Tattoo: Would you tell your S/O?

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  • kristirlk
    kristirlk Posts: 31 Member
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    I'm not sure what direction to go here.. Mainly due to my mood right now. My husband is not very supportive of my weight and has often used my weight gain against me in disagreements. I am a recovering addict and since I got clean, I gained a lot of weight. He has the metabolism of a hummingbird and can eat to his heart's desire. He has often said that he was embarrassed to be seen with me in public and etc... So this year I really started to focus on me and my health. Not for him finally, but for me. Also, I decided to do something that was permanent to my body.. I have a LARGE tattoo that I have been working on since March. My thoughts, if he can't accept me through the things I can change, is he willing to accept me through something I cannot... Now just to be clear, he knew that I was getting a tattoo.. He just didn't know I was going to make it a project:laugh:

    I am by no means condoning my behaviour or saying what I am doing is healthy.. but this is my body and I will treat it in a way that I want to.. With or without his permission. You're husband needs to open his eyes and see your accomplishments!

    You rock on! Im proud of you for losing weight for yourself and even more proud that you are a recovering addict. You're husband needs to open his eyes and see your accomplishments!
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    My hubby never liked the idea of my getting a tattoo. After Mikal and Mel moved in I wanted to commemorate how great it was as a family of four, so I designed a family logo. My husband loved the design. HE was thinking t-shirts; I got it tattooed on my upper arm, without telling anyone, and did a reveal at the dinner table. My niece immediately wanted to get one too, and eventually all four of us got the same family logo tattoo. Once it was done, hubby liked it, especially since he had liked the design before it was a tattoo. Now he says his is better than mine, because his is a little bigger ( he has bigger arms than me) and his has hair growing out of it. (yeah, right...)
    As for pain, this was my first tattoo and so far only. I never found it painful, never had the urge to flinch or pull away at all. It was a pressure and a buzzing, nothing worse. Here it is on my profile picture.
  • WhitneySheree88
    WhitneySheree88 Posts: 222 Member
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    It is your body do with it as you wish, but don't lie to him about it and don't do something like that behind his back. Tell him, if he gets pissed OH WELL. He will get over it. You wouldn't want him going behind your back and doing something permanent to himself without you knowing.

    I think doing it behind his back is just asking for extra unnecessary drama.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I'd tell him. I'd also tell him that it is your decision to do with your body as you see fit.

    The day my husband tells me I'm not allowed to do something (obviously not cheating, or along those lines), is the day he can kiss my *kitten*.
    We make compromises, we make things work. (I have 6 tattoos - profile pic is my newest from Friday - he has 2 - one is a progressing arm piece. So no arguments here!)

    I remember a friend telling me that her boyfriend didn't let her wear makeup and she couldn't wear any type of tight clothing - had to be baggy tshirts and jeans. Red flags!! She had to ask permission to wear a dress and makeup to a wedding. Hell. No. Not in my lifetime!

    Husbands and boyfriends are different. Tattoos and clothes are different.

    Your HUSBAND has a right to an opinion about you making PERMANENT changes to your body, as you have the right to an opinion about him doing the same. It's not about asking for permission like a child wanting to stay out past curfew. It's about having enough respect for him and your marriage to at least listen to how he feels before you do something drastic. If you don't want to give him that respect, you shouldn't have married him.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
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    Yeah, after thinking about it more and reading the responses it definitely would have been a d i c k move on my part. I'm definitely going to tell him, but I'm not asking for his permission..

    But what are you going to tell him, that you made an appointment and you're going regardless of what he says and how he feels? That's just like not telling him until the last minute.

    Be an adult. Sit down with him and discuss your reasons for getting it and let him discuss his reasons for not wanting you to get one. And by discuss I mean talk not scream and yell at each other.

    In the end you need to decide whether or not getting a tattoo is really worth having your husband look at you differently and feel tension whenever he sees your tattoo. It seems like this is a lose/lose situation in that you're going to do what you want regardless.

    This is sort of a catch 22. On the one hand he won't consider my feelings of really wanting to get one and on the other hand I won't be respecting his if I do get one. So I'm not exactly sure how we decide who gets the **** end of the stick here. Perhaps by speaking with him about it in advance and including him he will take me seriously.
  • KristinD1977
    KristinD1977 Posts: 101
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    Not telling = very bad idea.
    Sure, the choice is yours when it comes right down to it but you should factor his feelings into the decision. If he treats you with respect then he absolutely deserves the same in return.
    If it's on your bucket list then find a way for him to understand how much it means to you, maybe there is something that you are opposed to but he is interested in that you could offer in compromise.... also, if you can get him used to the idea and then let him help you design something special that he won't find trashy then hopefully it can be something that you both love.
  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
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    Tell, of course. Ask for permission, no freaking way.

    Doesn't sound like the healthiest relationship you've got there.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
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    Tell, of course. Ask for permission, no freaking way.

    Doesn't sound like the healthiest relationship you've got there.

    Why would you say that, because I considered making a mistake?
  • M00NPYE
    M00NPYE Posts: 193 Member
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    My husband once mentioned in a casual conversation that he would like a portrait of his deceased father tattooed on him... :noway: Please just talk to him about what you want, why it's important to you and perhaps if he feels he participated in some way on the decision, (design/placement) he will deal with it better than, "Surprise hun!" Good luck!
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
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    Yeah, after thinking about it more and reading the responses it definitely would have been a d i c k move on my part. I'm definitely going to tell him, but I'm not asking for his permission..

    tumblr_m4zc1fMLux1rwcc6bo1_500.gif

    OP...you are awesome.

    this is SUCH a rarity on these boards...im just speechless for once in my life.

    just, well done OP.
  • BranMuffin86
    BranMuffin86 Posts: 314 Member
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    sounds like the key to a successful marriage


    I hear the sarcasm!! :-)
  • mrs_mab
    mrs_mab Posts: 1,024 Member
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    I'd tell him. I'd also tell him that it is your decision to do with your body as you see fit.

    The day my husband tells me I'm not allowed to do something (obviously not cheating, or along those lines), is the day he can kiss my *kitten*.
    We make compromises, we make things work. (I have 6 tattoos - profile pic is my newest from Friday - he has 2 - one is a progressing arm piece. So no arguments here!)

    I remember a friend telling me that her boyfriend didn't let her wear makeup and she couldn't wear any type of tight clothing - had to be baggy tshirts and jeans. Red flags!! She had to ask permission to wear a dress and makeup to a wedding. Hell. No. Not in my lifetime!

    Husbands and boyfriends are different. Tattoos and clothes are different.

    Your HUSBAND has a right to an opinion about you making PERMANENT changes to your body, as you have the right to an opinion about him doing the same. It's not about asking for permission like a child wanting to stay out past curfew. It's about having enough respect for him and your marriage to at least listen to how he feels before you do something drastic. If you don't want to give him that respect, you shouldn't have married him.
    Amen to this ^^^
  • Leather_N_Lace
    Leather_N_Lace Posts: 518 Member
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    I'm not sure what direction to go here.. Mainly due to my mood right now. My husband is not very supportive of my weight and has often used my weight gain against me in disagreements. I am a recovering addict and since I got clean, I gained a lot of weight. He has the metabolism of a hummingbird and can eat to his heart's desire. He has often said that he was embarrassed to be seen with me in public and etc... So this year I really started to focus on me and my health. Not for him finally, but for me. Also, I decided to do something that was permanent to my body.. I have a LARGE tattoo that I have been working on since March. My thoughts, if he can't accept me through the things I can change, is he willing to accept me through something I cannot... Now just to be clear, he knew that I was getting a tattoo.. He just didn't know I was going to make it a project:laugh:

    I am by no means condoning my behaviour or saying what I am doing is healthy.. but this is my body and I will treat it in a way that I want to.. With or without his permission. You're husband needs to open his eyes and see your accomplishments!

    You rock on! Im proud of you for losing weight for yourself and even more proud that you are a recovering addict. You're husband needs to open his eyes and see your accomplishments!

    Thank you very much! :flowerforyou: Don't normally dump my dirty laundry on the front yard, but needed a bit of a venting session as this was recently a topic in my house.
  • Leather_N_Lace
    Leather_N_Lace Posts: 518 Member
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    I'm not sure what direction to go here.. Mainly due to my mood right now. My husband is not very supportive of my weight and has often used my weight gain against me in disagreements. I am a recovering addict and since I got clean, I gained a lot of weight. He has the metabolism of a hummingbird and can eat to his heart's desire. He has often said that he was embarrassed to be seen with me in public and etc... So this year I really started to focus on me and my health. Not for him finally, but for me. Also, I decided to do something that was permanent to my body.. I have a LARGE tattoo that I have been working on since March. My thoughts, if he can't accept me through the things I can change, is he willing to accept me through something I cannot... Now just to be clear, he knew that I was getting a tattoo.. He just didn't know I was going to make it a project:laugh:

    I am by no means condoning my behaviour or saying what I am doing is healthy.. but this is my body and I will treat it in a way that I want to.. With or without his permission.

    Congrats on your sobriety. If he would rather you using than healthy and overweight, he may need to reevaluate his priorities. :noway:
    This is my Gaelic serenity prayer tattooacf15089-98f5-424e-a516-a7ff4cb73699_zps6503e2eb.jpg?t=1375125419

    To the OP: It sounds like a slap in the face to your hubby. Not just getting a tattoo when you know how he feels, but a "conspicuous" one where he and everyone else will see it regularly on your arm.

    Thank you for feedback and I love your tattoo.. I have pics of mine on my profile... I haven't taken the time to learn how to post pictures on here yet.. :wink:
  • randrews0407
    randrews0407 Posts: 216 Member
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    I never cared for tattoos, not that I think their trashy. My husband wanted one - I protested, he showed me the artwork and it was my name :love: He has the tattoo now and I love it :laugh:
  • Donald_Dozier_50
    Donald_Dozier_50 Posts: 395 Member
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    My thoughts:

    Well from the "hubby's" point of view, I have to totally agree with HIM. When my wife mentioned the possibility of getting a small tattoo I told her that it would be fine, her next husband would probably like it. No argument, no further conversation was needed.

    This guy is a ****, first of all. Second of all, you're both adults. You don't need his permission, and he doesn't need to be childish about it.

    Third of all, he'll probably never trust you again, and I honestly wouldn't blame him. Don't sneak and do things behind your husband's back.

    First of all, show me where the word "permission" was used in my post. Second of all, as previously stated in a reply, I never said she had to do or could not do anything. Third, there is absolutely nothing childish about stating your position, THAT is being an adult,
  • knityoupants
    knityoupants Posts: 76 Member
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    You should tell him. I was newly 18 and living with my parents when I got my first tattoo, and told them I was doing it, and they weren't happy but also couldn't stop me! All my tat's have really grown on them since. It's your life, but it would also be kind to inform your hubby.
  • BurningAway
    BurningAway Posts: 279
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    My thoughts:

    Well from the "hubby's" point of view, I have to totally agree with HIM. When my wife mentioned the possibility of getting a small tattoo I told her that it would be fine, her next husband would probably like it. No argument, no further conversation was needed.

    Haha you know if i were your wife i would have walked right out that door. Way to force your beliefs onto her.
  • BurningAway
    BurningAway Posts: 279
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    My thoughts:

    Well from the "hubby's" point of view, I have to totally agree with HIM. When my wife mentioned the possibility of getting a small tattoo I told her that it would be fine, her next husband would probably like it. No argument, no further conversation was needed.

    This guy is a ****, first of all. Second of all, you're both adults. You don't need his permission, and he doesn't need to be childish about it.

    Third of all, he'll probably never trust you again, and I honestly wouldn't blame him. Don't sneak and do things behind your husband's back.

    First of all, show me where the word "permission" was used in my post. Second of all, as previously stated in a reply, I never said she had to do or could not do anything. Third, there is absolutely nothing childish about stating your position, THAT is being an adult,

    First of all being an "adult" isnt giving your wife an altimatum being an "adult" is saying "well hunny it isnt particulary my cup of tea but if its what YOU want i support your decision." Your being childish, close minded, and forceful.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
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    I'd just do it. My dad thinks they are trashy - "especially on women" - and I am saving up for the artist I want. I don't care. He'll see it one day and get over it.

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