Girls do you like a nice guy? You just friendzoned him

The common denominator in all of your problems is you. Sorry women don't like you, OP. I think you should take a step back and chill by yourself for a while.

My husband was in the friend zone for years because we met in high school and he was 2 years younger than me. Several years later It took some alcohol but one night he busted out of the friend zone and we've been together for 12 years. Great relationships are based on a solid friendship IMO.

Okay, I'm throwing this out here: "Friendzoing" is a pathetic term for those who have ill-intentions of not even being a friend to the object of their affection.

Guys and girls do it. Grow the eff up and accept not everyone wants to be invited to your personal pants party regardless of what you do "for them." When you actually care about someone to be their friend, perhaps you won't be the "nice guy" or "nice girl" and be a "good person" instead. Have some personal respect, treat people around you with dignity and if romance comes along, have fun.

When you try to force things in the realm of dating, it's *kitten* and will always be *kitten*.

So next time one of you complains of being "friendzoned", it's your own fault for living in a state of denial instead of being real and treating people with respect. Confidence, good attitude towards life and being a good, honest person goes a LONG way further than grand, flowery gestures.

There is no such thing as "friendzoning". Either both sides feel chemistry, or they don't. If one person is not attracted to the other, no amount of "nice" will make it happen. And that person is not putting the other in any zone, or giving them a consolation prize....they are simply not trying to force an attraction that isn't there.

I'd say there is. I put plenty of guys in the "friendzone". I wasn't interested in dating and they were, but they were more like brothers to me, so.... "friendzone"...

I hate the whole dating thing. The way people feel the need to act a certain way for the first few weeks/months or whatever. Eg pretend they like each other less or over think the things they do - I can't stand that. So I friend zone every guy and the 2 people i've had a serious relationship with were my best friend first before I would even consider dating. I think it works out better that way. Really deeply get to know someone before you add the pressure of a relationship.
But I'm young, so what do I know...

I haven't met enough single women my age yet in order to find someone who's good for me. It takes time and effort to meet people. You can't expect someone to magically drop into your lap (like I used to). I suspect this is the main issue for other men/women, too.

Another thing is, not everyone has chemistry with everyone else. As guys, we overestimate the number of women we actually have chemistry with due to how we're wired sexually. The brain plays tricks on us and makes us think that a woman we find attractive is one who we would have chemistry with. But really we're just guys, and we're attracted to a lot of women because that's how we've evolved. So, not all women are going to like all guys, even if the guys are perfectly good human beings who are interesting and attractive, and vice-versa. Often, guys think they like a woman, but then realize after the fact that it was their brain tricking them. Men tend to overestimate chemistry/compatibility due to our sexual wiring.

The third thing is having an elitest attitude. It's not going to get someone, male or female, very far, if you convey it to those you're interested in dating by looking down upon them. It'll just make people dislike you.

Another key vaiable is learning to not infiltrate a woman's life and overload her like you're a virus instead of a human being. That's what people mean, believe it or not, when they say not being a quote "nice guy". You use the term "nice" to justify your behavior. "Oh, I was just being nice." Not really, though.

The final thing is that some women aren't willing to make a shift form being "just friends" to romance, even if the guy is willing. There are just some people, men and women, who don't like this sort of shift. It makes them almost feel like they've been cheated the whole time. For others who know where they're headed in life and are more free-spirited, it's not such a big deal.


In summary, the solution for most men (or women) is:

-Meet more people.
-Be kind/generous with your humanity and let your attractive side show while avoiding disparaging behavior toward yourself, the person you're interested in, and other people.
-Avoid intentional "peacocking" displays and don't allow an elitest attitude to show. (Better yet, learn to overcome it at its source.)
-Realize not everyone is attracted to everyone else, and there's nothing wrong with that.
-Don't infiltrate a person's life like a virus or be too pushy. (How would you like it if somene did this to you?)
-Realize that some people are unwilling to go from long-time friend to lover, even if you are, because it makes them feel cheated on.
-Hang in there, and keep your eyes and heart open for that person you have mutual chemistry with. But keep it in your mind's eye, and don't wear it on your sleeve, so-to-speak. (You're not looking to wipe the floor with it!)
-Be open to people who don't seem to fit your ideal "type".

.

"Nice guy" = entitled man with poor social skills who believes that women owe him sex (or a relationship if he's the type who insists that it's not about sex) if he displays the bare minimum of being (or pretending to be) a decent human being.

wow,, thats escalated quickly,, but u say poor social skills and owe him sex or its not about sex? well i agree to disagree,, i agree on its not about sex,, and i disagree at owe him sex and poor social skills,, thats not true,, it still depends on the person or attitude etc,,, and about pretending or being? ,, well im a nice guy and for me,, once a nice guy will always be a nice guy and decent human being,,and thats true,, not pretending,, but its up to u,, if u believe me or not,, what am I to u that i will force or convince u to believe me,, because like what i said on my other thread we are the same humans, and i hope all of us are to the positive side and path,,

You totally missed the point. A 'nice guy' is a guy who is decent, up until the point where a girl refuses/turns down a relationship offer. He then whines about being 'friendzoned' because apparently being a decent human being equates to being rewarded with sex in the mind of a stupidly high number of males. Normal nice guys exist too, except they're rare and elusive.

Yes. There's a huge difference between a genuinely good person and a self-proclaimed nice guy who then goes on to complain that he always finishes last.

A good person does good because it's the right thing to do, and doesn't expect a payoff for his good deeds.

The self-proclaimed nice guy does good because of what he thinks it will get him. He treats good deeds as deposits in a bank account that he intends to withdraw later, with interest.

Personally, I hate the whole concept of "friend zone" and how some guys treat dating like it's a video game, and if they play the right moves, they'll get rewarded, and if they play the wrong moves, they get penalized and "friend zoned."

So glad I'm in my 30's all my hopeless in their 20's nice guy friends are getting the women of their dreams in their 30's
Young lady's have a laundry list of requirements for turn ons.
Must be atleast 5'10''
Must dress hip
Must have edge
Must have only a hidden sensitive side
Must be a challenge to be worth it
Must be outgoing
Must be crazy out going

By their 30s most my female friends changed
*Height requirement changes to their head must sit perfectly on their man while hugging
*Must wear the things I buy
*Must be reliable
*Must be responsible
*Must not have a hidden psyco side
*Must not challenge by being unfaithful
*Must be able to be open while talking one on one.
*Must not leave a sink full of dishes
I didn't put up much physical requirements because let's face it ugly men get attractive women all the time. Usually because, as vain women can get, a lot of women do seem latch on to genuine guys really often. So any true nice guys do shine when their 30s

When I met my husband I fell for him because of how kind he is. This whole nice guys get friend zoned thing is a cop out for guys who don't know how to talk to women they like. If you like a girl let her know it, don't try and be her friend and some how weasel your way in later.

It's incorrect to see a dichotomy of whiny pushover who deserves sex for being a pushover vs. complete jerk who uses and discards people. Do those stereotypes exist? Sure. Is every man in the world one or the other of those? Of course not. We're complex human beings, not cartoon characters. The supposed "jerks" who get lots of women aren't as horrible as the socially awkward men assume they are. Actual jerks don't do so well. Confident men who are happy, outgoing, charming, assertive without being disrespectful, all that good stuff, those are the ones who get the most action (and/or end up in happy, fulfilling long-term relationships).

I don't want a man who caters to my every wish and demand, who is afraid of hurting my feelings, who is constantly offering to help me when I don't need help, who has no interests or hobbies of his own. Telling me I'm pretty and/or awesome multiple times a time just makes me uncomfortable. I won't even "friend-zone" a man like that. They drive me nuts.

I want a man with a personality, independence, strength of character, decision making , and problem solving skills, who has his own life.

Well said!!!

I have only been in 3 serious relationships in my life and every one of them with a nice guy. I dated a guy from 15 until I was 18 - nice guy. 18 until 22 - nice guy. The guy I am with now and have been with for over a year - nice guy. All of them hard workers, family men, independent, smart, funny, sweet, educated, dependable. That's what I go for. Someone I can make a life with. I'm a homebody. I'd rather stay home and watch a movie than go out to bar. I guess if I went for the bad boy type that would be a problem. I also don't like to have to worry about cheating, lying, him being unemployed. Yup, I like a man with a good head on his shoulders. Never went for the bad boy type.

There is such a thing as Passive Aggression..... I am finding your threads to be hostile, especially since you continue to call those whose behavior you despise "girls."

http://www.upworthy.com/when-this-guy-explains-why-women-wont-date-him-you-may-roll-your-eyes-but-2-minutes

You are not OWED anything. And - please don't worry - you are not especially nice.

Just sayin.

"Nice guy" = entitled man with poor social skills who believes that women owe him sex (or a relationship if he's the type who insists that it's not about sex) if he displays the bare minimum of being (or pretending to be) a decent human being.

Again,

I think Jenna Marbles said it best......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VXXXX9iVPI

http://www.upworthy.com/when-this-guy-explains-why-women-wont-date-him-you-may-roll-your-eyes-but-2-minutes

I am married to a great man, he is nice among other things.. you wont catch him saying he's a "nice guy" though. My best friend is a really nice guy, among other things, and I dont hear him complaining "nice guys finish last" when talking about his love life. I have lots of guy friends.. alot of them are in relationships.. and all of them are nice (sortof a requirement for me to call you a friend :P ) . The only guys I have heard seriously complain "nice guys finish last" are not what I would call nice guys or there are other reasons why they cant get a girlfriend.

I have been with my partner for a long time, and I have several male friends. None of these friends are in a 'friendzone', they are simply friends. They will not be called upto bat if my partner and I ever split up. Thats just weird.