Body Image and Relationships

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Replies

  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
    Someone who REALLY loves YOU will not even notice the loose skin. Someone who is put off by it is clearly not a good match for you.

    This.
    That is harsh, why be with this person?
    Sounds like things a man would say. (some men, not all)
  • EvanKeel
    EvanKeel Posts: 1,904 Member
    What's the saying? Fish or cut bait? Time to cut bait. Be with someone who thinks you're attractive. Here's what's not supposed to happen in a relationship. The other person is not supposed to drive you to go to an online forum where you feel it necessary to use phrases like "I don't look that bad" when describing yourself.

    Be awesome. Be yourself.

    Oh, and four months....FOUR MONTHS?!? Egads man!

    Shouldn't he be fishing rather than cutting bait? Seems like he's cutting bait now.

    Not to derail the thread or anything but it's an interesting question.
    The more modern variation on the meaning of the expression ("giving up" on something, or "stepping down") is due largely to the changing interpretation of "cut bait." Originally, "cut bait" referred to cutting up bait fish into small portions suitable for a hook or net. In more modern times, bait is often prepackaged, and cutting bait is uncommon outside of the commercial fishing industry. Therefore, the meaning of "cut bait" is sometimes taken to mean cutting one's fishing line, and giving up on the fishing. As a result, the meaning of the expression has changed over time to imply "act now or stand down." This variation is now so common that it widely appears as the first entry in dictionaries and other reference materials. On the other hand, it has been used to illustrate two necessary and related tasks that can not be done at the same time. Literally, a lone fisherman has to do both but can only do one at a time. The act of fishing exhausts the stockpile of bait that has been prepared. In other words, the balance between work and maintenance.

    So I suppose it depends on context.
  • candylilacs
    candylilacs Posts: 614 Member
    So I am sort of in a funny position. I am in the best shape of my life but I am dating someone who does not like my body. . . .
    I am in the best shape of my adult life and yet I have the worst self-esteem about my body I have ever had. Caused by you know who.

    So, what attracted you to this person in the first place? Is she hot? Because that's the only reason I can think why you're sticking around a girl with a repellent personality for four months.

    You have two choices: work on your self-esteem and not care what she says, or work on your self-esteem and end the relationship.
  • NavyKnightAh13
    NavyKnightAh13 Posts: 1,394 Member
    Someone who REALLY loves YOU will not even notice the loose skin. Someone who is put off by it is clearly not a good match for you.

    This. Heck, I have loose skin from both being 243 and from pregnancy. My husband still loves me, even though I am self conscious every time we are naked. I am slowly learning to try and change my views on myself. I accept I am a long way from goal weight, but that as long as I keep trying eventually my self esteem will go up.
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
    I would leave the person and not look back don't let them use you......and then leave you later..screw that find someone who appreciates you and RESPECTS YOU.
  • jackiecamarena
    jackiecamarena Posts: 290 Member
    Be proud of your loose skin. You earned that *kitten*.
  • JuantonBliss
    JuantonBliss Posts: 245 Member
    Kick em to the curve. You cannot force someone to fall in love with your flaws, and physical attraction is part of loving someone unfortunately.
  • supahstar71
    supahstar71 Posts: 926 Member
    She's not nice. Move on.
  • YaGigi
    YaGigi Posts: 817 Member
    Your relationship has been going on for 4 months and you haven't had sex because she finds you unnattractive... Are you sure you're in relationships and dating? Because she might not think this way...

    Any way, you should stop it, it's not a healthy relations... You should find someone who treats you with respect.
    Good luck.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Well man, this is just a sucky situation to be in. Attraction is important and is (and should) be a factor in most relationships. But the issues she has, your loose skin, is pretty damn minor, in my opinion. And it is correctable, so it isn't something permanent.

    Find a new girl.

    And dude, 4 months is ridiculous.
  • MuseofSong
    MuseofSong Posts: 322 Member
    Leave leave leave!

    There's nothing wrong with you!

    I'm seriously overweight but my S.O. adores me and he's not a chubby chaser, he just likes me, all of me, because I'm the girl he fell for. I had some loose skin too, but most of it has toned up because my previous big weight loss happened over a period of two years (I lose weight slowly). I think a lot of your loose skin will tone up over time, so do not panic, but do moisturize.

    And find someone that likes you because of what you have to offer to a relationship.

    Someone like that, who is trying to fixate on perceived flaws, is just trying to find an excuse to leave anyway.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    Ditto on all the above. You seem like a kind person, and you're determined to better yourself. You need someone who understands you and is proud of what you've accomplished.

    Someone who can look at your body and say, wow its incredible what this man has done to change his life.

    She's not that one.
    But there will be someone that is.

    You just need to carry the confidence and faith that you are indeed worth more than you valued yourself.
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
    Seriously dude.

    One life to live.

    Move on...
  • FrankiesSaysRelax
    FrankiesSaysRelax Posts: 403 Member
    Pretty sure you know this isn't ok. No one should make you feel unattractive, especially not the person you're dating. I would leave now. Don't give her a chance to explain or make it better, if it's not your body now.. it'll be something else down the road.
  • Otterluv
    Otterluv Posts: 9,083 Member
    He/she worded it very hurtfully. You are only 4 months in, and it might be a good time to take stock.
  • justwanderful
    justwanderful Posts: 142 Member
    I am in the best shape of my life but I am dating someone who does not like my body. I have loose skin from having been over 300 lbs. I sensed the lack of attraction... "Your mid section looks like a viola" "your butt reminds me of my mothers' "

    Dude, my butt looks like a Shar Pei from losing close to 70 pounds, but my wife is ecstatic that I've lost the weight, and sexy times are better than ever.


    We have been together for four months and we have yet to have sex.

    Big red flag here.


    Are these kinds of comments normal or ok if pushed for?

    This is not normal.
    Cut her lose. You deserve better...someone who really appreciates ALL of you.
  • aoikirin
    aoikirin Posts: 143
    Thank you for all of the feedback! I forgot one of the most hurtful ones....you would be so hot if you lost 25 pounds. :::((((
  • Loasaur
    Loasaur Posts: 125
    That is just horrible...You're already good looking! You've come so far and have done such an amazing job...You should be proud of yourself. It is sad you feel hurt because of it. This doesn't sound healthy or happy. Please, don't put yourself down! You sound like such an amazingly nice person, don't let her drag you down. <3
  • jackiecamarena
    jackiecamarena Posts: 290 Member
    Thank you for all of the feedback! I forgot one of the most hurtful ones....you would be so hot if you lost 25 pounds. :::((((

    You're obviously hurt by her perception of you. It's not okay for someone to treat you that way. You've only been dating four months and haven't had sex.I have to ask, why put up with her for any longer? What is keeping you?
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    You're with the wrong girl.

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