Skinny girl and her obese boyfriend

Hi there,

I'm not sure if this is a proper channel to seek advice, but I'm really at my wit's ends now

I'm a naturally skinny girl (both my parents are skinny) with a voracious appetite. I am in a long term relationship with this guy, B, who unfortunately does not share my good genes. He is 6" and 196 pounds, and 28 years old.

I love this man to bits but I worry constantly for his health as I understand the risks that obesity carries. He is a big guy, with a large paunch and huge thighs, and he loves his food and beer. He easily downs 4-5 pints of beer a day on the weekend, plus 1/3 bottle of whisky.

He does run though, perhaps for 30-40 min once or twice a week. His job sees him standing about 7 hours a day.

He has put on about 20 pounds in recent months, and he gets very annoyed when I tell him that he needs to get back into shape by adopting a healthier diet, i.e cutting out carbs and deep fried food. He doesn't binge on the fried stuff regularly, but he loves his carbs.

The ideal situation: I'd like to have him cut half his carb intake, and to only have deep fried food/red meat just once a week. And of course, reduce his booze intake by half as well (this is the hardest part as we both love our alcohol).

We often get into fights whenever I tick him off about his weight, and he goes into 100% defensive mode such as "You're eating as much as I am, why are you restricting me?", or "I like my weight, you can't do anything about it".

I have tried other methods such as suggesting that we go through this as a couple, with me eating whatever he eats, and I have offered to cook him lunch thrice a week to take to work, but he is still extremely stubborn and well, in denial.

Is there anyone facing a similar prob? How can I broach this topic again without offending him? Do note that I have tried many ways including 1) Blowing my top and threatening him (didn't work at all; got even worse), 2) The soft approach ("please let me help you", "I really care for you and I want you to be healthy") and 3) The Its Your F*cking Health ("If you don't eat healthy you WILL DIE YOUNG")

1) try get him to cut his carbs, but NOT the meat.
Just this one thing, see how low he can get it in a day almost like it is a challenge.
Log it for him, or get him in the habit of sing MFP and not lying to it.

If he copes fine with this, then how about trying him on a keto diet. Eat mainly fatty meat, cheese, butter, cream basically all those 'fat' foods you think are bad for you etc, few dark green veg on the side, almost zero carbs. Don't even have to count calories at first, just again let him get used to that. He will probs feel fuller more and eat less. See if you can get him to start doing weight lifting to build up muscle to burn off extra cals at rest.

So after used to that, then start calorie counting as well as keto diet.

Each step is little, and he doesnt have to cut down on or give up one of the foods he loves so won't see it as having no pleasure.

Sell it as the bacon and cheese diet, he'll love the sound of that and its pretty damn accurate and crazy as it sounds, it works and burns fat like nothing else.

You could even try it yourself, just make sure you count cals and are eating enough to not lose weight. It will also set you up well for starting to do lifting if you want to 'tone' up a bit

Hi, thanks for this! It actually sounds do-able. I was actually planning to start cooking him meals healthy lunches based on grilled chicken or baked fish and just vegetables, with perhaps half a potato with a little butter. Does that sound realistic?

A guess a big booty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm 5'9" and 179 lbs (down from 265) and my elementary school students call me "pig" because, here in Korea, a 5'9" guy may weigh around 125-135 lbs. If you don't like the way he looks and it's too much for you to handle, move on and let him find someone who can handle it - literally.

1) try get him to cut his carbs, but NOT the meat.
Just this one thing, see how low he can get it in a day almost like it is a challenge.
Log it for him, or get him in the habit of sing MFP and not lying to it.

If he copes fine with this, then how about trying him on a keto diet. Eat mainly fatty meat, cheese, butter, cream basically all those 'fat' foods you think are bad for you etc, few dark green veg on the side, almost zero carbs. Don't even have to count calories at first, just again let him get used to that. He will probs feel fuller more and eat less. See if you can get him to start doing weight lifting to build up muscle to burn off extra cals at rest.

So after used to that, then start calorie counting as well as keto diet.

Each step is little, and he doesnt have to cut down on or give up one of the foods he loves so won't see it as having no pleasure.

Sell it as the bacon and cheese diet, he'll love the sound of that and its pretty damn accurate and crazy as it sounds, it works and burns fat like nothing else.

You could even try it yourself, just make sure you count cals and are eating enough to not lose weight. It will also set you up well for starting to do lifting if you want to 'tone' up a bit

Hi, thanks for this! It actually sounds do-able. I was actually planning to start cooking him meals healthy lunches based on grilled chicken or baked fish and just vegetables, with perhaps half a potato with a little butter. Does that sound realistic?

I just stuck up for you on page 1. Please don't go back to actively trying to force him into anything. :grumble:

BMI is a load of crap everyone is assuming that because this guy is getting good BMI figures based on height and weight that he isnt really overweight and that septemberrr is wrong for thinking so.

the guy might be a really tall featherweight so when he packs on the weight it doesnt look so bad on the BMI scale i have a friend like that he is quite tall but a naturally small boned wispy sort of guy. he is actually quite muscular although he doesnt look it and his BMI has him being massively underweight but if you knew him you would know that isnt true its just the way he is built.

Me on the other hand, even when i was at my prime and had a body fat percentage of 4% my BMI had me at being overweight but im just a stocky little fella short and nuggety even without excess weight.

i dont put too much stock in something like BMI calculated on height and weight. too many variables.

im sure if she thinks he is overweight and she is going to this much trouble then there is probably something to what she is saying.

I'm not a troll! I'm just someone who is truly concerned for her man's health and hoping to get a perceptive from a third person's (or in this case, the public's) POV.

I never knew it hurt that much to be told that one needs to re-think one's diet. In fact I thought he'd be glad that someone is showing him that much concern.

He's not obese. He's barely overweight according to the CDC's BMI chart - not a perfect measure, but there it is.

Here's the thing: Fat people know they are fat. And they know where to find information about how to be less fat. You bringing it up does nothing but hurt his feelings. NOTHING but hurt his feelings. I suggest that you learn to live with it or go find someone who fits your image of good health.

I don't think we're alcoholic. We can easily go through the entire week booze-free, and then knock back perhaps 2 or 3 pints each per night on friday and saturday, OR (not AND) 6-7 glasses of whisky with a splash of water.

I'm not a hypochondriac. I do however harbour an unhealthy paranoia, and that is that he'd die prematurely. I even wake up in the middle of the night to check on his breathing, haha. And I guess that forms the root of my problems - I don't care how he looks like (though hey, I wouldnt mind a smaller paunch on him!), and I just want to ensure that his health is optimal and not besieged by myriad of problems in his later years due to his bad choice of diet in his younger days. I hope that sounds fair. We're getting married next year, so naturally I'd want a long-lived marriage!

I know that skinny doesnt equate healthy, but I eat in moderation and my lunches are usually light affairs of clear soups and rice or rice+vegetables. He however, goes for the full meal of generous heapings of rice and vege plus a deep fried drumstick or two. And coke.