My Boyfriend thinks I'm Fat
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Someone very smart and funny and fabulous once said:Just break up!
I couldn't say it better myself. If his opinion of you can be so drastically affected by 5lbs, then does he really love you? I mean, honestly, you need to ask yourself that.
I suspect that you can do far better than this douchecanoe!0 -
Let me be the devil's advocate here:
Everyone here is calling your BF bad names and blah blah blah, but I think he's saying what he feels and what he thinks. He's being honest with you, and you should appreciate that for what it is. If he thinks you're too heavy, than so be it, he's not any less of a good person because of it.
The more important question is if YOU think you're fat? Work with that.0 -
troll post
You're probably right. OMG why do I waste my time replying to so many stupid posts? I've learnt my lesson THANK YOU!!!!!0 -
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Have to agree, he sounds like a jerk. My hubby would NEVER tell me that, even if he thought it. You are 145 lbs. That's not chubby by many means for 5 ft 6 in. At 5 ft 5, I'd kill to be 145 lbs. In fact, 150 is my goal weight. Tell bf to be happy to have a hot mama like you even pay attention to him.
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Tell him his penis is really small, that will put things in prospective for him (two wrong DO make a right)0
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I am 5'6", been with my boyfriend for 2 years. At my heaviest I was around 153, bordering on overweight according to the BMI scale (and no, it definitely wasn't muscle). My boyfriend never said a bad thing about my body. We live in different states so we only get to see each other every few weeks.
Recently I decided to clean up my eating and get more active. I dropped quite a bit of weight really fast. I'm now at 129. When my boyfriend saw me, he was shocked. I asked him if he liked it. He said, "Babe, I've always thought you were hot. Though I'm sad your butt is smaller." I asked him if he found thigh gaps sexy. "What's a thigh gap?"
Anyway I'm rambling but it's comforting to know he really loves me fat or thin. He supports me whether I want to try a new low-cal curry recipe and go for a jog or if I want to sit on the couch and eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's Half-Baked while playing video games.
So I think if a guy really loves you for you he would treat you the same.0 -
I don't even think he should be having 'weigh-ins' for you. I mean, are you his prize animal or something?! He has no respect for you, sorry. Kick him to the curb!0
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The man you're with should think you're the most gorgeous woman on this planet and treat you like the goddess you are.
^This^0 -
I think I need to try this again...I love my boyfriend and have no intention of leaving him. He has a weakness when it comes to weight, but it most other ways he is a wonderful and supportive man.
I am really open to advice on how to productively move past this. I don't want to continue to feel this way, and so far nothing I have tried has made him realize just how big an effect he is having on my body image. Please, if you have any (productive) ideas for how to approach this and help it hit home with him or at least how to make me less sensitive to it, let me know.
I have been married 23 years. Love my control freak... I mean hubby! I will warn you now that marrying a control freak should NOT be taken lightly!! It is difficult at times. Weight will not be the only issue. It is such a bone of contention because it is truly the one thing HE cannot control. You have the control and he hates it.
If you are willing to live with this, my advice is to sit him down with the BMI charts and tell him you are happy at this weight. If he is not, he needs to make the decision to leave. If he stays, he keeps his mouth shut about the weight. When and if you decide to lose weight, tell him it will be on your terms and your way. Not up for discussion. it is not his decision. If you are very firm on all of this, it MAY help. Set the ground rules now because it doesn't get any better. Mine started telling me HOW i need to lose. It had to be South BEach. It had to be the elliptical.
As I said, I love my hubby but my weight has been our biggest marital strife. In his defense, I was 230 at my heaviest, not 145 (which is my GOAl at 5'2' so I think your BF is NUTS!!). i know he loves me and is worried about my health. My dad died from obesity related problems. His dad is obese. he has a cousin over 400 pounds. Weight IS a serious issue but not at 145! And those are just excuses. Bottom line, I quit letting him know how much I weigh. Told him it was none of his business. But the constant controlling led me to eating in secret or at work. Then going thru periods of very low cal or every fad diet out there. An hour a day on the elliptical. With 4 kids, I didn't have time for that! He didn't want me to go to the gym.
We are getting to a healthier place. It is because I have really put down my foot and not tolerated his controlling. I also tell him often that he is a control freak and he needs to chill. I refuse to give up my gym time. He is either mellowing in old age or I am gettign tougher. He also sees results so backing off. He prob thinks I will kick his **s with my 175 deadlift!! (Hope to be 185 after tonight!). He didn' like the idea of lifting at first but I perservered. now he is planning to start this Fall.
I guess waht I am saying s if you are in it for the long haul, set the ground rules and stand your ground. Sometimes I have felt it isn't worth the fight but MOST of the time, it IS worth it! When he is good, he is VERY, VERY good! By that, I mean a fabulous father and spiritual leader and family man for BOTH of our parents! We are BOTH still works in progress and change can happen! But it does take WORK!! Good Luck!0 -
I think I need to try this again...I love my boyfriend and have no intention of leaving him. He has a weakness when it comes to weight, but it most other ways he is a wonderful and supportive man.
I am really open to advice on how to productively move past this. I don't want to continue to feel this way, and so far nothing I have tried has made him realize just how big an effect he is having on my body image. Please, if you have any (productive) ideas for how to approach this and help it hit home with him or at least how to make me less sensitive to it, let me know.
I have been married 23 years. Love my control freak... I mean hubby! I will warn you now that marrying a control freak should NOT be taken lightly!! It is difficult at times. Weight will not be the only issue. It is such a bone of contention because it is truly the one thing HE cannot control. You have the control and he hates it.
If you are willing to live with this, my advice is to sit him down with the BMI charts and tell him you are happy at this weight. If he is not, he needs to make the decision to leave. If he stays, he keeps his mouth shut about the weight. When and if you decide to lose weight, tell him it will be on your terms and your way. Not up for discussion. it is not his decision. If you are very firm on all of this, it MAY help. Set the ground rules now because it doesn't get any better. Mine started telling me HOW i need to lose. It had to be South BEach. It had to be the elliptical.
As I said, I love my hubby but my weight has been our biggest marital strife. In his defense, I was 230 at my heaviest, not 145 (which is my GOAl at 5'2' so I think your BF is NUTS!!). i know he loves me and is worried about my health. My dad died from obesity related problems. His dad is obese. he has a cousin over 400 pounds. Weight IS a serious issue but not at 145! And those are just excuses. Bottom line, I quit letting him know how much I weigh. Told him it was none of his business. But the constant controlling led me to eating in secret or at work. Then going thru periods of very low cal or every fad diet out there. An hour a day on the elliptical. With 4 kids, I didn't have time for that! He didn't want me to go to the gym.
We are getting to a healthier place. It is because I have really put down my foot and not tolerated his controlling. I also tell him often that he is a control freak and he needs to chill. I refuse to give up my gym time. He is either mellowing in old age or I am gettign tougher. He also sees results so backing off. He prob thinks I will kick his **s with my 175 deadlift!! (Hope to be 185 after tonight!). He didn' like the idea of lifting at first but I perservered. now he is planning to start this Fall.
I guess waht I am saying s if you are in it for the long haul, set the ground rules and stand your ground. Sometimes I have felt it isn't worth the fight but MOST of the time, it IS worth it! When he is good, he is VERY, VERY good! By that, I mean a fabulous father and spiritual leader and family man for BOTH of our parents! We are BOTH still works in progress and change can happen! But it does take WORK!! Good Luck!
Or better yet. If you plan to stay with him, sit him down and say:
I love you but you need to show me some respect. If you don't then you need to hit the door.
How he treats you and how you *allow* him to treat you can be two different things.0 -
Here's a newsflash for each and every woman on this site: NO ONE looks like a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, not even the models themselves. There's this magical tool on computers called PhotoShop, and for years magazines and advertisers have been using it to punk us. No one is that thin, no one's boobs are that perky and no one's skin is that perfect. Stop killing yourselves over an ideal that none of us can ever achieve in real life.
So true. I live in a building that has several model apartments, apartments kept by agencies where a bunch of their newer models all live together. Let me tell you, they do NOT look like they do in their portfolios. They get acne & dark circles just like anyone else. I've seen saggy butts & poochy bellies. Rarely does even a model pass age 22 without acquiring some cellulite. Crooked & discolored teeth get straightened out with photoshop. Some of the girls are skinny skinnies to the point where you can make out every rib through their clothes & have bony knock knees. In their book the pictures are all photoshopped so it looks like they have muscle tone. Frizzy processed hair becomes glossy instantly with the right products & tools used by a professional stylist & a little digital help. The only things that are real are their height and bone structure which are not possible to achieve through any kind of hard work. I've also seen some of the big name models who are household names around the neighborhood & without all the glamour they look so much more normal. Let's not forget that the modeling industry is really just the sales industry, and the real meaning of glamour is deception. If a guy wants Sports Illustrated instead of a real relationship he can have it for $10 or $15 a year.0 -
DUMP HIM
NOW0 -
no matter what you do or what you lose--there will always be something ELSE he needs to change about you. Love isn't about change--it is about loving the one you are with for WHAT THEY ARE0
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Coming in late to this discussion and realizing you care about your BF, one thing to consider in having a relationship with someone who doesn't love you or cherish you just as you are is not easy and realize that he likely will be critical of other things too. If you were "the perfect size for him" he'd likely find something else. Many times when someone is being critical about another they are talking about themselves and deflecting what they think about themselves. He may not think that much of himself and so his preference of "thin" versus your normal weight comments is a way to bring you down to his level so you feel less about yourself and that raises him up. That said, he likely does not understand why he does this, and might never. You have to love yourself enough for this not to bother you or eat at your confidence, and then you have to really think down the road if you want someone who has this characteristic. You see it really isn't about if he wants you, of course he does, it is if you want him enough to live with this. Be well and happy.0
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I'm 5"6 and currently 204lbs...not once has my bf called me fat! If you're fat then I have my own centre of gravity!
Love is strange and every relationship works in different ways. The only thing I have to to offer is that I feel loved, I feel secure and I'm doing this for me. If you feel those things, great but if there is any part of you that doesn't then you need to tell him and make him see that it's not ok to say those things.0 -
Dump him!0
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Or better yet. If you plan to stay with him, sit him down and say:
I love you but you need to show me some respect. If you don't then you need to hit the door.
How he treats you and how you *allow* him to treat you can be two different things.
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^this0 -
Not okay. Controlling, emotionally abusive.0
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Honestly you can probably only make yourself less sensitive by losing weight, working out and getting strong so improving your self-esteem so you don't care what he thinks. I wish I could do this because I am also in this situation.
He also won't like it if you point out some of his weaknesses. I bet he doesn't have the perfect body. Most men have scrawny legs for instance.0
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