GF issues w/ the gym/ fitness

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Replies

  • LolBroScience
    LolBroScience Posts: 4,537 Member
    OP... you're a 30 year old man. First of all, you make your own decisions. Secondly, if your girlfriend is the same age and she's causing a scene over a healthy and fairly normal lifestyle shes got deeper issues. I'm pretty sure you know this, but just don't want to acknowledge it.

    I've dealt with this in the past, but i was like 18. If any girl tried to pull me away from the gym now, i'd leave her flat out.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,372 Member
    Now it's the gym, next it will be hanging out with your friends... you don't have to give up on what you like to be with someone. I'd really have a serious talk with her.

    Also... you need to sleep man. 2.5 hours a night is not going to help you.
  • AprilSchulte10
    AprilSchulte10 Posts: 95 Member
    She's probably insecure and feels fat??
  • CkepiJinx
    CkepiJinx Posts: 613 Member
    From the sounds of your post these are all things that were normal for you before you met her, so if that is the case she shouldn't be complaining, it is who you are and the only you she has known. I never understood why people try to change someone they are with, just find some one you like to begin with.

    I had this issue with my 1st husband when I tried to lose weight, he was majorly insecure and thought if I didn't better myself I would stay with him forever. He was the master of the backhanded compliments. IT DOES NOT GET BETTER WITH MARRAIGE, IT DOES NOT GET BETTER BY GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY TO APPEASE THEM!!!

    My current husband met me and married me at my heaviest weight 300 lbs + or - . I remained heavy for the 5 years we dated and for the first eight years of our marriage. Then last year I decided I needed to change, I could no longer remain over weight and sedentary. I started changing my diet first, it was a little bumpy in the beginning because nobody likes change, especially my husband, I sat him down when we were both calm and explained why I needed to change and that it would be very difficult for me and next to impossible without his support. He got on board, started putting my scale on the table while setting it and measuring cups and spoons.

    Then I started exercising too, again a little bumpy at first but I sat him down again and we talked about it, now he is on board with me going to the gym or for a run.

    . I have now lost 84 lbs and am still going strong. He has bought himself a bike and is trying to get more active with it. He is also starting to accept attempting to eat healthier. I try small changes and if he likes them they stick if not that's ok to. I eat what I need to and he eats what he likes.

    My point is, you shouldn't even need to have the talk because it's who you were when she met you but if you think she is worth it, sit her down and talk if nothing changes move on to the next woman. Life is to short to be miserable.
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    My current gf has “huge” issues with me working out….. realize I go to the gym in the morning (up around 4:30am arrive at 5:30-6:00am)so it does not affect our personal life or time together as we don’t even live together
    My “weird eating habits”…. The fact that I don’t drink alcohol

    To be clear I have asked her what her issue is with me being into fitness, nutrition and the human anatomy and she just says “I don’t know”, I’ve never preached it once to her or anyone. I actually hate the attention I get because of my weight loss

    ...she is aware of my weight loss, she has also lost 90lbs however she just changed eating habits and did a bit of spinning."

    She lost 90lbs by changing her eating habits and doing "a bit of spinning" ? WELL THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM!
    They way you workout/eat is not the same as the way she worksout/eats.
    Sounds like her lifestye is more flexible, yet diet limiting - she 'does a bit of spinning' and is able to have a drink when you go out. And she has changed her eating habits to enable her loss of 90 LBS.

    You on the other hand, live a regimented life in terms of workingout, but seemingly eat a larger amounts of food/calories (2 chicken breasts not one) rather than eating less.

    You don't like talking about your weight loss, and put off talk by saying you eat healthy. But that is downplaying what you really are doing/have accomplished -- you have a strong commitment in working daily. How would your girlfriend answer questions about her weight loss?

    And it sounds like you don't believe her way to be as 'right' as your way -- so it is not surprising she comments on the differences between your approach and her own.
  • emirror
    emirror Posts: 842 Member
    If you want to salvage the relationship, I suggest helping to build her self-esteem. She may feel like she is playing out of her league by dating you, and is unconsciously sabotaging it. If so, her issue is not with they gym and fitness, it is you rising ever farther out of her reach (perceived or otherwise). This is a rather frequent issue for women who went through an "ugly-duckling" phase, and haven't figured out that they are pretty. Society has a really big hangup on women's physical beauty, and it causes crippling insecurities.

    Having a poor self-image is not an excuse to mistreat people.

    I never said it was. I encouraged him to see if the issues can be addressed and sorted out. I did not advocate living with the problem.
  • jus_in_bello
    jus_in_bello Posts: 326 Member
    That's not girls... That's your girl.

    Just break up.

    /thread.

    3) stop blaming "you girls" for the crap YOUR girl pulls

    ^That

    That is an annoying girl, and I don't have any idea what chicken breast has to do with being gluten free (I'm also gluten free)
  • michybeans
    michybeans Posts: 106
    Yeah, I'd say she's just kind of a *****, in my opinion. It's kind of the opposite with my boyfriend (but in a good way) in that I am the one going to the gym all the time, but he doesn't mind, he encourages me and supports me. I am just not a morning person and never will be, so I prefer exercising in the evenings after work and he finds that weird, being a morning person himself, but understands that I am different and encourages me to do whatever makes me feel good and successful in my fitness journey.

    Also, for eating, I've recently switched to a more clean eating lifestyle (like 95%) and he loves all the recipes I've made so far. And I understand that he needs to eat more than me (being a guy and taller, bigger, muscular) so yes, I make him 2 chicken breasts when I only eat 1.

    If your girlfriend can't understand or encourage your lifestyle choices (like working out, not drinking etc) then get rid of her. A true caring partner is one who encourages you to be the best you can be and do what makes you happy.
  • Otterluv
    Otterluv Posts: 9,083 Member
    Just go gay and workout with you new bf.
    This. Guys are so much less hassle. Particularly if you're into strength. The ones with the boobs are rare.

    QFT

    Though, apparently if you are a woman, posting a pic of your biceps or boobs turns you into a "bro", so there's that option, too.
  • BOOHISS! Get rid of the girl!!! Anything that robs you of your serenity has got to go! You only have one life, spend your time wisely so spend it with people who lift you up and encourage you to be the best possible you -- anyone else is just an obstacle and life is too damn short! Move on!
  • ladytinkerbell99
    ladytinkerbell99 Posts: 970 Member
    So I need advice / opinions, I figured why not post something here since I don’t know anyone on this thing in real life so here we go.

    What’s up with you girls and not liking the fact that people who enjoy working out spend allot of time in the gym. Like this is common amongst every girl I have seen lately. You guys seem to love the results however you have an issue with the gym.

    My current gf has “huge” issues with me working out….. realize I go to the gym in the morning (up around 4:30am arrive at 5:30-6:00am)so it does not affect our personal life or time together as we don’t even live together .I also don’t ever say “I have to go to bed have the gym in the morning”, I just go with lack of sleep instead. IE today I got 2 hours of sleep maybe 2.5hrs

    My “weird eating habits”…. her and I are both have gluten allergies….Why is it weird that I eat 2 chicken breasts instead of 1?? I don’t get it…. Her whole family has this hang up and I don’t know where the heck it came from, I’m sure it has something to do with her saying something about gluten, but she has the same problem… idk.

    The fact that I don’t drink alcohol even though I explained I don’t drink because alcoholism runs in my family(Fathers side) and that is my reasoning to never drinking. Like it makes sense, I don’t smoke crack either … maybe I should have some of that if it becomes socially acceptable ? I don’t care when or if she drinks … I could understand it if I made comments but I don’t give a ****. All my friends drink, I go to bars with them all the time … what’s the issue you get a free cab every weekend cause I don’t drink. . .

    So yeah if you got around to reading all of that, I look forward to some opinions of some men who’ve been in the same situation and some woman who have an issue with this and why. To be clear I have asked her what her issue is with me being into fitness, nutrition and the human anatomy and she just says “I don’t know”, I’ve never preached it once to her or anyone. I actually hate the attention I get because of my weight loss, one day you’ll get there when for the 100000000 time someone asks you what “diet” are you on, when you just eat healthy.

    Oh and make note… I don’t talk about what I do at the gym with her at all, it’s “did you go to the gym today?” Me: Yup…. Conversation changed to something else. I did not know her before when I was bigger, however she is aware of my weight loss, she has also lost 90lbs however she just changed eating habits and did a bit of spinning.

    Thanks for reading,
    Brad

    bump
  • Hi Brad:
    My current gf has “huge” issues with me working out….. we don’t even live together

    Huge issues - what will happen if the relationship matures into living together..*I keep hearing the theme from Jaws in my head*...
    I just go with lack of sleep instead. IE today I got 2 hours of sleep maybe 2.5hrs

    You "go with lack of sleep instead" - Giving up a lot of needed rest does not seem to fit the healthy lifestyle you are making (to me anyway).
    My “weird eating habits”…Her whole family has this hang up.....

    Well, now you know it is best to eat your meals in private...Her "whole" family - does not sound like a fun crew and this hang up is the only one you know about for now.
    I don’t drink alcohol ... All my friends drink, I go to bars with them all the time … what’s the issue you get a free cab every weekend cause I don’t drink. . .

    Is she invited to the bars with your friends ? Think about the alcohol. You have more than enough reason not to drink and that should be respected by everyone in your life who you consider "close" to you.
    To be clear I have asked her what her issue is with me being into fitness, nutrition and the human anatomy and she just says “I don’t know”

    Oh Oh...Houston you may have a problem. Though difficult for some, people should be able to at least try to explain their reasoning or emotions.

    I don’t talk about what I do at the gym with her at all, it’s “did you go to the gym today?” Me: Yup…. Conversation changed to something else.

    She is questioning - perhaps instead of "Yup" how about "Yes and WHY do you ask?"

    Brad:

    She does not like your eating habits. Her family does have issue with your habits. She apparently does not respect (the majority of the time) your wish to continue your healthy lifestyle. She doesn't know or cannot explain what her problem is apparently with your lifestyle. You are missing out on some sleep now and again. She drinks and you don't. Other than the between the sheets activities - hoping you have a lot more in common. :wink:

    Hope things work out for you. You have accomplished a tremendous lifestyle so congratulations too !

    edited for typo
  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
    I was just discussing this on another website recently. There are all of these women who want a man who looks like he goes to the gym, only they don't want him to spend time in the gym! Sorry, ladies, it doesn't work that way. This concept is probably symptomatic of the attitude of wanting instant gratification without putting in any effort.
  • Tedebearduff
    Tedebearduff Posts: 1,155 Member
    I was just discussing this on another website recently. There are all of these women who want a man who looks like he goes to the gym, only they don't want him to spend time in the gym! Sorry, ladies, it doesn't work that way. This concept is probably symptomatic of the attitude of wanting instant gratification without putting in any effort.

    ^ this!!!! Hilarious I did seriously read EVERY single comment and the very last one really hit home for me.

    Thanks everyone for the nice comments, for all the negative people (OMG generalization) I just ignored your comments, try and be happier and not point out silly things. I hope you feel better about yourselves today then you did yesterday.

    Thanks again,
    Brad
  • mkwongh
    mkwongh Posts: 279 Member
    Maybe she is jealous you are committed to a healthy lifestyle that she wants, but can't get so instead of lifting you up she wants to bring you down to her level.

    meh, move on to the next....someone who supports your decisions, and loves you are committed to a healthy life style
  • Escape_Artist
    Escape_Artist Posts: 1,155 Member
    That's not girls... That's your girl.

    Just break up.

    /thread.

    This *giggles*


    But on a serious note. My boyfriend and I used to have the same problem. He isn't into fitness at all. For him I look good enough and there is no reason for me to keep lifting in his opinion. Everytime I would eat or go to the gym he would look very irritated. I asked him multiple times why and he would just answer he didn't know why. He also mentionned that he thought it was useless.

    At one point I got fed up with the whole thing. I snapped and told him if his attitude didn't change I was gonna find someone who supports me. I asked him ''what kind of person doesn't support his SO, especially when it comes to health in fitness, what the heck is wrong with you?''

    I think it was a slap in the face, cause the next day he asked me how much was the membership at the gym and now I'm happy to say he's my spotter and he enjoys it very much
    That's more than I asked for ;)
  • CollieFit
    CollieFit Posts: 1,683 Member
    I was just discussing this on another website recently. There are all of these women who want a man who looks like he goes to the gym, only they don't want him to spend time in the gym! Sorry, ladies, it doesn't work that way. This concept is probably symptomatic of the attitude of wanting instant gratification without putting in any effort.

    ^ this!!!! Hilarious I did seriously read EVERY single comment and the very last one really hit home for me.

    Perhaps a bit like those men who fancy a bit of arm candy that LOOKS like a supermodel, but doesn't spend much time in the bathroom/hair dresser/nail bar? :wink:
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    My first thought was it's not all girls.. just your girl.

    Then I thought, maybe she's just controlling.

    But then I re-read his post. And realized that this might be more than just her problem.

    She's lost 90 lbs by "changing her diet and doing a bit of spinning" -- way to downplay it -- I'm sure it was super easy for her and didn't require any effort other than a simple diet change and a bit of spinning.

    He lives a regimented life -- he works out every morning and eats a strict diet. The amount of food he eats has increased (2 chicken breasts, not one) -- while chances are, her calories have decreased. And when they go out, she probably can't have all the food/drinks she wants because of the calories - while he could indulge, but doesn't (although he has other reasons for that besides calories).

    His mention of her doing 'a bit of spinning' makes it sound like she either doesn't do it every day, or he doesn't think that her efforts are "serious" like his own.

    I'm not sure she is the sole source of this problem. And because he's asking for advice on how to deal with this situation, here's the advice, "Find time to talk to her - not right after she asks you about working out or comments on your food -- find time to say, here's something I think we need to discusss -- I am not going to change these things about myself, and I would appreciate it if you would support me rather than question me about them. Please stop commenting on what I eat or drink, I've had those habits a long time, and they are not going to change -- your comments are only going create a wedge between us."

    But on his part, he also needs to understand that his methods/ways are not hers -- while he downplays his accomoplishments ("I just eat healthy") , that doesn't mean he gets to downplay hers (she lost 90lbs doing 'a bit of spinning' ?!). He seems intent on eating healthy, but he makes it sound like she doesn't (even though she 'changed up her diet' to lose 90lbs).

    It is easy to read this as a super-fit, super-heatlhy guy dating someone who is not into fitness. But she lost 90lbs -- something that is not easy to do as many MFP'ers can attest to. It may be that they have different views on how to be fit/healthy, but that doesn't mean his view is the only right one.
  • I think most people are agreed that you just need to change your GF not your lifestyle :)
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    I was just discussing this on another website recently. There are all of these women who want a man who looks like he goes to the gym, only they don't want him to spend time in the gym! Sorry, ladies, it doesn't work that way. This concept is probably symptomatic of the attitude of wanting instant gratification without putting in any effort.

    ^ this!!!! Hilarious I did seriously read EVERY single comment and the very last one really hit home for me.

    Thanks everyone for the nice comments, for all the negative people (OMG generalization) I just ignored your comments, try and be happier and not point out silly things. I hope you feel better about yourselves today then you did yesterday.

    Thanks again,
    Brad

    You are missing the fundamental point of their comments- and it isn't that you are generalizing necessarily.

    The problem is that there are TONS of people who aren't like that- and you have dated ONLY women like that. So what everyone is saying is two fold.

    1.) don't generalize because those of us who aren't like that don't appreciate it (clearly)
    and
    2.) MORE IMPORTANTLY....

    There are loads of other less complicated people who will appreciate the work you do and may even want to particapate with you. my bestie and I- we lived together for 3 years - we loved working out- and we went TO the gym together but rarely worked out. It was great.

    My current- he loves how I look- and he appreciates the time I spend in the gym- but he doesn't go with me- I don't really care that much- sure I wish he wanted to come with me- not even to work out WITH me.. just to go- so he could do his thing- and I could do mine. But he has no interest at all. None.

    Fine- so be it. As long as we can agree on places and things to eat- and he doesn't wind up being a fat *kitten*- I don't really care. Sure I wish he was more muscled. I love that look- but he I don't think cares. Again- as long as he isn't a fat *kitten*... I'm not the concerned.