Not Hating, Why Do Women Struggle With The Gym?

I was definitely intimidated by the gym. When intimidated, stick to what you know was my motto, so, I walked on the treadmill. All through my 20's I was, quite frankly, horribly misinformed, and all I could think about was looking like Barbie. It was too bad, I could have had a lot more fun.

Now that I'm close to 40 I have now hired a personal trainer, who is competing at Nationals in Figure. I am so NOT worried about the gym anymore. Confidence has grown 1 million percent. NOW - if I do end up attending a busy gym, I will just ask someone if I'm not sure. I pay the money for a service, and I aim to get the most out of it.

Also, the only reason I'm not attending a gym now (besides my trainers classes which is her converted garage) is because I purchased Kettle Bells and a treadmill) and would prefer, when I'm not lifting weights to be outdoors, obstacle training for a Spartan race next year. I AM SPARTA!!

Whatever. When the zombie apocalypse comes I will be gazzelling it the hell out of dodge while you are having your muscley brains eaten out.

*hair flip*

On a serious note I would like to learn some lifting. I got myself some hand weights and do a few exercises with those. I find cardio a lot more enjoyable but also don't know enough about what I am doing with weights to give myself the variety I need. Not having access to a gym or personal trainer (and I want a personal trainer if I'm going to be lifting - at least to start) its just me, my shoes, the road, and the occasional zombie mission.

Love love love the gym on campus. Not so much the ones I've looked at in the community sadly. I get that creepers gon' creep but there's a limit to how much I can deal with. I'm 20 so no, Mr. 45-year-old-with-kids, I'm not looking for a new bestest friend. Going to the gym is my personal time to forget about everything but killing my workout. Guys don't have a place in that, sorry fellas. I'd love to start working with a trainer again, but all the ones I've talked with so far have ignored my request to learn lifting techniques and insisted on starting with cardio. *facepalm* I don't need to pay someone exorbent amounts of money to tell me to run, thank you very much.

There aren't very many situations in life where I get skantily clad and go hang out in the same place as a bunch of strangers and demonstrate how strong, fast, and knowledgable about my body I am. Add in the extra pressure of being a woman and having no idea what you're doing and it's a pressure cooker!

My little brother is in great shape and totally confident at the gym. He's never been overweight, but he's been lifing weights since he was 13. Why? Because the other boys were doing it, he played sports, AND there's that pressure to be muscular. I was not lifting at 13. I wasn't at the gym at 13. I played basketball, but we didn't hit the gym for that. Girls maybe went to the gym if they were overweight and hung out on the elliptical and that's about it. I think

So here I am, 28 years old, and I'm walking into the gym for the first time at 28 years old (because why would I before I was overweight or an athlete, according to society) and I have no clue what the heck I'm doing. It sucked.

Plus, there's always a guy that decides the bench press IMMEDIATELY behind me while I'm squatting and deadlifting and states at my *kitten* the entire time he's resting.

I am just curious becaue I have never had a bad experience with the gym. Why did it suck? Were people mean to you or did you hurt yourself? Again, I am asking out of curiosity just to see what other peoples experience have been like.

It sucked like losing my virginty sucked. No clue what I was doing, worried how I looked and what people (ok, in the virginity scenario "person") thought, and got out of there as fast as I could.

Here's what my tour was like: So, this is the child care area. Blah blah blah 10 minutes about it. This is the group fitness area which is probably what you're most interested in. Blah blah blah 10 minutes about it. And here's the cardio stuff. When you're more advanced you can work your way over to those machines over there and follow the circuit (seriously a circuit of at least 30 machines.). The end.

HAHA!! I love the analogy! Thanks for the response! What you need is a gym buddy. Find someone who is more comfortable with the gym and have them show you a few things. You will realize (like sex) that it's easier than you think!

Hah! Well I'm all good now. I love the gym - I'm oddly sad on my days off. I hired an amazing personal trainer (she outlifts most of the boys there, spends as much time on form as I need, and hasn't put me on a machine once) and I found that confidence that was missing. I do wish I had a gym buddy, but I have no local friends that do anything other than cardio and MAYBE machines.
But my results are starting to get people interested... I'm just waiting for the right moment to pounce

I don't like the gym because it costs money for things that I can do at home or outside. Body weight exercise is free and everyone should be able to workout without having to buy expensive equipment or a gym membership.

Thank God idk any women like that. :laugh:

But no,seriously, no one likes to look or feel stupid.and I think that's the root of a lot of the timidity.

I've belonged to 5 gyms over 15 years: 1 in PA, 2 in VA, 2 in AZ. In every single one, there were more men on the weight machines than women. There were WAY more women in classes than men. The ratio was about even on the cardio machines. Overall, I think the men have been slightly outnumbered.

I give the original post a big old, "Huh?"

I get discouraged. I don't know much about working out. I have tried to do my research but when I'm in there with machines and free weights and people floating around doing intense workouts, I get overwhelmed. I don't understand lifting much and cardio gets boring for me. I just get stressed in there and feel hopeless. I did much better when I had a friend to go with

this makes me sad- all these posts... I want to come work out with ALL of you ladies feeling like you are floating around hopelessly at the gym.

sigh. I want super hero costume to come help women train with weights. seriously that's what i want to make my life's mission! It's SO satisfying... seriously. come to NJ- I shall help you all!!!

Do you live near me? I'd LOVE someone to work out with. DH ditches me as soon as we walk into that gym.

Not a woman. Overall, from speaking with women through the ages, I've gathered that women are afraid they're going to get big muscles and lose their femininity if they lift weights. I've known some that are even afraid to take vitamins for fear that they're going to get 'swole' or grow chest hair. There are plenty of gyms out and about that don't have big free weight sections... women seem to be fine on the treadmills and cycles.
I can also understand fear of being watched. I keep my head in my workout, but there are plenty of other men at my own gym who will stop mid set to watch a woman do lunges and stretch. It's pathetic. I know that can't be comfortable for them, especially when the walls are covered with mirrors and there may not be any way to turn to avoid getting looked over by complete morons. Of course, some women like that attention.
As stated in other comments, more timid people won't be comfortable around grunts and super serious people either.
I think this was a good question... got a good discussion going.

Not a woman. Overall, from speaking with women through the ages, I've gathered that women are afraid they're going to get big muscles and lose their femininity if they lift weights. I've known some that are even afraid to take vitamins for fear that they're going to get 'swole' or grow chest hair. There are plenty of gyms out and about that don't have big free weight sections... women seem to be fine on the treadmills and cycles.
I can also understand fear of being watched. I keep my head in my workout, but there are plenty of other men at my own gym who will stop mid set to watch a woman do lunges and stretch. It's pathetic. I know that can't be comfortable for them, especially when the walls are covered with mirrors and there may not be any way to turn to avoid getting looked over by complete morons. Of course, some women like that attention.
As stated in other comments, more timid people won't be comfortable around grunts and super serious people either.
I think this was a good question... got a good discussion going.

Good points - I still hear a lot of misinformation from women that they will get "bulky" if they do certain exercises, or that they don't want to end up looking like a professinal body builder (as if that's something that can just ... accidentally happen?)

And true, some men DO stare at women, because some men are pigs and/or clueless how obvious they are. I mean, I check out hot people at the gym too, but I do it SNEAKILY! Duh

We live in a fast-food-nation. We want it now. No waiting. Just now. I think partly, when in-diets come out with things like "Get shredded in 6 weeks" it creates this idea in our heads that losing weight/getting desired body will only take a few weeks at most. When in reality - most of these fit bodies that everyone drools over take MONTHS and even YEARS to build. So, when people are not seeing desired results quick enough, they quit.
Top that off with the idea being drilled into us from a young age (mostly women) that the number on the scale is all that matters and that you dont want to lift weights because you'll look like a man and get bulky (gain weight). Its hard sometimes for women to overcome this and realize its all marketing and media and maybe even men being intimidated by strong women.
I've had a few conversations with girls in my gym that just kept going in circles. They ask how to get shapely butt/legs/whatever - and I tell them. I LIFT and I EAT. I try to help them by saying that they need to educate themselves on women and lifting. That body you so badly crave/desire will not come from just cardio. You get the undesired result (at least from their point of view) of being skinny-fat. You may have ended up screwing up your metabolism. But, I still get the same answer every time I'm finished talking: I dont want to look like a man. *faceplam* I ended up just wasting my breath and time in the gym. I even have a gym-regular (a man) who lifts and he was telilng me his girl is complaing about getting fat. He tells her to lift but her excuse? "I dont want to look like a man." I've seen this girl start off in the weight area... playing this guy to "help" her train. Well, she's bedded him and now they're together. But, its like "Hello" you have a guy who is wiling to help you - tells you you wont look manly. She still doesnt believe him.
I truly believe that it's a mixture of above of why women dont workout at a gym/weight rooms. Until they go out and look for that information themselves, they will never get the results they're looking for. Otherwise, they will be flooded with adverts from tv/magazines, etc.

I believe it's because of magazines and media endorsing stupid broscience methods to losing weight and attaining a shape. And it starts young.

I've noticed that girls in middle school are trying to abstain from doing physical fitness (some due to sweating, messing up their hair, or because puberty is making it harder for them) and don't know if it carries on through high school. Personally, except for female athletes, I've never known any girl growing up that just went to the gym to lift and get stronger.

It's changing now though. May take another decade or so for some to see that the resistance training really is the ticket to a better body and not the crazy BS diets and scams that are still being passed around.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Actually, the main reason females (talking about myself and my personal friends not every female in the world) don't participate in gym class has nothing to do with any of the above. It's because in middle school we are required to change our clothing in front of other people. I loved gym class in school but refused to participate because of that. I did not want to be undressed in front of an entire class full of girls and a gym teacher. We were not allowed to change in the bathroom stalls and had to where the lockers were. In the school I was in, if you did not change your clothes you automatically failed gym for the day even if you participated in the sports. I didn't see the reason to run around looking like an idiot participating in the class when I was just going to be failed anyway for not changing my clothing.

I don't struggle at the gym at all. I absolutely love it and the looks I get for going hard.

We live in a fast-food-nation. We want it now. No waiting. Just now. I think partly, when in-diets come out with things like "Get shredded in 6 weeks" it creates this idea in our heads that losing weight/getting desired body will only take a few weeks at most. When in reality - most of these fit bodies that everyone drools over take MONTHS and even YEARS to build. So, when people are not seeing desired results quick enough, they quit.
Top that off with the idea being drilled into us from a young age (mostly women) that the number on the scale is all that matters and that you dont want to lift weights because you'll look like a man and get bulky (gain weight). Its hard sometimes for women to overcome this and realize its all marketing and media and maybe even men being intimidated by strong women.
I've had a few conversations with girls in my gym that just kept going in circles. They ask how to get shapely butt/legs/whatever - and I tell them. I LIFT and I EAT. I try to help them by saying that they need to educate themselves on women and lifting. That body you so badly crave/desire will not come from just cardio. You get the undesired result (at least from their point of view) of being skinny-fat. You may have ended up screwing up your metabolism. But, I still get the same answer every time I'm finished talking: I dont want to look like a man. *faceplam* I ended up just wasting my breath and time in the gym. I even have a gym-regular (a man) who lifts and he was telilng me his girl is complaing about getting fat. He tells her to lift but her excuse? "I dont want to look like a man." I've seen this girl start off in the weight area... playing this guy to "help" her train. Well, she's bedded him and now they're together. But, its like "Hello" you have a guy who is wiling to help you - tells you you wont look manly. She still doesnt believe him.
I truly believe that it's a mixture of above of why women dont workout at a gym/weight rooms. Until they go out and look for that information themselves, they will never get the results they're looking for. Otherwise, they will be flooded with adverts from tv/magazines, etc.

Just wanted to say that I agree that the diet industry does a great disservice by touting these "three weeks to ripped abs" and "lose 15 lbs in a month" crap. I know I didn't fully realize the length of time a successful diet and exercise program takes. In the past not losing fast enough derailed my efforts because I thought I was doing it all wrong or there was something wrong with me because I wasn't progressing like the magazine article had implied I would.