How disgusting is this...
Replies
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Comfort eating during her youth, her dad was an alcoholic which lead to binge eating (she specifically states that) something something, omg emotional attachment to food that she can't break! That is not an innate genetic disposition to becoming obese and clearly it's her excessive caloric consumption that causes her obesity, not something else. This is someone who can't control her emotions and finds comfort in food. She left her therapist because she thought that person was judging her ffs. Her entire thought process is clouded by the emotional attachment from when she was a child and she is unwilling to face her demons in order to rectify an unhealthy existence.
See the below quote and if you think she's approached any topic regarding her weight in a logical manner
Quote:
I remember purging and popping pills and eating three well-balanced meals a day; binging and starving and reading “Anna Karenina” on a StairMaster. But none of it left me happier or healthier. Just hungry.0 -
this article is the best thing i've read all day. thanks!
(and to answer your question: not disgusting at all.)
Beautifully written. Heart-felt and sad. Not disgusting at all. You are a very narrow-minded person for thinking this is disgusting. Did someone say you are studying to be a PA? Perhaps you should rethink your field of study. You have to be compassionate in the healthcare industry. You sir, are NOT compassionate by any means.
absolutely laughable.
my job is to get the sick better not to make sure they are ok with childhood issues. compassion on a forum? get outta here.
My sister is 9 months away from her Psychiatric NP license. She is all about healing the sick. Perhaps you should take a couple more psychology classes to getting a better understanding of the way people act/react to life events.
i am bound for surgery hun. not psychiatric work.
thats like asking your mechanic to be more sensitive with your cars feelings.
Cars don't have feelings, people do. Apples and oranges, my friend.0 -
I have healthy blood work at 43... so it's not just age.
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43 is not old. Wait another 10-20-25 years....because lots of things can happen in that time, I was super healthy until I was 46/47. Had cancer twice in my 50's and was at age 63 diagnosed with systemic Lupus and now two years later I am trying to get out of the hole illness after the age of 50 has pushed me in. Please, don't take it for granted that just because you are well today, that you will be healthy in years to come.0 -
Another issue i have with the whole thing is that she's equating a doctor's medical advice with "bullying".
I understand that folks want to paint themselves the victim in order to excuse their mediocrity (or worse), and I accept that. But calling a doctor saying something you don't want to hear a "bully" is pushing it.
What would happen if he told her she had cancer.... would she start calling him a rapist?0 -
I actually overheard a few people talking at the movies today saying that they think being "big" is going to be the new normal as it was thousands of years ago. These ladies weren't tiny either, they were morbidly obese. They said skinny and athletic people will be the new gross people. This shocked me! With you OP.0
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It's her choice but she should understand that actions come with consequences whether you like them or not.
Yes! this! I think she will change her mind eventually. I'm 23, and I change my mind quite often lol.0 -
Exactly. I think people are just projecting their own insecurities and self-loathing onto her, assuming that she is just like them. For some reason, it's really hard to accept that she just might be happy with herself, even if she's--gasp--250 pounds. Importantly, she's not advocating obesity in any way, shape, or form. She's just taking a stand against ALWAYS being defined in terms of her weight.
I dont think anyone here is shooting her down over being happy. Im all for everyone enjoying life and living it to the fullest. I believe you have one shot at it and enjoy it while you can.
But to say people are projecting onto her is silly. She spelled out her feelings in numerous publications.
To say she is defined by her weight is the rose colored tints she is wearing through her writing. She damned her doctors and therapist for saying she should get healthy.
idk... just my 2 cents
I don't know, there are a lot of people on here saying that she can't actually be happy with herself and that she's just in denial. Sounds like projection, doesn't it? From their personal experience, they know that they weren't happy being fat, so Laura Bogart can't *really* be happy either.
She's not happy 'being' fat. She is happy 'staying' fat. She clearly states that she got fat because of habits that spawned from emotional turmoil in childhood. Which means she has no desire to change the habits that caused her to become fat in the first place. Which means that she is only going to get bigger and more unhealthy, even if she is healthy right now. It also means that she is not willing to deal with the issues that caused her to form those habits in the first place.
She loves being fat because it makes her feel safe from the bad emotions that she forms from other people's 'judgment' which is really just her perception of her doctors and therapists attempts to help her. That is a mental abnormality. She is trapped in a vicious cycle of her own creation.0 -
Exactly. I think people are just projecting their own insecurities and self-loathing onto her, assuming that she is just like them. For some reason, it's really hard to accept that she just might be happy with herself, even if she's--gasp--250 pounds. Importantly, she's not advocating obesity in any way, shape, or form. She's just taking a stand against ALWAYS being defined in terms of her weight.
I dont think anyone here is shooting her down over being happy. Im all for everyone enjoying life and living it to the fullest. I believe you have one shot at it and enjoy it while you can.
But to say people are projecting onto her is silly. She spelled out her feelings in numerous publications.
To say she is defined by her weight is the rose colored tints she is wearing through her writing. She damned her doctors and therapist for saying she should get healthy.
idk... just my 2 cents
It's not silly at all. People don't post their stories and feelings to have the world to mock them for not being perfect. The argument that anybody, including yourself, who posts on the internet should expect whatever opinions they get and have no right to complain because they put themselves out there is just a justification for people to be judgmental and cruel to them through their keyboards. People share their experiences for all kinds of reasons - to just be honest - to have other people relate to them - to teach a lesson - all kinds of things. Does that mean they deserve every snarky, judgmental comment they get and if they didn't want them, they should keep their mouths shut? Hell no! Communication brings people together and those who abuse the privilege, they make the world a little darker.0 -
What I took away from the article was that she was going to be ok with herself AS SHE IS.
It means not waiting until she's thin to love herself or live her life or deserve respect. It means being treated and feeling like a whole, normal person at any weight.
People deserve respect, and deserve to love themselves at any weight. That seems to be the BIG BIG issue that underlies everything.
The fact that you react with disgust upon reading that someone wants to be ok with themselves and so be fat means that you don't think they deserve respect at that size.0 -
I think that she really means is that her weight doesn't define her as a person but everyone chooses to see her as a person who needs to lose weight period.
For me, this is what matters. What I do worry about is that even though she says that she prefers being that way, she doesn't actually sound it. If she was the life and soul of parties, had great self esteem, and still spoke about how her being obese was a good thing, then I'd think she was a great woman for doing the right thing by herself and doing what makes her happy.
But from that, she sounds as though she's using her fat to hide away from the world instead of loving herself at whatever size she feels comfortable in. And that's the sad part.0 -
I would say at such a young age - she is still coping with that childhood.
My favorite talk about this... http://on.ted.com/PeterAttia
I am in healthcare. I see the judgements passed on patients - how the staff thinks they'd do something about whatever if it was them. I can tell you they probably wouldn't. I've taken care of so many patients who don't change - regardless of what they need to change. I see lung cancer survivors that still smoke. Emphysema patients wishing for their last cigarette as they are drawing a last breath. Dialysis patients who skip dialysis and still won't be compliant with a renal diet. I had cocaine addicts I saw weekly when they overdid it. They all made their own choices. I've also seen the people through their own personal choices committed risky behavior and ended up in the hospital (no helmet/seatbelt etc). We take care of them the same.
I made a point to not judge. We all have our own crosses to bear and we all have a bad habit we should improve. It doesn't mean we ever will. I gently suggest to my patients what they need to do. I tried to relate to them. I tried to point out the damage they could cause - but not make it into a lecture so I wouldn't be tuned out.
And I understand coming from a childhood so damaging that it takes half your life to overcome enough of it to feel okay with life. She is a broken person coping. It's taken me into my 40's to feel okay to just be me. It may take her just as long. The weight is a side effect of her coping. Fixing the weight will probably just create a situation where she seeks another damaging way to cope.
I once had a room mate that had been obese - and gained control of it. She excelled in her new found energy - and the coping was just displaced into an addiction to crank (her weight loss secret) and OCD housekeeping - literally meltdowns over misplaced wash rags.
^^^ THIS! Very well said0 -
I find it sad that the person gave up. I hope she changes her mind. I hope her friends and family intervene.
But I don't think it's disgusting. I would never call a person that because of their weight because people comes in all shapes and sizes. I would call it scary because of what it's doing to her.
Why would you even go to the doctor if you're not going to listen?0 -
I think this is RAD. What a great article!
It's empowering and poignant and it's all true. We are more than our bodies and as much time as I dedicated to fitness, I still oppose fat-phobic cultural BS.0 -
What I took away from the article was that she was going to be ok with herself AS SHE IS.
It means not waiting until she's thin to love herself or live her life or deserve respect. It means being treated and feeling like a whole, normal person at any weight.
People deserve respect, and deserve to love themselves at any weight. That seems to be the BIG BIG issue that underlies everything.
The fact that you react with disgust upon reading that someone wants to be ok with themselves and so be fat means that you don't think they deserve respect at that size.
This. This exactly.0 -
I find it sad that the person gave up. I hope she changes her mind. I hope her friends and family intervene.
But I don't think it's disgusting. I would never call a person that because of their weight because people comes in all shapes and sizes. I would call it scary because of what it's doing to her.
Why would you even go to the doctor if you're not going to listen?
You didn't listen to her. She doesn't want to lose weight. That's not her goal, her mission, on her radar. She didn't "give up," she realized this wasn't what she wanted.0 -
Um, yeah. This is disgusting. What she's saying here hasn't got much to do with being fat. It's got to do with GIVING UP. She says she's concerned about her health, but she's utterly unwilling to do anything about it. Her excuse is that "she doesn't want to change into the 'thin' person the world wants." That's complete bull****. She doesn't want to change because it's really easy to NOT DO ANYTHING about her problems. She can write a friggin' essay about it. Well, great. But that hasn't changed a darn thing. The reason people want her to be thin is because she'll be healthier. Here we have a person abusing herself and complaining that everyone else has abused her. I don't give a crap about who it was that abused this woman if she continues to abuse herself!! You want my pity, lady? You don't have it. Yeah, you are out of control, and systematically killing yourself by taking over where your daddy left off. That's a lame way to go through life.0
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To all the posters who are saying she is 23, you should work on your reading comprehension. That episode happened YEARS ago, and she is much older at the time of this piece.
I found this beautifully written, and there has been research to show that you can be "fat and fit" It doesn't say she binge eats all the time in an effort to gain weight, she simply says that sometimes she eats grilled cheese and sometimes she eats kale. She also walks a mile a day. After an entire life of disordered eating, it will probably take her body years to recover and become its actual weight. What is wrong with that?
I would think personally she should work on her mental health and not use fad diets or binge exercise to attempt to deal with her past. You, OP are disgusting for having started this thread.0 -
Normally, I would agree with you, except that she specifically condemns people who celebrate their accomplishment of weight loss. The author seems to have a general disdain for any suggestion or implication that better health is a sensible reason to pursue weight loss. ...
Please reread the article. She said that their achievements of their lives shouldn't be just that one thing. Remember how she was talking to her adviser and all they talked about was her weight, not her academic achievements? yeah. That's the point.0 -
I think that she really means is that her weight doesn't define her as a person but everyone chooses to see her as a person who needs to lose weight period.
For me, this is what matters. What I do worry about is that even though she says that she prefers being that way, she doesn't actually sound it. If she was the life and soul of parties, had great self esteem, and still spoke about how her being obese was a good thing, then I'd think she was a great woman for doing the right thing by herself and doing what makes her happy.
But from that, she sounds as though she's using her fat to hide away from the world instead of loving herself at whatever size she feels comfortable in. And that's the sad part.
Why does one have to be *the life and soul of parties* to be happy? Another example of what is considered happy for one may not be the happy for another.0 -
Um, yeah. This is disgusting. What she's saying here hasn't got much to do with being fat. It's got to do with GIVING UP. She says she's concerned about her health, but she's utterly unwilling to do anything about it. Her excuse is that "she doesn't want to change into the 'thin' person the world wants." That's complete bull****. She doesn't want to change because it's really easy to NOT DO ANYTHING about her problems. She can write a friggin' essay about it. Well, great. But that hasn't changed a darn thing. The reason people want her to be thin is because she'll be healthier. Here we have a person abusing herself and complaining that everyone else has abused her. I don't give a crap about who it was that abused this woman if she continues to abuse herself!! You want my pity, lady? You don't have it. Yeah, you are out of control, and systematically killing yourself by taking over where your daddy left off. That's a lame way to go through life.
This person didn't get it.0 -
I found this beautifully written, and there has been research to show that you can be "fat and fit" It doesn't say she binge eats all the time in an effort to gain weight, she simply says that sometimes she eats grilled cheese and sometimes she eats kale. She also walks a mile a day. After an entire life of disordered eating, it will probably take her body years to recover and become its actual weight. What is wrong with that?
this.0 -
Normally, I would agree with you, except that she specifically condemns people who celebrate their accomplishment of weight loss. The author seems to have a general disdain for any suggestion or implication that better health is a sensible reason to pursue weight loss. ...
Please reread the article. She said that their achievements of their lives shouldn't be just that one thing. Remember how she was talking to her adviser and all they talked about was her weight, not her academic achievements? yeah. That's the point.
I seriously doubt that the only conversation that she ever had with her academic advisor was about her weight. However, I am certain that is the only conversation that she retained because her weight is so heavily associated with deep-seeded pain from her childhood.0 -
It's her choice but she should understand that actions come with consequences whether you like them or not.
This.
She is living in the present and not concerning herself with the future. It's dangerous to be young and dumb.
ok. So she is overweight. Which is indicated in all sorts of unhealthy stuff. But there is more to this than just health. When I was technically obese, I ran half marathons and worked out all the time. I also just happened to eat a lot. I ate mostly organic, all vegetarian, carb heavy yumminess. I don't think I was on the verge of some major heart attack for that. It's possible to be over weight and be pretty active. A low body fat is not the end all be all of "health." What y'all need to take into account is mental health. You can beat yourself up and feel like **** all the time because you are trying to lose weight, or you can aim to be healthy (have good blood work) and active (going for walks and ****) and have a more positive attitude. I think this article is about choosing mental health over societal beauty standards.
I think that sometimes taking this approach actually eventually leads to a healthier body.
I'd be interested to see how this author's blood work and scale changes over the next five years.0 -
Why do you think it is disgusting? its her choice.
You're kidding... right?
It is her choice, even though she is just slowly killing herself. People who don't care about themselves can find ways to be content with all sorts of bad behavior: be it overeating, not exercising, doing drugs, sex addiction...you name it. She obviously has deep seated self esteem issues, and she's fighting against one thing she shouldn't be: her health. Still like another poster said, it is her choice, and she's not hurting ANYONE except for herself.
her family... her community... oh yea and the burden of the healthcare system
Oh thank you for mentioning the burden on the healthcare system. Our costs are now rising because hospitals and clinics need new beds/toilets/etc in order to treat those that are obese. I truly believe she is hiding behind all of the bad things that happened in her life as an easy way out to being as unhealthy as she wants to be.
And let me just say I used to be the same way.... we all have the power to break the cycle
Stay strong OP0 -
Normally, I would agree with you, except that she specifically condemns people who celebrate their accomplishment of weight loss. The author seems to have a general disdain for any suggestion or implication that better health is a sensible reason to pursue weight loss. ...
Please reread the article. She said that their achievements of their lives shouldn't be just that one thing. Remember how she was talking to her adviser and all they talked about was her weight, not her academic achievements? yeah. That's the point.
I seriously doubt that the only conversation that she ever had with her academic advisor was about her weight. However, I am certain that is the only conversation that she retained because her weight is so heavily associated with deep-seeded pain from her childhood.
She said " I just wish that the entirety of their lives weren’t reduced to a single achievement." How is that condemning them?0 -
Out of curiosity, do you feel the same way when you see someone smoking? I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you-- at some point, it becomes irksome to pay for someone else's decisions-- but dissection uncovers a TON of choices people make that the rest of the world ends up paying for in some form or fashion.She can choose whatever she wants, as long as I'm not going to have to pay for it (health care costs, disablility payments, etc). But the likelihood of me having to pay for it ticks me off.
Or having unprotected sex. Making babies they can't pay for. Driving recklessly. Driving period (if you are a cyclist).
I think the impetus people have to be disgusted doesn't come from some concern about social costs, it's fat phobia. Plain and simple.0 -
I mean, ****, I think that people should be more outraged about her father beating the **** out of her, but here people are more upset that she isn't going on some diet to lose weight.
SMH.
Our society is ****ed.0 -
I mean, ****, I think that people should be more outraged about her father beating the **** out of her, but here people are more upset that she isn't going on some diet to lose weight.
SMH.
Our society is ****ed.
Actually, I'm upset that she is refusing to address the mental and emotional scars that the abuse created. Being fat is what made her feel better. By choosing to stay fat, she is choosing not to find a more constructive coping mechanism.0 -
I mean, ****, I think that people should be more outraged about her father beating the **** out of her, but here people are more upset that she isn't going on some diet to lose weight.
SMH.
Our society is ****ed.
you should stop and smell the roses sometime.0 -
Normally, I would agree with you, except that she specifically condemns people who celebrate their accomplishment of weight loss. The author seems to have a general disdain for any suggestion or implication that better health is a sensible reason to pursue weight loss. ...
Please reread the article. She said that their achievements of their lives shouldn't be just that one thing. Remember how she was talking to her adviser and all they talked about was her weight, not her academic achievements? yeah. That's the point.
I seriously doubt that the only conversation that she ever had with her academic advisor was about her weight. However, I am certain that is the only conversation that she retained because her weight is so heavily associated with deep-seeded pain from her childhood.
She said " I just wish that the entirety of their lives weren’t reduced to a single achievement." How is that condemning them?
The problem is that she justifies her logics with absolutes. I don't know a single person that loses weight and then decides that they have achieved all that they want in life. That is a false perception created by the author to justify the logic that she can hold onto her fat. The fat that makes her feel emotionally safe.0
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