GF issues w/ the gym/ fitness

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  • ladytinkerbell99
    ladytinkerbell99 Posts: 970 Member
    So I need advice / opinions, I figured why not post something here since I don’t know anyone on this thing in real life so here we go.

    What’s up with you girls and not liking the fact that people who enjoy working out spend allot of time in the gym. Like this is common amongst every girl I have seen lately. You guys seem to love the results however you have an issue with the gym.

    My current gf has “huge” issues with me working out….. realize I go to the gym in the morning (up around 4:30am arrive at 5:30-6:00am)so it does not affect our personal life or time together as we don’t even live together .I also don’t ever say “I have to go to bed have the gym in the morning”, I just go with lack of sleep instead. IE today I got 2 hours of sleep maybe 2.5hrs

    My “weird eating habits”…. her and I are both have gluten allergies….Why is it weird that I eat 2 chicken breasts instead of 1?? I don’t get it…. Her whole family has this hang up and I don’t know where the heck it came from, I’m sure it has something to do with her saying something about gluten, but she has the same problem… idk.

    The fact that I don’t drink alcohol even though I explained I don’t drink because alcoholism runs in my family(Fathers side) and that is my reasoning to never drinking. Like it makes sense, I don’t smoke crack either … maybe I should have some of that if it becomes socially acceptable ? I don’t care when or if she drinks … I could understand it if I made comments but I don’t give a ****. All my friends drink, I go to bars with them all the time … what’s the issue you get a free cab every weekend cause I don’t drink. . .

    So yeah if you got around to reading all of that, I look forward to some opinions of some men who’ve been in the same situation and some woman who have an issue with this and why. To be clear I have asked her what her issue is with me being into fitness, nutrition and the human anatomy and she just says “I don’t know”, I’ve never preached it once to her or anyone. I actually hate the attention I get because of my weight loss, one day you’ll get there when for the 100000000 time someone asks you what “diet” are you on, when you just eat healthy.

    Oh and make note… I don’t talk about what I do at the gym with her at all, it’s “did you go to the gym today?” Me: Yup…. Conversation changed to something else. I did not know her before when I was bigger, however she is aware of my weight loss, she has also lost 90lbs however she just changed eating habits and did a bit of spinning.

    Thanks for reading,
    Brad

    bump
  • JanMarie2BHealthy
    JanMarie2BHealthy Posts: 159
    Hi Brad:
    My current gf has “huge” issues with me working out….. we don’t even live together

    Huge issues - what will happen if the relationship matures into living together..*I keep hearing the theme from Jaws in my head*...
    I just go with lack of sleep instead. IE today I got 2 hours of sleep maybe 2.5hrs

    You "go with lack of sleep instead" - Giving up a lot of needed rest does not seem to fit the healthy lifestyle you are making (to me anyway).
    My “weird eating habits”…Her whole family has this hang up.....

    Well, now you know it is best to eat your meals in private...Her "whole" family - does not sound like a fun crew and this hang up is the only one you know about for now.
    I don’t drink alcohol ... All my friends drink, I go to bars with them all the time … what’s the issue you get a free cab every weekend cause I don’t drink. . .

    Is she invited to the bars with your friends ? Think about the alcohol. You have more than enough reason not to drink and that should be respected by everyone in your life who you consider "close" to you.
    To be clear I have asked her what her issue is with me being into fitness, nutrition and the human anatomy and she just says “I don’t know”

    Oh Oh...Houston you may have a problem. Though difficult for some, people should be able to at least try to explain their reasoning or emotions.

    I don’t talk about what I do at the gym with her at all, it’s “did you go to the gym today?” Me: Yup…. Conversation changed to something else.

    She is questioning - perhaps instead of "Yup" how about "Yes and WHY do you ask?"

    Brad:

    She does not like your eating habits. Her family does have issue with your habits. She apparently does not respect (the majority of the time) your wish to continue your healthy lifestyle. She doesn't know or cannot explain what her problem is apparently with your lifestyle. You are missing out on some sleep now and again. She drinks and you don't. Other than the between the sheets activities - hoping you have a lot more in common. :wink:

    Hope things work out for you. You have accomplished a tremendous lifestyle so congratulations too !

    edited for typo
  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
    I was just discussing this on another website recently. There are all of these women who want a man who looks like he goes to the gym, only they don't want him to spend time in the gym! Sorry, ladies, it doesn't work that way. This concept is probably symptomatic of the attitude of wanting instant gratification without putting in any effort.
  • Tedebearduff
    Tedebearduff Posts: 1,155 Member
    I was just discussing this on another website recently. There are all of these women who want a man who looks like he goes to the gym, only they don't want him to spend time in the gym! Sorry, ladies, it doesn't work that way. This concept is probably symptomatic of the attitude of wanting instant gratification without putting in any effort.

    ^ this!!!! Hilarious I did seriously read EVERY single comment and the very last one really hit home for me.

    Thanks everyone for the nice comments, for all the negative people (OMG generalization) I just ignored your comments, try and be happier and not point out silly things. I hope you feel better about yourselves today then you did yesterday.

    Thanks again,
    Brad
  • mkwongh
    mkwongh Posts: 279 Member
    Maybe she is jealous you are committed to a healthy lifestyle that she wants, but can't get so instead of lifting you up she wants to bring you down to her level.

    meh, move on to the next....someone who supports your decisions, and loves you are committed to a healthy life style
  • Escape_Artist
    Escape_Artist Posts: 1,155 Member
    That's not girls... That's your girl.

    Just break up.

    /thread.

    This *giggles*


    But on a serious note. My boyfriend and I used to have the same problem. He isn't into fitness at all. For him I look good enough and there is no reason for me to keep lifting in his opinion. Everytime I would eat or go to the gym he would look very irritated. I asked him multiple times why and he would just answer he didn't know why. He also mentionned that he thought it was useless.

    At one point I got fed up with the whole thing. I snapped and told him if his attitude didn't change I was gonna find someone who supports me. I asked him ''what kind of person doesn't support his SO, especially when it comes to health in fitness, what the heck is wrong with you?''

    I think it was a slap in the face, cause the next day he asked me how much was the membership at the gym and now I'm happy to say he's my spotter and he enjoys it very much
    That's more than I asked for ;)
  • CollieFit
    CollieFit Posts: 1,683 Member
    I was just discussing this on another website recently. There are all of these women who want a man who looks like he goes to the gym, only they don't want him to spend time in the gym! Sorry, ladies, it doesn't work that way. This concept is probably symptomatic of the attitude of wanting instant gratification without putting in any effort.

    ^ this!!!! Hilarious I did seriously read EVERY single comment and the very last one really hit home for me.

    Perhaps a bit like those men who fancy a bit of arm candy that LOOKS like a supermodel, but doesn't spend much time in the bathroom/hair dresser/nail bar? :wink:
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    My first thought was it's not all girls.. just your girl.

    Then I thought, maybe she's just controlling.

    But then I re-read his post. And realized that this might be more than just her problem.

    She's lost 90 lbs by "changing her diet and doing a bit of spinning" -- way to downplay it -- I'm sure it was super easy for her and didn't require any effort other than a simple diet change and a bit of spinning.

    He lives a regimented life -- he works out every morning and eats a strict diet. The amount of food he eats has increased (2 chicken breasts, not one) -- while chances are, her calories have decreased. And when they go out, she probably can't have all the food/drinks she wants because of the calories - while he could indulge, but doesn't (although he has other reasons for that besides calories).

    His mention of her doing 'a bit of spinning' makes it sound like she either doesn't do it every day, or he doesn't think that her efforts are "serious" like his own.

    I'm not sure she is the sole source of this problem. And because he's asking for advice on how to deal with this situation, here's the advice, "Find time to talk to her - not right after she asks you about working out or comments on your food -- find time to say, here's something I think we need to discusss -- I am not going to change these things about myself, and I would appreciate it if you would support me rather than question me about them. Please stop commenting on what I eat or drink, I've had those habits a long time, and they are not going to change -- your comments are only going create a wedge between us."

    But on his part, he also needs to understand that his methods/ways are not hers -- while he downplays his accomoplishments ("I just eat healthy") , that doesn't mean he gets to downplay hers (she lost 90lbs doing 'a bit of spinning' ?!). He seems intent on eating healthy, but he makes it sound like she doesn't (even though she 'changed up her diet' to lose 90lbs).

    It is easy to read this as a super-fit, super-heatlhy guy dating someone who is not into fitness. But she lost 90lbs -- something that is not easy to do as many MFP'ers can attest to. It may be that they have different views on how to be fit/healthy, but that doesn't mean his view is the only right one.
  • AoifeEpic
    AoifeEpic Posts: 10
    I think most people are agreed that you just need to change your GF not your lifestyle :)
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    I was just discussing this on another website recently. There are all of these women who want a man who looks like he goes to the gym, only they don't want him to spend time in the gym! Sorry, ladies, it doesn't work that way. This concept is probably symptomatic of the attitude of wanting instant gratification without putting in any effort.

    ^ this!!!! Hilarious I did seriously read EVERY single comment and the very last one really hit home for me.

    Thanks everyone for the nice comments, for all the negative people (OMG generalization) I just ignored your comments, try and be happier and not point out silly things. I hope you feel better about yourselves today then you did yesterday.

    Thanks again,
    Brad

    You are missing the fundamental point of their comments- and it isn't that you are generalizing necessarily.

    The problem is that there are TONS of people who aren't like that- and you have dated ONLY women like that. So what everyone is saying is two fold.

    1.) don't generalize because those of us who aren't like that don't appreciate it (clearly)
    and
    2.) MORE IMPORTANTLY....

    There are loads of other less complicated people who will appreciate the work you do and may even want to particapate with you. my bestie and I- we lived together for 3 years - we loved working out- and we went TO the gym together but rarely worked out. It was great.

    My current- he loves how I look- and he appreciates the time I spend in the gym- but he doesn't go with me- I don't really care that much- sure I wish he wanted to come with me- not even to work out WITH me.. just to go- so he could do his thing- and I could do mine. But he has no interest at all. None.

    Fine- so be it. As long as we can agree on places and things to eat- and he doesn't wind up being a fat *kitten*- I don't really care. Sure I wish he was more muscled. I love that look- but he I don't think cares. Again- as long as he isn't a fat *kitten*... I'm not the concerned.
  • Sublimely_Self_Righteous
    Sublimely_Self_Righteous Posts: 429
    Hey, in case no one has said this on this thread I'm just going to point out here the following:

    1) People here get upset if you generalize something. They aren't a fan of it, so when you generalize something, everyone is going to post on here they aren't fans of it.

    2) My guess is not all women are like that. I'm sure no one has said that in this thread so far, so I figured I'd say it here. You know, in case you didn't read the other 1.5 pages of posts.


    Oh damn! I just realized most of the posts on this thread said those exact things over and over! *sighs* I better go take my useful knowledge elsewhere.

    Seriously I can not believe out of everything that I just said, people are extrapolating a generalization.... and choosing to comment on that. Like wow give me a break already having a hard enough time as it is I don't need the negativity or trolling right now.

    Okay, I think I found the problem here. You see, my post was pure sarcasm and a joke pointed out towards the people who keep posting the same thing over and over again in your thread. You couldn't see humor in it. So maybe that's what you're lacking? Maybe they are just joking around with you a bit since you're so dedicated, but since you're lacking that sense of humor you take them serious? Someone pointed pointed out that this is the third girl to do it, maybe the common denominator is you? I know, tough pill to swallow.
  • harlanJEN
    harlanJEN Posts: 1,089 Member
    Greetings!!

    I haven't read all the posts, so I assume you've had a myriad of responses.

    I'm basically in to say : 2 chicken breasts ?? YUM! I like mine fried, bone-in, skin and crust removed, a tad bit of hot sauce. DELISH protein!

    And! It isn't " women" in general ,it's your GF. Honestly, doesn't sound like a fit to me. Life is too short.
  • mcauble
    mcauble Posts: 3
    Does she have a history with an eating disorder? I have bulimia and had anorexia and compulsive exercise for many years. People who go to the gym very regularly or follow certain diets can trigger me when they talk about it. Maybe your habits bring out her own insecurities or trigger negative feelings. It's great you have a healthy lifestyle.....but I know from personal experience that my boyfriend talking about diets and exercise is just as triggering to my eating disorder behaviors as offering a recovering alcoholic alcohol.
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
    Firstly, AMAZING progress. You look fantastic!

    Secondly, I'm not one to assume someone is insecure when complaining about someone else's habits, but after reading your post I have come to that conclusion.

    Honestly, it just sounds like incompatibility. I mean, she lost 90 pounds yet she has a problem with you going to the gym even though it's not your entire life. Hell, years before I fathomed losing weight I dated a couple of body builders and several gym goers and I loved it. It just made them so sexy to me. For her, it just seems to make her feel inadequate...perhaps? Maybe she lost her weight mainly from diet and the spinning is a recent thing.

    Not saying to dump her as that would be a super silly reason to, but just tread carefully. If it gets to the point of her constantly nagging you about it and not being supportive, then eventually you may need to think about the type of partner you want in your future and then make a decision.

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