Sabotage???
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This comes across as pretty selfish of you. Just because you are on a "diet" doesn't mean everyone else has to be.
I don't agree at all. If she told her stepson that *he* couldn't bake a cake, that might be an issue. Declining to bake a treat that she doesn't want and can't eat? It might be nice if she could without feeling tempted, but if she can't or doesn't want to, I don't see that as selfish at all.0 -
No step-parent is obligated to make a kid a cake just because he wants one. Basic Parenting 101. Kids don't always get what they want, regardless of how "nice" it might be to hand them the things they ask for.
That's a valid reason for not baking the cake.
HOWEVER, that's not the reason she implied. The reason OP was implying was they couldn't have any because she couldn't. That's NOT a valid reason.
Actually, it totally is a valid reason. the kid isn't entitled to cake. Whatever her reasons for saying no. denying a child candy is not a bad thing for whatever reason the parent may have.
I also don't think she totally denied him. He had that cake elsewhere (Recently too it sounds like) it sounds like he probably gets a lot of food outside of the house. If he wanted to he could probably go to the store and get a cupcake.
Would it be totally selfish of him, to be upset about her making cake if he had to be on a diet but she made cake and then kept it in reach of him where he'd be tempted?
Supporting your family members thru thick and thin is what being family is about. She needs support. It's not unreasonable to ask others not to ask her to have cake in the house.
Never said the kid was entitled. In fact, I flat out agreed with the fact the she shouldn't have to make the cake.
Yes, it would be selfish of him, simply due to the fact that just because he can't have any so no one can IS selfish. That's damn near a text book example of selfishness.
Yes, supporting family members is definitely what family is about. It's also not unreasonable for her to use a little will power and avoid the cake as she is attempting a lifestyle change. What is she going to do, avoid any location that has something she "can't" eat? Go visit friends, but only if they won't have "bad" food? Good luck.0 -
He is 20 years old and could make it himself the issue is if it's in the house I will eat it all. Not that we don't have treats here it's that I don't need to try to fit an extra 600 calories a day in. I didn't mention that he asks me to make cupcakes candy and cookies at least 5 times a day. I have made the cake for him before. But I am just trying to get back on the wagon and the last thing I need is one of my favorite treats staring me in the face everytime I walk in the kitchen.
This comes across as pretty selfish of you. Just because you are on a "diet" doesn't mean everyone else has to be.
Your right just because she is on a diet doesn't mean everyone else has to be. They can make their own food. Just because she is mom doesn't mean she has to be short order cook.
Does it say how old her step son is? What if he is too young to cook?
Alright, next time consider including important details in your OP.:laugh: If he's 20 years old, tell him to get a job, buy some groceries, and go back to his place and make himself a cake. Or agree to make one for his 21st birthday. And if he repeatedly asks you to make him treats, tell him that if he asks again, you're going to bake him in the oven. Not because you can't have treats, but because he's TWENTY.
As for "if it's in the house I will eat it all"...hopefully that's something you can get past. When I started counting cals I was the same way about ice cream. Turned out I wasn't eating enough, and I had tried cutting out sweets and would binge on them. Now my freezer is full of it b/c I'm eating at a healthy deficit, I don't deprive myself, and I've developed self control. Good luck with your fitness goals.:flowerforyou:
ETA: I'm not saying you shouldn't ask your mom to bake something for you if you're an adult, but this guy is going overboard. I'm 31 and I still ask my Grandma to make these special cookies that I loved when I was a kid. I ask her every couple years, not multiple times a day or every time I see her. Sometime in my early 20s I asked for the recipe and she said no. She told me I could have it when she was too old to make them for me. She gave me the recipe last year.0 -
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I know I am not the only person who has this issue. So my husband for our entire 10 marriage has been an over the road truck driver, well until the last 2 months. For the first six weeks I made the food everynight that he likes to eat thinking that he wouldn't eat anything I was eating because he really is a very picky eater. In the the last 2 weeks I decided that he would just have to get over it. once he realized that how serious I was about getting my pre-baby body back he has been really supportive!
Last night my step son came home and asked me if I could make this better than sex cake that he had at my girlfriends house. I told him no I wouldn't make it. That is wasn't fair to me that I would have make a cake that I then couldn't eat. He said well you could make it in cupcakes like Cori did and he would just eat it outside. I will be darned before I could even say another world my hubby jumped in and said not unless you want to die!!! You have no idea how proud of my husband I was! For the first time since I started trying to lose weight I feel like I have an actual ally!
So I have to wonder, with my husband being so great about this if I haven't been just sabotaging myself all this time? At least I know that he will back me up and be there for me when I am having a weak moment. I feel really good about this!
No, apparently you're not the only one..
This comes across as pretty selfish of you. Just because you are on a "diet" doesn't mean everyone else has to be.
You couldn't make your stepson a cake and simply not have any or make room if your day for a piece? I went to school for baking & pastry and I bake things all the time for others because I enjoy it and because I like doing nice things for other people. I either don't have any or I fit it into my calories for the day.
Edit: Since this is MFP I feel the need to add a disclaimer. This is merely my thoughts on the subject in hopes to give you a little perspective and shouldn't be misconstrued as being mean, rude, or a bully. Have a great day! :flowerforyou:
can you bake something for me, darling?
also, if i eat this cookie here, will my MFP friends a) defriend me or b) want to hump me? will i get FRs or slanderous PMs? i love chocolate!!!
HUMP!0 -
Obviously he asked because she's probably made good things for him in the past and he appreciates her cooking skills?
A bit over to the top to call it unfair. Someone brought in cupcakes for their birthday at work today, I didn't pout and tell them it wasn't fair because I didn't want to make room for them in my day.
Maybe a "I'll help you make it" would have been nice. Something both of you could spend time doing.0 -
No step-parent is obligated to make a kid a cake just because he wants one. Basic Parenting 101. Kids don't always get what they want, regardless of how "nice" it might be to hand them the things they ask for.
That's a valid reason for not baking the cake.
HOWEVER, that's not the reason she implied. The reason OP was implying was they couldn't have any because she couldn't. That's NOT a valid reason.
But see, from many people's point of view, that IS a valid reason.
I can't smoke cigarettes because I was a 23 year addict. I will not buy them for other people. That IS valid.
I can't eat shellfish. I will not cook it for other people. That is valid.
I am not religious. I will not sit through a sermon for someone else. That is valid.
It is completely valid to decline to do a favor for someone else due to your own weaknesses with the subject of said request.
Cigarettes: So don't smoke them.
Shellfish: I'm guessing because of an allergic reaction (which could be deadly for some), the cake likely won't kill anyone in moderation unless they have a specific medical reason not to.
Religion: No, but you can drive someone else to church and not have to sit in.
It may be "valid" to decline to do a favor because of your own weaknesses, but that doesn't mean it's not selfish.0 -
Now, as for him 20 years old. He's also old enough to make his own damn cake.0
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In...
...to learn more about this "worth getting killed for" cake.0 -
So I have to wonder...if I haven't been just sabotaging myself all this time?
This is the little nugget of gold in the steaming pile that is the rest of this thread. The answer is yes, now take charge of this problem while still being able to do nice things for people you love.0 -
Last night my step son came home and asked me if I could make this better than sex cake that he had at my girlfriends house. I told him no I wouldn't make it. That is wasn't fair to me that I would have make a cake that I then couldn't eat.
So, does this mean that when you do the grocery shopping for the family that you don't purchase anything for anyone else unless it's something that you feel you can also eat? That would make it fair for you, right? And that's what this is all about, yes?
The boy is old enough to shop for his own groceries, bake his own cake, and get his own place to do it all in. Your point is invalid.
Seriously people, this lady has every right to not do something she doesn't want to do. She doesn't need justification, and no one has the right to judge her for her reasons.
The point of her post, originally, was to show that her own fears had been sabotaging her, and keeping her from asserting herself when it comes to making food choices. Now, she's asserting herself. I say, good on her.0 -
You people getting offended that we expect her to be a short order cook or a 1950s housewife are missing the point. It's just about doing something nice for someone. That's all.
I don't have children but I do have young brothers and if they asked me to make them a cake, I'd make them a cake. It's a special request and doesn't sound like an every day occurrence.
Do you also get mad if someone in a restaurant orders a high calorie dish and you can't have any because you're on a diet? Sheesh!
Since I made the 1950s comment, I'll assume you are addressing me.
I'm not offended. I'm also not missing the point. No step-parent is obligated to make a kid a cake just because he wants one. Basic Parenting 101. Kids don't always get what they want, regardless of how "nice" it might be to hand them the things they ask for.
And none of us are obligated to do every nice thing that someone else requests.
So you would make your brother a cake. Great for you. I would not make one for my son. Great for me. That doesn't exaggerate or negate any of the other nice or not nice things we do for others throughout our lives.
And although it's totally irrelevant, no, I don't get mad about what other people order in restaurants. And if they asked me to bake them a cake, I'd tell them no also.
Nope, the minute you used "obligated to", "always get what they want", and "hand them the things they ask for", I can see you're still missing the point and refuse to budge from outside the point to see the point.
Have a nice day.
adini749
you are being a bit childish now. It's ok for you to state your opinion and just because MzPix has a differnt opinion you act like a child. Pull it together girl.
I'm being childish by letting her believe what she wants and understanding that she's not going to see my point and leaving it at that? Would you prefer I throw a tantrum and argue about it until I'm blue in the face? Would that be less childish for you?
Honestly, I have no clue why people get so upset over this. I stated my opinion, tried to explain it when someone didn't understand said opinion, and then moved on. Now I come to find out that you feel it necessary to make personal attacks on my maturity because you don't like what I have to say? Okay, then.0 -
Not to tick anybody off here but the comment you wanna die was in a joking tone. He doesn't even raise his voice with any of the 5 kids in the house. It was just nice and very surprising to hear him back me up. It was the first time ever! Not make him a cake just because he asked for it. Especially considering his older brother's birthday is tomorrow and I am already making him a hoho cake. I don't need 2 cakes. I am not on a 1200 calorie a day diet. I eat well and plan for splurges. I keep loads of treats in the house. Why do I need to make a cake for a 20 year old adult at 9 pm when I bought him his favorite ice cream that is still in the freezer, candy bars chips and cookies. I don't need a chocolate cake drowning in caramel and heath bar bits staring me.
What I am saying is I have no willpower right now. I am admitting that I have struggled with my weight for my entire life. Why should I put that temptation in my face when there is no need to? I have come up with alternatives for lots of my favorite foods while the rest of my family gets regular treats. I just don't want make any sweets right now. Why is that bad? I am not bad I am not mean and I don't care for my stepson anyless then any other child in this house. But right now I need to take care of me.0 -
I know I am not the only person who has this issue. So my husband for our entire 10 marriage has been an over the road truck driver, well until the last 2 months. For the first six weeks I made the food everynight that he likes to eat thinking that he wouldn't eat anything I was eating because he really is a very picky eater. In the the last 2 weeks I decided that he would just have to get over it. once he realized that how serious I was about getting my pre-baby body back he has been really supportive!
Last night my step son came home and asked me if I could make this better than sex cake that he had at my girlfriends house. I told him no I wouldn't make it. That is wasn't fair to me that I would have make a cake that I then couldn't eat. He said well you could make it in cupcakes like Cori did and he would just eat it outside. I will be darned before I could even say another world my hubby jumped in and said not unless you want to die!!! You have no idea how proud of my husband I was! For the first time since I started trying to lose weight I feel like I have an actual ally!
So I have to wonder, with my husband being so great about this if I haven't been just sabotaging myself all this time? At least I know that he will back me up and be there for me when I am having a weak moment. I feel really good about this!
It can make the world of difference when you have great support OP, very encouraging for you :flowerforyou:0 -
His girlfriend obviously likes baking for him so Next time he is at his girlfriends she should make some extra and put it in a Tupperware box haha jobs a gud un!
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You people getting offended that we expect her to be a short order cook or a 1950s housewife are missing the point. It's just about doing something nice for someone. That's all.
I don't have children but I do have young brothers and if they asked me to make them a cake, I'd make them a cake. It's a special request and doesn't sound like an every day occurrence.
Do you also get mad if someone in a restaurant orders a high calorie dish and you can't have any because you're on a diet? Sheesh!
Since I made the 1950s comment, I'll assume you are addressing me.
I'm not offended. I'm also not missing the point. No step-parent is obligated to make a kid a cake just because he wants one. Basic Parenting 101. Kids don't always get what they want, regardless of how "nice" it might be to hand them the things they ask for.
And none of us are obligated to do every nice thing that someone else requests.
So you would make your brother a cake. Great for you. I would not make one for my son. Great for me. That doesn't exaggerate or negate any of the other nice or not nice things we do for others throughout our lives.
And although it's totally irrelevant, no, I don't get mad about what other people order in restaurants. And if they asked me to bake them a cake, I'd tell them no also.
Nope, the minute you used "obligated to", "always get what they want", and "hand them the things they ask for", I can see you're still missing the point and refuse to budge from outside the point to see the point.
Have a nice day.
adini749
you are being a bit childish now. It's ok for you to state your opinion and just because MzPix has a differnt opinion you act like a child. Pull it together girl.
Also Adini749. I think you said so yourself that you are not a parent. So what do you know about giving into children's requests to bake cakes?
I also said I have two younger brothers who I've watched grow up, helped raise, and discipline. The "you aren't a parent so you have no clue how to raise one" side is ridiculous and silly. As if I'm devoid of any logical common sense. The child asked his stepmom to bake a cake. You're saying she needs to say no to teach him a lesson? What lesson? That you shouldn't give your child anything nice? The point wasn't the child asking for cake. The point was WHY she said no. She said no because SHE couldn't handle it, not because her son didn't "deserve" a cake.0 -
He is 20 years old and could make it himself the issue is if it's in the house I will eat it all. Not that we don't have treats here it's that I don't need to try to fit an extra 600 calories a day in. I didn't mention that he asks me to make cupcakes candy and cookies at least 5 times a day. I have made the cake for him before. But I am just trying to get back on the wagon and the last thing I need is one of my favorite treats staring me in the face everytime I walk in the kitchen.
I read this has your husband supporting you--and to be honest, your stepson being a selfish jerk. Your husband's "support" might have been over the top--but it sounds as if your stepson is over the top, as well.
If it were me (and it's not), I'd quit answering his requests. Literally--one time, I might say, "I'm not baking anymore"--and from then on, just ignore the requests:
Him: "will you make chocolate chip cookies for me?"
You: "My sister called this afternoon and says my niece is pregnant."
Him: "Would you make fudge for me?"
You: <no words> <go turn on TV>
But then, I'm the one with a supportive family. My daughter (18) asked if it would be a problem for me if she and her friends baked brownies, and if it was, they could go to someone else's house. My answer? I didn't have any problems with them baking at our house, but please don't leave any leftovers to tempt me. If she'd asked me to bake them for her, the answer would have been no.
I think it's great that the OP said 'no'--but I think that if her stepson keeps asking, he's the one being rude and selfish and she should just stop playing his game. No excuses or reasons he can argue with--just 'no' (or silence).0 -
Woah, am I really hearing someone call someone else selfish for not wanting to bake a cake for someone else.
1st world problems honey!
Somehow that would imply that the kid was entitled to sugary sweets and the only good people are those who will bake for others, regardless of the temptations available.
Yes, her losing weight is more important than contributing to future diabetes in the next generation. When I grew up cakes were for special occasions only. it's not something that should be available on whim at any time.
Parents have to say no sometimes. a kids desire for sweets does not outweigh the health concerns of the parent.
Someone having one piece of cake will make them diabetic!?
I have such a mad crush on that man... (and Simon Pegg too!) :ohwell:0 -
I don't see why the stepson couldn't make his own cake.
I don't see why the stepmom couldn't give him recipe or instructions to make said cake.
I don't see why this is considered "sabotage".
I don't see why the stepmom couldn't make the cake and have a tiny piece that fits into her daily eating.
I personally don't think it is realistic to never eat cake again in one's life.0
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