doing it, even if I can't eat it. My family enjoys it, and they know they will have to be the ones to eat it.

    While it is great your husband support you (since most don't, so that is refreshing!) it doesn't mean your son needs to suffer. He probably has a high metabolism and can burn that cake off in no time. You could even invite his friends over and they could hang out and eat the cake so you wouldn't have to. Even better, depending on his age - if he's a teen - show him how to make the cake so he could make it for himself if he wanted.

    IF you son was asking for the cake daily, ok. But once in a while? It's called MODERATION. It's fine.

    So your point is, not matter the cost for her or her challenges in finding moderation, the most important thing she needs to focus on is making sure that she bakes her stepson a cake? You still bake because you enjoy doing it and you have found that moderation works for you...maybe she doesn't enjoy baking, hasn't found moderation yet, and doesn't want to host an impromptu party at her home for a bunch of kids. And why is not getting cake "suffering"?

    Then she should explain that to her son... not simply say no because I can't have any, so you can't.

    I never once said the child was suffering. But I think both parents jumping down a kids throat because he asked for a cake is a little unrealistic. Kids ask for cake all the time. If she had said "you know, I don't feel like baking a cake right now" then fine, but saying no because she can't have any, so no one can have any? It's like blaming the spoon for making you fat.

    The spoon didn't make you fat, you didn't have self control. IF she said to the kid you know, I don't want to make the cake because it will be a trigger for me and I want to stay healthy, then fine! Be honest with your family about your changes and don't just say well no, no cake. why? because I said no. That doesn't really help the kid understand why now both his mother and his father are jumping down his throat because he asked for a cake.

    I understand people have trigger foods and all that - i do too. But I didn't think the kid was asking for a whole lot when he enjoyed the cake and even said if you make cupcakes I can eat it outside. It's not like the kid is asking for the cake everyday.
  • MexicanOsmosis
    MexicanOsmosis Posts: 382 Member
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    No step-parent is obligated to make a kid a cake just because he wants one. Basic Parenting 101. Kids don't always get what they want, regardless of how "nice" it might be to hand them the things they ask for.

    That's a valid reason for not baking the cake.

    HOWEVER, that's not the reason she implied. The reason OP was implying was they couldn't have any because she couldn't. That's NOT a valid reason.
  • micheleb15
    micheleb15 Posts: 1,418 Member
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    just left the Paul Revere thread and was on a happy-go-lucky Beastie Boys kick, now I am just disappointed *kicks rocks and walks out* \m/

    Damn! Off to go find License to Ill on my iPod.
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
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    I'm going with selfish, opinions are my own. But nice of your husband though, you need an ally.
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
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    No step-parent is obligated to make a kid a cake just because he wants one. Basic Parenting 101. Kids don't always get what they want, regardless of how "nice" it might be to hand them the things they ask for.

    That's a valid reason for not baking the cake.

    HOWEVER, that's not the reason she implied. The reason OP was implying was they couldn't have any because she couldn't. That's NOT a valid reason.

    Agree