Men: Dating

mestacy010
mestacy010 Posts: 577 Member
in Chit-Chat
Question:

How long should I wait to tell someone I'm dating that I have a child?

How many guys here wouldn't date a woman if she told them she has a child? And why?

I'm pretty nervous, considering this will be my first date since my divorce :/
«1345

Replies

  • FitForeverAgain
    FitForeverAgain Posts: 330 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.
  • xvxCelticWandererxvx
    xvxCelticWandererxvx Posts: 2,890 Member
    Having been in this situation before, I say tell him right away. Kids are part of the package and come first. There are plenty of men out there who are open to women with children. Best wishes on your first date :)
  • aquarabbit
    aquarabbit Posts: 1,622 Member
    Don't have a child, and I never really dated, but my dad was a single father (my mother died) and when I asked him about dating with a kid, he said 2nd or 3rd date. He said that on a first date, he would focus on if he even liked the person and just start to get to know them. And, if they went out again, on the 2nd or 3rd say something about "his daughter" as an ice breaker for the subject. He said it's better to let them know early on since it was a deal breaker for some women. I don't know if it's the same with men, but I would think it's somewhat similar.
  • debaloo
    debaloo Posts: 129 Member
    I'm obviously not a man but, I think the sooner the better. Dating is hard when you are just getting back out there. You need to remember that it's not about presenting yourself in a way so the guy will like you. On the first date you should be asking yourself if this is a guy you like and if his values and lifestyle match up with yours. If this first date is someone who is freaked out that you have a kid, you need to know that right away because you want someone who will be happy to be in your childs life and be a good role model.
  • PaleoChocolateBear
    PaleoChocolateBear Posts: 2,844 Member
    Let them know up front, no sense of keeping that a secret before even meeting someone. Why wait a few dates in to tell someone then you could have ended up wasting your time and theirs.
  • griff7809
    griff7809 Posts: 611 Member
    Having been in this situation before, I say tell him right away. Kids are part of the package and come first. There are plenty of men out there who are open to women with children. Best wishes on your first date :)


    QFT
  • kingtermite
    kingtermite Posts: 82 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.
    ^^^This.
  • venturaroo
    venturaroo Posts: 84 Member
    That should be something that is talked about on the first date or when you're making the date. "I have to find a babysitter" is a good way of getting it out there. :smile:
  • xvxCelticWandererxvx
    xvxCelticWandererxvx Posts: 2,890 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    ^^^ THIS!!
  • jlclabo
    jlclabo Posts: 588 Member
    its one of the first things you should talk about. if the other person dont want to continue dating because of your kids then they dont deserve to be with you. i have 2 kids and they are my life. My girlfriend also has 2 young boys and i treat them like my own, and thats how it should be. my kids love her to death and that makes me even happier to be with her....
  • mestacy010
    mestacy010 Posts: 577 Member
    its one of the first things you should talk about. if the other person dont want to continue dating because of your kids then they dont deserve to be with you. i have 2 kids and they are my life. My girlfriend also has 2 young boys and i treat them like my own, and thats how it should be. my kids love her to death and that makes me even happier to be with her....


    Awwww, I hope one day I will find that!
  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,486 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    This. Tell them right away. If you met a new friend that you were not interested in romantically and just wanted to be friends with, would you not mention you had a child immediately? Your child is your world and you should always let everyone know that.
  • thinklivebefree
    thinklivebefree Posts: 328 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    ^^^ THIS!!

    That makes someone a "FLAKE" ? I'm not sure whats your definition of the word but whatever it is, im considering it to be something negative,but any who why is this person a flake? just because he/she rather not date someone with a child? That's a tad bit unfair...Some people rather not date persons with child, just like some people rather date someone with a child
  • zedgt87
    zedgt87 Posts: 379 Member
    You should tell the man right of the bat.

    Now myself, I will not date a woman with a child. I want to start my own family with someone who has no family like myself.
  • dirtnap63
    dirtnap63 Posts: 1,387 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    This. Tell them right away. If you met a new friend that you were not interested in romantically and just wanted to be friends with, would you not mention you had a child immediately? Your child is your world and you should always let everyone know that.


    She's right.
  • elprincipito
    elprincipito Posts: 1,200 Member
    I'm gonna be honest. I am 23 and I also wanna have my own kids. I don't think i would mind a woman with a child but at this point I couldn't afford to help her with expenses as I don't earn enough for everything I need to pay LOL...
  • lostdogg
    lostdogg Posts: 450 Member
    As many before said. Immediately. Leave no preconceived notions out there.
    1 if you hide, even for a short time, said dude will wonder what else you are hiding.
    2 said dude may think that your "motherly instincts" are lacking if your child isn't on the forefront of what you do.
    3 said dude may have an issue with wanting or not wanting kids and you don't want to pursue someone with doifferent values and expectations.

    Also, I have dated a woman with a child on 2 occasions. On one it wasn't very serious and I would not do much with the child for fear of bonding with him and breaking his heart when it didn't work out with me and his mom. On the second occasion it did get serious and I formed a great bond with the children. I would date a woman with a cold again if the need ever arose. Bearing in mind, at my age you don't find many women out there without children in my age range.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    its one of the first things you should talk about. if the other person dont want to continue dating because of your kids then they dont deserve to be with you. i have 2 kids and they are my life. My girlfriend also has 2 young boys and i treat them like my own, and thats how it should be. my kids love her to death and that makes me even happier to be with her....


    Awwww, I hope one day I will find that!

    You will. Trust me I know. Can I just chime in here with all the consideration of the man's feelings that you also have a child to consider/protect. I used to wait till the 2nd or third date to figure out if the guy was any kind of weirdo first. Then I'd tell him if it hadn't come up already. It's a touchy game because you don't want to skip an opportunity where it came up naturally in conversation cause you don't want to be called a liar later, but really you don't owe a new acquaintance possible suitor nearly as much as you owe your child who you are responsible for.

    Once you feel good that he's a decent guy, then tell him when it comes up naturally. I wouldn't go past 3 dates though before letting him know because by then it's clear you like the guy and think he's cool people and deserves the whole truth about you. You still could get over a guy you've only been on a date 3 times easily and vice versa. As long as you haven't exchanged enzymes. That's a whole 'nother subject though.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I'm gonna be honest. I am 23 and I also wanna have my own kids. I don't think i would mind a woman with a child but at this point I couldn't afford to help her with expenses as I don't earn enough for everything I need to pay LOL...

    I think you have a good head on your shoulders, even if it's not visible.
  • Stump_Likker
    Stump_Likker Posts: 2,059 Member
    right out of the gate.
  • lq022
    lq022 Posts: 232 Member
    While I'm not in your situation, I feel that its very important to know upfront what/who that person has in their life that would be a deciding factor. I'm sure you know that having children changes everything, and the person you are dating should know up front who they are getting as a person. You are a mom, and thats a wonderful thing. Some men can handle it, and some men can't ... but I'd want to know upfront if this is a man that can handle it so that YOU dont get emotionally involved, and then if it doesnt work out, its 1000x harder .

    Goodluck & I hope things work out for you!
  • Joehenny
    Joehenny Posts: 1,222 Member
    Well one thing is for sure that's definitely not something you want to surprise someone with. It's like a surprise audit.
  • ELVISDEAN
    ELVISDEAN Posts: 77
    immediately

    yes

    :)

    Elvis
  • fShaw86
    fShaw86 Posts: 878 Member
    OMG I was gonna post the same topic! It's best if he knows from the outset. <3
  • Fiercely_Me
    Fiercely_Me Posts: 481 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    That was so refreshing to read!

    Thanks for asking these questions op, as I wonder about this often. I also wonder if it's an age thing, as in, are older men more likely to accept a woman with a child than a younger man? A few of the men that I know who are around my age would date someone, while most say hell no because they don't want to deal with the baby's father.

    I would tell the guy on day one that I have a son. If they like it good, if not, that's good too. I'd know that particular person wasn't for me, and move on. Simple as that. I don't have time to be getting emotionally invested in someone who has a problem with my son.
  • fShaw86
    fShaw86 Posts: 878 Member
    its one of the first things you should talk about. if the other person dont want to continue dating because of your kids then they dont deserve to be with you. i have 2 kids and they are my life. My girlfriend also has 2 young boys and i treat them like my own, and thats how it should be. my kids love her to death and that makes me even happier to be with her....


    Awwww, I hope one day I will find that!

    You will! If any guy or his fam reject you solely because you have a child- they are so not worth it.

    I was getting to know this really cute and really awesome guy, who knew I had a child from day one. He got into an argument with his mom that he was getting to know a "MOTHER" and chose her ideals over me. It was such a slap in the face, but I'm definitely better off without people who couldn't accept me!
  • LabAgility
    LabAgility Posts: 120 Member
    Whatever you do, please do not introduce your child to a man until you have been dating a long time and you know it's serious, and possibly forever.

    Children tend to bond easily and break-ups are very hard on them.
  • Trueray
    Trueray Posts: 1,189 Member
    Interesting! I don't have the mental capacity to answer your questions.
  • AmyZ46
    AmyZ46 Posts: 694 Member
    I told my now husband on our first date ............The funny thing is that he said "HMMM ,Well I wasn't planning on children , I'm at a point in my life where I thought I was done with young children ,but it's not a deal breaker . Lets see where this goes and see if we can make it work "

    He's an accountant hahha and plans everything . He met her about a month later .........She was 8 at the time.


    Amy
  • dentedcan
    dentedcan Posts: 29
    Single parent here. Anyone I go out with knows I have a son long before we have a first date. My most important role is also my proudest - as it should be for every parent!

    Edit: That doesn't mean they meet my son. I don't believe in creating the relationship revolving door, so unless it starts to get serious, the two don't communicate. Stability for the kiddo first.

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