Asked for help, REFUSED! *rant*
Replies
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Okay, i'm sorry. I understand all the "but the group was not suited for his needs" comments but STILL...WHO SAYS THAT TO SOMEONE?! And with a statement like "you could only get help from a hospital" it is very much about the tone that was used as opposed to the statement alone. If it was said in a nasty way, well, that's plain rude.
That being said, there should be other options out there for a person of your BMI that aren't sticking you in some all white pine-scented hospital room for days and days on end. Perhaps one of those retreat type places that have doctors and hospital equipment available if needed, but are located in the mountains or at the beach in a resort would be an option? Someplace where you can get exercise, advice, support, and work on the you INSIDE as well. I know they can be expensive, but it is something that will benefit the rest of your life.
Just my two cents... that group you went to pushed my buttons lol0 -
All I can say is don't give up!0
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Start your own group.
Do research and start a group for others like yourself to meet and support and teach each other.0 -
OP I think you are trying to read 'RUDE' and 'MEAN' into something that isn't there. It was just another way to look at it.
RML is a very nice person (I know her from way way back at another message board would curl your toes with rude and mean).
I don't think she is nice, but that is irrelevant to all of us.0 -
Thanks for the informed comment size10again. Are you a professional in this area?
I guess they must be going off that tier thing. And that is what frustrates me, I dont want special medical help, I want that teit lifestyley, public health stuff. Apart from being more positive, it is also more sustainable because it gives real long term strategies for life, not just acute medical care. I really feel this approach would be best for me.
I don't think people are out to get me, promise, I just think I am being prevented from accessing services I feel I could really benefit from.
A tier 3/4 service will give you all the lifestyle advice as well as many other things that you may not get from the group such as specialist assessments regarding diabetes and heart health etc.
This is the service spec for a Tier 2 service (which from the sounds of it I very much suspect you went to see), and somewhere in there it'll probably say what the cut off point is for people for whom the interventions are best suited. So it's not the the staff don't want you or rejected you, I think they just feel that they're not cut out to deal with needs that may exceed that spec.
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/142723/Weight_Management_Service_Spec_FINAL_with_IRB.pdf
Yes I was involved with the Obesity Care Pathway in my local area, but I was in Wales then and thinds work slightly differently as Health is devolved to the Welsh Assembly Government, but much is very similar to England.
http://www.wales.nhs.uk/sitesplus/888/page/52135
So where I work Our tiers were:
Level 1: Community based prevention and early intervention (self care)
Level 2: Community and primary care weight management services
Level 3: Specialist multi disciplinary team weight management services
Level 4: Specialist medical and surgical services.
I reckon from what the member of staff said to you, your Tier 3 service is based in a clinical / hospital setting. That's probably because they will need to have access to all kinds of clever machinery that you can't get into a community centre.
Please don't be offended by being told you need the team "the next floor up"
it's all in the interest of you getting the best possible service for you. Do yourself a favour and check them out. :flowerforyou:
Thank you for your really helpful knowledge xx I guess I could see about looking into it when you out it that way, but I hope I can have some consultation were i can tell them i really want all the lifestyly stuff also because that is what I think is best help.
Thanks for everyone who give me really useful information and help.
I don't accept these people who trying to make me feel bad, and saying stuff like 'you've got your wieght so out of control' and stuff to shame me. I don't feel ashamed. I HAVE ACTUALLY ALREADY LOST A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF WEIGHT and looking into this because i want to continue to progress with this. I am really PROUD of myself, nothing you can do to chnge it ok.
You totally miss the point, don't you.
Nobody is here to shame you or make you feel guilty about your weight. And you have made really decent progress so far.
It's your entitlement attitude that is the problem. It's your inability to consider the other options because you don't feel you need them, and that someone should make an exception to their policy just because you don't think something is fair.
You're weight had nothing to do with a lot of the answers you were given. You were given tons of useful information which you dismissed simply because you didn't like people telling you to quit whining about help you can't get and get out there and find help you can get.0 -
That's OK. You seem to only like people who agree with you.OP I think you are trying to read 'RUDE' and 'MEAN' into something that isn't there. It was just another way to look at it.
RML is a very nice person (I know her from way way back at another message board would curl your toes with rude and mean).
I don't think she is nice, but that is irrelevant to all of us.0 -
I don't accept these people who trying to make me feel bad, and saying stuff like 'you've got your wieght so out of control' and stuff to shame me. I don't feel ashamed. I HAVE ACTUALLY ALREADY LOST A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF WEIGHT and looking into this because i want to continue to progress with this. I am really PROUD of myself, nothing you can do to chnge it ok.
Yes, you should be proud! People can be blunt, which hurts, but sometimes that's the best medicine.
I honestly didn't see anyone trying to shame you.0 -
So just to clarify, when they say you need to go to hospital, it doesn't mean all your treatment will take place their and that you're some kind of lost cause. Not at all.
It just means that the specialist multi-disciplinary team best cut out to assist you are based there that is all. Much of your treatment is likely to be based in the community or a dietitian seeing you at home etc.
Thank you. I am happy not to be a lost cause. I beleive in myself i am glad other ppl can also.0 -
Thanks for the informed comment size10again. Are you a professional in this area?
I guess they must be going off that tier thing. And that is what frustrates me, I dont want special medical help, I want that teit lifestyley, public health stuff. Apart from being more positive, it is also more sustainable because it gives real long term strategies for life, not just acute medical care. I really feel this approach would be best for me.
I don't think people are out to get me, promise, I just think I am being prevented from accessing services I feel I could really benefit from.
A tier 3/4 service will give you all the lifestyle advice as well as many other things that you may not get from the group such as specialist assessments regarding diabetes and heart health etc.
This is the service spec for a Tier 2 service (which from the sounds of it I very much suspect you went to see), and somewhere in there it'll probably say what the cut off point is for people for whom the interventions are best suited. So it's not the the staff don't want you or rejected you, I think they just feel that they're not cut out to deal with needs that may exceed that spec.
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/142723/Weight_Management_Service_Spec_FINAL_with_IRB.pdf
Yes I was involved with the Obesity Care Pathway in my local area, but I was in Wales then and thinds work slightly differently as Health is devolved to the Welsh Assembly Government, but much is very similar to England.
http://www.wales.nhs.uk/sitesplus/888/page/52135
So where I work Our tiers were:
Level 1: Community based prevention and early intervention (self care)
Level 2: Community and primary care weight management services
Level 3: Specialist multi disciplinary team weight management services
Level 4: Specialist medical and surgical services.
I reckon from what the member of staff said to you, your Tier 3 service is based in a clinical / hospital setting. That's probably because they will need to have access to all kinds of clever machinery that you can't get into a community centre.
Please don't be offended by being told you need the team "the next floor up" it's all in the interest of you getting the best possible service for you. Do yourself a favour and check them out. :flowerforyou:
Thank you for your really helpful knowledge xx I guess I could see about looking into it when you out it that way, but I hope I can have some consultation were i can tell them i really want all the lifestyly stuff also because that is what I think is best help.
Thanks for everyone who give me really useful information and help.
I don't accept these people who trying to make me feel bad, and saying stuff like 'you've got your wieght so out of control' and stuff to shame me. I don't feel ashamed. I HAVE ACTUALLY ALREADY LOST A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF WEIGHT and looking into this because i want to continue to progress with this. I am really PROUD of myself, nothing you can do to chnge it ok.
I don't think anyone is trying to shame you, honey. You have done very, very well and you SHOULD be proud of yourself. The point most people were trying to make, myself included, is that not every program is designed for every person, and this appears to be one of those times.
It sucks when we cannot do what we want because of what seem like silly rules, but we don't always know why the rules are in place. If you can't do this thing, just do something else. Don't join Brownies, though. It's terrible.0 -
Size 10 has given you some great advice. When I first read your post I thought that the group was wrong in turning you away. If it is a liability issue, then they could always make you sit out the exercise, but there is a lot to be gained from group forums and classes on nutrition. Then Size 10 pointed out that you are in a different country, and different medical system, than the rest of us. So, I am with Size 10, talk to your doc, go to the other tier group and see what they have to offer. I was recently referred to a weight-loss surgery seminar from my doctor, but no where did I have to sign and commit to surgery. But I did come away informed, and now have more options. From that class, I enrolled in a hospital based weight loss group class and am slowly losing weight. We have a different topic each week and we each support each other through other ideas and information. Bottom line, you have nothing to lose by checking out the other tier or hospital based program. You have the right to walk away, and continue losing weight with us. Good luck in what ever you decide to do, losing weight regardless of the amount is not easy, and we are here for you.
BTW, you are more than welcome to friend me, I love friends. :-)0 -
Thank you for your really helpful knowledge xx I guess I could see about looking into it when you out it that way, but I hope I can have some consultation were i can tell them i really want all the lifestyly stuff also because that is what I think is best help.
Mate honestly I would love it if you did!!
And if you tell them you want all the lifestyle stuff too, it'll be like music to their ears I promise you!! :drinker:0 -
Start your own group? You'd be amazed at the information available to us through the Internet.0
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Why upset that an organization has the gall to make its own rules?
Just find a group that is better suited to your specific needs.
Boy Scouts of America Propaganda right here0 -
That's OK. You seem to only like people who agree with you.OP I think you are trying to read 'RUDE' and 'MEAN' into something that isn't there. It was just another way to look at it.
RML is a very nice person (I know her from way way back at another message board would curl your toes with rude and mean).
I don't think she is nice, but that is irrelevant to all of us.
Obviously not. You can see many people disagreed with me, and actually size10again was very pro the hospital approach, but she answered with understanding, knowledge and kindness.
You answered with ignorance, misunderstanding and meaness.
I have been reading these many answers and genuinely i beginning to rething the whole think, and consider that 'higher tier' multi disciplinary interventions might be good too. I am always willing to learn and be persuaded. I am just not willing to put up with nastiness ok0 -
Assuming an average height, you must be over 400 lb to have a BMI that high. And yet you claim to be fit and in good health? I think you might have a serious case of denial going on here. This particular group simply isn't designed for you. It really sounds to me like you need to face reality, and take the advice Size10againx is giving you: go to the help that is geared for you. It obviously isn't what you want, but it may very well be what is best for you in the long term. And make it a goal to get down to a BMI of 40 so you can join this group.0
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You actually don't even need it... All bariatric surgery does is force you to eat less, which is something you can do on your own with enough discipline. I know people on MFP who have lost 300+ lbs with just diet and exercise.No one will make you get a weight loss surgery if you don't want it.
OP, respectfully, I agree with some of the posters who have said you have no reason to be indignant and shouldn't be looking for pity... I wouldn't have put it as rudely as them but the sentiment still stands... the exercise group has not wronged you in any way, and you are not entitled to, nor appropriate for, their services at this point, and surely you can understand why. But with enough time and work you will be.
Maybe there's another group in your area that caters to the needs of people in your own BMI range? Have you looked?0 -
Thanks for the informed comment size10again. Are you a professional in this area?
I guess they must be going off that tier thing. And that is what frustrates me, I dont want special medical help, I want that teit lifestyley, public health stuff. Apart from being more positive, it is also more sustainable because it gives real long term strategies for life, not just acute medical care. I really feel this approach would be best for me.
I don't think people are out to get me, promise, I just think I am being prevented from accessing services I feel I could really benefit from.
A tier 3/4 service will give you all the lifestyle advice as well as many other things that you may not get from the group such as specialist assessments regarding diabetes and heart health etc.
This is the service spec for a Tier 2 service (which from the sounds of it I very much suspect you went to see), and somewhere in there it'll probably say what the cut off point is for people for whom the interventions are best suited. So it's not the the staff don't want you or rejected you, I think they just feel that they're not cut out to deal with needs that may exceed that spec.
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/142723/Weight_Management_Service_Spec_FINAL_with_IRB.pdf
Yes I was involved with the Obesity Care Pathway in my local area, but I was in Wales then and thinds work slightly differently as Health is devolved to the Welsh Assembly Government, but much is very similar to England.
http://www.wales.nhs.uk/sitesplus/888/page/52135
So where I work Our tiers were:
Level 1: Community based prevention and early intervention (self care)
Level 2: Community and primary care weight management services
Level 3: Specialist multi disciplinary team weight management services
Level 4: Specialist medical and surgical services.
I reckon from what the member of staff said to you, your Tier 3 service is based in a clinical / hospital setting. That's probably because they will need to have access to all kinds of clever machinery that you can't get into a community centre.
Please don't be offended by being told you need the team "the next floor up" it's all in the interest of you getting the best possible service for you. Do yourself a favour and check them out. :flowerforyou:
Thank you for your really helpful knowledge xx I guess I could see about looking into it when you out it that way, but I hope I can have some consultation were i can tell them i really want all the lifestyly stuff also because that is what I think is best help.
Thanks for everyone who give me really useful information and help.
I don't accept these people who trying to make me feel bad, and saying stuff like 'you've got your wieght so out of control' and stuff to shame me. I don't feel ashamed. I HAVE ACTUALLY ALREADY LOST A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF WEIGHT and looking into this because i want to continue to progress with this. I am really PROUD of myself, nothing you can do to chnge it ok.
Any adivce you seek will focus on teaching you lifestyle changes. Doctors are not just going to magically take the weight off and send you on your way, even if you did opt for weight loss surgery. We had a family friend who had a lap band surgery and even with that they had to learn to eat properly BEFORE and AFTER the surgery (especially after as bad diet choices can send you right back to the doctor). So if you are avoiding surgery, you most certainly will be getting advice on how to make healthier choices. There might be a different approach, but doctors are going to focus on fixing the weight issue as well as preventing it from becoming a problem again.0 -
Congratulations on the weight loss so far!
But you yourself said it has stalled out. I believe the only reason your health is okay right now is because of your age but you could be doing permanent damage to your joints and body with your weight. If I were in your position I would take any help I could get, even if it meant swallowing my pride and putting my tail between my legs, which I do not do easily.
I understand why you are upset. You thought you found the perfect program for you and maybe you did but just not yet. Look at it that way. As others have already said, when people tell you that you can't, that't time to show them you can.
I vote for you checking out the hospital option. That doesn't mean you have to do it, just check it out.0 -
It makes me want to do it, people being happy to help me nd I am happy to helpThank you for your really helpful knowledge xx I guess I could see about looking into it when you out it that way, but I hope I can have some consultation were i can tell them i really want all the lifestyly stuff also because that is what I think is best help.
Mate honestly I would love it if you did!!
And if you tell them you want all the lifestyle stuff too, it'll be like music to their ears I promise you!! :drinker: 0 -
My friend is 5'7" and weighs just over 500 lbs. I was walking around the building at work with her one day for exercise during lunch and a mutual friend, who just happens to be an MD, took me aside later and told me that I should not exercise with her. When asked why, he replied that I was not trained in CPR and could not handle getting her back up if she fell. While it chafed, he was right. I was being unfair to my friend by assuming that I could help if she needed it.
In your case, this organization likely isn't able to handle the liability issues if you were to have an accident. Take their advice and get medical help. Once you're at a healthier BMI, then think about joining something like what you're interested in.0 -
Look what I found for you... phone number and everything. Give them a call.
http://www.newcastle-hospitals.org.uk/services/_health-improvement_weight-management-programme-level-3.aspx
Your GP can refer you. And yes it includes all the life style stuff you were after.0 -
Thank yoooooooooooou!!Look what I found for you... phone number and everything. Give them a call.
http://www.newcastle-hospitals.org.uk/services/_health-improvement_weight-management-programme-level-3.aspx
Your GP can refer you. And yes it includes all the life style stuff you were after.
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To the OP - Please, don't be discouraged by this - discouragement can quickly turn to self defeat and it really sounds like you want to make lifestyle changes and get your weight to a healthy level. I read the frustrations in your post. I can read that desparation that you want to change but you feel that nobody wants to help and it is not true - you just to find the right fit for your present circumstances. It sounds like the delivery was maybe not as polite as you wanted it to be with not being able to join the group, but I am sure they had good intentions at heart.
I hit my all time high when I was 20 years old - my bmi was 49. I knew I needed help. I talked to my Dr. and he put me in contact with a nutritionist. The nutritionist in turn put in contact with a fantastic ladies only gym, and more importantly a fitness coach/personal trainer. I went in for monthly assessments with my fitness coach, had checkups with my dr every 3 months…I did it slow and steady. My fitness coach helped me with exercise plans, made adjustments as I lost weight. The nutritionist talked about food with me and even helped guide me with grocery shopping. That was at a bmi of 49 - I would absolutely recommend an approach like this with a bmi of 61. Don't be discouraged, don’t let this hicup in your plan ruin achieiving your goals. Be the change you want to be.0 -
If you are stalling while at a BMI of 60, then either you have a serious hormonal problem (which needs medical professionals to deal with) or you are eating too much.
First things first. Count calories and eat at a caloric deficit. Are you doing that? (The fact that you're stalling for months at a time suggests you aren't.)
"Healthy eating" is not your problem at this point in time. Get a handle on your calorie intake and then once you're successfully losing, you can worry about how to improve your diet, or whether doing so is even necessary.0 -
I don't think it's fair that a yacht costs hundreds of thousands of dollars and I can't afford one. They should sell them for $10 so everyone can have one.I know it is entitle to make it's own rules but I just think those rules are not fair. I don't want to have to go to a hospital to get help, I want help in that kind of setting. I really feel I would benefit from it, so I don't know why I can't. I think I could keep up because I have as good brain as anyone and I always try my best. I don't know why they assume I couldn't. I don't know that there are any other groups out there, this is the main local organisation for this sort of thing. It's just really frustrating
Gold medal for the most helpful, supportive post! You win!0 -
Make that your next goal on your track to a healthier you0
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You can get your BMI under 40 by just using the tools on this site. Then join their group for the rest of your journey. They have their guidelines. It wasn't anything personal, I am sure. Best of luck to you.0
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I'm happy to learn that my doctor was wrong when he said my 40+ BMI was morbidly obese. Turns out it was just a minor weight problem.0
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Hang in there and use it as motivaton. Do not let anyone, or any organization keep you from doing the next right thing.
Take action on the info size10 again added just to make sure you are on the right track
Just continue to take action, day by day and hour by hour even min by min if you must
Good luck0 -
I don't think the average exercise equipment at the gym will handle anybody over 350 pounds, and the organization might believe your weight causes an unnecessary liability for their organization. Honestly, I wouldn't want anybody in my group fitness classes without a release note from their doctor if they had a BMI of 61. It's highly probable any possible fitness benefits may be lost, and do more harm than good. For now, it might be a good idea to use Myfittnespal religiously until your BMI reaches the high thirties, and then incorporate fitness into your routine. If you fail to break any serious ground by using this application, then seek out a specialist for weight-loss surgery. Many people are vehemently opposed to weight-loss surgery; but when you're at a crisis point, it can be the best thing for immediate results.0
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