He wants kids, I don't....

This is not based on personal experience, but rather on what I've see either through my friends or my career as a supervisor who's had to help his people through rough spots in their respective relationships.

First, I think it is a good idea to go to therapy where you have an outsider who can guide discussions and help you figure out if it's something he wants but has suppressed so far, or if he's simply cracking under outside pressure. One of the worst things someone can do is to have children simply to "check the box" because they feel a professional, social, or familial requirement to do so. It's also good because it may help you have a better idea about if you want children, yourself.

This may sound odd, but I also think it's wise that you're nervous about what may come as a result of this, because it might reveal a large hurdle for your relationship. If it turns out he truly does want children and you truly do not, that's something worth knowing. Having children can often be a significant lifetime goal for some people. Harsh as it may be to hear- it's better to find out now while you're still boyfriend and girlfriend without significant legal ties than to have it contribute to a "irreconcilable difference" argument for a divorce or to a relationship where one feels denied by not having children or the other feels burdened by having them.

I know you have 8 years invested with him, but you're still a relatively fresh college graduate. Frankly, your world as adults in the work force is different than it was when you were students.

Something I discovered is that I was still evolving as a person for years after I graduated. Only now, over seven years later, have I really been able to figure out, sometimes through trial and error, who I am and what my long term desires are as far as potential lifelong relationships. In the meantime, I gained and lost friends. That included losing someone who was my good friend for about 14 years starting when we were classmates in High School, continuing through being roommates through all four years of college, and progressing on for about six years after that. But our differeing paths after graduating caused us to grow apart. I have done the "focus on your career" thing and figued out what kind of balance I want in my life. You may have reached this point of self awareness, already, but it's worth pointing out that simply graduating from college doesn't mean you're done growing.

With that in mind, I think it’s very reasonable for you to want to get your career on track before settling down. That’s especially true when you want to consider adding children to the mix because being a parent is a 24/7 job. You may have some unexpected dues to pay before your career is truly ready to go. My parents got married a year after graduating, but waited another seven years before having kids so that they were able to have most of the initial career turbulence behind them and they had the ability to sustain the family on only one of their salaries if necessary.

I have seen people bring children into the mix before they’re ready and they’re either personally, professionally, or financially not prepared to take care of themselves AND their children. It wasn't the end of the world, but it wasn't pretty, either.

The two of you will need to do what you can to tune out others to some degree so that you can focus on figuring out what you want as a couple and as the two individuals who make up that couple. You won’t be able to completely tune everyone out, especially the family. As much as we like to think of ourselves as individuals, we’re all still products of the world we grew up in, and that must be taken into consideration. I’ve never seen “pretend they don’t exist / matter” work as an effective way to deal with not agreeing with family.

So I would definitely advocate going to therapy. You may out for certain that he wants kids and you don't and have to make a tough decision on where your relationship is going or if it’s going to stop. You may find out that he’s not really that big on having kids, either, but is feeling the pressure from his family. You may also find out that the two of you just aren’t ready YET. The important thing is that you recognize this as an issue and you are taking steps to address it instead of burying your heads in the blankets and hoping the problem just goes away.