Men: Dating

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  • lq022
    lq022 Posts: 232 Member
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    While I'm not in your situation, I feel that its very important to know upfront what/who that person has in their life that would be a deciding factor. I'm sure you know that having children changes everything, and the person you are dating should know up front who they are getting as a person. You are a mom, and thats a wonderful thing. Some men can handle it, and some men can't ... but I'd want to know upfront if this is a man that can handle it so that YOU dont get emotionally involved, and then if it doesnt work out, its 1000x harder .

    Goodluck & I hope things work out for you!
  • Joehenny
    Joehenny Posts: 1,222 Member
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    Well one thing is for sure that's definitely not something you want to surprise someone with. It's like a surprise audit.
  • ELVISDEAN
    ELVISDEAN Posts: 77
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    immediately

    yes

    :)

    Elvis
  • fShaw86
    fShaw86 Posts: 878 Member
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    OMG I was gonna post the same topic! It's best if he knows from the outset. <3
  • Fiercely_Me
    Fiercely_Me Posts: 481 Member
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    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    That was so refreshing to read!

    Thanks for asking these questions op, as I wonder about this often. I also wonder if it's an age thing, as in, are older men more likely to accept a woman with a child than a younger man? A few of the men that I know who are around my age would date someone, while most say hell no because they don't want to deal with the baby's father.

    I would tell the guy on day one that I have a son. If they like it good, if not, that's good too. I'd know that particular person wasn't for me, and move on. Simple as that. I don't have time to be getting emotionally invested in someone who has a problem with my son.
  • fShaw86
    fShaw86 Posts: 878 Member
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    its one of the first things you should talk about. if the other person dont want to continue dating because of your kids then they dont deserve to be with you. i have 2 kids and they are my life. My girlfriend also has 2 young boys and i treat them like my own, and thats how it should be. my kids love her to death and that makes me even happier to be with her....


    Awwww, I hope one day I will find that!

    You will! If any guy or his fam reject you solely because you have a child- they are so not worth it.

    I was getting to know this really cute and really awesome guy, who knew I had a child from day one. He got into an argument with his mom that he was getting to know a "MOTHER" and chose her ideals over me. It was such a slap in the face, but I'm definitely better off without people who couldn't accept me!
  • LabAgility
    LabAgility Posts: 120 Member
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    Whatever you do, please do not introduce your child to a man until you have been dating a long time and you know it's serious, and possibly forever.

    Children tend to bond easily and break-ups are very hard on them.
  • Trueray
    Trueray Posts: 1,189 Member
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    Interesting! I don't have the mental capacity to answer your questions.
  • AmyZ46
    AmyZ46 Posts: 694 Member
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    I told my now husband on our first date ............The funny thing is that he said "HMMM ,Well I wasn't planning on children , I'm at a point in my life where I thought I was done with young children ,but it's not a deal breaker . Lets see where this goes and see if we can make it work "

    He's an accountant hahha and plans everything . He met her about a month later .........She was 8 at the time.


    Amy
  • dentedcan
    dentedcan Posts: 29
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    Single parent here. Anyone I go out with knows I have a son long before we have a first date. My most important role is also my proudest - as it should be for every parent!

    Edit: That doesn't mean they meet my son. I don't believe in creating the relationship revolving door, so unless it starts to get serious, the two don't communicate. Stability for the kiddo first.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    That was so refreshing to read!

    Thanks for asking these questions op, as I wonder about this often. I also wonder if it's an age thing, as in, are older men more likely to accept a woman with a child than a younger man? A few of the men that I know who are around my age would date someone, while most say hell no because they don't want to deal with the baby's father.

    I would tell the guy on day one that I have a son. If they like it good, if not, that's good too. I'd know that particular person wasn't for me, and move on. Simple as that. I don't have time to be getting emotionally invested in someone who has a problem with my son.
    It's not an age thing, in my experience. It's a maturity thing for some and a values thing for others. These can vary amongst men of any ages.
  • Ben2118
    Ben2118 Posts: 571 Member
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    From the outset, this is important on a number of levels. 1 if the guy doesn't want kids, he can call it off before it gets serious, let's face it, in my opinion kids are never an issue in a relationship, I don't have any myself but I have dated girls who have but not everyone is the same, so you owe him that just so he knows. If anything before you go on your 1st date you should tell the other person, in my opinion anyway

    2nd, if I were him and you kept that from me for a while, I'd be thinking what else hasn't she told me that she thinks I might not want to hear and he may lose a little trust in you.

    Don't ever think having kids will stop you from meeting someone amazing, just be honest from the outset and see where it goes :)
  • AverageUkDude
    AverageUkDude Posts: 371 Member
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    It should be one of the first things he should find out about you.

    It's not such a big deal really, I have recently dated someone with a child, it didn't work out but that was for other reasons.

    Any guy who is worth your time and attention won't be bothered by the fact that you have a child.
  • jdm_taco
    jdm_taco Posts: 999 Member
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    You should mention on first date. I don't mind 1 or 2, but no thanks on more than that. Your response will vary greatly depending on age of man you date. Most guys 25 and under will turn and run, but older than that and many men are not only more mature about it but are understanding that it is more likely women will have children.

    Do not ever settle for a guy that cannot accept that child comes first and foremost and be very explicit with this fact right off the bat. If they do not agree don't waste a second of your time.
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
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    Why would you go out with someone you haven't talked to before? And why would you not tell him about your child if you've been talking to him. I'm so confused...no man is more important than my children, no man would ever be more important. Maybe when they are adults and have their own families, but now..no way.
  • exile40
    exile40 Posts: 161 Member
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    Straight away
    Be honest and upfront from the start
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
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    Single parent here. Anyone I go out with knows I have a son long before we have a first date. My most important role is also my proudest - as it should be for every parent!

    Edit: That doesn't mean they meet my son. I don't believe in creating the relationship revolving door, so unless it starts to get serious, the two don't communicate. Stability for the kiddo first.
    ^this, oh this x 1million. I've been divorced for 8 years, only started dating a year and a half ago, I've been dating the same man for a year, and he has not spent time with my kids. It just isn't time...we'll know it when and if that time comes, I'm rushing nothing.
  • exile40
    exile40 Posts: 161 Member
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    Single parent here. Anyone I go out with knows I have a son long before we have a first date. My most important role is also my proudest - as it should be for every parent!

    Edit: That doesn't mean they meet my son. I don't believe in creating the relationship revolving door, so unless it starts to get serious, the two don't communicate. Stability for the kiddo first.

    My fav response .

    Good work bro .
  • LiftBigtoGetFit
    LiftBigtoGetFit Posts: 3,399 Member
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    letting them know you have a child should happen right away. letting them meet your child should come later when you are both comfortable with that step.
  • SRB8710
    SRB8710 Posts: 90
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    I am a single parent and I let them know right away that I can't go on dates if you call me 5 min before. I have a kid and I have to plan accordingly. Now it is a whole different story for when they are going to meet the kid! :)

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