Women and jealousy

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  • ccarew77
    ccarew77 Posts: 54 Member
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    From my few years on earth and even shorter time on this forum, it's apparent that women can be jealous beings. So my question is, do women have some sort of hormone that spikes jealousy levels? Not saying men don't get jealous too, but as a man I've never looked at someone much more attractive or more built than me and actually envied him. I may aspire to be better, but I can't grasp the concept beyond that.


    So, do you ladies have this hormone, and what is it called?

    I think it depends on the woman like anything else. Some are way to caught up in that game. I personally never have been and don't quite understand it myself.
  • Fithealthyforlife
    Fithealthyforlife Posts: 866 Member
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    Empathy and jealousy are two sides of the same coin, imho.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    We don't like our competition.

    We've been wired since we were young that we should aspire to be the prettiest girl in the room, always. Because that girl gets everything good. Beauty means everything. Its all we've been told our entire lives. So naturally, we get jealous of our competition, her presence knocks your worth down a few pegs.

    Wow. Really? If you've really been told this your entire life, I feel bad for you. This is the type of crap we need to fight as women. Beauty is NOT everything. How about kindness? Intelligence? Drive, determination, humor, personality, strength, health, fitness? Women should be our friends, our allies, our mentors, not competition. This is really what modern feminism is about. If we can't start to value ourselves for things beyond beauty how can we expect men to? If we can't get along with and support each other how can we expect to succeed among men?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Empathy and jealousy are two sides of the same coin, imho.
    In that they are total opposites?
  • SusanDoesIt
    SusanDoesIt Posts: 73 Member
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    I saw this and thought "what an *kitten*".

    On a serious note...jealousy is driven by insecurity, in BOTH sexes. The more insecure the man/woman, the more jealous they are. Lots of experience over here. I am not a jealous person, but I had an ex who was insanely jealous, and never ever for a good reason.
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member
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    is this is opposite of jealousy?

    when i am out with my man, i would really, really like to see other women hitting on him. i am not worried at all about how he responds to this (i predict, rightly or wrongly, that he will *not* go home with anyone else, nor do anything untoward). i think other females (i.e., my 'competition') making a play for my man--whether in earnest or not--is totally hot. it validates the idea that i picked a desirable man. *if* he compromises his relationship with me by how he responds to another female(s), then i'll have an issue with *him*. i'm never going to have an issue with the other females (in this regard) because i cannot control or predict their behavior; therefore it means nothing to me. my man's behavior i should at least be able to predict. if he surprises me by cozying up to some other female, then he doesn't deserve me and i'm better off letting her have him. so go ahead, fawn all over him. he might like it, and i definitely will. i'll be over the corner trying not to wreck the mood by giggling. :tongue:
  • Legs_McGee
    Legs_McGee Posts: 845 Member
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    I don't get jealous of other women, I get inspired. Maybe I'm an anamoly.

    I guess I'm an anomaly too. I've also never experienced any of this self-hate others speak of; I have a very high opinion of my own worth.
  • Brige2269
    Brige2269 Posts: 354 Member
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    I'm with you, OP. I am a woman, but never have understood why women get catty and jealous, or put others down. Never been that way, so when you find the answer, let me know. LOL
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    is this is opposite of jealousy?

    when i am out with my man, i would really, really like to see other women hitting on him. i am not worried at all about how he responds to this (i predict, rightly or wrongly, that he will *not* go home with anyone else, nor do anything untoward). i think other females (i.e., my 'competition') making a play for my man--whether in earnest or not--is totally hot. it validates the idea that i picked a desirable man. *if* he compromises his relationship with me by how he responds to another female(s), then i'll have an issue with *him*. i'm never going to have an issue with the other females (in this regard) because i cannot control or predict their behavior; therefore it means nothing to me. my man's behavior i should at least be able to predict. if he surprises me by cozying up to some other female, then he doesn't deserve me and i'm better off letting her have him. so go ahead, fawn all over him. he might like it, and i definitely will. i'll be over the corner trying not to wreck the mood by giggling. :tongue:
    It's very insecure, actually. You need others to validate your choice and feel powerful because they want what you have and they can't have it.

    So while you aren't jealous over your SO, you do have a lot of insecurity.
  • happywithme12
    happywithme12 Posts: 477 Member
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    I actually think a woman's ability to be a jealous bish is directly related to how poorly she's been treated over the years of her life. If she's young and has been treated well, she's barely ever jealous; if she's old and has been treated well she's even less jealous. If, however, she's young and has been treated poorly, she's learning to envy the lives of others and if she's old and has been treated poorly for years, she's bitter and angry and hurt... and very jealous.

    So next time you wonder why someone is jealous, consider they could have been terribly hurt at one time.


    This ten times over and also women are very self conscious at times for different reasons, i was that way when my husband and i first got together but it was because i hated myself and the way i looked and i was always worried he was going to find someone "better" because i didn't think i was good enough for anyone, so yes i agree some women have reasons for behaving that way
    You know, I've been cheated on, abused and hurt 10 ways from Sunday. I've had an SO call me some pretty awful names and insult my appearance. I've been through a lot of crap.

    But you know what it taught me? It taught me first what to look for and be aware of in a new partner so I don't make the same mistake twice, second that I am perfectly OK on my own and that I don't NEED a man even if I might enjoy having one and third that I am strong enough to go through a lot of bad things and come out still loving myself and knowing I'm a good, worthy person who doesn't need to fight over every little scrap.

    My SO doesn't belong to me and if he wants to leave me (for someone else or any other reason) then he wasn't meant for me and I'm better off without him. Why waste time and energy punishing yourself and everyone around you for something someone who isn't even in your life anymore did?

    I see this kind of reaction as weakness that people should at least try to overcome.


    I am glad that I have overcome mine but i had to really search within myself and being called fat all through middle school impacted my life at first in a bad way and now it has made me more determined to be a better me and love myself no matter what because the people that didn't care about me then don't need to be in my life now that i am happy and have a wonderful family. I agree that everyone should work on getting through some of there issues with themselves in order to be happy with their life
  • CutnUout
    CutnUout Posts: 2
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    Perhaps you should re-analyze the way you (or others) treat (or have treated) this female in particular.

    Jealously I believe stems from insecurity of a persons own self worth. However, I do believe that other things can come in to play such as hormones and such in some situations (not all).

    It's all a domino effect: Person is treated badly (not necessarily physically), they become absolutely insecure with themselves and they begin verbally (or physically) abusing others (others could be a threat or could be a loved one).
    Pretty much the same concept as "bullying"
  • greyoutside
    greyoutside Posts: 98
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    Women are just highly conditioned to believe that our worth is based on our appearance, so people with *better* appearances would be perceived as threatening.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    This thread is a prime example of why I think most women are psycho.

    I like being around women who give me a reason to try harder, not necessarily to be exactly like them but to be better than I am. I can always be better at SOMETHING. It's not jealousy. It's not self-hatred or insecurity. It's not me being too hard on myself.

    I am not satisfied with "good enough." This is why most of the world's wealth is concentrated in relatively few hands. Few people actually want to put in the time and effort required to have that kind of success (or any kind). Most would rather ***** about how unfair life is and pick apart everyone else's values and priorities than to bother trying to do whatever they can to improve their own lives.

    ETA: This "other people have treated me poorly" crap is ridiculous. At some point, you have to take responsibility for your actions and your feelings and stop blaming everything on a bad childhood or a ****ty boyfriend/husband or being screwed over by a friend. You're not the only person in the world who has been mistreated. You do get to choose how you respond to it.
  • jaggerhawks
    jaggerhawks Posts: 187 Member
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    meme-well-that-escalated-quickly_zps040c06a2.jpg


    This thread was meant mainly as a joke. Oh lawd what have I done.
  • adnamalegna
    adnamalegna Posts: 203 Member
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    I have experienced PLENTY of self hatred... but I don't hate on other ladies. I never feel the need to tear someone down to make myself feel better about me. I'm the only one who can change what I see in me. I also realize that my worth is not tied to a number on a scale, a dress size, my reflection or in others perception of me. My worth is about WHO I am. I have felt hurt in the past when cheated on. That hurts no matter what YOU look like and no matter what the person they chose over you looks like. That just hurts. But it didn't make me jealous. I may not like how I look, or think that I am pretty, but I know who I am and I know that I am more than that number on a scale.
    I have been on the receiving end of the catty behavior, and it's always puzzling because I def do NOT perceive myself as any sort of threat. Especially to a could-be model type. I don't understand the whole jealous/catty epidemic- but I know when I receive it, I smile and turn on that southern grace and kill 'em with kindess... haha
    Don't judge too harshly folks, you never know what someone is going through.
  • adnamalegna
    adnamalegna Posts: 203 Member
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    meme-well-that-escalated-quickly_zps040c06a2.jpg


    This thread was meant mainly as a joke. Oh lawd what have I done.



    Bahahahaha!!
  • Weirdology
    Weirdology Posts: 4
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    A lot of people are relating jealousy/envy too insecurity. Am I the only one who's incredibly insecure and never felt jealousy or envy? I agree with a previous poster who related it to a competitive nature. I was never able to understand competition, so maybe that's why? I always have good thoughts about everyone until they do something I don't like, like be mean to me or others.

    I've actually never witnessed this behavior either. The posters here make it seem like a common thing. Maybe I hang around an odd bunch, but I don't think this is very common. I think another previous poster was right when she said that people automatically assume women are jealous of each other if they don't like each other. Unless the "jealous" one actually comes out and admits it, how can you tell? There could be tons of reasons why women don't get along, just like there are with men.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    A lot of people are relating jealousy/envy too insecurity. Am I the only one who's incredibly insecure and never felt jealousy or envy?

    You can be insecure and not jealous or petty or catty.

    But you cannot be jealous, petty and catty and not also be insecure.

    As in:

    All jealous, petty, catty people are insecure.

    Some insecure people are jealous, petty and catty.
  • southerndream24
    southerndream24 Posts: 303 Member
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    I don't understand it. I don't envy or hate anyone. I'm just focused on myself and those who are important to me. When things go well for people I'm genuinely happy for them or when I see a gorgeous girl I don't hate her, I just think wow she's beautiful. I don't surround myself with a lot of females for a reason though. I don't do the petty, frenemy, jealousy, trash talking game then smile in your face. Life is too short to let someone filled with anger/hate have an affect on it. A lot of hard lessons dealing with mean girls in college taught me that. As I've gotten older I've learned to just cut people out like that as soon as I spot those traits. I think they're poison. If it's someone I work with I'll continue to be my happy, bubbly, warm, and energetic self treating them the way I'd want to be treated.

    Megan Fox has a quote "In the end, some people are just so full of hate that no matter what you do or say they'll always have something to say. They'll never like you so F them."
  • mud7urtle
    mud7urtle Posts: 500
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    Evolution. We want the best men so we can have the best babies. Duh.

    This. Simple biology.


    Some woman have created a stronger consciousness though.. and the envy has a much smaller impact.

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